Mistaken Moments Marianas Trench Fan fiction
by annestar
Summary: This is a work in progress, It contains four beautiful men from marianas trench! : I am not afliated with any of them or their management. This is just a release for me, for fun!
1. Chapter 1

Sarah sat across from her colleague /friend at the nurses' station. "Stella, are you coming with us or not?" She was annoyed with her friend, she never went anywhere, never had any fun.

Stella looked at her friend, "Ella." She said under her breath. Sarah always called her by her full name and she hated it. "I have to work in the morning." Stella said putting her stethoscope around her neck and looking up from her charting. "I really want to go but ya know, I have to save some lives tomorrow."

"Ummmmm emptying bed pans….yah that is some life saving." Sarah said making fun of her friend of 20 years. They always did everything together…high school, nursing school and now working at the same ED, in the same hospital.

"The glamorous life as a nurse." Stella said as she got up and moved away from the computer she was sitting at. "So what are you doing tonight anyway that is so exciting."

"You know my friend Matt, well he is having a party and he invited me…and I have invited you. You know Stella you should come for awhile. He has some nice looking friends and you have not been near a man in forever." Sarah said jokingly and laughing. "The only penis you have seen is the ones you have had to catharsizes, clean or swab. You might have fun."

"I will think about it." Stella said smiling at her friend before rushing off down the hall.

"Who are you texting Sarah, you have not put that phone down all evening." Matt asked plopping down on the sofa beside his smoking hot best friend, but friends were what they were for the past six years. "They had meant at a album release party, one of the first album release parties they had. "Is it your boyfriend?"

Sarah looked at Matt and rolled her eyes. "No boyfriend. My best friend."

"Hey I thought I was your best friend."

"You are my best guy friend." She said smiling at Matt. He was so freaking cute. "I invited her to come over. I hope you don't mind. I know it is a small gathering; I really just want you to meet her already. She is like a sister to me."

"_Is she hot?" _

"_She is smoking hot." Sarah said. "tiny, long dark wavy hair, and beautiful grey eyes."_

"_Going to fix me up?" Ian asked joining in on the conversation that he had been ease dropping on._

"_Hell no, she is too good for you." Sarah said pushing Ian away, he fell off the arm of the sofa onto the floor._

"_Hey…that is abuse."_

"_OH MY GOD…..she is downstairs. I can't believe it, she is here, and we have to get her loaded. None of you take advantage of her." Sarah said looking at the two of them. "I am going to meet her. I will be right back."_

_Sarah rushed out of the condo into the elevator. She could barley wait for the elevator descend down the 11 flights. The door opened and there stood Stella, she looked amazing. Short red dress, hugged her body in all the right places. "Who knew that body looked so good? Scrubs just are unflattering. I can't believe you are here. I am so excited for you to meet all my friends." She said all in one breathe pulling her friend into the elevator with her. "it is going to be so different, you are not use to being around musicians are you?"_

_Stella giggled at her friend who was so excited that she had shown up. She was nervous to be around anyone but the people she worked with and patients. Sarah was right, she did need to get out. "I am just staying for a little bit. I do have to work in the morning."_

"_We are going to have so much fun. You have sick time banked right?" Sarah said as the door opened to the elevator, she took Stella by the hand and dragged her through the door to the condo. "I can't wait for you to meet everyone. _

_Stella took a deep breath and braced herself for what was going to happen next, the unexpected. As her friend was dragging her across the room her eyes, feel upon this tall dark, very attractive male. She couldn't help but look at him. He was talking to an attractive girl, laughing at what she had just said; his smile was enough to make her buckle at the knees. She couldn't help but stare at him, as Sarah pulled her across the room. He just happened to look up for a quick second, his eyes meant hers, and he smiled at her for a second._

"_Matt…..this is Stella." _

_Matt watched them make their way across the room. Sarah wasn't joking about how hot her friend was. She was beautiful. They type of beautiful that didn't need makeup or fancy clothes. She was just a natural beauty. _

"_Ella." Stella said taking Matts hand and shaking it firmly. "I tell her all the time not to call me Stella."_

"_Ella, nice to meet you. I would say I have heard a lot about you but I haven't." _

"_I know I could say the same." She said smiling. _

"_God you two…" Sarah said grabbing Ella by the arm. "Come on we need drinks."_

_Sarah drug her friend across the room full of crowded people towards the bar, Stella kept finding her eyes fallen on the tall dark man, with the strip of blue in his hair. He was memorizing. Sarah handed her a shot glass, _

"_what is this?" Ella asked bringing it to her nose to inhale the alcoholic scent, it making her stomach churn. "God."_

_Sarah rolled her eyes, "Just drink it. You need to have some fun, you are so uptight. When is the last time you had fun?" Sarah held her shot glass up to her lips. "Okay….1…..2…3"_

"_You are such a bad influence." Stella laughed and downed her shot with her friend. She felt the horrible burn, all the way down. "Ugh…that is awful." _

"_That was the first awful many." Sarah grinned handing her friend another shot full of warm burning toxication._

_As the night went on Stella found herself sitting alone on the sofa, completely and utterly intoxicated. She had to admit that she was having a good time. She loved Matt, and two other of his friends, she could not remember their names at the moment. They were hilarious, and she learnt that they were in a popular Canadian band. She never had time for music, or as Sarah said she had no life. She had kept her eye on that tall dark handsome guy with the blue streak in his hair.….well handsome had turned into sexy hot guy after the fourth or fifth shot. What she didn't like was the fact there was always a different beautiful girl by his side, which kept his interest or it so seemed that they did. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him._

"_Hey Ella, how you feeling?" Matt asked falling down on the sofa beside her. _

"_I am great Matt, thank you for asking." She slurred and giggled, sipping on her drink that no longer tasted like the three kinds of alcohol that it was made with. All she could taste was fruit! "I think I have had enough alcohol to last me a life time. Where did Sarah go?_

"_Ummmmm well you know that guy named Mike, well they kinda have a thing." _

"_Oh….." Ella sighed. "She always kinda has things with men. I don't know how she does it. She is beautiful."_

"_That she is." Matt said looking at Ella._

"_Am I not pretty enough to kinda have a thing?"_

_Matt burst out laughing._

"_That is funny to you?"_

"_No not at all, you just took me off guard. You are definitely hot enough."_

"_Not for him." She slurred pointing across the room at the sexy hot as fuck man with the blue in his hair. _

"_For Josh, you are definitely hot enough for him. He is a goof ball."_

_Ella sighed, "he hasn't even noticed me tonight and I am drunk as hell." She giggled. "do you think he would talk to me, if I walked over there right now."_

_Matt laughed, "do you t_hink you can even stand let alone walk."

"Do you think I should talk to him? I am not going to talk to him." She slurred. "Call me a cab please. I just need to go home and sleep."

"Give me five minutes and I will drive you home. I have not had anything to drink tonight. I will be right back." He smiled as he walked away.

Ella sat there, in an alcohol induced haze. Her head was spinning. She put her head in her hands to try to stop the room from running laps around her.

"I don't believe we have meant." She heard the voice and felt the sofa sink beside her. "I am Josh." She looked out of the corner of her eye, there he was, and extending his had to her. She took it shakily.

"I am Ella, and I am really intoxicated I do apologize." She looked up, her eyes meant his, she froze. The blue was captivating.

He smiled at her, and she felt like she was going to die. Oh my god, she thought he was beyond hot! God lord her heart was racing and her palms were sweaty. "I need air."

Josh looked at her, seen her color go from a precious ivory to green. He took her by the hand and steadied her to her feet and let her out onto the balcony. She leaned over, placing her head up against the cold cement railing.

"Are you….?" Josh asked.

"Oh god, she said turning away from him and throwing up in the flower bed next to her, not once but three times she wretched and felt the warm sickening alcohol as it came back up, burning on the way up as it had on the way down. She felt someone had holding her hair back for her, another hand on her shoulder.

After her stomach emptied and there was nothing more to come back up she turned around and slid down the balcony wall, and slumped on the cold cement floor. The coolness of the cement felt so good up against her body, she felt her body fall over, but felt warm hands, and strong arms lift her up off of the floor, and that was the last thing she remembered


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The pounding inside her head was unreal as she opened her eyes; the room she was in was already darkened. She looked around her

surroundings, black curtains, and black bedspread. She sat up suddenly, groaning as her head felt like it was going to explode with each

movement. She looked down at her body, and she had a white men's dress shirt on. "What the hell? "she said out loud. She sat up in the

bed, running her hand through her long hair but her fingers stopping in a crusty substance, "ewwwww." She said disgustingly. She slid

out of the bed, her feet hitting the cold floor. She was trying to remember the last thing that she actually remembered.

"Good morning."

Stella jumped and swung around

Josh chuckled. "Didn't mean to scare you." He stated handing her a glass of water and two advil.

"Josh? Right?" she asked, not fully remembering his name. She glanced at his eyes; those were eyes she would never forget. She looked down at her attire, "Oh god I am so embarrassed. I must look a mess."

Josh laughed, "Well you are in better shape right than you were last night. I had to hold your head up over the toilet; you have a bruise on your forehead where it hit the porcelain."

"Oh God, I am so embarrassed. How did I get in this?"

He gave her a sly grin. "Well I could make something up, and see you face redder than it already is, but I will be a nice guy and tell you the truth." He crossed the room and sat on the bed beside her. "You threw up all over your dress, so Sarah came in and got you undressed, I helped to get you into bed."

"Ugh." She groaned and fell back onto the bed. "I just want to die."

"You will be fine." He stated standing up, and offering her his hand. "I am Josh by the way." He winked.

"Ella." She stated smiling at him taking his hand.

"I put a t shirt and some sweat pants in the bathroom. You can shower and put them on, they will be huge on you but they are clean."

"Thank you."

"You are taking me for breakfast." He smiled before leaving the room.

Ella fell back onto the bed, inhaling his scent off of his pillow and sheets. She closed her eyes, still feeling stupid. "Oh god I was supposed to work this morning." She jumped up and went to take a quick shower.

Ella showered and dressed quickly, pulled her hair up into a messy bun and hurried out of the bedroom, to a room with four guys and Sarah.

"Good morning Stella. How you feeling."

"Ella, you know I hate when you call me Stella. Did you call into work for me. Since you let me over sleep."

Sarah eyes got big. "I forgot."

Ella sighed and took a deep breath. "Okay, well I better get my ass there. I will talk to you later." She glared at her friend. "maybe." She snapped.

"Ella lighten up." Sarah laughed a little.

"Don't even start, you so don't want to hear what I have to say right now."

She looked at Josh. "Thank you, I will get the clothes back to you. Will have to take you for breakfast another time. I need to be responsible."

"No problem." Josh said smiling at her. "I hope the advil helps your headache."

Ella turned and rushed out. Sarah sighed and ran her hand through her long blond hair. "She is so frigging up tight. She needs to get laid."

"I think she was just pissed at you." Matt said looking at his friend. "you should have remembered to call in sick for her. She seems like such a nice girl."

"She appears to be a nice girl." Sarah said, she was worst than me in College. "She used men and tossed them like trash."

"She grew up." Matt joked.

"You're an ass."

"I think she is downright cute." Josh said, still leaning up against the island that separated the kitchen from the living room. "I had a hard time keeping my hands to myself when I was going to sleep. I failed to tell her I slept in the bed with her. She kept telling me how gorgeous she thought I was."

Sarah burst out laughing.

"She was obviously drunk out of her mind." Ian said. "To think Josh gorgeous."

They all laughed, including Josh. Josh wanted to get to know her more. He loved how she blushed when he walked into the room. How she looked at him with those beautiful grey eyes of hers. He definitely had to get to know her better.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It had been a long afternoon and evening. Ella looked at her watch that was pinned to her uniform, it was 1145. She would be done work in 15 mins. She was suppose to work a morning shift but where she overslept and Sarah didn't call in sick for her she wanted to make up the time that she had missed. Sarah came from a rich family and didn't have to worry about money. Ella had to pay her way through college with student loans and odd jobs. She was still paying off her student loans.

She had lost three patients today, all under the age of 20, which always made you day pretty crappy. It was bad enough to lose a patient who lived their live but the ones who barely experienced anything or lived, it was always hard. She was feeling pretty shitty.

She was just finishing up charting when a young man came through the doors of the ED supporting another young man. They were both covered in blood. Ella jumped and ran over, "Can I get some help out here please. Where are you hurt?"

"I am not hurt, it is my friend. We were jumped and he was stabbed. I don't know how many times. Can you please help him." The young man cried.

There was a whole team around them now. They had gotten the badly injured young man on the stretcher. He was not saying much for being stabbed so many times. That was never a good sign. When they were kicking and screaming was always a sign you wanted to see.

"Please help him." He pleaded grabbing onto Ella's hand. She could see the panic in his eyes.

"He is in good hands. Come with me, I will get you some clean clothes." Ella motioned the young man towards the quiet room that was located off the ED. She left him for a moment and went and checked on his friend. She could see that they had started to do CPR, and were using the paddles on him. She sighed and went and got the other young man a set of scrubs. She returned to the quiet room. "Here you go. You can get cleaned up and changed." She said smiling softly at him. "My name is Ella.''

The young man took the scrubs from her. "I am Jason.' He said softly. "Is he going to be ok? He is my boyfriend. I think that is why we got jumped. Can you go see how he is doing?"

Ella smiled softly. "I will."

She headed down the hall back to the trauma room, meeting Dr. Harris in the hallway. "He didn't make it." He said to Ella hold his head down. "I will go tell the friend, you get out of here. You look dead on your feet."

Ella nodded her head; she could feel her eyes starting to burn. She started to walk down the hall towards the staff locker room, when she heard the god awful cries of the young man who was just told that his boyfriend, the one he loved was gone.

She needed out of there, she couldn't take it anymore. She took a shower, as she was covered in blood. The hazards of working in the ED. She put on the oversized gym pants and shirt Josh had giving her that morning. She looked down at her watch again, it was 115 now. She gathered up her things and set out for the parking lot to her car. It had started to rain. One of the things she despised about the spring in Vancouver, all the effing rain. At least it is warm she thought unlocking her door and getting into her car. She put the key the ignition, turning it. It just clicked.

"Really! REALLY!" she screamed pounding her hands on the steering wheel. She tried the key again, to get the same response. "FUCK MY LIFE." She screamed as the tears started to fall again.

She dug through her purse, finding her cell phone. She dialed Sarah's cell number; it rang and went to voice mail. "UGH." She hung it up and dialed the number again. It rang, back to voice mail. "You are going to answer your phone. I don't care what you are doing." Ella snapped at the phone, dialing the number again, letting it ring and then finally someone answered it. "FINALLY, why haven't you been answering your fucking phone!" Ella yelled before she heard the voice on the other end.

"Well it isn't my phone, and I was debating on answering it or not, but when you kept calling I thought I might be important. So I answered it."

Ella sighed. "Where is Sarah?" she said frustrated as hell.

"Ummm…well ya know, she is kinda busy I think." The voice said chuckling a little.

"Well can you get her for me, whoever you are!"

"SARAH"

Ella flinched holding the phone away from her ear.

"I am sorry but she said she was busy. Can I take a message?"

"No there is not message. Who is this?"

"This is Tanya."

Ella rolled her eyes, and mouthed Tanya. Who the hell was Tanya? "Is there anyone else there I can talk to that is not busy."

"Um yea just a sec, Josh some chick wants to talk to you."

"Hullo."

"Hi Josh, this is Ella. I am in the parking lot at the Vancouver General and my car won't start, I have had a super long fucking day and I just want to go bed." She said holding back the tears. "Can you.,,,,,,"

"I will be right there." He said cutting her off. "Give me ten minutes." He could hear the frustration in her voice. Then he heard her sigh, a sigh of relief.

"Thank you."

"You owe me." He chuckled.

He drove there as quickly as he could. He could tell she was really upset and tired and frustrated. His stomach felt uneasy, was it butterflies he was feeling. "WT F Josh you don't get butterflies over a girl." He said aloud to himself. He pulled into the parking lot thinking he didn't even know the color of car she was driving. Then he noticed a girl leaning against a little black car, as he got closer he could tell it was her. She was soaked. He pulled up leaned across the seat and opened the door for her. "Hey." He said smiling at her as she climbed into the car.

"Thank you." Ella said climbing into the car.

"No problem." Josh said looking at her. He could see that her eyes were puffy, her nose red. She had been crying. "You okay?" he asked leaning forward to see her face.

She pushed the hair back from her face, and looked in his direction. Their eyes meant, "not really." She gasped her eyes filling with tears. She couldn't help it.

"Awww sweetheart don't cry." Josh said softly pulling her into his arms, and holding her. He felt her melt into him, her sobs over took her body. "shhhhhh." He soothed, patting her soft hair. "You wanna talk about it?" he said moving back a little and cupping the side of her face and lifting her face up so she was looking at him. She looked at him, with those beautiful grey eyes.

She shook her head no. "Just work stuff, and am overtired and I am being a baby." She sniffed. "I am sorry."

"No need to apologize. Lets get you home and out of those wet clothes." Josh put the car in gear and pulled, he drove back to his place, he noticed as soon as he pulled out of the parking lot, Ella had closed her eyes.

He pulled into the underground parking, "Ella, come on sweetheart."

She opened her eyes and followed him up to his condo. Once inside they went into his room quietly. He shared this condo with his other band mates. Josh went to his closet, when he came back out, Ella was removing her wet clothing, and his eyes ran over the contours of the back of her body. "Here is something you can sleep in." he handed it to her and turned his head. Damn why do I have to be such a gentle man. He said to himself.

"Thank you, Josh." Ella said climbing under the sheets of his bed, yawning.

Josh started to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" she asked softly, Josh stopped and turned to look at her. She pulled the sheets back and patted the mattress. "I don't want to be alone."

He crossed the room, kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed beside Ella. She instantly cuddled up against his body; he warped his arms around inhaling the sweet scent of her hair. He heard a soft sigh, and then her breathing slowed, she was asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Sarah, you know that you can be a real bitch sometimes." Matt said to his friend who sat across the table from her, they were having some breakfast. Matt and Mike cooked, well prepared it if pouring cereal into a bowl counts as making breakfast.

"Really Matt, for me just saying that you guys are master chiefs…geezzzz. I would like something besides cereal and toast for breakfast. Mike, are you going to let him call me a bitch?" she asked glaring at Mike.

"You are a bitch, mostly."

"Ugh, I am not going to talk to either one of you. I am just going to ignore the both of you." She got up and stomped away down the hall to Mike's room.

"Are going to go talk to her?" Mike asked Matt "I think we really pissed her off."

"She is your girlfriend."

"She isn't really my girlfriend_."_

"Fuck buddy then." Matt said smiling at Mike. "Poor you." Matt said shoving more cereal into his mouth. "We have been friends for ten years and I just ignore her when she gets bitchy. I don't know what her deal is lately anyway. I think she is falling for you."

Mike shook his head. "Nah that would mean she would have to commit to one guy. I am not putting my heart out there to get broken. Beside we leave in three days on tour, so that will give her time to cool off and maybe miss me." He grinned. "So where did Josh go last night? I heard him come in around 230."

"Fucked if I know, you know Josh and his freaking sleeping problems. He could have went for a drive, or went to see Nikki."

"I thought they broke up?"

"Yes they did break up; I think he is still sleeping with her from time to time."

"She always messes with his head." Matt said. "You hear that?"

"What?" Mike asked

"Laughter coming from Josh's room, it was a booty call. I really don't want to have to put up with Nikki today."

"Well I should go smooth things over with Sarah." Mike stated as he put his bowel in the dish washer.

"Good luck with that." Matt went back to eating the rest of his cereal and reading the paper.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

"Josh, it is alright. You are blushing."

"Fuck Ella, I am so sorry." He was embarrassed, and yes he could feel his face burning. Josh Ramsay embarrassed, what the hell was going on with him. He had woken up, and he was grinding into Ella's thigh. He was asleep when he was doing it, but that wasn't an excuse. "I can't believe you think this is SOOOOOO FUNNY!" he whined.

Ella put her hand over her mouth to stop the giggles. "It is funny, well not that hilarious, but the fact that you are freaking out! Almost like a little girl." She burst into laughter again.

He glared at her, well tried to glare at her, she was cute as hell. No wonder he woke up aroused and grinding into her. She was fucking hot.

"So now you are calling me a girl. You should know that I am definitely not a girl by how you were woken up. I am going to take a COLD shower. Get over whatever you think is SOOOOO FUNNY." He said in a high pitched voice, and waved his arms around before he went into his private bathroom off of his room.

Ella stretched and slide out of bed as she heard the shower turn on. She wanted to go join him, she was so taken with him. She wasn't the kind a girl a rock star would go for. She was a just to plain and ordinary for a man like him. She walked over to the window, and opened the curtains, the sun blinding her. She was happy to see the sun. She opened up the French door and walked out, loving the warm sun on her face, she was still dressed in one of Josh's tops. She inhaled the scent that still lingered there.

"Hey."

She turned, Josh stood there half dressed, a pair of jeans, no shirt his hair wet and messy. Her eyes caught his, they were so blue. She got lost in them. She envisioned herself, closing the distance between them, and taking his face in her hands, bringing his lips to hers, wrapping her fingers in his hair."

"We should go see if we can get your car going, we can grab some breakfast first if you want?" she was in a stun. "Ella? You ok?"

She snapped out of it. "Sorry." She said, her face flushed a little. "That sounds fine. I do need to stop by my place to get some clothes."

Josh looked at her attire, a black dress shirt of his. It looked perfect on her. She was only about 5 foot 3, she had tiny little legs. His eyes trailed up her legs, the shirt just covered her bottom. "Okay, I will get you something clean of mine yet again." He smiled and retreated into his room, she followed him.

"Do you have any plans at all today?"

"Nope none. The next two days will be busy before we leave on tour for eight weeks. Why do you ask?"

"You wanna hang out with me?"

Josh gave her a half smile. "Now why would I want to hang out with you?"

"mmmmmmh….because you amuse me." She grinned.

"Oh I know." He said sarcastically. "Put some clothes on." He said chucking the sweats and t-shirt at her, and left the room.

"Morning." Josh said to Matt who was still sitting on a stool at the Island. Josh went to the fridge grabbing a can of Coke Zero, his morning routine. Matt smiled at him. "What?"

"You and Nikki back together?"

"No, why do ask?"

"The girl that is still hiding out in your room."

"I am not hiding." Ella said coming over to the Island and pulling up a stool by Matt.

"Ella….hi." Matt said grinning from ear to ear. Josh shot him the don't say a word look.

"Josh came and picked me up last night, as my stupid ass car wouldn't start and I couldn't get a hold of

my so called friend."

"Josh to the rescue." Matt joked.

"Come on Ella, let's go see if we can figure out why your car won't start, which maybe just calling a tow

Truck"

"Cya Matt."

"Bye Ella."

Josh shot him another look as they were going out the door. Matt shook his head. He was going to move

In on her but, Josh had marked his territory, so he would just back off.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
Ella watched them load her little black car on the back of the tow truck. It was the only way Josh knew how to fix it. He did look under the hood trying to be manly, then just shrugged his shoulders and tossed Ella his phone.

"Where do you want to go eat?"

"My place." Ella smiled. "I will cook you breakfast slash lunch."

"Cool." Josh grinned and tossed his keys at her. "You drive."

Ella climbed into the car, she couldn't reach the pedals. Her head was almost all the way in the back. She pulled the seat up, Josh giggled at her.

"I am short." Ella snapped at him.

"I know, I noticed." He gave her one of those famous half smiles. "Let's go sweetheart, I'm starving."  
They drove across town, to a small suburb; Josh messed with the radio the whole way over. Complaining that there was never anything good on, meaning Mariana's Trench.

Ella pulled the car up in front of a little white house. "We are here." She smiled getting out of the car. Josh followed her, taking in his surroundings. Ella unlocked the door and disarmed the alarm. "Hey Mo." She said bending down to pat her grey tabby. "Mo this is Josh. Josh, Mo." She smiled as Josh entered her little home.

"Nice." He said looking about the room. Pretty much open concept between the kitchen and the living area, the kitchen counter divided the two rooms. He noticed two doors off to the left, must be bathroom and bedroom, and at the back of the living room French doors that let out to a deck, with a small fenced in yard. Her furniture was simple too, big couch, tv, coffee table and a plant. "You live here by yourself, no roommate?"

"Just me." She said softly from the kitchen. She was cutting up some green pepper and onion. Josh had come up behind and was looking down over her shoulder. "You like?" Ella asked looking up at him.

"I do" he smiled down at her. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Ummmm can u shred cheese?"

"I can try..."

She went to the fridge, retrieved the brick of cheese and handed him the shredder.

"Don't hurt yourself with that." She grinned as she cracked eggs into a bowl.

He rolled those blue eyes at her and shredded the cheese with no mishaps.

Ella cooked the omelets, made toast and cut up some fresh fruit. Then she set the table. Josh was talking to her the whole time. Asking her about her family, she was an only child; her mom had passed away when she was younger. Her dad had raised her. Her dad was remarried now to someone almost her age.

"Here you go." She said placing his plate in front of him. She sat down across from him, at the tiny little table. "My dad is in Toronto. Sarah and I moved out here right after school for college. I really don't know where I would be without her. I know she seems shallow, but she really has a heart of gold."

"Ya, Matt says the same thing about her. I think she puts up a tough front to protect herself from getting hurt."  
Ella watched him, she noticed his hands. They were so big, she loved his hands. She really loved everything about him. His lips, perfect for kissing.

"No boyfriend?"

"Huh?" she said being broken from her trance of staring. She hoped he hadn't notice. "Nope, in college I used guys for sex, if you can believe that of me, but true story."

Josh laughed. "Why wouldn't I believe that? You seem like such a slut."

" I am not proud of it."

"Well I have had plenty of one night stands on the road. So I guess we are equal. Soooooo, No boyfriend then?"

"Nope, no boyfriend; I was dating a doctor a few months back but it did not work out. You have a girlfriend?"

"Nope, well ya know. I had a girlfriend, her name is Nikki. Up until recently I was still sleeping with her. She will text me from time to time but I have been ignoring her."

"Well you should just tell her that you don't want her to contact you." Ella said softly.

Josh shrugged. "I don't want to talk about her. What do you want to do now?"

"We can go pick out some lame movies out of my movie collection, and lame they would be except for my Harry Potter, and Twilight movies."

"Twilight, REALLY?"

"Don't make fun. Have you seen them?''

"Really? You are really asking me that question?" he said rolling his eyes. "No I haven't, and I really don't want to see them."  
Ella looked at him and pouted. He smiled at her, she was cute as hell. "Okay let's just watch something dumb on netflix, pick some random tv series and watch."

"Okay….." Josh said moving from the kitchen table to the sofa, sprawling out. Ella turned on the tv and sprawled out beside him on the sofa. She leaned her body back into him.

"This okay?" she asked looking up at him.

"More than okay." He smiled and held her gaze.

Ella looked away quickly. "X-files it is." She cuddled back into his body, he was so warm, she felt one of his arms drape softly over her waist.

They spent all day on that sofa, with occasional breaks, bathroom, food and smoke breaks for Josh. She constantly nagged him about smoking, in a playful way.

"It is getting late, I should be going." Josh stated as he stretched and stood up.

Ella looked at him. "Do you really have to leave? I won't be able to see you till you get back. I think I might miss you."  
Josh offered her his hand, pulling her to her feet. "Ella I think I like you." He grinned.

"I like you too Josh. I just feel comfortable around you."

"Same." He said pulling her to his body, hugging her small frame, kissing the top of her head. "You are extremely short."

She pulled back and looked up at him, grinning. "You are too tall."

He chuckled. "You are cute." He reached down and pushed her hair back from her face.  
She blushed. "Please don't go."

He gave her one of his half smiles. "If you insist I stay..."

"I do." She smiled. "You want some wine, and I have a hot tub on the deck."

"I like how you think woman. I don't have any swim trunks with me. It isn't something I carry on me."

"It is dark out, and I promise I won't look."

They finished off a bottle of wine, they chatted and laughed at some of Josh's stories about the band, and some of their times on the road.

"I am turning into a prune; we've been out here for awhile. I'm getting sleepy too." Ella said, standing up, turning her back to Josh and wrapping a towel around her.

Josh couldn't keep his eyes off of her outline in the dark. She was beautiful. She turned to him and handed him a towel. Then she turned her back so he could get out. He wrapped the towel around his waist and followed her back into the house. They went into her room, she turned the bed down.

"Ella." Josh said just above a whisper.

She looked at him, in the dimly lit room. His eyes were smoldering. He didn't say anything else; he closed the distance between them and took her in his arms, covering her mouth with his...

"Josh….hey, Josh?"

He jumped and his daydream was broken.

"Sorry."

She smiled. "Here are your now clean sweats and t-shirt, you can sleep in them."  
He took them from her. He was cursing himself in his head. "What the hell is wrong with you Ramsay? Look at her, she is fucking gorgeous and you don't make a move. What has ever stopped you before from taking what you want?" He pulled the gym pants on and crawled into bed beside her, she was facing him.

"Thank you for today." He said softly. "I love how you treat me like a person and not a rock star."

"You are welcome." She said in a sleepy voice. "You are too awkward to be a rock star."

"Awkward?" he laughed.

"Ya, but it is a sexy awkward."

"Ok that makes it a little better." He stated watching her eyes close, her mouth fell open just a little, and she was asleep. "Goodnight beautiful." He whispered quietly, touching the side of her face, before closing his own eyes and falling into a comfortable and easy sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Ella was tired and wanted to go home. It had been a long exhausting day. Josh had dropped her off before he went off to get done what he had to before he had to leave, which was the next morning. She had said goodbye to him, gave him a hug and her cell number so they could keep in touch. She had only known in for a few days, but she was getting a little attached to him.

They were just friends, he would kiss her on top of the head, and he would hug and cuddle with her. That was the extent of the physical contact. She couldn't get him out of her head. She wanted to see him.

She finished up what she had to get down before leaving for the day, checked on a couple of patients, found the Dr for something she need him for and now she was going to go get changed and go home.

Once she was changed in the parking lot, she realized then that her car was still broken. She sighed running her hand through her hair. She dug her cell phone out of her and texted Sara. Who hardly ever texted her back. When she got no response she dialed her friends number.

"Hello." Sara said

"Wow you actually answered the phone." Ella stated sarcastically.

Sara giggled. "I am not busy right now. Where are you Stella."

"Standing in parking lot at the hospital, just remembered that I had no car."

"It is not fixed yet?"Sara asked.

"No it isn't, where you at?"

"At the condo. We are having a farewell get together for the guys tonight. We are barbequing and having drinks. What are you doing? I miss you, and we need to talk."

"Well once I get home, I am taking a bath and going to bed."

"Is there anything going on between you and Josh?"

"No, we are just friends. Why?"

"Well his ex girlfriend has been here all afternoon, she is still here. I really can't stand her, she uses and messes with his head."

"Oh…." Ella started then she seen Dr Edmund Channing coming towards her, they kind of dated a few months back. Ella found him obsessive and had broken things off with him.

"You need a drive?" he asked coming towards her.

"Who is that?" Sara asked hearing the man's voice.

"Dr Channing."

"Don't let him take you anywhere Ella."

"I will talk to you later." Ella said hanging up the phone.

"Who was that?" Matt asked Sara, he heard the panic in his friends voice.

"Ella." Sara said, Josh's attention had turned towards Sara now as well. He had been thinking about her all day, Nikki was here now and she wouldn't leave. He didn't want to be rude and tell her to leave. He didn't want to be around her at all. Which was a first. "She is letting her psycho ex boyfriend drive her home I think."

Josh grabbed his cell out of his pocket and texted her.

_ "Sweetheart, I will be right there to get you. Stay there."_

"_I am sorry I forgot to text you to ask you if you needed a drive, but Nikki has been here all day bugging me."_

"Hi, Edmund." Ella said as the man approached her, he was very attractive but he was a jerk.

"Do you need a drive? I am heading that way, can drop you off.''

Ella smiled. "You don't mind."

"Not, at all. My car is over there."

They started to walk across the parking lot. Ella heard her phone. She looked at it, and smiled when she seen the message was from Josh.

"Edmund thanks anyway but my friend is on his way."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup." Ella said softly. She looked down at her phone, and texted Josh back.

"_Okay, when you get here pretend you're my boyfriend :P"_

"Okay, well I will wait for you till your friend arrives then." Edmund said clearly and distinctly pronouncing every syllable of every word. "How have you been? I don't see you much since you transferred to the Emergency Department."

"I have been good." She said looking away from him. She could feel his eyes watching her every movement. It should only take Josh maybe ten minutes, she was hoping anyway. She was excited to see him, when she had said goodbye to him that morning, she thought that would be the last time she seen him till her returned in eight weeks.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

She looked at him, thinking it is none of your flipping business. "Ya I am, kinda." Just that moment Josh's little black Honda accord pulled up. He leaned across the seat and opened her door. He smiled at her when their eyes meant. "Cya Edmund." She said getting into the car, she just got in, didn't even get the door shut when Josh pulled her to him, covering her lips with his own, and she relaxed into him. She could smell tobacco, and the faint smell of alcohol. She could taste the alcohol on his lips. She instantly pulled him closer to her, lacing her fingers in his hair. Josh pulled back and smiled at her. He glanced out the window slightly to see if Edmund was watching, which he was so Josh placed his hand on the side of her face, moving her face back towards his, he softly brushed his lips against hers, he loved how soft her lips were. He pulled back just far enough to see her beautiful grey eyes looking back at him. He reached around her and closed the door, then pulling her back into his arms, running his hand over her soft hair before kissing her again. He could feel the kiss intensify, they were both enjoying this a little too much for acting. "We should get going."

"We should, and thanks." Ella said blushing a little.

"It was really my pleasure, no pun intended." He said laughing. "You really dated that goof."

"Ya I did, he is controlling and a little scary."

"Dude looks uptight. Definitely not good enough for you; even though he is a high paid Doctor. Are you going home or coming to my place. We have food and beer."

She looked at him, his lips were swollen from her kisses, and his hair messed from where he hands were tangled in it. "I don't know, it has been a long day."

He pouted and looked at her with those beautiful blue eyes, that she wanted to get lost in. "Pleaaaaaseeeeee." He whined. "I just want to spend as much time with you before I leave as I can. I have a feeling we are going to be great friends."

Friends, Ella thought after that kiss did he just consider us friends? He was acting, she wasn't. He was a rock star who always kissed girls in his music videos, she had creeped the band on utube. She sighed and looked down at her hands. "I need to go home. You will be busy entertaining your ex girlfriend that you said was there. I don't need to get in the way."

Josh glanced over at her, she looked disappointed. "You wouldn't get in the way, I am hoping she is gone before I get back anyway. I don't want to be around her Ella bean, I want to be around you. You make me smile."

She smiled and looked at him. "I will come for a little while; I am not dressed to really be seen."

"You're beautiful. Jeans, tank top. Sexy." He said winking at her.

They pulled into the parking garage, Ella got out, and Josh came around to her side wrapping his arm around her shoulder pulling her towards his body. "I think we should still pretend to be a couple, might get Nikki off of my back." He had stopped and had turned to face her. "You up for that?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "Sure." She was so up for it.

"Practice run." He said softly cupping her face with his hands, he lifted her face to his and kissed her softly, he loved the way her lips felt up against his. He felt her hands tangle in his hair as her body pressed against his. He loved kissing her. He pulled back holding her gaze. She was beautiful. He loved kissing her. He pulled back holding her gaze. She was beautiful. "You are so beautiful." He said softly. "Come on." He took her by the hand and led her towards the elevator, once inside the elevator her pulled her to him again, kissing her, running his fingers through her long dark hair. He pulled back and smiled at her, a half smile.

"Enough practice?" she asked

"For now." He grinned.

They walked into the condo hand in hand. Josh whispered in her ear. "Watch for everyones reaction. I love shocking people."

Ella giggled.

"Stella." Sara said getting up from Mike's lap where she was sitting. She came over and hugged her friend. "So nothing going on eh?'' she whispered to her friend. "If looks could kill, you would be dead sweetheart." Sara said referring to the way Nikki had glared at her best friend. "Matt is out on the balcony starting the food, come with." Sara said pulling her friend away from Josh, who still had a hold of Ella's hand.

"Hey." He said feeling his grasp on Ella's hand broken. "Don't keep her away too long." He kissed Ella quickly before Sara drug her outside.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked her friend smiling. Matt looked up from what he was doing. "Can't say I blame you, and it took you long enough."

"Sara please don't make a big deal about it, we are just friends."

"Friends with benefits?" Sara asked smiling.

"No." Ella said sternly. "I am not talking about this with you."

"Well is he a good kisser?"Sara asked her friend, smiling.

Ella smiled and blushed. "Amazing, he is the best."

"Who you two talking about?" Matt asked as he was flipping burgers. Ella shot her friend the don't say a word look.

"Sara it isn't what you think anyway." Ella said as the balcony door flew open and a beautiful blonde came through the door at her. Josh was right behind.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she spat at Ella, as she charged towards her. "You really think you will be able to hold his attention?"

Ella just looked at the other woman; she looked like she was crazy.

"Nikki, leave her alone." Josh said sternly. "She has nothing to do with any of our problems."

"Really Ramsay!" she screamed. "She is standing in the way of us being together! You are nothing but a little whore and bitch." She screamed at Ella,

Ella was getting pissed. "Look woman, you don't know anything about me, so you can't stand there and judge and call me names. You are screaming and hollering like a crazy person, being like that gets you."

Nikki lunged at Ella, slapping her across the face. "He is mine bitch, you stay away from him."

Sara then lunged at Nikki, Matt grabbed her to hold her back. "You are a crazy bitch, you touch my friend again and I will break your face."

"Nikki you need to get the fuck out of my face." Josh snapped. "I want you to leave."

"You will regret it Josh. She is plain and ordinary."

Matt walked over to Nikki and took her by the arm. "I think it is time you left."

Nikki shrugged Matt's hand off her arm and she huffed and turned to face Josh. "She will never be able to keep you happy. You have my number, we will be in touch."

Ella had turned her back and walked over the balcony railing, her face was stinging and the tears had started to fall.

Sara glared at Josh and walked past him. "I will give you guys some privacy."

Josh ran his hand through his hair. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

He felt her tense as he touched her.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

She shook her head no, he could feel her tremble, she was crying.

"I am so sorry, she had no right to talk to you like that, or to lay a hand on you."

"Can you please take me home?" she asked trying to steady her voice.

He sighed. "Sweetheart if you really want me to take you home I will. I really want you to stay.'' He tightened his hold on her, pressing his face into her hair. "I am sorry."

Ella turned to face him; he was looking down at her. She could see how upset he was. She knew none of this was his fault. She reached up and cupped his face; he relaxed into her hand and closed his eyes. "This isn't going to work.''

He opened his eyes and held her gaze.

"I think you are wrong." He said above a whisper. "There is no more pretending anything." He stated pulling her to him, and covering her mouth with his. He kissed her roughly, his hands on both side of her face, holding her there. She didn't fight him. She relaxed into his arms. She didn't have the strength or the will to pull away. She loved how he kissed her, how it made her weak at the knees. She couldn't push him away.

He felt her relax into his body, he pulled her closer. He wrapped his hand in her soft hair; he was getting lost in her. He pulled back, and looked at her. She was beautiful. She was too good for him. He sighed.

"I am sorry Ella. I think you might be right." He looked away from her, ran his hand through his hair roughly. "Fuck…" he cursed. "I don't want to hurt you. I think it would be better if we were just friends."

Ella looked at him, not believing what he was saying. She was hurt. He was playing head games with her. "I can't be your friend Josh." She said softly. "I don't need these head games." She said looking him in the eye. "I am sorry."

"Ella, you can't just walk out of my life."

"Josh after the way you just kissed me, I can't just be your friend." She started to walk away towards the door to the condo. He grabbed her by the arm. She flinched and shrugged it away. He let go as he didn't want to hurt her. "Leave me alone Josh."

She walked into the condo, she was upset and angry. "Matt can you take me home now?" she asked as she came into the room. Josh was right behind her.

"I will take you home Ella." She heard him say behind her.

She turned and looked at him. There was pain and hurt in his eyes.

Ella shook her head no. She had started to cry again. She looked at Matt. ''Please just take me home." She said looking at Matt and she turned and walked towards the door. Josh started by Sara stopped him.

"Josh hun, just let her go. Nikki has messed with your head and until you get things figured out in there, leave her be." Sara rested her hand on his shoulder. "Just go try to get some sleep." He nodded his head and went into his room.

He shut the door behind him, falling down on the bed. He hated himself at the moment. He slammed his clenched fist into the mattress on his bed. He didn't want Ella to walk out of his life. She was good for him. She made him feel like he could do and accomplish anything when she was around, but there was a dark side of him that could destroy her and he wouldn't let that happen.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Matt had dropped Ella off at her house. Ella had been crying since she got home. She didn't know why she was so upset. She had only known Josh for a few days but every time he had kissed her tonight she felt like she was on fire. Every nerve in her body, nerves that she didn't know existed came alive with each touch of his lips.

She lay awake in her bed. She could not sleep. She rolled over and looked at the clock and it read three am. She sighed, running her hand through her hair. He was all she could think about. She reached over to her night table where her phone was setting, she picked it up, she wanted to text him. The look on his face before she walked away was haunting her. "DAMN IT!" she said allowed. Mo jumped and ran off of the bed from where he was sleeping.

_**"You awake."**_

She texted, she sat there and stared at her phone. It was only seconds and he replied.

_**"Ya, I can't sleep. I am so sorry sweetheart. You are all I can think about."**_

He replied to her text, he was lying on top of his covers. He had been fighting with himself for hours not to text her, so when she texted him first he texted her right back. He lied there and stared at his phone waiting for her to reply.

_** "You are all I can think about too."**_

She texted, she hesitated on sending it. She wanted to tell him to get his ass over here.

"_I am so sorry, you have no idea how much hated to see the look of hurt on your beautiful face. I want to make it up to you, Nikki makes me crazy and now I have had time to think about things, I want you in my life."_

He hit send and waited for her to reply.

**''Get your ass over here now, I will let you know how you can make it up to me."**

She was being bold, but she had to be. She wanted him with her. She didn't even have to wait ten seconds and his reply was there.

_**"Will be there in ten, unlock the door.''**_

"Oh my god.'' She jumped up, she looked at what she was wearing, a tank top and black panties. "Fuck it, I want to seduce him." She said allowed to herself. She pulled her hair out of its elastic and let it fall down her back. She ran to the bathroom, peed and brushed her teeth. She was nervous as hell. She looked into the mirror after she splashed some cold water on her face. "What if he turns me down?''

Mo meowed at her feet, and rubbed against her leg. "I really like him Mo." She stated as she reached down and patted his soft little head. She heard a car pull up, she ran to the door and was there to open it as her approached it.

She opened the door, there he stood, black leather coat on, his hair all messed up. He looked amazing.

"You always answer your door half dressed?" he asked with a half grin. "I like it."

She grabbed him by the collar of his jacket pulling him to her. She covered his lips with hers; she shut the door behind him with her foot. She jumped up into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, never letting her mouth leave his.

Josh pulled back just far enough that he could see her eyes. "I am sorry…." He started.

"Shut up." Ella said kissing him again. She was still wrapped around his body. "I don't want to talk." She said as she moved her kisses down to the inside of his neck.

Josh closed his eyes, and thoroughly enjoyed the feel of her lips on his neck. "Ella …Ella ….Ella…." he said softly. "You are so fucking beautiful." He captured her face between both of his hands. He kissed her softly. "I am not going to be able to stop…if we continue this behavior." He grinned.

"I don't want to stop." She gasped as she was out of breath. "I told you I would let you know how you could make it up to me."

He carried her to her bedroom and sat her down on the bed. He knelt down between her legs, pulling her to him, he moved one hand up her thigh the other on her neck as he kissed her lips.

"Are you sure sweetheart." He stopped kissing her, and caressed her face.

"Okay Ramsay you are starting to piss me off." She giggled. "I want you. Do I have to spell it out for you? I answered the fucking door in my underwear, jumped into your arms…. pretty much attack you."

He laughed at her. She was so fucking hot at this moment. He had never wanted a woman this bad before in his life than he did right now. He pushed her back on the bed, she pulling him with her. He was trying to not think of the right thing to do…but at this moment the only thing he could think about was discovering her cure and inch of her body.

Ella was in a hazy groggy state, she could hear a phone vibrating over and over again, it had seemed like it was non stop. She started to wake up, tried to stretch but there was a long strong arm draped across her stomach, she turned to face the body the arm belonged too, his face mere inches from hers. He was absolutely perfect. She traced the contours of his face with her fingers. She leaned in and brushed her lips against his, she felt his body react to her, his eyes still closed. His arms tightened around her waist, pulling her closer. He eyes opened slowly and looked into her eyes.

"Hey." He smiled and said softly. "How are you?"

"I am perfect." She smiled back at him.

He leaned over and kissed her, he loved how she fit perfectly against his body. It was almost like she was made for him. She was a piece of his puzzle. His hands roamed her body. God he loved how she felt. He flung her onto her back and moved over her. He moved down and kissed her neck; she moaned his name softly and wrapped her fingers tightly into his hair.

Ella pushed her body into his, never wanting to be apart from him. He made her feel amazing. She could feel his lips everywhere, could feel his arousal on her thigh. God she wanted him. Just as they were about to come together, sort of speaking his cell phone starting ringing this time, no vibrate just a loud annoying ring.

"You should answer that." She said between him kissing her.

"They can wait."

They both fell back to sleep for a few more hours. This time Josh was the one to be woken by his phone vibrating. He sighed; Ella had her head resting on his chest. He moved her off of him slowly, not to wake her. He picked up his phone, and seen twenty text messages, five missed calls.

He scanned through them, realizing that he had to be at the airport an hour ago. "Shit." He said jumping out of bed and getting dressed quickly. Thank god he had already packed and put his suit case in the car. "Ella sweetheart I have to get to the airport."

She stretched and opened her eyes. "Now?'' she asked pouting a little.

"Ya I am late, Matt has been trying to get a hold of me. Can you come with me and drop my car off at the condo after you drop me off."

Ella got up and dressed quickly, she felt a little uneasy about Josh leaving before they had time to discuss what had happened between them.

Josh drove to the airport, it was a fast drive. His flight was leaving in forty five minutes. He parked the car and got out. Ella got out of the car and walked around to the drivers side.

"I am sorry babe that we are so rushed." Josh said pulling her into his arms and hugging her. "I will text you later."

Ella looked up at him. "It is okay." She smiled.

His phone vibrated, he pulled it out of his pocket. "It is Matt, wondering where the fuck I am."

"Get going." Ella said pulling back from him, he stopped her. He lifted her face with his hands, covering her lips with his.

"Last night was fucking amazing. Going to be a long eight weeks." He stated smiling at her, tossing her

the car keys and walking towards the airport doors. He turned once and waved at her.

She got into his car, she felt her eyes start to well up. They never talked about what had happened at all on the way to the airport. She hoped that these eight weeks wouldn't push them apart, when they had just begun. Josh was right it had been amazing. He had made her feel things she never felt before. She sighed and went to start the car, she felt her cell phone vibrate.

_**"Sweetheart you are fucking amazing….just saying! I will miss you! You are fucking sexy, it turns me on just thinking about you. Xoxo"**_

She smiled and texted him back.

_**"I will miss you! Can't wait for you to come home! u! Can't wait for you to come home! You are sexy, even though you are an awkward sexy. :P BTW love what you can do with your tongue. Xoxo.''**_

Josh looked at his phone, he and Matt had just got seated on the plane. He smiled and chuckled. He shut his phone off for take off.

"So where the hell were you?" Matt asked his friend. "Did you cave and go to Nikki's.''

"No I didn't go to Nikki."

"Pick up a random girl?"

Josh smiled and rolled his eyes. "No, I went to Ella's"

"Oh?" Matt grinned.

"Fucking amazing, literally speaking. I am exhausted didn't get much sleep."

Matt smiled at his best friend. "I bet you didn't. You are one lucky douche bag."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Ella are you almost done?" Sara whined standing on the other side of the nurses' station. "You were off a half hour ago. The bars await." Sara lied to her friend that they were going to the bars, she had a surprise in store for her friend.

Ella rolled her eyes. "I really don't want to go Sara."

"It will be fun, besides it will take you mind of off Ramsay. You have been mopping for the past four weeks and they won't be home for another four."

Ella looked at her friend who was already to hit the town, little black dress. Sara was beautiful. The tall blonde, skinny type of beautiful. "Okay give me a few minutes to get changed and we will go. I am not getting all dolled up."

"Yes you are." Sara said chasing her friend down the hall. "I have a dress for you in my locker."

Ella got ready she put on the way too short black strapless dress Sara had brought for her. She left her hair down, it curled over her shoulders and down her back. Sara also did her friends make up, made her put big dangle ear rings on.

"Okay you look awesome." Sara said grinning from ear to ear. "Okay come on it is almost four thirty."

Ella sighed, as she picked up her purse and her phone. She checked it; she had not heard anything from Josh all day. She followed Sara outside, and there was a limo pulled up by the front doors. A man opened the door and Sara got in.

"What the hell Sara?" Ella asked getting into the limo.

"We are going to the airport. The guys record label sent the limo for us."

"The airport?" Ella said harshly.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch. They are having this big party in Toronto tonight, something to do with so many records sold of masterpiece theater. Matt and Mike wanted me to come, and they suggested that you come too, so you can brighten Josh's mood. I guess he has been moping too."

"What about my shift for tomorrow."

Sara smiled. "Taken care of."

"Okay, does Josh know? I have not heard from him all day."

Sara grinned again. "You are going to surprise him."

Ella got butterflies in her stomach. She couldn't wait to see him. His texts were either, sweet or sexy hot. She could always tell when he was alone in his hotel room by what he sent in his texts.

They got to the airport and boarded the plane, first class which was something neither Sara nor Ella experienced before.

"Okay Stella, we have four hours on this flight. You need to fill me in."

"Fill you in on what?"

"Josh and you."

Ella could feel her face grow warmer. "He is a nice guy."

"Come one Ella, it is me Sara, your best friend. Spill, I want details. I was going to try to hook up with him but Mike happened first."

"I really like him Sara. I am so comfortable around him. He is amazing."

"So how is he? Ya know?" she giggled.

Ella smiled, "Fucking amazing. He can do things with his tongue." Ella said as her phone vibrated. She took it out of her purse and looked at it. It was a text from Josh. "Speak of the devil."

"Don't you tell him!"

"I won't."

_**Ella bean I miss you! Have this stupid party tonight; I just want to jump on a plane, bus train, scooter to get to you. I miss the way your smile lights up a room, the way your skin feels against mine, naked of course :P**_

Ella smiled at the text. She responded.

_**Hey I miss you too! I just got done work. It has been a long day. I am going to go home and watch you tube videos of you guys. Is that a little werid?**_

She hit send, and waited for a reply but she didn't get one. Her phone went out of service. The rest of the flight, her and Sara talked about Josh and Sara's relationship with Mike. Ella didn't realize that Sara was actually starting to fall for Mike. Sara said they were seeing only each other. No more dating other people.

The announcement came on, that they would be starting their decent into Toronto. Ella couldn't wait to see Josh. There was yet another limo waiting for them at the airport, which would take them directly to the hotel where the party was being held.

Ella was so excited, she couldn't wait. Sara usually had messed up ideas but this one was pretty damn good. She glanced down at her phone; a text had come in after they landed.

_**Do you want me to make you a video and send it to you ;) **_

Ella texted him back

_**What did you have in mind? Would it be xrated?**_

''Come on Ella, you will see him soon enough. Matt is waiting for us."

Both girls got out of the limo, they had to have security bring them past the fans that had lined up outside, with the hopes of catching a glance at one of the guys. They made it inside safely. The hotel was freaking fancy. Ella felt a little out of place.

"Matt." Sara said going over to hug her friend. "I have missed you.''

"You two look beautiful. Josh is going to freaking jump you when he sees you Ella, you are all he has been talking about. What did you do to him?" Matt grinned giving Ella a big hug. "The mopping isn't good but at least he seems to be happy."

Matt lead them to the ball room the party was being held in. The room was packed. Business looking people, to rocks star looking people to beautiful woman everywhere. Ella felt ill. She reached out and took Sara's hand. She was uncomfortable.

Matt handed them both a glass of wine. "You girls stay here, I will be right back."

Ella scanned to room looking for the tall guy with the blue in his hair. Her phone vibrated in her hand.

"_**I wanna be xrated with you sweetheart. I am standing in a room full of people, at a party for MT and all I can think about is how soft your skin feels, the smell of your hair. UGH!"**_

Ella spotted him, he was leaning up against the bar, phone in his hand. He was all dressed in black, except for a red tie and white jacket. His hair was done up, standing in every direction. Different from his normal flat in his eyes hair that she was use to seeing him with. He lifted his drink to his lips, sipping it.

**"I wanna know what xrated things you have in mind?"**

She sent the text and watched to see his response. He looked down at his phone and smiled. He was going to reply but this drop dead sexy red head approached him. He put his phone in his pocket. She was talking to him, standing too close for Ella's liking. The red head leaned in and whispered something in his ear, Josh laughed and smiled. This made her blood boil, she was jealous.

"That bitch is too friendly." Ella said out loud.

Sara turned her attention to Ella to see what her friend was talking about. Sara watched the red head loop her arm in Josh's and lead him across the room, towards the open balcony.

"He is going with her?" Ella said, with hurt in her voice.

Josh let the beautiful red head lead him outside on the balcony. He needed some fresh air anyway. She was trying too hard to get his attention. He was being polite.

"Josh, I bet you must be lonely."

Okay here we go, he thought gulping the last of his drink down. He was going to have to reject this smoking hot red head; it was not going to be easy. She seemed like she was on a mission to get in his pants. He felt his pocket vibrate.

"Excuse me." Josh said politely pulling out his phone to check it.

"_**I have black lace underwear on, and that red head can**_**'t do the things to you I can. Going to rock your world tonight Ramsay."**

Ella watched his expression; he was confused and amused at the same time.

"**Turn around." **

She texted, she watched him check his phone and turn around and look at her, the look of surprise on his face was worth the four hour plane ride, his smile grew huge.

"How the hell did you get here Sweetheart." He closed the distance between them, picking her up into a hug, he inhaled the scent of her hair. He had forgotten all about the red head. His large hand cupped Ella's face. "I have missed you." He said softly holding her gaze. "You are intoxicating."

Ella wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "I have missed you. It is kinda scary." She said as he placed her back on her feet. He looked down at her.

"I am so happy to see you." He said softly. He brushed her face softly, then leaned down to kiss her softly. He felt her hands tangle in the back of his hair. He rested his forehead against hers. "Ella bean, I think I am in trouble with you." He grinned. "To fall so quickly."

She smiled up at him, holding his gaze. His eyes were filled with warmth, they glistened. She reached up touching his face. "Ramsay you have a party that you need to be a part of. I am starving."

He took her by the hand and led her back into the room full of people. "By the way…" he started leaning down so his mouth was inches from her ear. "That little dress looks fucking hot on….but bet it is going to be even hotter coming off of you later." He pressed his lips quickly on her neck beneath her ear.

The rest of the evening consisted of her watching Josh with the rest of the guys, talking to people in the industry. Ella and Sara had been sitting off at a table drinking more wine than they should have.

''Sara, just look at him." Ella slurred watching Josh a few feet from them. "He is perfect."

Sara giggled. ''He is pretty sexy."

Ella watched him, the way he moved, she had never seen him interact with the other guys in the band. She could tell they were really close. He was a comedian. Always cracking jokes, he wasn't that way with her though. She was starting to get tired. It had been a long day. She yawned.

"You should have some coffee.'' Sara said smiling. "He isn't going to let you sleep.''

"I am not going to sleep…"she giggled. "Hi Matt."

She said as Matt approached the table. "You girls must be tired. We are almost done here."

Josh came over and sat down besides Ella, wrapping his arm around her, pulling her close to him.

"You look tired sweetheart." He said softly. "You wanna go up to room?"

She smiled at him. "That sounds perfect Josh." She said smiling at him. He stood, helped her to her feet

Steadying her stagger. "Sorry." She giggled letting him support her weight.

He laughed and wrapped his arm around her for support. "Night guys." She said waving to everyone.

Josh laughed at her. They waited for the elevator; she leaned up against him for support. He kissed the top of her head.

They stepped into the elevator, the door closed. Josh hit the floor number, before he had time to say anything, Ella attacked him. She grabbed him by his tie, and pulled his mouth to hers, she kissed him deeply and passionately. He pulled her close to his body. She melted into him. A soft moan escaped her lips, which he thought was hot as hell. He ran his hands over her bare back above her dress. He kissed down the side of her neck and across her shoulder. She pulled back to look into his eyes, they were so dark. His black eyeliner was smudged now, he looked so sexy. The elevator opened to his floor, he took her by the hand and led her down the hall. She tripped and stumbled several times.

"Ella darling what am I going to do with you?" he asked letting her lean against him as he swiped his room key in the reader. It unlocked and he opened the door. He lead her over to the bed, and sitting her down before she fell down. "You are fucking intoxicated woman." He said grinning at her as he knelt down to help her with her shoes.

"I want out of this stupid dress." She said watching him remove her shoes, he looked at her, even on his knees he was still taller than her while she was sitting on the bed. She reached out and traced his lips with her finger. "You have perfect lips." He reached around and unzipped her dress, she could feel his finger tips gaze softly and lightly over her skin. He grinned at her. She pulled at his tie again, this time to take it off; she loosened it, and unbuttoned his black shirt, pushing it back over his shoulders exposing his chest. Her eyes ran over his body, he was beautiful. She pulled him to her, placing her lips on the inner part of his neck, tangling her fingers tightly in his hair. She bit down softly on his skin. He sighed softly, and pushed her back onto the bed, pulling her dress off.

"Love the black lace." He grinned climbing over top of her, pushing her hair back from her face. "The last time we were together this way, it was rushed and I didn't get time to explore every single inch of you."

She kissed him, he pulled back mere inches from her face. "I am going to make every part of your body known to mine tonight." He whispered before he kissed her again.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Ella awoke the next morning to an empty bed. She sat up, wrapping the sheets around her body, running her hand through her hair. The curtains were still pulled to keep the darkness in. She picked up her phone to see that it was a little past ten o'clock. She checked her messages, and there was no new message's. She wondered where Josh had gone, was a little hurt that he didn't wake her up. She picked her phone back up and dialed Sara's number.

Sara answered the phone all chipper and awaked.

"Why are you awake and in a good mood?" Ella asked as she twirled her hair in her fingers. She could hear guys laughing in the background. "Where are you?"

"Am at the venu with the guys, they are doing an early soundcheck for the show tonight."

"Oh?" Ella said, she was a little put out that she didn't get asked to go. "What time does our flight leave?"

Sara giggled. "Surprise, we are going home tomorrow."

"What?" Ella snapped. "I know that you don't care if you work or not, I have bills to pay Sara. I can't be neglecting my life, my bills, my job."

"You are in a bad mood."

"Yes I guess I am. I am calling the airline, and am going home." She snapped "This is fucking retarded."

"Gawd you think you would be in a better mood, getting laid and all."

Ella sighed and hung up the phone. She didn't want to talk to Sara at all.

Sara hated when Ella acted like a moron. She hated when she hung up on her. "Ugh." She exclaimed.

"What is wrong baby?" Mike asked coming over to her.

"Ella is an idiot mostly. That woman is …UGH." Sara chucked her phone on the table. "I have put up with her for so many years. She always ….she is just…I don't know what is wrong with her. She is just in a bad mood and she is terrible when she is in a bad mood."

"Who is in a bad mood?" Matt asked joining on the conversation.

"Ella" Mike said rubbing Sara's shoulders.

"What about Ella?" Josh asked sitting down by Sara.

"She is a bitch." Sara said shrugging Mike's hands of her shoulders. "She is just…ugh so...fucking ugh… She is probably at the airport right now go home to her sad little existence that she thinks is so important. I don't know why she is even still my friend. Like REALLY!"

Josh shrugged. "She was sleeping soundly when I left."

Sara looked at Josh with big eyes. "You left and didn't wake her."

"Ya, she was sleeping soundly. I didn't want to wake her."

"Well there…..she is pissed at you and taking it out on me."

Josh scrunched up his eyebrows. "Why would she pissed at me."

"Joshua!" Sara exclaimed. "You don't know her well enough to know that she is a softy when it comes to sleeping with someone she likes, for her to wake up and find you gone is an insult. If it was just sex to her then she wouldn't give a rats ass."

Josh sat there and took in what Sara was saying. "What are you saying Sara?"

"She is in love with you already. Oh my fucking god!"

Mike chuckled, Matt walked away. Josh ran his hand through his hair. Ella in love already, that couldn't be possible. They haven't even known each other a more than a little over a month. They have had sex….Josh tried to count. Well spent two nights together. Well more than two nights, but two nights of amazing sex. Josh didn't know if he was ready for serious, after Nikki, he was still dealing with left over emotions there. They had been together for a few years, lived together, shared a pet together.

"Josh are you okay?" Matt asked once he noticed how quiet his friend had gotten.

Sara stood up and walked over to Josh. "Look here Ramsay!"She spat waving her finger just inches from his face. "You hurt her; I will cut your balls off."

Mike bent over with laughter. He loved his girlfriend. One minute she could kill her best friend, the next minute she was looking out for her.

"I am not going to hurt her." Josh said shoving her hand away. "I like her."

Ella took a shower and put on a pair of jeans, and a t-shirt. She couldn't get a flight out till after midnight so she decided she would wait and go home tomorrow with Sara. She brushed her wet hair out, leaving it to dry to the air, it would curl in ringlets. She put some light make up on.

Her phone kept vibrating; she didn't want to look at it. Sara probably told Josh that she was leaving and he probably felt bad, texting her to get her to stay. How could he have sex with her all night and get up and leave in the morning without waking her. She use to do that to the guys she used for sex in college, was Josh just using her. She sighed. She really liked him. He was gorgeous, sexy, hot in bed. She felt like she was the only girl in the world, the way he touched her. "He is a rock star Ella" she told her reflection in the mirror.

She heard the door open. "Sweetheart where are you?" his voice rang out.

Ella walked out of the bathroom. Josh looked at her. She was fucking beautiful. Her hair was curly, hanging down her back. He closed the distance between them and kissed her before she could say anything, he felt her tense a little, but soon as he deepened the kiss she melted against him. He caressed her face as he kissed her.

He pulled back to look at her, hand still on the side of her face. "I am sorry that I didn't wake you this morning. You were so peaceful and if I did wake you I would have been late for sound check." He said grinning at her. "You forgive me?" he asked bending down so he was at eye level with her eyes.

Ella got lost in his eyes for a few seconds. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" he pouted out his lip. "How can I get you to forgive me?"

Ella leaned her head sideways and pushed back her hair to expose her neck. She didn't say anything. Josh placed his lips softly on her neck, kissing her ever so gently. He heard a soft sigh escape her lips. He looked at her again. "Forgive me?"

Ella shook her head no, but smiling at him. She placed her hands on his chest and backed him up towards the bed, once close enough she shoved him. He fell back onto the bed. She straddled his hips.

Josh grinned up at her. "I like when you're rough with me."

Before Ella had time to react, Josh sat up and flipped her over onto her back and pinned her arms to the mattress above her head, he leaned in and invaded her mouth. She moaned softly.

"I am going to make you forget you were ever mad at me sweetheart."

Ella stretched and rolled over onto her side, facing Josh. He was sleeping, his hair strewn all over his pillow. She reached for her phone to check the time. It was just past four, she couldn't believe they had spent all afternoon in bed. She did fall asleep for a little after the fifth time they had sex. It was amazing, the way this man made her feel. She sighed and crawled out of bed, picking her clothes to get dressed. She did it quietly enough that she didn't wake Josh. She needed to talk to Sara.

She set off down the hall to Sara and Mike's room. She knocked on the door softly. Mike answered.

"Hey." He said smiling.

"Hi Mike I need to talk to Sara."

"Are you okay Ella?" Mike asked, he could tell she was unsettled about something. Sara came up behind Mike.

"Ella honey what is wrong?"Sara asked from behind Mike.

"Can we talk…alone."

"Sure…Mike can you excuse us for a few minutes?"

"Ya …..sure. Take all the time you need."

Sara sat down on the sofa and watched Ella pace; she could tell that her best friend was very upset about something.

Ella ran her hand through her hair, "I need to go home." She said looking at Sara. "I need to stay away from Josh."

"Ella I thought you liked him?"

"That is the problem I do like him but I know nothing about him. I know he is in a band and that he is amazing in bed." Ella explained, the tears started to slip down her face. "It is all physical Sara. We have sex and that is it."

"Ella honey he likes you. You guys just meant each other and you kinda jumped past the pre relationship part, you just started to have sex. Mike and I were the same; used each other and now we have feelings for each other. I love him Ella."

Ella sighed she could tell her friend was happy for the first time in a really long time. She felt bad she stood here and whined about having amazing sex with Josh. She should be really talking to Josh about this anyway.

"I am going back to my room."

"Are you coming to the show tonight?" Sara asked. "We should be leaving soon."

"I don't think so. I will talk to you later." Ella walks back down the hall towards her and Josh's room. She stops at the door; she can hear Josh talking to someone. She opened the door; he looked up her and smiled. He was sitting on the bed, his hair was wet and he wore nothing but a towel.

"My mom." He mouthed to her and rolled his eyes. "Mom I am eating right, and getting enough sleep." He winked at Ella. "Mom I have to go….say hi to dad…..yes mom I will call tomorrow. I love you too."

Ella had sat down on the bed beside him. She could not help herself, Josh trying to talk to his mom and Ella kissing and softly nibbling on his neck and down his collar bone.

"Woman" he said as soon as he slid his phone shut. He turned and pushed her back onto the bed, he looked down at her, and she grinned up at him "You are beautiful." He said softly as he brushed her hair back from her face, and he nuzzled her neck. She tangled her hands in his wet cool hair, loving how his lips felt on her skin. "I have to get dressed sweetheart, as much as I would love to stay right here with you and get you out of your clothes, I know Matt will be banging on the door in less than ten."

She pulled him to her and kissed him, pressed her body into his. She wasn't letting him go anywhere, she kept playing over in her head what Sara said about her and Mike. She pushed his towel off, and ran her hands down his back.

Josh pulled back breathless, his eyes glistened with lust. "You are evil." He murmured between kisses, he worked at her clothes till he had them off. He loved how soft her body was, and how good she felt.

"Josh." Sara gasped as he found his way around her body. She knew she was falling for him, she knew the physical connection she had with him right now would lead to that.

She watched him get dressed; she was curled up in the bed.

"Sweetheart I wish you would come to the show."

"Josh I am so tired, you didn't let me sleep much last night or today." She grinned as he came across the bed to her. He was fully dressed, hair done and make up done. She loved the black eye liner; she thought it was sexy as hell. "I will sleep while you are gone." She grinned.

"You are going to wear me out baby." He said mere inches from her face. He reached up and cupped her face. "I really like having you here." He said softly. "You soothe me." He kissed her softly as Matt banged on the door. "See you later Sweetheart."

"I will be here." She said pulling the sheets up to cover her naked body as he opened the door. Ella threw herself back onto the pillows. She was fast asleep within seconds of her head hitting the soft pillow.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Ella woke up to a darkened room; she checked the time it was shortly after three am. She stretched and got out of bed. She wondered where Josh could be. You would think that he would be back by now. The show would have gotten over around ten, she thought anyway. She got dressed and tied back her hair; she was going to go out and about the hotel to see if she could find him. She wandered down to the hotel bar, she noticed Matt and Ian were sitting at a table with a bunch of empty beer bottles sitting around the on the table.

"Hey guys." She said pulling up a chair. "Can I join you?"

"Hey Beautiful." Matt said to Ella as she sat down.

"We are being little drunkards." Ian slurred and smiled at Ella. "I don't believe we have been formerly introduced." He said putting his hand out for her to shake. "I am Ian the octagon."

Ella shook his hand and looked at Matt. "Don't ask. You don't want to know." Matt said smiling. "You want a drink?"

"No thanks I am actually looking for Josh. Do you guys know where he is?"

"Well Nikki showed up here at the show tonight." Ian said.

"Ian!" Matt scolded. "Ella is kinda with Josh remember?"

"Sorry."

"It is okay." Ella said softly. She was hurt. Why the hell would he go with her anywhere, especially after the incident at the condo last week.

"Ella, they are probably just talking or fighting." Matt said placing his hand on Ella's.

"You guys have fun. I am going to go back up to my room and wait for Josh.

Ella went back upstairs. She was sobbing before she got back to the room. She plopped down on the bed and picked up her phone. She was going to text him.

Josh~ it is 330 am where are you?"

She hit send and waited and waited. A half hour passed and her phone vibrated.

I am so sorry Ella. I will be right there. I lost track of time.

Ella looked at her phone and read the message he just sent her. "Lost track of time." She said allowed. She was pissed.

Where are you Josh?

She texted him again, but this time he didn't answer. Another twenty minutes passed and he came through the door. His shirt was unbuttoned, tie in his hand. His hair was messed up. He walked into the room and didn't say a word. He sat down on the bed and placed his hands in his head. Ella sat Indian style in the center of the bed. They sat there in silence for a few minutes.

"Did you sleep with her?" Ella asked sternly.

Josh turned and looked at her; she could see the pain in his eyes. "I didn't sleep with her….but if you

Hadn't of texted me when you did I might of."

Ella felt like she was kicked in the stomach. She looked at her hands, playing with a lose string on the

sheets.

"Ella sweetheart I am so sorry." He said reaching for her hand, when his hand found hers she pulled it

away like she was being burned by something hot. "She just showed up and said she wanted to talk, she

wanted to apologize for last week, she just confuses me and messes with my head. Please say

something."

Ella looked up at him, her eyes meeting those beautiful blue eyes of his. "We had sex right here in this

bed not even 12 hours ago Josh. I thought I was starting to mean something to you but apparently not.

I thought you were different." She said without yelling at him. She cursed herself as a tear slipped from

her eye. That was the start of the water works, her shoulders started to shake, and she started to sob.

"Ella baby don't cry." Josh said reaching for her. "I am so sorry."

She shrugged him off. She put her head in her hands and sobbed. She felt stupid for being so upset. It was like they were committed to each other. She got up off the bed and started to gather her things.

"Ella what are you doing?" Josh asked watching her.

"I am going to go to another room." She said softly.

Josh ran his hand through his hair. He didn't want her to leave. Why did he have to be so fucking stupid when it came to Nikki. "Please don't go." He asked softly. "I am so sorry Ella….please just stay." He got up and went to her. "Ella baby look at me. Please." He pleaded. "I am so fucking mad at myself right now. I don't know why she came here. Say something please anything. Just talk to me."

"You really hurt me Josh, I know we don't know much about each other but I thought we connected. If this is all just physical to you and that is all it is going to be tell me now and I will walk away and not look back. I am not asking for a commitment but all I ask is that when I am sleeping with you that I am the only one you are sleeping with and if you can't give me that much then lets end it now before I fall too deep."

Josh sighed placing his hands on her upper arms. "I am sorry I am a dick." He said softly. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. You are so different, you are beautiful and I really like you. I promise you here and now that I will never do that to you again. I want to be with you and only you."

"Give me your phone."

"What?"

"I said gimme your phone."

Josh pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. Ella took it, and scrolled through his contacts. "I am deleting and blocking her number."

Josh didn't say anything because he knew it was for the best. He sighed as she handed him back his phone. "I am sorry sweetheart." He pushed he hair back from her face.

Ella looked at him and she could tell he was sorry. "I know you are. Don't do it again and I am fucking tired and want to go to sleep. Can we just go to bed."

Josh nodded his head and started to get undressed, Ella crawled into bed she left the covers back so Josh could get in beside her.

Josh got into bed, turning on his side so he was facing. Ella turned to face him. He just looked into her reds, which were puffy red and swollen from crying. He felt like just a dick. He was a dick.

"Josh?" Ella said softly.

He looked at her and held her gaze.

"Do you find me ordinary?"

He smiled at her. "Ella bean you are far from ordinary. You are beautiful in a way nobody can compare, you are smart and funny. I don't know why you are even attempting to be with me. I am so sorry about tonight; I don't know what I was thinking."

"Why does she have such a pull on you? I just don't understand. It makes me feel like I am not enough."

"She will never be half the woman you are Sweetheart." He said softly brushing her hair from her face. "She just knows how to get to me. I promise you it will not happen again."

Ella's eyes fluttered closed. She yawned. "Night Josh."

"Good night sweetheart."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

Josh stretched and opened his eyes; he picked up his phone seeing that he had ten missed calls and twenty text messages. He groaned. He looked at the time. It was two o'clock in the afternoon. "Jesus Christ." He cursed sitting up rubbing his eyes. The bus was leaving at three. He looked at the sleeping figure beside him. She was beautiful. He didn't know where they stood after last night. He was such an idiot, Nikki left him, cheated on him and now she wanted him back to toy with his head. Right here beside him was a beautiful, smart woman who liked him for him. He didn't want to see her leave today.

"Ella…..honey." he said shaking her softly. "What time does your flight leave today?"

She groaned and pulled the blankets over her head.

"Ella." Josh said again, shaking her a little harder.

"For the love of GOD Josh I am going to kick your ass." She said sternly him. "What is the freaking deal?

She threw the covers back and looked at him.

"What time is your flight?" he asked again, trying not to laugh at her.

"One, what time is it now."

Josh eyes got big. "I think you missed your flight."

Ella shot up in bed; her hair was standing in every direction. She grabbed her phone and seen missed

Texts and calls from Sara. "Oh my fuck. Josh we slept the day away. I will never get back to Vancouver

today.''

"Don't go. Come on the bus with us to Saskatoon and catch a plane from there in a day or so. We have

two days off before the next show. We could just spend it together and get to know each other. Please

Ella." Josh pleaded. He looked like a child whining for candy

Ella sighed. She wanted to stay but she had work and Mo to think about. "I do have some vacation time

but Mo needs food and such."

"Do you have a spare key hidden anywhere? I can call my sister Sara she would stop by and check on

him."

"Let me text my Sara and see if she made the flight and she could stay at my place and keep him company."

Josh's eyes light up. "You're going stay?"

She smiled "You are stuck with my Ramsay for a few days."

Ella had gotten a hold of Sara she was going to take care of Mo and let the hospital know that she was going to take some vacation days for stress relief. She was excited that she was going to be able to spend some quality time with Josh. She wanted him to forget that Nikki even existed.

Ella never in life would have imagined that she would be stuck on a bus with five men, well six if you count the grumpy bus driver. Josh, Ian, Matt, Mike and their Guitar tech Brett. She was so glad she stayed, she really seen Josh for who he was, he was this big jokester, he was a man child. She loved it. Her stomach was sore from laughing at the guys and their antics and they had only been on the bus for over a hour.

Ella yawned; the boys were playing video games. She was so tired.

"Sweetheart you are tired." Josh noticing her eyes heavy, she was starting to fall asleep. "Come with me." He said taking her by the hand and leading her from the very back room of the bus into the next place where the bunks were.

Ella looked at the bunk and back at Josh. "Really?" she asked. "How the hell do you fit?"

Josh laughed. "My feet always hang off the bottom, it is rather annoying. But since your short you will have no issue with that." He winked at her, she rolled her beautiful grey eyes at him.

Ella climbed into the bunk and lay on her side. "You come lay with me for a little?"

Josh smiled and climbed in with her. "I will stay for a bit, till you fall asleep then I will move; I will sleep at the back of the bus on the pull out couch."

Ella pouted out her lip. "I wish you could stay with me."

He smiled. "You won't be wishing that trying to sleep in this stupid bunk with me. It is bad enough sleeping in here alone. I hate the bus."

She sighed and cuddled into his body, Josh could feel her warm breath on his neck he wrapped his arm around her small frame. He felt her soft lips brush against his neck; she kissed him again and again. It was an instant turn on.

"Woman." Josh said softly. "You need to stop that." He closed his eyes and sighed loving how her lips felt against the sensitive skin of his neck. He inhaled the scent of her hair and pulled her closer to his body. He needed to stop her, god he needed to stop her. "Sweetheart." He said as she pulled back just far enough he could see her beautiful eyes. "You are suppose to be napping." He brushed his hand on her face. "I am going to kiss you once, then I am going to get up and go ask the bus driver to pull over so I can go for a smoke, to keep me from trying to tear you clothes off and attempting to have my way with you, but I know it will never work in this bunk." He grinned down at her before covering her lips with his, the kissed lasted a little longer than planned, and he pulled back breathless. "Damn woman."

Ella giggled; she loved seeing the lust in those beautiful blue eyes. "You need to leave now." She said softly.

Josh groaned, ran his hand through his hair. "I hope you happy….." he said in an annoyed tone. He threw his hands up in the air and started to walk away, he didn't get far, and he turned abruptly and came back and kissed her, one last time. It was passionate and left her breathless, then he walked away laughing.

He stepped down off of the bus; it was starting to get dark. The night air was warm against his skin. He lit a smoke and took a long slow drag off of it.

"Hey." Matt said hoping down out of the bus. "You need to quit that disgusting habit."

Josh chuckled. "Ya man I know. I have cut back but I just needed a distraction."

Matt grinned. "Is she sleeping?"

"I don't know honestly." Josh laughed. "I needed to get away from her, damn that woman is intoxicating Matt. I almost fucked it up last night, with Nikki and all. I don't know what it is about Nikki that I think I need."

"She is familiar and you loved her and she broke your heart." Matt said. "You like Ella?"

"Like, yeah I do. She is different. "Josh said tossing his smoke to the ground and stepping on it. "I am not in love with her but I definitely like her. It has been all physical pretty much though except for today here on the bus with you guys. We actually had time to talk a little."

Matt grinned. "I bet the physical is pretty fucking sweet."

Josh smiled, running his hand through his hair. "Come on Matt." Josh said going back on the bus. "Let's go find something to amuse ourselves with for the next few hours till we can get off this bus in the wee hours of the morning."

It had seemed like she had been sleeping forever. She stretched and winced from the pain that radiated through her body. The bunk was the most uncomfortable thing she had ever slept in. She looked around it was dark, except for the floor light. She noticed that no one else was in their bunks they must have still been up. She did not move, she just laid there. She reached into her hoodie pocket and took out her cell phone. It was almost three am.

She went to sit up, banging her head on the bunk above her. "Ouch." She said placing her hand where she had smashed her forehead; she felt warm liquid ooze through her fingers. "Lovely." She said crawling out of the bunk, pretty much rolling out. She had no idea how Josh managed with him being as tall as he was.

She walked up to the bathroom to see the damage she did.

"Hello."

"Jesus Christ….." she hollered, jumping and turning around. "Ian what the hell are you doing sitting there in the dark like that."

He giggled. "Well I am having a drink…..well a few drinks…by myself."

Ella found a switch and turned the light on in the front sitting room.

"Your bleeding." He slurred pointing to her head.

"Ya I know….." she said softly, I was just heading to the bathroom to till you scared the crap out of me. She picked a tissue up and dabbed her forehead, she sat down across from Ian,

"You are beautiful Ella." Ian slurred.

Ella giggled, "Thank you."

"No you don't understand." He started and reached across the table to take her hand. "You are really beautiful."

Ella pulled her back laughing, trying to blow off the uncomfortable feeling she was having.

"Josh is a great guy….don't get me wrong." He slurred. "He just isn't good enough for someone like you."

Ella didn't really know what to say. Ian was Josh's friend, in the same band. You would think he would want Josh to be happy, and support him.

"It is just Ella….when it comes to Nikki, they were together for a long time. Josh still loves her or he wouldn't keep talking to her and stuff."

"Ian I am really thankful for your concern. I will take my chances. You should really drink some water and go to sleep." She smiled and stood and walked back towards the back of the bus where she knew Josh would be. She could hear laughter as she approached the door.

"Hey." She said as she pushed the door open and entered the room. "You guys never sleep?"

"Nah…..we will be at the hotel in about twenty minutes." Matt said not looking away from the game they were playing.

Josh looked up and smiled, patted the spot beside him for her to sit down. "Sleep well?" he asked wrapping his arms around her waist as soon as she sat down. Josh had put the game controller down.

"You are funny. Sleep well in that thing that is supposed to be a bed."

All three of them laughed. "Welcome to the life of a rock start." Mike said.

"I don't know how you guys do this all the time. I would lose my mind."

"Well….we already were insane before…so this life is great for us." Matt said.

"Ian is pretty intoxicated." Ella stated playing with Josh's fingers.

"Yup he gets that way sometimes. His release on the road. We just ignore him till he sobers up." Mike said as he stood up. "I am going to go check on him."

Matt stood there for a few seconds, before he decided to go check on Mike and Ian leaving Josh and Ella alone.

"Finally." Josh said pulling Ella to him. He held her close, inhaling the scent of her hair.

"Josh?"

"mmmh"

"You must be tired."

"I am…we should be at the hotel any minute. Then we can sleep." He said lying back on the couch and pulling Ella back with him. He closed his eyes.

"Josh?"

He smiled. "What Sweetheart?"

"I really wished you were not tired. I am wide awake now."

Josh felt her lips against that sensitive part on his neck. She kissed his neck, slowly. He could feel her teeth graze his skin.

"Josh?" she breathed.

"mmmmh."

"Do you think anyone will come back here?" Ella asked and sucked gently on his skin by his collar bone. That was going to leave a mark, he thought.

"Well if they do they are going to get a show." He said flipping her over onto her back. "You sweetheart, know how to turn me on."

Ella smiled pulling him closer to her so she could kiss him. "You are just so addicting Joshua.''

He grinned. "I hope that is a good thing."


	12. Chapter 12

Ella fastened her seat belt and waited for the plane to take off; she sighed and looked out the window towards the terminal. She had just said goodbye to Josh. It was harder than she thought it was going to be. They had spent the last three days inseparable. The first day in Saskatoon, they didn't leave the hotel room. They watched movies, ordered in food and talked. She had learnt so much about Josh. She found out he was a recovering heroin addict and that he suffered from depression from time to time. She knew there was still more that he didn't tell her. He would in due time. She also discovered that the band was amazing; she went to her first show last night.

The plane speed down the runway, she was on her way back home. She felt empty. She would see Josh in another three weeks. That made her sad. She looked down at her wrist at the silver bracelet Josh had giving her right before she boarded the plane.

Once they were at altitude she turned her phone on. There was a text there from Josh.

**Thank you for the amazing past few days; can't wait to see you again. Going to miss you xoxo**

Ella smiled and texted him back.

**I miss you already xoxo.**

Last night while they were lying in bed Ella noticed for the first time some faded scares on the inside of his side. Perfect little lines, all in a row. She traced her finger over them; Josh shuddered but didn't say anything. "You use to cut yourself?" she asked softly. Josh didn't look at her, just kept starting at the ceiling. "Josh." She said softly, taking her hand and cupping his face so she could turn his face so he would look at her. "It is okay, you can talk to me."

He looked into her eyes, "Yes I did It was just a way for me to still feel. Being numb from the heroin, all the alcohol. That is one reason why I don't drink much. I do have an occasional drink but I really try not to touch it." He picked up her hand and played with her fingers. "Cutting myself made me still feel." He said softly. "I fight with myself every day to stay clean."

"I know babe, having an addiction is a sickness, it is something that you can't just fully recovery from. It will always be a part of you." Ella said softly. "I admire you for being the strong one and overcoming the part of you that was addicted."

Josh grunted. ''You admire me? You really shouldn't admire me. I am a fuck up."

"Oh really, Ramsay?" Ella started she propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him. "You are an amazing singer, songwriter. You have great friends that stuck with you. I have worked with drug addicts going through detox. It is the worst thing I have ever seen. For you to have gone through that and become who you are now. I admire you."

He turned to face her now. "Ella I am an asshole most days. I push people away, I sometimes just want to be left alone so I will disappear for days. Nikki left me because of my manic ways. She got frustrated with how I was, that is why she cheated on me. I know that is no excuse for her to do that. She is really that bad of a girl."

"Are you still in love with her?"

Josh looked at Ella, the light from the bathroom made her eyes glisten. He pushed her hair back from her face. "I am done with her sweetheart. I can't say that I feel nothing for her, I really like you. I am not looking for a serious committed relationship right now, I just want to have fun…..and I want to have fun with you."

"Miss would you like refreshment?"

Ella jumped as the air line attendant came to her side. She smiled. "No thank you I am fine. Will we be landing soon?"

"We should start our decent to Vancouver in twenty minutes."

"Thank you." She said softly. She was tired and cranky. She just wanted to go home. Sara was supposed to be at the airport to pick her up.

She leaned back in her seat and shut her eyes.

She must have drifted off, because it felt like no time had passed and the plane was touching down on the run way.

She was off the plane moments after it landed. Flying first class was awesome. Josh had paid for her ticket home, since she missed her last flight that she had paid for. She walked into the terminal with her one carry on, she looked around for Sara.

"Hey Ella." Sara said rushing over to her. "You look like hell."

Ella smiled at her friend. "I know I am exhausted. Can't wait to get home to my own bed."

Sara wrapped her arm around her friend and led her out to the car.

"So how was the last few days?" Sara asked once they were on the freeway.

"I didn't want to leave."

"That good huh?"

"Sara I really like him. He is funny, and talented, and sexy, and cute…I am scared I am fallen for him."

''Why is that be bad?''

"He doesn't want a relationship."

"Pfffffft. You guys are sleeping together, spending time with each other. That is a relationship." Sara pulled onto Ella's street. "I can tell you if Ramsay hurts you, he is going to have to deal with me. I don't get him sometime."

"Home." Ella said totally ignoring Sara. "So I have to work tomorrow evening?"

"Yes." Sara said looking at her friend. "You want me to come in?"

"I love you but I just need to go to sleep."

"Okay, I will call you tomorrow."

Ella smiled getting out of the car and going inside her little house. Mo meant her at the door, rubbing against her legs.

"Hi Mo." She said locking the door behind her, she bent down and patted his head. She went and got ready for bed and pulled her covers back and climbed in. It felt like heaven to be in her own bed. She flopped over onto her back and picked up her phone. She missed Josh, she missed everything about him.

**Hey babe, I am home, in my bed alone well not alone Mo is here. I miss your lips. **

She sent the text, hoping he would reply right back. It took a few minutes but he did.

**Ella bean! Just got done a show, am doing a meet and greet right now. Glad you made it home safely. Matt says hello. **

Ella sighed, but her phone vibrated again.

**I miss your lips on my neck….the hickey is still there btw. Bad girl! ;)**

She smiled and texted him back.

**I am exhausted, just wanted to say goodnight and I miss you! Hope you have a great night Josh. I will see you in 14 days and counting. Xoxo. **

Her eyes started to close as she waited for him to reply.

**Night sweetheart! Sleep well, sweet dreams of moi! Xoxo…..well not sweet HOT! Xrated dreams. Matt says good night."**

Ella smiled and closed her eyes, she was asleep before she could really think about anything else. She wa

s going to count day every day till she seen him again.


	13. Chapter 13

The next couple of weeks seem to drag on. Ella had gone back to work; she had to deal with a new doctor who kept asking her out. His name was Bradley Saunders, he was extremely good looking. Tall, blue eyes and light brown hair. Ella kept telling him that she was seeing someone, but he kept trying.

Ella got extremely frustrated with him, but Dr Saunders would smile and keep his pursuit. It was like he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Ella had just gotten to the hospital; she was in for the next 12 hours, overnight. Night shifts could either be busy and insane, or slow and boring. She hoped for a busy night. She had talked to Josh earlier on the phone and he seemed distant, even his text messages seemed different. It was weighing on her mind, she didn't want to come out and ask him if there was something wrong.

"Excuse me Miss."

Ella looked up from her charting. "Can I help you?"

"My husband has been in the waiting room for two hours now, we were told he would be seen because he was having chest pain but no one came back. He says it is getting worse."

Ella gave the lady a soft smile. "My name is Ella and I am an RN, take me to your husband. I will have a look at him." Ella said moving around the desk and following the lady back to the waiting area. Usually people with chest pain were first priority, but some nurses didn't do their jobs properly. "What is your name?" Ella asked sweetly.

"Corlynn Ramsay."

Ramsay, Ella thought, she wondered if they were any relation to Josh.

She followed the lady out to the waiting area; she brought a vital cart with her. "Hi sir, my name is Ella I am an RN. I hear you are having some discomfort? Can you tell me your name sir?"

"Miles." He said wincing.

Ella could tell there was something going on. Mr Ramsay was pale, and clammy, she could tell he was in a great deal of pain.

"Miles can you describe the pain to me? On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being a slight pain and 10 being a pain like you have never felt before in your life."

He looked at Ella and smiled a little. "I would say it is an 8. It feels like someone is sitting on my chest."

Ella took his blood pressure and his pulse. "Miles I am going to have you come with me." She smiled at him. "I am going to get you a wheel chair."

She got Miles into the wheel chair and back into a trauma room. She hooked him up to some oxygen and gave him an aspirin to take. "I am going to get the doctor, I will be right back." Ella smiled at both Mrs and Mr Ramsay.

She went out to the nurses station to have Dr Saunders paged, but he was coming towards her.

"Dr. Saunders. I have a male in aprox his mid fifties in room four. I think he may be having a heart attack. I gave him an aspirin before coming to find you. I also hooked up oxygen. Do you want an IV started?"

"Let me have a look at him."

They walked back down the hallway into the room. Dr Saunders introduced himself to Miles and Corlynn. He examined him.

"Mr Ramsay, I think you are having a heart attack. We are going to do some blood work and a few tests, start you on some IV fluids. We may have to administer a clot buster as well. Ella will explain everything to you."

With that said the Dr was gone out of the room. Ella loved how doctors didn't have any bedside manner at all. She explained everything to them, and explained that they were going to take the best care of Miles. There was a whole team in the room, caring for him now. Ella took Corlynn aside; she could tell the poor woman was going to have a mental break down.

"Is there anyone I can call for you Mrs. Ramsay."

"My daughters are on their way; my son is out of town. I am going to go call him. Is there a phone I could use? I don't want to worry him though."

"I think you should call him." Ella said as two other ladies approached them.

"Mom how is dad?" one of the daughters asked.

Ella stood back and watched the girls with their mother. "They think he is having a heart attack." Corlynn sobbed as both her daughters embraced her.

"Did you call Josh?"

"I was just going to."

Ella felt her knees get week. She knew this was his family, she could just sense it. She felt sick.

"Ella." She heard someone yell her name. She looked down the hall; it was another nurse who was in the room with Josh's dad. "He is coding."

"Damit." She said before starting to run down the hall.

"Wait a minute dear." Corlynn said stopping Ella in her tracks. "What is going on?"

Ella looked at the three women. "I am not sure at this moment. I am needed; I want you to have a seat in the quiet room just through that door. Call your son, and as soon as I know anything I will be right back."

It had seemed forever since Ella entered the room. Miles Ramsay was having a heart attack, he coded, his heart had gone into an irregular rhythm and they had to shock him. They got him stabilized and he was moved urgently up to the cardiac care unit.

Ella had gone to talk to Josh's family but they were already gone up stairs. Dr Saunders had went in and told them what had happened and what would be expected in the next 12 hours. Ella was overwhelmed. She went to the break room, sat down at the table and put her head on the table. She took her phone out of her pocket and checked it. There was one message there; it had come in at the start of her shift.

**Just sitting here thinking of you. Fuck I miss you! I am just feeling really off today, I would give anything to feel your arms around my neck sweetheart. Sorry I have been distant but I am just missing you! You are on my mind 24/7 baby. Xoxo.**

She sighed; she couldn't text him back, not knowing what she did right now about his dad. It was up to his family to tell him.

**Babe, I miss you too! I am here for you no matter what. Xoxo. **

Josh had just got to the hospital. His mother had called him last evening and told him that his father was in serious condition. He had gotten the first flight out; he was on the east coast of Canada so it was almost a seven hour flight. It was the longest seven hours of his life. Matt had offered to come with him, but he told Matt to enjoy his days off and hopefully he would be back for the show.

As he walked down the long hallway towards the cardiac care unit, he could see his sisters and Nikki. What the hell was she doing here? Obviously she didn't tell his sister or mom that they were no longer together. Josh hadn't told them either.

"How is he?" Josh said as he approached the three women. "Where is mom?"

"Josh, I am so glad you are here." Sara said hugging her brother. He hugged his other sister Ange. "Mom is in with him now."

"He had a heart attack?" Josh asked running his hand through his hair.

"Yes he did, if it wasn't for one of the ED nurses dad probably wouldn't be here." Ange said still hugging her brother. "Mom is going to be so happy to see you."

"I want to see him." Josh said softly.

"Mom will be out soon, and then you can go in. They only want one person in the room at a time." Josh sighed.

"Josh honey." Nikki started; she was rubbing his lower back. "I just feel awful. If there is anything I can do."

Josh pulled away from his sister and looked at Nikki. Her eyes were full of concern. This wasn't one of her games. She pulled him into a hug. Josh pulled her tightly to his body. She knew him better than anyone. They had been through so much together. Josh pulled back and looked at her, she use to be the one that he wanted to run to when he was upset.

She reached up and cupped his face, before Josh could stop her; she had placed her lips on his. It had taken him by surprise.

"You two are so cute." Sara said. "Oh there is the nurse that helped dad last night." Sara said watching the young lady approach them. She noticed a pained look on the nurse's face.

Josh had pulled back from Nikki, he turned to look in the same direction as his sister, to see the nurse that helped save his father's life. His heart skipped a beat and fell at the same time. From the look on Ella's face, he knew she had seen Nikki kiss him.

"It is so nice of you to come." Sara said walking over to Ella and hugging her. Ella wasn't working today, she had a yellow sundress on, and the warmer temperatures had finally started in Vancouver.

Josh looked into Ella's eyes as his sister was hugging her; she was the woman he wanted.

"I wanted to see how your dad was doing?" Ella said softly looking at Josh. "I have been thinking of you all since I left yesterday."

As soon as Sara let go of Ella, Josh didn't wait two seconds before he rushed over to her, and took her in his arms, he buried his face into hair, "Sweetheart she kissed me." He whispered softly into her ear. Ella hugged him tightly.

"I know." She said softly for just Josh to hear.

Sara and Ange looked on, they were confused as hell.

"You two know each other?" Ange asked.

"Unfortunately." Nikki spat in an irritated tone.

Josh cupped Ella's face. "Thank you for helping my dad." He said softly looking into her eyes. He could see adoration when she looked at him, warmth that he had never seen before. He brushed his lips against hers, softly and quickly.

"Ella this is my sisters, Sara and Ange. This is Ella."

They still both looked confused.

"I have been seeing Ella for a couple of weeks." Josh said taking her by the hand. "Nikki and I broke up three months ago." Josh said stressing the word broke up. He squeezed Ella's hand.

Nikki rolled her eyes. "We were just on a break. I don't know why you started to see someone so soon Josh."

Sara looked at Josh and Ella, Ella looked like a piece of the missing puzzle. She could tell this was going to be good for Josh. "Nikki this isn't the time or place. I really appreciate you being here. You have been a part of this family for the past three years. Dad really likes you."

"I am going to go get coffee." Nikki said. "Anyone want anything?"

"No thanks we are good." Ange said smiling softly.

Josh and Ella had gone and sat down in the quiet room to wait for Josh's mom to come out from being in with his dad. Josh still had Ella's hand. He played with her fingers.

"How bad is he?"

Ella sighed. "I am not really sure. He was transferred after we stabilized him. I know he had a heart attack, and went into a difficult heart rate; we had to use the paddles on him. I wanted to call you and let you know, as a nurse I am not allowed to. Your mom is the next of kin."

Josh sighed. "I understand. I wasn't upset that you didn't call me sweetheart. I just want to know that my dad is going to be okay." Josh put his head in his hands.

Ella put her hand on his leg. "Babe…I know this is scary but your dad is in the best place. We have some of the best here. He is going to get the care he needs."

Josh looked at her, there were tears fallen softly down his face. "I just want more time to make up for everything."

She reached over and brushed away his tears. "You will have many years Josh. I promise."

"Joshua."

"Mom." Josh said getting up and hugging his mother. "How is he? Is he awake?"

"He is awake, he is doing better. He has to have a stint put in to open up the blocked artery. He is lucky this time. I just thank god the nurse in the ED last night was so quick to get your dad seen."

"Mom….this is Ella." Josh said directing his mom attention to the beautiful woman at his side. "I know you meant her last night but today she is here for emotional support for me. We have been seeing each other for a few weeks now."

"What about you and Nikki?"

"Broke up months ago." Josh said

"Ella it is nice to officially meet you and thank you for taking care of Miles.''

"Just doing my job Mrs. Ramsay."

"Call me Corlynn." She smiled at Ella. "I am going to steal Josh and take him in to see his dad."

Josh turned to her, "You are staying?"

Ella nodded her head. "I will be right here."

Josh leaned down and kissed her softly before he left the room.

Ella sat down to wait patiently for Josh.

"Brownie points for Ella." Nikki said coming into the room.

Ella looked up at her. The woman was dressed like a super model. "Was she a super model?" Ella asked herself. She was drop dead gorgeous. Ella just looked at her, she didn't say anything.

"Enjoy every minute you have with him." Nikki sneered. "He will be back in my bed sooner than you know. There are a few things you don't know about Josh."

"I know enough."

Nikki grinned. "I know him better than anyone. He is into you now because you are new and shinny to him, once he tires of you he will come back to me. I know how to fulfill his ever desire honey."

Ella stood, she was going to leave the room before she got angry.

Nikki came towards her. "You a nurse for god sake. I just don't see the attraction." She reached up and touched Ella's hair.

"Don't touch me." Ella snapped. "I am a nurse, I help people at the end of the day I have made a small difference. I think your pathetic, Josh doesn't want you or need you anymore."

"mmmph….that is what you think."

"Look Nikki I am not going to fight with you. I am here to be supportive to Josh. If you can't respect that then I suggest you leave. If you continue to bother and harass I will call security and have you removed from the hospital."

"You are a bitch." Nikki said then left.

Ella closed her eyes, to fight back the tears. She was not going to let that sorry excuse for a woman get anywhere near Josh again.


	14. Chapter 14

Josh was so tired. He had just gotten back home from the hospital. His dad was doing better; he had been operated on that morning, and would probably be able to go home in a week or so. He had said goodbye to his sisters, mom and his dad. He was flying out first thing in the morning. He was so relieved that he dad was going to be okay.

He took a drag of his cigarette, not even really wanting it he chipped it out and sat in on the railing of the balcony. He ran his hand through his hair and went inside. He walked over to the sofa plopping down, fully stretching his body out. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

He felt his cell phone pulse. He looked at the screen and seen it was Nikki calling. He had unblocked her number after Ella had left. He knew he shouldn't off, but he felt the need to at that moment. He brang the phone to his ear.

"Hello."

"Josh honey how are you doing. I am sorry I missed you at the hospital today. You dad looked so much better."

"It is okay Nikki." Josh said softly.

"You are flying out tomorrow. Your mother and I had a very long talk Josh. She thinks we should work on things. She also thinks that you have rushed into a new relationship too soon."

Josh ran his hand over his face. "I do leave tomorrow. There is really nothing to work on Nikki. You cheated on me…..enough said." Josh stated matter of factually. "As for my new relationship, it is no ones business."

"We were going to get married Josh."

Josh laughed. "Well you should thought of that before you spread your legs for another guy Nikki."

"That is hurtful Josh."

"It is the truth."

He heard Nikki sigh. "I love you Josh and I am sorry. If we got back together I promise I would never do that to you again. Please just give us another chance. We were good together Josh. Ella is just not the right choice for you."

"Nikki I am really tired and don't want to have this conversation."

"Why don't I stop and pick up some food, and come over and keep you company. We could watch a movie."

"I don't think so. I am just going to go to bed."

She sighed. "Okay suit yourself. Talk to you later Josh."

"Bye."

The woman had determination that was for sure. Josh got up from the sofa and walked to the kitchen. He was starving. He opened the fridge. It was pretty much empty except for a bottle of mustard and some dried up something.

"Ugh." He slammed the door shut. He was in an awful mood. He walked back into the living room, sitting back down on the sofa. He ran his hand roughly over his face. He didn't want to be alone, he looked at the time on his cell phone and it was just a little after seven pm. Ella was working till midnight. He tried to convince her to call in sick but she wouldn't.

He sat there and debated, if he should take Nikki up on her offer. They could have food, watch a movie then she could be gone before Ella got there after her shift. "Josh don't do it." He said allowed to himself. "You have no control when it comes to Nikki.'' He ran his hand through black and blue hair. He felt his phone vibrate. He picked it up and looked at it.

**Hey babe…..It is a slow night and they don't need me. I am going to pick up some food and I will be over. That is if you still want me? :P**

Josh smiled.

**Get your perfect little ass over here now!**

Josh sighed, just thinking of Ella and that perfect little ass. He had gone home with her after they left the hospital the night before. He smiled, he was fallen for her. She was so damn cute, and sexy. He loved just being with her.

Josh waited patiently. Only thirty minutes had passed before he heard the buzzer on the door, it seemed like hours. He jumped up and ran to the door, throwing the door opened.

"Hi." She said smiling.

Josh looked at her, and smiled. She had a mini jean skirt on and a red tank top. His eyes ran down her body, memorizing ever perfect part.

"Never see a woman before?" she giggled.

"Damn Ella." He said pulling into his arms and kissing her roughly. "You are fucking hot babe." He murmured.

"Food is going to get cold." She said between kisses. "I am starving Ramsay."

He groaned. "I forgot I was hungry the moment I laid eyes on you. I am something else now. It still does start with an H." he grinned down at her. "But if you're hungry."

Ella pushed past him and made her way into the living room. She set the bags she was holding down on the coffee table.

Josh groaned, following her. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "I want you badly right now. He moved her hair back from her neck and started slowly kissing her. "Badly."

Ella closed her eyes, enjoying his warm lips on her neck. "Eat first." She said softly.

"Eat after." He said turning her to face him, capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss; he picked her up and carried her over to the sofa.

"Josh…" she gasped and he sat her gently down on the sofa, and climbed over top off her. He looked down at her and grinned. "Fuck it." She said pulling him to her.

"I was hoping you would say that."

They both fell asleep on the sofa, Ella woke up at two fifteen am starving and freezing. Completely naked. She picked up Josh's arm from around her body and slid out slowly from under him. She picked up his blue dress shirt that was on the floor, that she had tore off of him and put it on. There was a few buttons missing but it would still do.

She picked up the take out container and took them to the kitchen to heat up. Chinese was always good reheated. She was busy with what she was doing she didn't feel him come up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her neck soflty.

"Josh that is how you distracted me from eating earlier." She giggled, she turned to face him, still in his arms. "You are naked."

"You have a problem with that?" he said before he kissed her softly.

"How come you are so fucking sexy?"

"Hoobasexy." He grinned. "I am going to put some clothes on so we can eat."

She stood on her tippy toes and kissed him, wrapping her fingers in his hair. "I….lov" she started to say but stopped.

"What?" Josh asked looking her in the eyes.

"I love Chinese. I am starving. Go dress that sexy ass of yours."

Ella sighed once he was gone. She almost told him that she loved him. "Fuck." She said out loud to herself. When did that happen? She ran her hand through her hair. She started to panic, what if he never loved her? She knew he liked being with her, the sex was amazing. That is because you love him fool. She told herself. She loved Josh Ramsay. "Oh my god." She said out loud.

"What?" Josh asked coming into the kitchen. He was in sweat pants, and a white wife beater. Her eyes trailed over his body, his blue hair was fallen into his eyes. He sat down at the table across from her. Ella set a plate of food in front of him.

"Nothing." She said smiling. "When do you leave?"

"Five hours." He answered playing with his food. "Come with me."

She looked at him, his gaze was holding hers. "Josh I can't. I have a job, a life of my own. I can't just take off whenever I want too."

He sighed. "I know I love that about you. You are your own person. You don't give a shit that I am in a rock band."

"You got that right." She teased. "You can't use your rock star charm on me."

"Nah, just the Ramsay charm. Apparently that works on you sweetheart."

"You know it baby." She said smiling at him, he leaned across the table and kissed her softly. "We should get some sleep. It is going to be an early morning."

Josh stood up and took her by the hand leading her towards the bedroom. He pulled the covers down and they climbed into bed. He pulled her close to his body, kissing her temple.

"I miss you already." He whispered before drifting off to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Ella was miserable, she missed Josh like crazy. He was constantly on her mind. The next three days could not pass long enough. The last two weeks were hell. She was so happy that the band was taking a break and starting a new album in a few weeks. They also decided that they were going to sell the condo and get places of their own now. Their popularity had grown, as well as their pay checks.

Ella was sitting out on her little deck, the warm June sun was shining on her face, warming her body. She didn't have to work today, work was becoming redundant. She loved being a nurse, and used to love her job but lately it just seemed like work.

"Hello." Ella heard being called form inside of her little house. "Where are you Stella?"

"Out here Sara." She called back.

"Sooooo what are you up too today? I seen on the schedule you are off for five days?"

"Stalker."

"Pfffftt…..ya know I love ya."

"How was your trip? How is Mike doing?" Ella asked, Sara had just gotten back from being on the road with the guys for a week.

"It was amazing Ella. I gave my notice at the hospital today."

"What? Why would you do that?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "Number one, I have a huge trust fund and number two is this." She said shoving her hand in Ella's face.

Ella looked down and resting on her best friend's ring finger was a beautiful solitaire diamond. Sara was beaming.

"Oh my god. Sara really?"

"Yes." She squealed.

"Congratulations." Ella said hugging her best friend. She always thought she would be the one to marry first but this was amazing.

"You are going to be my maid of honor right?"

"Well of course." Ella smiled. "Wow. It is beautiful. Did you have any idea?"

"Nope I didn't complete surprise!"

"You want a glass of wine. Might as well celebrate." Ella said standing and going into the house. Sara followed behind her. Ella opened a bottle of wine and filled two glasses.

"On a serious note." Sara started. "What is going on with you and Josh?"

Ella giggled. "Well we have amazing sex, and I really like him."

Sara looked down at her wine glass. Ella looked at her friend who had gotten all serious from her excited self a few moments ago.

"What is wrong Sara?" Ella asked feeling a knot begin to form in her stomach.

"Do you hear from him?"

"Yes, he texts me every day. Well usually I haven't heard from him in like two days. I texted him last night, just figured he was busy."

"The guy is messed up Ella. I think you should take a break from him. I love Josh and he has the biggest heart in the world. He is still in love with Nikki."

"Why do you say that Sara?" Ella spat at her friend. "I am finally happy…..and I think…no I know that I am in love with him. I just haven't told him because I didn't want to push him away."

"Ella I am so sorry." She said going to her friend and hugging her. "I wish I would never have introduced you to him."

"Just tell me please."Ella said tears starting to slip down her face.

"Nikki is on tour with Josh, she has been there for the last three days."

"Why wouldn't he tell me?" Ella sobbed. "I am so stupid to think I could have competed with her. She is so beautiful."

"She is a slut and she cheated on him." Sara said angrily. "His mom had come out and Nikki was with her. I think that had a lot to do with the getting back together."

Ella felt like she was going to be sick. "Back together."

"I am sorry Ella. I think he wanted to wait to tell you in person. I just couldn't let you wait and be excited to see him."

Ella sat down on her kitchen floor and put her hands in her head and sobbed. Her whole body shook. Sara sat down beside her and rubbed her back. She hated Josh right now. She had told him off before she had left to come home. Mike actually had to tell her to back down. He told her that Josh felt terrible because he had feelings for Ella, but him and Nikki and been together for a few years and everything was good with them before she cheated on him. He was not giving her the attention she needed and that is why she did what she did. Sara thought was a crock of shit.

"I am so sorry hun." She whispered to her friend. "You will be okay."

Ella looked at Sara. "I love him." She sobbed. "With my whole heart and soul."

"I know." Sara said hugging her friend again.

A few hours had passed. Ella had finally fallen asleep. She was a mess. Sara felt so terrible. She had stepped out onto the back deck to call Mike. He picked up after the second ring.

"Hi Honey." Sara said softly into the phone.

"Hey baby. How are you? God I miss you can't wait another two days."

"I am not good Mike. I talked to Ella…I told her."

Mike sighed. "Sara that was up to Josh. It makes him look even more of a dick for doing what he did."

"Well I am not having my best friend being excited to see the man she loves in two days on to have her kicked in the face. "

"How is she?"

"She is devastated Mike. I have never seen her so upset."

"So she fell for him. They haven't really been together that long."

"Don't even start that guy crap. Mike they were sleeping together, and spending time with each other. He was texting her everyday up till the time Nikki showed up."

"Sara it is just that Nikki and Josh were pretty much engaged till she fucked up. Before he meant Ella they were still sleeping together. It was just a bad move on Josh's part to get involved before he had resolved any feeling's for Nikki. I know you love Ella but it is really for the best…..she is just not a good fit."

"She is not a good fit. What the hell does that mean?"

"She has her own life, she takes her career seriously."

"I have my own life outside of our relationship. I know I just left my job because I come from a rich family. I am not talking to you anymore tonight. You are pissing me off. Ella was the best fit for Josh. She was good for him, he actually smiled a lot." Sara spat then she hung up not giving Mike the chance to say anything back.

She went back into the house and got comfortable on the sofa and drifted off to sleep.

Mike sighed. "She hung up on me."

Matt laughed. "She is feisty Mike. You have to know how to deal with her. You will learn in time."

"She told Ella." Mike said

"Oh shit. How she take it?" Matt asked as Josh walked into the room, he plopped down on the sofa and sighed.

"Josh, Sara told Ella." Matt said.

Josh rested his hands in his head. "I wanted to tell her."

"She is devastated Josh." Mike said.

Josh looked up, he had pain in his eyes. "I am devastated too. She is amazing; she is too good for me. I am really going to miss her."

"Are you sure about Nikki?" Matt asked his friend, who was obviously distraught.

"Yes, I am sure. I thought I owed it to her to give her another chance." Josh sighed. "I never wanted to fucking hurt her." A tear slid down his face. He wiped it away quickly. "I care about her, she makes me feel so complete when I am around her. It doesn't matter to her that I am Josh Ramsay…in her eyes I am just Josh. Now I will be the asshole that fucking broke her heart."

"Everything will work out in the end Josh." Matt said. "You will have to go talk to her."

"First think I am going to do when I get home." Josh got up and left the room.

"Well…He is fucked." Matt said to Mike. "He loves Ella, I know he does, he is back with Nikki out of his mother and Nikki probably quilting him into taking her back. He will realize and it will be too late for him and Ella."

"I just hope he doesn't self destruct." Mike said.

"Me too….me too."


	16. Chapter 16

"Hey man you okay?" Ian asked Josh as they were sitting together on the plan. "You just seem so distraught."

Josh sighed. "I am Ian. I am so glad Nikki left yesterday with mom. I just needed some time alone to think. I feel awful about everything."

"You need to listen to your heart Josh, not what other people think you should do."

"Fuck…..I am a mess. I am anxious to see Ella. I just need to talk to her. I tried texting her, calling her but she won't respond. Can't say I blame her."

"You happy that you and Nikki are back together?"

"Sure I am."

"If you are happy then that is great. I think we will be landing soon." Ian said looking out the window. "Vancouver how much I have missed you."

Ella was sitting on her sofa, mo at her side. She had a tub of ice cream that she was snacking on. She had a stupid movie on. She had taken a LOA from the hospital, she couldn't face the world. She felt awful. She looked awful too, swollen eyes, red nose. Hair was piled in a mess on top of her head, she wore a t-shirt and sweat pants.

She was still numb, she couldn't believe Josh was not hers anymore. She would never get to gaze into the beautiful blue eyes, never feel his soft lips on hers or her body. Never feel his beautiful hands on her body, never feel his embrace. She could feel the tears starting to fall.

She picked up the Kleenex and blew her nose, just as she was about to attempt sleep the door bell rang. She sighed getting up. Mo ran away because he got thrown when she threw the blanket back. She walked over to the door and opened it to see Josh standing there. She just stared at him.

"Hey." He said softly, he hated how she looked right now.

"What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

Ella rolled her eyes and stood back to allow him entrance to her home. "Make it quick, I am tired and don't really feel like having company."

"Ella…..sweetheart." he started but she cut him off.

"Don't call me sweetheart again." She snapped. "You lost that right."

"I am really sorry Ella. I never wanted to hurt you. I have real feelings for you. It is just that I need to give Nikki another chance. I don't want to go through my life wondering what if?"

"You life is going to be full of mistaken moments Josh….and a lot of what ifs." Ella snapped. "I don't really give a fuck at what you have to say….you made your choice and leave me alone so I can mend my broken heart and get on with my life."

"I still want us to be friends Ella. I love…"He started but Ella stopped him

"You have to be fucking kidding me. Friends? Really Josh?" she started to cry. "I can't even fucking be around you without wanting to touch you, or feel your touch. I can't be your friend."

He reached out for her, she shoved him back.

"Don't touch me."

"Ella come on, I am sorry let me comfort you sweetheart."

"I said don't fucking call me sweetheart."

Josh tried to touch her again, she shoved him back nearly knocking him over.

"I care Ella." He said softly. "I just want to help you feel better. I am so sorry. This is hard on me too, do you think that I feel nothing for you. You are amazing."

"Not amazing enough." She said wiping the tears from her eyes.

Josh closed in on her again. "Come here." He said softly.

Ella shook her head. "Please don't Josh. It is hard for me…..I just love you so much."

"Love?" He asked.

"Another mistaken moment in my life. I should have told you."

He pulled her into his arms, he kissed the top of her head. He held her while she cried. She pulled back from him and looked up at him. He wiped her tears away and brushed her hair back from her face. "I wish things were different sweetheart."

"You need to leave." She said softly holding his gaze, his hand was cupping her face.

"I am sorry." He said again. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."

"I am sorry too."

"What are you sorry for?"

"For this." She said pulling his face to hers, and kissing him roughly. Josh didn't even tense, he kissed her back. She tangled her fingers in his hair, the other hand slid under his t shirt. She kissed down the side of his jaw line, down to the sensitive area on his neck. He moaned softly, pressing his body against his. She pulled his shirt off over his head, and started to work at his belt buckle. He picked her up, she wrapped her legs around his waist still kissing her. He carried her into her room sitting her down on the bed.

"Ella…." He started. She silenced him with her finger over his lips.

"I want you to make love to me Josh. One last time…" she said as tear slid down her face. "I know you love Nikki….but I just need this." She kissed him.

"Ella…..I care about you….."

"Shhhhh….just shut up."

Josh watched her sleep. He traced his finger over her lips. Her nose was red, eyes swollen. If he didn't have responsibilities to Nikki he would be with Ella, she loved him. God he wanted to tell her that he loved her too. He did love her, with every fiber in his body and soul. He hated to have to walk away from her.

Nikki and his mom had come to see him on tour to tell him that Nikki was pregnant with his child. He didn't even like children much let alone babies. He was not ready to be a father yet. He knew it was his baby, there were times before he meant Ella that he was not careful with Nikki when they had sex. Just like tonight with Ella, but Ella was on the pill so that was good. He would rather have her pregnant anyway.

"Josh." Ella whispered.

"Yes sweetheart."

"Don't forget me okay….I can't be your friend…but just know that I don't hate you.."

He sighed. She was facing him. Her face mere inches from his. "I could never forget you." He whispered.

"You have to leave don't you?"

He nodded his head.

"Don't think about me…you focus on your new album…I will deal with the fallout. I will be okay eventually."

Josh kissed her softly before getting up to get dressed. Ella sat up in bed wrapping the sheets around her.

He turned to look at her one last time. He wanted to remember how she looked after he had made love to her. The glow in her face, she was beautiful.

"Bye sweetheart."

"Bye Josh." Ella said holding back tears. Once he had left she completely broke down. She knew he was leaving her to go back to Nikki, which she was going to be sleeping beside him. She was alone…she would never feel his kisses again. She knew he would be okay, not entirely sure about herself.


	17. Chapter 17

"Ella it will be fun." Sara said sitting on the bottom of her best friend's bed. "White sand, blue water, fresh warm air. Drinks by the pool."

"Sara I just want to stay home."

"You have not left your house two months. I have been paying your bills for you."

"I am going to pay you back once I figure stuff out."

"Look I don't care about the money, which is what family, is for…..technically speaking."

Ella didn't know if she could face the world. "What about Mo?"

"Ian said he will take care of him."

"Josh isn't coming right?"

"No Josh, just myself, Mike, Matt and his friend….Steve I think. Come on Ella it is a free trip to Hawaii."

"I don't want to go." Ella said. "Everything reminds me of him. I am pathetic."

"yes….yes you are." Sara said. "I just want you to forget about him. He will realized someday after the baby is born….that a baby isn't a solve for a damaged relationship."

"Baby?"

"Shit…..god I forgot you didn't know about that. Ella I am sorry. Nikki is pregnant."

"Oh." Ella said softly. "How is he?"

"You know Josh….he is at the studio all the time. He has his own now. It is amazing. He was a little put out that I am taking Matt and Mike away for a week."

"Is he happy?"

"He seems to be Ella. I am sorry honey. You need to get over him. Move on."

Ella sighed. "Okay I will go with you. You need to find someone to take care of Mo."

"Ian already said he would."

"Great." Ella smiled.

Ella was furious with Sara once they had arrived at the resort in Hawaii. She had just spent an entire flight watching Nikki display a little too much public affection. Josh and Nikki were not supposed to come. She wanted to go back home. Josh had given her a small smile when he had seen her today. She couldn't help but glare at him. She glared at everyone.

"Ella I am sorry. It was last minute." Sara tried to explain to her friend.

"Book me a flight home. Now!"

"Ella quit being a child. That is how you have been acting ever since you and Josh broke up. I am sorry you were not together that long. Technically you were not even officially together. You were sleeping with each other."

"Sara you need to get out of my face right now."

"You are so ….. so…..ugh." Sara stammered then left the room slamming the door behind her.

"Don't you dare cry Ella." She told herself sitting on the bed. She was a mess. She had not heard a word from Josh since the night they last made love. He had left that morning, and that was the end. She was being a baby, she was being stupid. "You need to let him go Ella." She said allowed to herself.

She got up and walked over and opened the balcony doors, she walked out onto the landing, she could smell the sweet scent of tropical flowers, and the ocean was a mere 20 feet away, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore soothed her.

She walked down, bare feet to the water. The sun was starting to set. The sky was beautiful shades of orange and yellow. She walked over to the water and let it wash over her feet. It was warm and soothing. It was so beautiful here.

"Hey Ella."

She turned in the direction of the voice.

"Hi Matt." She smiled, pushed her hair back from her face. "It is beautiful." She said looking back out at the sunset over the water.

"It is very beautiful." He said walking to Ella's side. "I just wanted to check on you. Sara said you were pretty upset. Sara is pretty upset that you are upset."

Ella laughed and looked at him. "What?"

"Are you okay?" he asked smiling.

"I am wonderful." She lied. "I am starving."

"Well we are meeting everyone for supper in an hour."

"Everyone?" Ella asked softly

"Yes…you are stronger than you think you are. I know Josh misses you."

"Really? How do you know that?"

"He told me."

"Oh…..I miss him too."

"The situation is just messed up." Matt started. "If Nikki wasn't pregnant you guys would still be together. I have no doubt in my mind. Josh doesn't smile like he use to when he was with you. He is just sad. He didn't know you were coming on this trip, he said he would of stayed home. Nikki had arranged it."

"I bet she did."

"Are you going to come for supper? You can come with me….like a date but not a date."

She laughed again. "Matt you are funny."

"Um….ok….I wasn't trying to be."

"Let me go get ready, and I will meet you in the lobby in a half hour."

"Okay." He smiled. "See you in a few."

Ella went back to her room. She plugged in her flat iron, and got dressed. She put on a strapless white cotton dress. She straightened her hair, and took a white Lilly out of the vase in her room and placed it behind her ear. She touched her make up a little before she rushed out to meet Matt.

When she got to the lobby everyone was there. She noticed Josh right away. His eyes caught hers. She looked away quickly from his gaze.

"Wow." Matt said as Ella approached them. "You look absolutely stunning Ella."

She smiled at Matt, looping her arm with his, and off they all went.

Once at the restaurant, Josh and Nikki sat across from Matt and Ella, Mike and Sara to the sides of them. Josh couldn't keep his eyes to himself. When he seen Ella walking down towards him, she looked beautiful. He had make sure he kept his eyes to himself.

Sara was on the other side of Ella. "You look amazing."

"Sorry about earlier."

"It is okay. You are dealing with a lot. I need to be a better friend."

"Seriously it is okay." Ella said.

The night was filled with laughter and lots of food for Ella. She was freaking starving. A bottomless pit. She never usually at very much at one time. She finished all of hers, and Matts plus two deserts.

"Ella where in the hell are you putting all the food hun?"Sara asked.

"I know right." Ella said shoving cheesecake into her mouth. "Everything is just so good."

She glanced up at Josh. He was smiling at her.

"Josh I am tired." Nikki whined.

"Go up to the room then."Josh suggested.

"You are coming with me."

"So Nikki how far along are you?"Ella asked.

Nikki rolled her eyes. "It is none of your business really but am just over four months."

"Nikki."Josh scolded her for being so rude. "We are all here together, we need to try and get along."

She rolled her eyes again. "Come on." She stood up and pretty much dragged Josh out of the restaurant.

"She isn't even showing yet." Ella stated to everyone at the table. "Not a bump, not a roll, nothing. A little strange."

"Well Ella everyone is different." Mike stated.

"I am sorry Mike to be rude. But I am a nurse and have been nurse for almost eight years. I know how a woman is suppose to look at certain times in their pregnancy."

"She is right Mike." Sara added.

"There is either something wrong or she isn't pregnant."

"You are just going to cause shit by saying stuff like that." Mike said angrily. "Josh picked her Ella get over it. Grow up and quit your fucking whining. Get on with your life. I can see why Josh chose Nikki."

"Mike." Sara scolded him. "That is uncalled for."

Ella could feel the tears starting to fall. "Excuse me." She said standing up and walking away.

"See what you did. You heartless bastard." Sara yelled. "She is not only my best friend, but she is my family. If you can't respect that and be nice to her then I think I need to rethink this whole relationship."

"Baby…."Mike started

"Don't fucking baby me Mike." Sara snapped. "Excuse me." She got up and went to find her friend.

Matt just looked at Mike.

"What?"

"Jerk."

"Why am I the jerk?"

"You know fucking well that if Nikki was not pregnant Josh would never be with her. His mother quilted him in to staying with Nikki, to give her a second chance. Ella is hurting Mike. You need to apologize to her and Sara."

"I was just trying to protect Josh."

"He is a big boy. He can handle anything that comes his way. I am going to bed."

"Night." Mike said sitting there by himself.

Ella stretched and yawned, she could feel the warm breeze coming in through the screen on the balcony door. She rolled over away from her friend, who spent the night with her after Sara had calmed her down. Sara stretched as well and sat up.

"Morning sunshine." She said jokingly. Ella was not a morning person.

"Hey." Ella said sitting up. She ran her hand through her hair. "Oh god." She gasped, she jumped up, hand over her mouth and ran to the bathroom. She got to the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

"Are you okay?"

"Um….no." Ella grumbled. "I am puking my guts out. I am not okay."

"Can I get you anything."

"A gun."

"What?"

Ella laid down onto the cold ceramic tile. "Water please."

"Here you go." Sara said handing her a face cloth, and a glass of water.

"All that food must not have liked me." Ella smiled. "You still mad at Mike?" she asked looking up at her friend.

Sara sighed. "I don't know what his problem is with you."

"It is okay. I don't like him much either." Ella grinned.

"This is just great my best friend and my future husband hate each other."

"Hate is a strong word."

"Yes…yes it is. I am going to go get cleaned up if you think you are going to live. I will meet you for breakfast."

"I am fine. Love you."

"Love you too."

Ella took a cool shower, she managed to throw up two more times before she went down for breakfast. Everyone was there except for Nikki.

"Good Morning." She said sitting down between Matt and Josh. She tried not to look at Josh.

"Ella I am sorry for last night." Mike started.

"Don't worry about it." Ella cut him off before he could go on anymore. Sara smiled.

"I heard that you had a partner in your bed last night, and you didn't ask me to join you?" Matt said "You and Sara….that is hot." He grined.

"You are such a douche." Sara said.

The waitress came over and placed Matt's breakfast of bacon and eggs in front of him. Ella got a strong whiff of it.

Josh watched her color drain from her face.

"Sweetheart….sorry I mean Ella are you okay."

Ella felt the warmth start to radiate from her stomach, her mouth watery, and her gut ached. "Excuse me." She jumped up and ran. She made it outside just in time. She expelled her stomach into the flower bed. She threw up violently till there was nothing left to come up. "I really need to stop puking in flower beds."

Sara came up behind her. "You must have a bug."

"Must." Ella said. "I am going to go back to my room."

"Okay I will check on you later."

"Okay."

Sara went back inside and sat down.

"Is she okay?" Josh asked with concern in his voice. He hated to see her anything but well and happy.

Sara smiled at him. "She is fine; she must have picked up a bug or something. I will check on her later."

"We are going water sking." Matt announced. "You want to come?"

"You guys have fun." Sara said. "I am going to keep an eye on Ella."

The next few days were exactly the same for Ella. She threw up first thing in the morning, every time she looked at or smelled food. She pretty much stayed in her room. Between Matt and Sara she was taken well care of. She felt like hell. She tried to drink water but every time she did back up it came.

Sara came into her room, Ella was still in bed. Sara chucked a bad down on the bed.

"What is that?"

"Open it and find out."

Ella picked up the bag, her eyes got big when she seen what was inside. "Fuck no." she said dropping the bag. "You think I am pregnant."

"Yup I do. Now go pee on the stick."

Ella got up and went to the bath room . She was scared to death. She was mentally trying to figure out when her last period was. She couldn't remember. She did what she had to do, set the test on the counter and put the flush seat down and sat back down on it, pulling her legs up close to her body.

"Has it been ten minutes?" She asked Sara.

"It has." Sara said from the doorway.

"I can't do it. Will you look at it." Ella was freaking.

Sara walked over to it, exactly what she thought. The box had two little pink lines.

"What?" Ella asked.

Sara didn't say anything she handed her the test.

"Oh my fuck! That is wrong. It has to be."

Sara handed her two more test, Ella did both, both came back positive.

"Oh my fuck." Ella said again. She was panicking. She looked at Sara. "Not a word to any of them. Do you hear me."

"I will let you tell them."

"They are never going to know."

"Ella don't talk foolish. You have to tell Josh that he is going to be a father again."

"No I don't. How the hell did this happen?"

"How the hell did this happen,"

Sara giggled. "Well if you need me to explain it to you."

"Shut up Sara I know HOW it happened. I was on the pill. Oh shit." Ella said putting her hand over her mouth.

"What?"

"After Josh had gotten back with Nikki, he came over to see me as soon as they got back from tour, and I seduced him." Ella grinned. "Was not hard at all."

"I know he loves you. Wait till you tell him."

"Sara NO. I am NOT going to tell him. You are not going to tell him. Josh is never to know about this."

"You are going to get rid of it? Ella come on."

"No I am not going to get rid of it. God no….I am pregnant with Josh's baby…..that is amazing to me. I decided that I was not ever going to be with anyone else as I will never stop loving Josh. Now I still get to have a family."

"Without Josh?" Sara rolled her eyes. "Ella you are not thinking clearly."

"I am going to leave Vancouver, and go far away so he will never see me and I will raise my child. Nikki will never take this lightly. Her child will be priority. I will never let anyone let my baby think it is second best."

"How is that fair to Josh? His family? How fair is it to the baby? And you?" Sara said in a frustrated tone.

"Sara as my best friend ever, you are never to breath a word of this to anyone."

"Stella Marie Carter…..You can't make me keep this secret."

"You have too. That is our friend oath. Remember?"

"Fuck. Okay I won't say a word to anyone."

"Promise."

"I do Ella. I will keep your secret."

Ella smiled at her friend. "I am going to have a baby." She finally smiled. The last two months had been hell, she now had finally something to live for. She placed her hand on her lower abdomen. "Two months, another seven and I will meet you little one. Are you not excited?" she said looking at Ella. "You are going to be an aunt.''

"I don't know how we are going to hid this. I will have to put my wedding off till after you have the baby. Which is fine because I am still pissed at Mike."

"I love you."

"Love you too Ella, and you have stopped puking."

"For now." Ella said lying back down on the bed. "For now."


	18. Chapter 18

Josh lay awake in bed. Nikki was sleeping soundly beside him. She was cuddled up against his body. He sighed moving away from her a little; she sighed and rolled over away from him. He wanted to go see Ella badly, took everything in him to not go find her room and spend time with her. He was worried about her, she still wasn't feeling well. She looked so pale, and tired. He just wanted to talk to her to see how she was doing.

He had tried this evening when they all went out for supper and drinks. But Nikki would not allow his attention be on anyone else but her. It made him angry. Ella was so cute tonight. Ian had arrived to spend the next four days with them, Ella freaked out because she thought her cat Mo was alone. He had our other friend Brett take care of him. Ella loved her cat.

Once over supper, Ian was sitting closely with Ella, Josh felt a pang of jealousy. He didn't want anyone else near her. He had not right to be jealous at all. He was the one who just had sex with the woman beside him, but had another woman on his mind the whole time.

He slid out of the bed quietly and pulled his shorts on, and a t-shirt. He slowly opened the balcony door and closed it slowly behind him. The warm tropical breeze was amazing, the smells of flowers and the ocean hit his senses. Such a beautiful night. He walked down to the shore line; the waves crashed against the shore, the moon glistened off of the water.

The sand was warm beneath his feet. He loved the beach and the ocean. He loved Hawaii usually but not this time. Why did he have to get her pregnant? He sat down in the sand, burying his feet in the warmth.

"Hey."

"Holy shit." He jumped and turned to look in the direction of the voice. He knew who it was before he turned around. "You scared me sweetheart." He said softly looking at her. She looked beautiful.

"Mind if I join you?"

He gave her one of his half grins and patted the sand next to him. She sat down sticking her feet in the sand the same way his were.

"I can't sleep." She said softly.

"Story of my life." Josh chuckled. "Are you feeling any better?"

"It comes and it goes." She said smiling at him.

"You need to take care of yourself Ella." He said looking at her. He was taken by how perfect she was. The moon glistened of her face and hair. She was perfect, almost like porcelain. He reached out and pushed her hair back from her face, she shuddered when he touched her. "I miss you."

She turned and looked at him, into those crystal blue eyes of his. "I miss you too Josh. I am doing better now though. I have accepted the fact that you are with Nikki. I am going to be okay." She smiled. "I am not saying that I am over what we had…I don't think I can get over loving you, I will never stop loving you Josh. I am accepting living without you. I still don't know where I begin or where I end…or what I am supposed to do at any giving point, but the sadness is gone" Ella said, she knew why the sadness was gone, because she had a piece of Josh alive and growing inside of her. She would always have a piece of him.

He ran his hand roughly through his hair. "I wish I wouldn't have been so stupid when it came to Nikki. I should have just let her go when we broke up. I just didn't think I was strong enough to be alone. She at one time was my everything." He looked at Ella. "You are my everything."

She reached over and touched his face. "Do you love her Josh?"

He sighed. "Yes… but…." He started but she cut him off.

"Then that is all that matters." She said her voice breaking, a tear slid down her face, but she still managed to smile at him. "You will be happy Josh, once you forget about me. I know I told you not too….but I think it is better."

"I could never forget you."

"You have too." Ella said standing up and brushing the sand off of her. "I am leaving tomorrow, booked a flight tonight…and I am leaving Vancouver."

"You are what?" Josh asked raising his voice. "Ella! You can't leave."

"Why not?"

"Because I love you too." He spat out, finally. "Ella sweetheart…I want you in my life."

Ella snorted, "How Josh? Your miserable bitch of a girlfriend hates me. Besides I don't want to watch you two together anymore. I can't stand it. Just let it go Josh." She said and turned to walk away. Josh reached out and grabbed her.

"If it wasn't for the baby Ella."

"Then what? You would still be with me and fuck her on the side." Ella said sternly to him.

"Hey I was not with her when we were together." He had a hold of both of her arms, to keep her where he wanted her.

"Yes and no, you were still talking to her, texting her, you ALMOST slept with her in Toronto. I should have known then. You are fucking messed in the head Josh."

"I said I was sorry for that."

"Just let me go Josh. I am tired and I don't want to fight with you."

"You are not being fair." He snapped.

"How so!" she asked glaring at him and trying to get out of his grasp. "Just let me go Josh."

"You are going to stay here and hear what I have to fucking say Ella. You knew that I was involved with Nikki, from day one. You jumped into bed with me pretty much right away…..we were not even dating….."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"Do I need to spell it out for you." He said glaring at her. He was pissed that she was right about the whole Nikki thing, but being the dick that he was would never admit it and turn it around on her. That is what he did when he was angry. The reason why Nikki probably cheated on him after three years.

"Please do." She choked out, the tears had started. The anger in his eyes made her upset.

"Two lonely people….having sex…fucking. Just a way to help me forget my problems."

She broke free of his grasp and she slapped him. "You bastard. How can you make what we had sound so cheap. Fuck you Josh Ramsay." She spat and turned and walked away.

Josh stood there stunned, his face stung from the impact of her hand. He watched her run away from him. He said things he didn't mean and shouldn't of said to her, he was angry with himself not her. "Ella wait." He ran after her, getting to her and grabbing her arm softly. "I didn't mean what I said."

Ella stood there, eye adverted to the ground.

"I was never cheap, it was never just sex…maybe at first but not that last night we were together. You had to feel it. I love you so much. Please forgive me for what I said.''

She wiped the tears away, she looked at him. "This has to stop Josh. You and Nikki are having a baby. You need to let me go."

"I don't want to."

"You have to."

Josh pulled her into his arms, kissed the top of her head. Ella wanted to pull away but she couldn't. She loved how his arms felt around her body. They encircled her.

She pulled back and looked up at him. "You can't have your cake and eat it too Josh." She pushed out of his arms. "I am going to walk away from you now and I am not going to look back. You are going to go back to Nikki and I will go on with my life."

Josh looked down at her. "So this is goodbye." A tear slid down his face, he reached down and touched her skin on her face, so beautiful in the moonlight. "Take care of yourself."

"You too." She smiled softly. She stood on her tippy toes and brushed her lips softly against his one last time. "Do great things Josh." She said before leaving his arms and walking away.

Josh stood there, the tears fell softly down his face. This was the last good bye. The reality was he knew that he wouldn't see her again anytime soon, hopefully their paths would cross someday. He didn't know how he would live without her, he was going to miss her, she was his everything, his perfect porcelain.


	19. Chapter 19

It was an early November morning; the breeze off of the ocean was cool. Ella was on her way to the hospital to have her first ultrasound done. She had been in the small city of Halifax for six months now. She wanted to be on the ocean like she was in Vancouver. It was nothing like Vancouver but she liked it here and she called it home. She had started working at the local children hospital on an oncology ward, which she loved such a switch from the Emergency department. She had meant a lovely guy named Ben, he was also a nurse. He was tall and blonde and gorgeous, he was also gay. He was her new roommate and best friend.

She heard from Sara almost daily, she missed her so much. She was family to her, not only her dearest and oldest friend. Sara had told her Nikki lost the baby, Ella doubted she was ever pregnant. Sara said that Nikki is now doing the whole depression I don't want to live thing to still keep Josh.

Ella had not heard a word from Josh at all since that night on the beach when they had said goodbye. She thought off him every day, she could feel the baby move and stretch now. She wished she could experience this with him. She knew it was for the best that he didn't know. She did contemplate on telling him about the baby when she learned of Nikki losing hers. She decided against it.

She heard from Matt weekly, they were good friends now as well. He didn't know anything about her situation at all. It was always nice to talk to him….he always made her laugh. She also loved to know what the band was doing. They were working on their next album; it is going to be called ever after. They were pushing for a fall release of 2011. The baby would almost be a year then.

Ella walked up the hill towards the hospital. Ben was standing outside the door waiting for her. Being a gay man, he didn't really look it. He was not flamboyant at all.

"Hey Ella, are you excited to see what the little monster is?"

Ella was out of breath, her belly was round and she was showing quite a bit for six months. She smiled at Ben. "I can't wait; you have to get my best friend Sara on the phone so she can hear the whole thing. We will be waking her up but she said too anyway."

"I will do for sure. Now come on get your little pregnant ass moving. We are going to be late."

Ella went into the little room, put on the stupid gown. She thought she was going to pee herself. She could barely move she had to pee so badly. She walked out into the room; Ben was already sitting with the technician waiting.

"Miss Carter just lie down on the bed please. We will get this started."

"Hi Ella." Sara said through speaker on Ben's phone. "I am so excited hun."

"Me too. I just hope everything is going to be okay."

Ben squeezed her hand. The technician put the cold gel on her belly and then started to run the little camera over it. Ben and Ella both being nurses could tell pretty much what they were looking at.

"Everything looks perfect Miss Carter." The technician turned the sound on, they could hear the heart beat.

Ella started to cry, "Oh Sara I wish you could see. The little hands, the little feet."

The technician stopped moving the camera and had a puzzled look on her face.

"What is wrong?" Ella asked nervously.

"Well Miss Carter, both babies are boys. You are having twins."

Sara gasped, Bens eyes got huge. Ella just stared.

"What did you just say?" Ella said shocked. "There are two?"

"Yes there is. Congratulations." The technician smiled at her, and continued to show her both babies.

Ella felt like she was going to be sick.

"Stella Marie are you ok?" Sara asked into the phone.

"No…I am not…Sara I can't take care of two babies. Two boys…what if they have Josh's energy level?"

Ben took her hand. "Ella it is a blessing. You get double the joy. You will have all kinds of help."

"It is normal for you to feel this way Miss Carter." The technician said. "You will be just fine. Two beautiful boys. Their due date is February 28. I will go get your picture, I got a shot of the two together, and they are too active to try to get one of them alone."

"Ella…hun talk to me." Sara said.

"Oh my fuck." Ella said. "I can't have two babies. I just can't."

Sara had heard that expression when Ella first learnt of being pregnant. "It will be ok. You have to come back to Van city. You are going to need the help…and I think you should tell Josh. Ella his family would be ecstatic."

"Oh my….." Ella said looking at Ben.

He smiled at her. "Two boys." He grinned.

"Shut up. You don't need to keep saying that!"

"Ella, Mike is waking up….I will call you later. We need to talk. Love you." Sara said before she hung up.

The technician came back into the room, gave Ella the picture of the babies. Told Ella to take her time in the room if she needed to.

Ella sat there and held up the picture, two little babies, it was a good picture. She ran her finger over it. She felt warmth of emotion come over her.

Ben placed his hand on her arm. "Everything will be okay L, I promise. I will be right beside you through all of this."

She wiped the tears off of her face. "I just wish….." she started and couldn't finish because sobs overtook her.

Ben pulled into his arms and hugged her. "It is okay I know you miss Josh." He said softly. "Come on, get dressed and we will go to the little café by the condo and get you some of that famous cheesecake." He kissed her on top of the head before leaving the room.

Ella sat there and looked at the picture of her little monsters. She smiled; she was going to have two babies. She knew it was going to be hard but what could she do about it. Absolutely nothing.

She put her clothes on; she picked up her cell phone and scrolled through the contacts stopping on Josh. She hit send a message and the little text box popped up. She just wanted to say hello, see how he was doing. "Ugh." She said sliding the phone shut quickly, not realizing it sent Josh a blank message.

"Okay Ben, cheesecake awakes." She looped arms with her friend and off they went.

Josh had been in the studio all night, he was working on a song that he had written for Ella. Ever since that night on the beach he couldn't get her image out of his head. She looked like porcelain. The song was full of emotion, he just didn't know if it was perfect enough. He listened to the track again and again.

He felt his pocket it vibrates. He pulled his phone out and his heart skipped a beat or stopped for a split second he didn't know which. He seen new message from Ella Bean on his screen. He quickly opened his inbox, to see a blank message. His heart fell a little. Was she still thinking of him, and went to send the message and chickened out or did her phone just pocket text him.

It had been six long months since he seen her, he missed her so much. He tried to move on with his life with Nikki. Trying to wrap his head around being a father but Nikki had lost the baby. He was disappointed; he was starting to get use to the idea of being a dad. He didn't know how he would make out as most small children terrified him or annoyed the hell out of him.

He thought of Nikki, they were still together and things were good all except for the feelings he still had for Ella, she was on his mind a lot.

He ran his hand through his hair, and sighed. He was going to text her back.

**Ella bean, blank message? Hope you are well! Miss you xo**

"Hey Josh, you been here all night dude." Matt asked coming into the room, making Josh jump.

Josh smiled. "You need to wear bells or something, scared the life out of me. Ya been here all night working on this track, it needs to be perfect."

"Let me hear it again." Matt listened to it, "It is awesome man. It screams raw emotion."

Josh ran his hand through his hair. "Matt I miss her so much."

"Call her, get rid of Nikki."

Josh sighed. "I love Nikki."

"But you love Ella."

"Fuck!'' Josh slammed his head down on to the desk by the sound board. "Nikki is a mess Matt. Losing the baby and everything she has been going through."

"I think you are fucked…..it is your addictive personality."

"I don't know Matt…yes….yes I am fucked." Josh said smiling slightly. "Let's get to work."

Matt smiled at Josh, gave him a slight man hug, which was very awkward for the both of them, causing them both to laugh.

Ella was stuffed from cheesecake, she was on the couch with her feet up talking to Sara through skype.

"You are going to come home right?"

"Sara I am home, Halifax is my new home. I am not coming back to Vancouver. I will for your wedding, which I don't know how I am going to manage with two six month olds."

"I am coming there before they are born." Sara stated "I want to be there when they arrive into this world, they are my nephews. I am going to hire you a Nanny, with no objections from you."

Ella knew there was no point in arguing with her about that one.

"Have you thought of any names yet?"

"Not really, I am just not sure about anything. I want their last name Ramsay."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it is just right. They are his children."

"That he doesn't know exists. Ella you need to tell him. He will be so pissed when he finds out you kept something like this from him. I don't know if I will be able to keep this secret. I don't want to keep things from Mike."

"Well it is my secret Sara. I am not telling Josh. He is still with Nikki. They look in love from the pics I have seen on the internet."

"You creep him?"

"Of course I do." Ella giggled. "I am super tired Sara, it is getting late here. Ben told me he wanted me asleep before he got home from work."

"Too bad he wasn't gay."

Ella laughed. "I am not getting involved with any more men, ever."

"You will want a man, you wait till those pregnancy hormones kick in."

"Good night Sara. Love you." Ella said hanging up. She sighed, those hormones were on high frequency all ready. She ignored them mostly. She picked up her cell phone and seen a missed text message. She opened it up and gasped. It was from Josh.

**Ella bean, blank message? Hope you are well! Miss you xo**

She stared at her phone, and then checked it. Damn she had sent him a blank message earlier. Oh god she thought. Should she text him back.

**Sorry about that, I am well, hope you well. I miss you too Josh! Xoxo A LOT!**

She hit send, and waited but got no reply. She covered herself up with a blanket and closed her eyes, thinking of his beautiful eyes, his lips. His smile, they way he hugged her. She sighed and fell asleep.

Nikki heard Josh's cell phone vibrate. He was in the shower. They were going out for some supper. She picked up his phone and looked at it. She opened up his in box, seen text messages from Ella bean. She rolled her eyes.

"I am going to remove you. He will never think she responded." She said softly. She was not having that woman back in his life. She had kept Josh this long, and they were finally back to the way they were before she had cheated on him. She had faked the pregnancy and the miscarriage. She knew she just needed time with him and everything would be ok. She knew he had feelings for Ella, but they would fade over time. Ella was not even in the city anymore which was a bonus. She had Josh all to herself.


	20. Chapter 20

Josh was in a foul mood, another month had passed, and it was not December 24, Christmas Eve. He had to go to the annual Ramsay Christmas party at his sister Sara's house. He just wanted to go back to the studio and work on the album. They were making great progress; he was making sure everything was perfect. In the New Year though he was going to take a little break from Marianas stuff and do some producing and writing with other people. He was going to work with one of his good friends Carly. He had known her for years, and she was very talented.

He had not heard from Ella since that blank message was sent to him from her phone. Her phone must of pocketed dialed him. He missed her; it was not going away at all.

"Hey Darling." Nikki purred wrapping her arms around him from behind. She was almost his height. Just a few inches shorter. She kissed his neck softly. "You look sexy."

He smiled back at her in the mirror. He had black skinny jeans on, blue shirt, white tie. His blue hair was nice and vibrant. He just had it done. He turned around placing his hands on Nikki's hips. "You look beautiful Nick."

"We are going to be late." She said softly. "We need to get going."

Josh followed her out of the bedroom, went over and unplugged their tree. It was their first year in Josh's and hers new apartment. The guys had all gotten their own places.

They went down to Josh's car; it was overly chilly for a December night in Vancouver. It usually was not this cold. They drove in silence over to his sister's house. Josh parked the car getting out and standing by the car. "I will be in, I am going to have a smoke."

Nikki smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss. "Are you okay Josh?"

"Sure why do you ask?"

"You are just quiet. That is all."

"Well you know how much I love family functions, too many screaming hyper children. My mom is constantly nagging about something and they always make me sing.''

Nikki laughed. "We will be home soon honey. I will see you inside."

Josh smiled slightly at her; he lit his smoke, and took a long slow drag off of it. He exhaled slowly into the cold December air. He looked up at the stars. One thing he loved about his sister house was that it was not right in the city so you could really see the sky. He wondered what Ella was doing right at that moment. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and found her name in his contacts.

**Merry Christmas sweetheart. Hope all your Christmas wishes come true. Xo**

He finished his smoke and went inside to face the craziness.

Ella waddled out to the kitchen. She was starving. Decorating the tree had worked up an appetite. Her and Ben had just went and picked one out today. It had been a good day. She woke up depressed because she was homesick for Van city, so Ben decided they needed a tree, even though the both decided that they didn't need one.

Ella came back into the living room with a tub of ice cream in hand with a bag of dill pickle chips. "Is it still snowing." She asked Ben, who just turned on the propane fireplace.

"Yes the white shit is still falling from the sky L. I have no idea why you are so excited." Ben said rolling his eyes. "It is cold, and you have to shoveling, nothing to be excited about."

"It is pretty and it is Christmas and it makes me happy." Ella said trying not to tear up. "You want some?" She asked with her mouth full of chips and ice cream.

"That is pretty disgusting. You are teaching the monsters bad eating habits already and when you get heartburn in an hour, I am going to say I told you so."

"They love it." She said rubbing her belly, she was huge. She could barley move. "Ben?"

"Yes L."

"Come sit with me." She said patting the sofa beside her. "I am lonely."

He came over; she moved so he could sit in behind her so she lay up against him and use him as a pillow. He played with her hair. "Just think L this time next year the monsters will be here, and tearing the tree apart."

She smiled. "Do you think I am doing the right thing, with the babies?"

He continued to play with her hair. "I am not going to tell you what to do L, but you love Josh and I think you should fight for him. He does have a right to know that these monsters are his. But I will support you with whatever decision you make."

"Have you ever watched any of their stuff online?" she asked getting up and going to get her lap top, it did take her a few minutes to get up. She returned and sat back down in her same spot. She opened up her lap top. "Celebrity status is my favorite right now, and I really like good to you too, Josh is trying to be all manly in it. It is just cute." She giggled.

"I don't watch videos, I may have heard them on the radio, but no L, I am not really into them."

Ella started to play the videos for him, she was really emotional. Tears started to slip down her face.

"Can I ask you a question L?"

"mmmmhhhhm."

"What does that tongue ring feel like, well …..ya know." Ben asked grinning at her.

"Amazing." Ella giggled. "Isn't he sexy Ben."

"Very." Ben said watching over Ella's shoulder. "Look at his hands. Is he as good in bed as he looks like he would be?"

"Ben!" Ella said laughing. "This is just too weird."

"Well is he?"

"He is amazing in every way Ben." Ella giggled.

"Too bad he is straight."

Ella hit is arm. "I miss him. He is so tender, and funny. I miss how he use to come up and hug me from behind and kiss my neck right here." She said pointing to his favorite spot to kiss her. "He wouldn't be able to get his arms around my fat body right now."

"L, you are carrying monsters, you are not fat."

She sighed and yawned. "I am going to go to bed."

"I am going to stay up for a bit." Ben said helping Ella to her feet, he pulled into his arms and held her tight. "Call him Ella." He whispered.

She sighed. "I would do anything to have him back. He isn't ready to be a father yet Ben. Him and small children don't mix."

"It is so different when they are your own L."

"Night Ben."

"Sweet dreams L."

Josh was being anti social. He could not shake his mood. He wanted more than anything right now was to feel numb, and fuzzy. He was fighting his demons today. He watched everyone laughing and being merry. All he wanted to do was get high. He thought of drinking alcohol, which he had in the past but he was driving and his mother would have a fit.

"Josh you okay?" he heard his sister Sara's voice. "You seem so depressed tonight?" she placed her hand on his shoulder.

He smiled a small smile at her. "I am fighting demons." He said softly. "If I am not busy in the studio doing something, all I do is think. This year has been rough."

"Josh you are strong, and I believe in you to continue to be strong. You have so much to be thankful for. I know Nikki lost the baby, but you guys are back together. You are happy with her right?"

Josh ran his hand through his hair. "I miss Ella." He said softly to his sister. "I know I can talk to you about this."

"Josh honey you can talk to me about anything. I am your sister, I love you and want you to be happy."

"I know….Sara I love Nikki but I don't know If I am in love with her anymore. I have to be there for her though. She was so upset when she lost the baby, and she is fighting depression right now. I just can't think of cutting her out of my life."

"Are you in love with this Ella girl, she is the nurse, right?"

Josh smiled thinking about her. "With every fiber in my body Sara."

"Well you need to tell her."

Josh shook his head. "I don't even know where she is. She moved across the country somewhere to get away from me."

"You don't know that."

"I texted her a few months back because her phone must of pocket texted me, she never responded."

"Maybe she didn't get it Josh. I just want you t be happy." Sara said pulling him into a hug. "Go play with your nephews and nieces, they will make you forget for awhile."

Josh hugged his sister back. "I will be okay." He said softly.

"I know you will be."

Ella woke up at four am, from a very detailed dream about Josh. "Ugh….damn you pregnancy hormone." She rolled over and looked at her phone and smiled Sara had texted her three minutes ago Merry Christmas. It was just after midnight in Vancouver. She missed it there so much. She texted her friend back wishes as well.

She ran her hand through her hair and sat up, one of the babies was up in her ribs, she sat up hoping he would move down, which he did, she could feel him move almost instantly.

"Hey you two. Merry Christmas." She said softly, running her hand over her stomach, she felt a little limb under her hand where she was touching. She fell back on to the bed, propping her leg up with her body pillow. "mmmmh I have another unread text." She opened it, it was from Josh.

**Merry Christmas Sweetheart, hope all your Christmas wishes come true Xo**

She smiled, he was thinking of her. She just wanted to hear his voice, "Should I call him."she debated for two seconds then hit the call button.

It was just past midnight, Nikki made her way over to Josh. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him softly.

"Merry Christmas Baby!"

Josh smiled at her, kissing her back. "Merry Christmas Nick." Josh felt his pocket pulse, that was a call coming in not a text. He pulled back from Nikki and checked his phone, he seen it was Ella's number right away. "Nick it is Matt, I have to take this." He said walking away from her as he placed his phone to his ear. "Hello."

"Merry Christmas Josh."

Josh smiled placing his finger over his other ear so he could hear her about the noise. "Hey Sweetheart, Merry Christmas to you too, just a second I am going to go outside so I can hear you better."

Josh went outside, he hadn't not heard her voice in months. "How are you."

"I am doing well. Working and adjusting to my new life."

"It is so good to hear your voice."

"It is good to hear yours too Josh."

"So where are you? Toronto?"

"Halifax actually, Nova Scotia. It is snowing tonight, a lot. It is so pretty. Mo likes watching the snow fall through the window."

Josh chuckled. "Halifax eh? Wow, it is what time there?"

"Just past four am. I couldn't sleep."

Josh couldn't stop smiling. "I am at my sisters annual Christmas eve party. It is so ….family." he laughed.

Ella giggled. "I am really lonely, I have Ben and Mo and that is it."

"Ben?" Josh asked as he felt a knot start to form in his stomach. He didn't have a right to even feel that way, he did have a girlfriend.

"My roommate." Ella giggled. "He takes care of me."

Josh sighed. "Fuck I miss you Ella bean."

"I miss you too Josh." She said trying to fight back the tears that were welling up. Ella heard a female voice in the background. It had to be Nikki's

"Josh hurry up I want to go home baby."

Josh turned and looked at her, he held his finger up, to tell her to give him a minute.

"Sounds like your needed." Ella said softly. "Have a good Christmas Josh, and happiest of New Years." She said then hit the end button on her phone.

"Ella…sweetheart." Josh sighed and slid his phone shut.

"What did Matt want?"

"Drunk and needed to talk. Let's go home."


	21. Chapter 21

"Ugh….I can't see my feet anymore." Ella mumbled to herself. Mo rubbed up against her legs. "I can feel you Mo but I can't see you."

Ella was now officially on maternity leave. It was the second week in January. The babies were due in a month and a half. She couldn't take work anymore, being on her feet all day, pulling and lifting on patients was wearing her out. The shift work alone was killing her. She was so tired all the time.

She had just got up out of bed; she had slept in till two in the afternoon. She was on her way to the kitchen. She needed a drink; she didn't feel overly well when she got out of bed. She went into the kitchen; the tile was cold on her bare feet. She sighed, she felt like she had to pee.

"I just peed." She exclaimed turning around to head to the bathroom, as she started to walk down the hall she felt a warm gush of liquid, she felt it splash against her legs as it hit the floor, then she felt a sudden stabbing pain across her abdomen. "Oh my god." She said realizing what had just happened. "This is too soon." She said holding onto the wall, waiting for the contraction to pass. "Ben…..BEN!" she yelled.

He came running out his room, rubbing his eyes and trying to wake up. "What the fuck L."

"My water just br…" she started but was engulfed in excruciating pain. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth waiting for the contraction to pass.

"I am taking you to the hospital. I am going to get you some clothes to put on. You can't go in your nightie."

"No shit Sherlock." She said. "I think I must have been having contractions for awhile…I just thought they were Braxton hicks."

Ben returned with her clothes, he helped her get dressed. "I don't think they can stop this Ben."

He gave her a concerned look, "Your water broke L, you will be having these babies today."

Ella started to cry. "It is too soon. They are going to be too small Ben."

"L everything will be okay. I promise. These little guys are strong, just like their momma." Ben helped her with her coat, and called a cab. "I will call Sara from the hospital."

Ella nodded her head. She was breathing through a contraction.

It was a studio day for everyone. The guys had been hard at work since early this morning. Sara and Nikki were both there for moral support. Sara couldn't stand being around Nikki, but she tolerated her to keep the piece.

"How is the wedding plans coming along?" Nikki asked. "You must be so excited…I was expecting Josh to purpose over the holidays but he didn't."

"They are coming along nicely. I am so excited…we both are."

"Did you set the date?"

"Yes….the long weekend in August. I wanted it to be on a long weekend so Ella and her friend could make it."

"She is coming?" Nikki said with attitude.

"She is my maid of honor." Sara said harshly.

"Isn't Josh the best man?"

"What difference does that make?"

"Don't you think it will be a little awkward?"

"No not at all…..Josh and Ella always got along perfectly well."

Nikki was getting pissed. "Well Sara they were sleeping together. I think you should rethink your bridal party. I don't think Josh will want to be any part of it."

"Look Nikki… I personally don't care how you feel or think about any of this. You are with Josh now…so just grow the fuck up."

Nikki gasped. "You can't speak to me like that."

"I guess I just did." Sara said getting up and leaving the room, she went into the kitchen. She wanted to tell that bitch right where to go. She sighed as she felt her phone vibrate.

"Hello." She said softly.

"Sara it is Ben, Ella's water broke about an hour ago. She is six cm dilated and having contractions regularly."

"Oh No." Sara exclaimed said holding onto the counter, she felt ill. "Ben it is too soon. The babies are going to be too small. How is she doing?"

"She is coping...she is in a lot of pain, and really upset. She is worried about the babies. Being a nurse, you know all too well how things end sometimes."

"You tell her I am on the next flight out."

"Will do …if anything changes I will be in touch."

"Tell her I love her and to be strong, to think positive the babies will be fine." Sara slide her phone shut and ran her hand through her long blonde hair.

"Who's babies?" Nikki asked from behind her. Sara jumped.

"Jesus …you scared the life out of me." Sara said ignoring her question. "I have to go find Mike." She walked passed Nikki and went to find Mike. She went into the lounge, everyone was in there, they were having some pizza for lunch. She must have had a look on her face because soon as she walked into the room, Mike jumped up and came over to her.

"What is wrong baby." Mike asked placing his hands on her both of her arms softly. Sara broke down and started to cry. She hugged him, and whispered in his ear. "It is Ella….don't you say a word about it to anyone ok. She doesn't want anyone to know."

He pulled back and looked at her, telling her with his eyes that she could trust him to not say a word.

"It is a family emergency Mike. I need to fly out as soon as I can get a flight."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Sara shook her head no. "I will call you as soon as I get there." She hugged Mike and kissed him softly before she rushed out of the room.

"Is Sara okay?" Matt asked shoving his last bite of pizza in his mouth.

"Family emergency." Mike said as Nikki came into the room and sat down on Josh's lap.

"She was talking to someone on the phone in the kitchen about babies." Nikki said warping her arm around Josh.

Mike looked at Nikki before he responded. "It was a family emergency Nikki. She didn't say the details just that she was needed right away."

Mike sat down and pondered why Sara would be talking on the phone to someone about babies, when she told him that it was Ella that she had to go, he didn't ask what the problem was. Babies and Ella, well that was interesting. Ella left Vancouver after their Hawaii trip, which was six or seven months ago. Did she have a new boy friend? He was going to have to ask Sara when he was talking to her later. He was curious.

Ella was so tired…...she still was not fully dilated after six hours. The pain was getting unbearable, but Ella would not take anything for it. She knew that it would slow her labor down and make the babies sluggish. Ben had gone to get her some more ice chips. She was so scared for the babies; she hoped that their lungs were developed enough that they would be able to breathe on their own. She felt the tears start to stream down her face.

"Here you go L." Ben said coming back into the room and handing her the ice chips. "Ella honey don't cry." He said taking her hand, as the nurse came back in to check her.

"8 cms. Almost time. I am going to call the neonatal team and have them have everything ready for the twins. We are going to take the best care of them Miss Carter." The nurse explained before she left the room.

The door to her room opened again, she was expecting a nurse, she looked over and seen her best friend in the door way.

"Can I come in?"

"Sara….you are here…..Ben told me you were on your way."

"Direct flight. It pays to have a celebrity for a boyfriend." She came to Ella's side. She took her hand. "You look like hell Stella Marie."

"How is Josh?"

"Moody as ever." Sara said rolling her eyes. "He is crazy talented Ella, you should hear the stuff they have been working on."

Ella smiled and winced. Another contraction took over her body. "Breath Ella." Sara said still holding her friends hand.

"I am Ben by the way." He said offering Sara his hand. "Nice to meet you Sara. Ella was too preoccupied to introduce us."

"pffffttttt." Ella rolled her eyes. "I am kinda busy being ripped in two."

Ben smiled at her.

"I feel like I need to push." Ella said wincing in pain. "The contractions are almost on top of each other."

"I will go get the nurse to get the Dr." Ben said leaving the room quickly.

"Don't push yet Ella." Sara said wiping the sweat from her brow.

Ben returned with the Doctor and a whole team of people that were going to be there waiting to take care of the small premature babies as soon as they came out.

"Okay Ella you can start pushing." The doctor said once he checked her. "It shouldn't be long now."

Ella pushed and pushed, with her fifth push the first baby was out. He was wailing as soon as he was born. The neonatal team took him immediately and put him in an incubator, and hooked oxygen up, they needed to asses him to make sure he was breathing okay. Ella watched them take care of her baby. "Look at all the hair." She said. "Is he okay?"

One of the nurses turned to her and smiled. "He is breathing on his own so far."

"Oh God….."Ella cried felling a different kind of pain in her abdomen, then she felt a warm gush. Sara and Ben's eyes both got big. Ella was hemorrhaging. Ella screamed in pain.

"Hang that blood, get it running, stat." the doctor ordered.

Ella felt them pull the second baby out of her with forceps. He wasn't crying. "Is he okay?" she cried watching them rush her second baby away from her. Ella felt light headed….her eyes fluttered…

"Ella…..Ella…." Ben said rubbing the pressure point on her clavicle bone.

"Oh my god….she is bleeding out." Sara said realizing what was going on. Both her and Ben stood back, they watched them as they brought the crash cart into the room, they put another unit of blood up, she was bleeding it out as fast as it was going into her.

"We are going to have to do an emergency hysterectomy. Her uterus has torn. We have to get her to the OR."

Sara and Ben stood there in disbelief; there was so much blood everywhere. As they were standing there, the second baby started to cry. The neonatal nurse turned and looked at her and Ben. "He is breathing now with the help of the ventilator. Would you like to see them before we take them down to the neonatal unit?"

Ben and Sara went over and looked at the tiny babies. Sara started to cry. "They are beautiful."

"That they are….two perfect little monsters."

"Excuse me…" a nurse said from the doorway. "The doctor can't find the bleed yet, they are still working on her, and you should call the rest of the family."

Sara's knees' buckled beneath her. Ben caught her before she fell. "She might not make it….she has too." Sara sobbed.

Ben took her into his arms, "She is strong Sara, she won't leave us.'"

Sara pulled back from Ben and took her cell phone out, she tried Ella's dad but no answer. She sighed and called Mike. "Hey." She said before breaking down into tears again.

"Baby…what is it?'"

"Ella might not make it Mike….."

"What is going on Sara? What happened to Ella?"

The door opened again this time the doctor came in. "I have to go Mike…..will call you back."

"She is stable….we found the bleed. We did have to take her uterus…left her ovaries there cause she is so too young for hormone replacement. She lost a lot of blood, she will recover."

"Thank you." Sara said, Ben shook his hand.

"I am going to go check on the babies, but I think they are doing just fine for now too."

Ben and Sara looked at each other and smiled. "She is going to be okay."

"I told you…but you wouldn't listen to me." Ben said smiling at this lady that he just meant. He could tell though that she loved Ella just as much as he did. "You should call your boyfriend back….he is probably pooping his pants with worry."

"Oh yeah, I should do that."

"I am going for a coffee, would you like one."

"Please."

Sara sat down on the chair in the room and put her head in her hands, she completely broke down. She was so close to losing Ella tonight. The babies were so small….maybe five pounds each. If they were anything like their mother and father, they would be stubborn as hell. Their father was a fighter and so was their mother. They would be okay…..they just had to be.


	22. Chapter 22

Josh was in the sound booth working on a song that was named porcelain. He had written the night he was in Hawaii, the night that he said goodbye to Ella on the beach. She looked so perfect, her skin glistened in the moonlight, it reminded him of porcelain. She was so beautiful. He was having a hard time recording it, nothing seemed to work out right. He was so frustrated a couple of nights ago, anything that he did with the song just didn't seem right. So he and Matt decided to strip the song down, nothing fancy. Josh was going to play the piano and sing. Simple and beautiful just like Ella.

"You thought by now that you'd have it figured out, you can't erase the way it pulls when seasons change. It hurts sometimes to find where you begin, but you are perfect porcelain."

He finished signing the song, he was emotional distraught when he was finished. He sat there at the piano, ran his hand roughly his hair. He was trying to let Ella go and get on with his life. He had not heard from her since Christmas eve, it was now July, the album was just about done, they just finished the video shoot for the first single off the album, called You haven't had enough. Josh was so excited about everything.

He looked up and seen Nikki standing on the other side of the sound booth. He smiled at her; things were really good with them. He realized that he had to let go of Ella, to make things right with him and Nikki. Josh smiled at her before going out to see her.

"Hey Baby." She said hugging him and kissing him. "That was beautiful."

"I am glad you liked it." Josh said between kisses.

"So the video looks amazing too. Matt showed it to me this morning. You looked sexy. I don't like that you are kissing another woman."

Josh rolled his eyes. "She is an actress Nikki."

"I know I still don't like it. She is beautiful."

"Well you are beautiful." He said pushing a stray hair back from her face. "Why don't you let me finish up here what I need to, and I will meet you at home. We can order in, movies….and just enjoy each other." Josh said grinning at her.

"I love how you think Josh." She kissed him. "I will see you later." She smiled and walked away.

Josh stood there for a few minutes before he went back inside the sound booth.

"Things look good between you too." Matt said making an observation. "Just like the good ole days."

Josh smiled at his friend. "Things good are good Matt. I have been thinking about asking her to marry me."

Matt just looked at Josh like he was crazy. "Are you fucking retarded?"

"What?"

"Dude…..she isn't right for you. I know you care about her….but come on. I don't think she is the one you want to spend your life with."

Josh sighed. "Matt…I know you thought Ella and I would end up together…..but last February when she was sick…I tried to talk to her and she wouldn't return my calls, or answer my texts so I got over it."

"She is just really busy."

"You talk to her?"

"Ya I do, at least once a week. She still cares about you. She asks how you are doing all the time."

"She does?"

"Yup…she is coming to Vancouver next week for three weeks, to help Sara with the wedding."

Josh sat there in silence, contemplating what Matt just said. "It doesn't matter…I am over it. I have to let her go….she is not here right now, Nikki is. Doesn't matter how I feel or felt about her." Josh said matter of faculty. "It was fun….it was a distraction to hide what I was feeling…..Nikki really hurt me…..I love her Matt. Ella is an amazing person, she deserves better than me. I can't love her the way she needs to be."

"I think you are a damn fool Ramsay." Matt said in an irritated tone.

Josh ran his hand through his hair. He knew in his heart that he had to move on, Ella had left and didn't come back. He couldn't wait for her forever. He knew that when he laid eyes on her, all those feelings would come back. But sometimes the one you want isn't the one you need. That could be a line in a song he thought. He looked at Matt. "Are you done nagging me about this?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "I guess for now. Lets get back to work."

Matt had left the studio before Josh, he was there by himself. He sat there going over some of string arrangements for Ever After, which was going to be the title track off of the album. He was getting pissed because he could not fucking concentrate.

He sighed and threw himself back in his chair; he rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. He couldn't fool himself; Ella was always going to be in his heart. He could say whatever, he was still and will always love her, but was it the same type of love he felt for Ella. The kind of love that engulfs you and you can't seem to get enough. You don't know where you end and they begin.

Josh looked at his watch, it was late. Nikki would probably already be asleep. He would just crash here at the studio on the couch so he could get a head start in the morning. He stretched out the best he could on the couch, his feet were hanging over, and he fell asleep almost instantly.

Ella groaned, she could hear Liam gibbering over the monitor. "It is four am, Liam you are going to wake your brother." She didn't get up, she would just wait. It was inevitable. Liam Joshua, was the active one of the two, he never stopped, always discovering and exploring. He had just started to crawl. Liam reminded Ella a lot of Josh. He had his father's eyes, and lips. He was his father's son. Her other boy Landon Miles was the twin that was content with a book, or sitting quietly. He still had his daddy's eyes but his features resembled Ella more. The twins were not identical, which made it easy to tell them apart.

She sighed and threw back her blankets; she walked down the hall to the nursery. When she got there she seen that Ben had beat her to it. He had Liam on his lap, rocking him. Landon was still asleep. Ella poked her head around the door and smiled, as soon as Liam seen her he squealed. This time of the morning, they were excited for boobs.

"Landon hasn't stirred yet." Ben said handing Ella the baby, he started to pull at her shirt right away. "Liam you have to have some patience's." Ella laughed as she sat down in the rocking chair, starting to feed her son. He closed his eyes, and put his little hand up over his eyes.

"How much longer you going to nurse the monsters?" Ben asked sitting down on the window seat that looked out over the Halifax harbor.

"Maybe till they are a year. Why?"

"Your boobs are huge, how you going to explain them to everyone next week when we arrive in Vancouver."

She rolled her eyes at Ben. "No one will notice my boobs Ben."

"Ummmmmm Men will notice your boobs, I am gay and I notice your boobs."

Ella laughed. "Are you switching sides?"

"No…but you have nice boobs. I may be gay…..but I know I good set when I see them."

Ella laughed loudly; Liam jumped his little eyes shot open then fluttered shut again. She looked down at her baby, six months old soon…..She stood up and placed the baby in his crib. She kissed him and covered him up. She walked over to Landon's crib. He was fast asleep.

"Come on Ben, let's go back to bed." She said softly, yawning and stretching. "I give baby number two, three hours and he will be awake and wanting the boob."

Ben kissed Ella on the forehead and went down the hall to his room. Ella went back to her room; Mo was sleeping soundly on her bed. She crawled in under the blankets and fell back to sleep peacefully.


	23. Chapter 23

"Josh I wish you would cheer up. My mom is not that bad." Nikki said setting the table in their Vancouver apartment. "She does like you."

Josh looked at Nikki from the couch. "I just hate how she thinks she is better than everyone else. She so freaking….la te Da!" Josh said waving his hands. "It is my night off from the studio and just want to spend it with you."

"Josh honey they won't be here all night." She said finishing up what she was doing. "Everything is ready, and smells so good." She smiled as the door bell rang. "Ohhhhh they are here."

Josh rolled his eyes and groaned. Nikki turned and glared at him.

"Be nice!" She warned before opening the door.

Nikki opened the door, her mother and sister stood on the other side. They gushed and hugged before coming into the apartment.

"Joshua….I see you could attend." Sheila, Nikki's mother said.

Josh inwardly rolled his eyes. Attend, what the fuck. It was his own apartment. It was times like this he wished he drank alcohol.

"Come on in and sit down. Josh you remember Mary my sister?" Nikki asked all sweetly.

Josh nodded his head. "Hi Mary."

Josh thought he was going to hang himself with his belt…..he wanted out of that apartment that bad. He had to listen to Sheila go on and on about what Nikki should be doing, what they should be doing together…he was going to blow a gasket. This woman just irritated the hell out him. He had so many sarcastic remarks for anything that Sheila had to say, but out of respect for Nikki he kept his mouth shut.

They were all sitting around the table eating. Nikki's mother complained about everything. Nikki didn't' say a word, Josh felt bad because she had worked hard all day to have everything perfect. He reached under the table and squeezed her hand.

"Well Joshua…..when are you going to finally ask my daughter to marry you?"

Josh cringed at the use of his formal name. "We have been talking about it." He smiled at Nikki, she leaned over and kissed him softly.

Mary had been quiet most of the evening finally spoke up. "I think you guys should register for adoption, since Nikki can't have children."

Josh didn't know if he heard Mary right. "Nikki can't have children?" Josh asked sternly. She had told him she was pregnant, and then three months later she lost the baby. What the hell was going on.

The color drained from Nikki's face. She looked down at her hands, she wouldn't look up at Josh.

"No she can't." Mary started. "Birth defect. She can't conceive or carry a child."

"Is this true Nikki." He asked sternly.

She wouldn't answer him. "I said …is this fucking true Nikki?"

Her mother gasped and went to say something. Josh glared at her. She shut right up.

"Answer me god damn it."

Nikki looked at her mother and sister. "Can you guys please leave? I will talk to you later."

"Are you sure Darling?" Her mother asked looking from Nikki to Josh.

"Yes mother." Nikki said hugging both her mom and her sister. She shut the door and turned to see Josh leaning up against the counter with his arms crossed, glaring at her.

Nikki kept her head down. She would not make eye contact with Josh.

"So Nicole…you can't get pregnant. Is that the fucking truth?"

She would not answer him or look at him.

Josh went over to her, grabbed her roughly by both arms. "I want you to fucking look at me…and I want the truth and I want it now." He spat out, his face was mere inches from hers. She had never seen him this mad before. He shook her a little. "ANSWER ME!" he yelled.

She flinched and sobbed.

"You made it all up didn't you!" he yelled at her. He was so mad he could of killed her with his bare hands. "You wanted me away from Ella that bad."

She looked at him and glared. "It was always Ella…I could not stand you with her." She said. "It was the only way I could think of to get you away from her."

" I can't fuck stand to look at you right now. Jesus Christ Nikki! Lie about a baby, and then lie to me that you lost it. Then the whole fucking depression act you had going on." He yelled waving his arms. He ran his hand roughly through his hair. "I pushed her away for you….I god damned pushed her away. I was so stupid."

"Josh….I love you…that is why I did it."

"You don't know what love is." He spat. "I want you out of my apartment….I don't want you to contact me…I don't want to every lay eyes on you again."

"Josh….." she went to reach out for him. He shoved her away.

He moved away from her. He was so upset that he was vibrating. He grabbed his car keys off of the counter. "I want you gone by the time I get back."

He slammed the door on his way out. He wanted something to calm him down, to take this pain away. He wanted his old friend…..that would take any hurt or trouble away. He dug his cell phone out of his pocket and called Matt.

"Matt, I need ya Dude. Can you come get me? I can't even drive."

Matt could hear the panic in his friend's voice. "Josh are you okay man?"

Josh started to cry, he wiped the tears away from his face. "Hurry Matt…Please hurry."

The plane had landed on time. Sara was waiting at the airport for Ella and Ben and the babies. She hadn't seen them since they were born. She had seen pictures. She spied Ella right away. She had one baby and her friend Ben had the other. She heard one let out a high pitch squeal that had to be Liam.

"Ella honey….oh my god look at you." Sara said looking her friend over. She looked amazing. She had lost her weight, but she was curvier. Her hips had filled out some, and of course her boobs were hugh as she was nursing. "You look amazing."

Ella hugged her best friend. "I missed you." She said to Sara, Liam reached up and grabbed Sara by the hair. "Liam not nice." Ella said sternly. The baby just giggled.

"Hi Ben…..this must be Landon."

"Hey Sara…..this monster is Landon." He said handing the baby to Sara. Landon went right to her with no hesitation.

"He looks like you Ella, Liam is a spitting image of Josh."

"I know right?" Ella said smiling. "He is crawling too….Landon isn't yet."

"He will soon. Let's get you guys back to the hotel…and you can meet the nanny I hired for you. She is really nice."

"Sara….."

"Ella you want to keep them a secret, you are going to need someone to help you take care of them. We have the bridal shower, bachelorette and the wedding to deal with in the next three weeks. Matt is going to want to see you."

"Okay I guess your right." Ella said. "Come on Ben."

"I am right behind you L. Want me to take monster #1 for you. He looks like he is trying to tear your hair out."

"Here go bug Uncle Ben."

Liam squealed again. He had a really high pitched squeal. "See I told you L."

"Told me what."

"They are going to notice your boobs."

"God Ben." Ella said rolling her eyes, and following Sara out of the airport to the car. "I think you are just pretending to be gay so you get to look at my boobs all the time."

"Oh my god…..you found me out." He said gasping and putting his hand over his chest.

They were all settled in the car heading to the hotel when Sara broke the news.

"So Josh is single."

Ella looked up at Sara. "Really?"

"You were right Ella…..she faked the pregnancy."

"Oh my fuck." Ella said placing her hand over her mouth. "Really?"

"Yup Josh through her out on her ass. He has been staying with Mike and I, or Matt. He is pretty messed up."

Ella sighed. "He is going to hate me if he ever finds out about the babies. You can't tell him." She said to Sara.

"It isn't right Ella."

"I agree." Ben said looking at Ella. "These monsters are his. They deserve a male influence."

"They do."

Ben rolled his eyes. "L honey I am gay. They need their father. Besides you need to get laid."

"Ben!" Ella said sternly. "That is none of your concern."

"I like Ben more and more every time I am around him."

"You have not had sex since you got pregnant."

"I don't know how you do it." Sara said.

"Well when you have two boobs full of milk that leak, makes you feel really sexy."

All three of them laughed. "I just hope he is going to be okay."

Sara smiled at her friend. "He will be just fine in time."


	24. Chapter 24

Ella had been in Vancouver now for three days now. This was her first break away from the twins. The nanny that Sara hired was amazing. Sara had done pretty good. Her and Sara were going to a fitting, for both of them and then Sara was taking Ella shopping.

"Starbucks?" Sara asked as they drove towards downtown.

"I would love a coffee…I pumped off enough Milk to last a few days, so coffee and alcohol will be consumed."

"The boys are pretty amazing." Sara said smiling. "You are going to have your hands full with Liam. He is so active."

"I know…he is going to turn my hair grey." She laughed.

"You look really good Ella." Sara said commenting on Ella's appearance. She had a vibrant blue sundress on. "Having those boys was good for your body. You're hot."

Ella chuckled. "Sad part once I stop nursing the boobs will leave. I am just glad they didn't make me stay fat. I ate like a pig the whole time. I can't wait for you to have a baby. It has to be a girl….."Ella stated smiling at Sara.

"I think we will wait a year or two." Sara pulled into a parking spot. "We will just leave the car here, it is a beautiful day, we can walk."

Ella got out of the car and stretched. "It is weird not have a baby in my arms."

"You are an amazing mother."

"I try. Come on I need coffee."

They went into Starbucks, Ella checked her phone while they were waiting in line. She looked up and her heart skipped a beat or spazed in her chest. Josh was looking right at her. He looked amazing, he grinned at her and came over to her and Sara.

"Hey Ella." He said taking her into his arms and hugging her. He hugged her tightly. He pulled back and looked at her. "Wow you look amazing."

"Thank you." She said softly. "How have you been?" she asked knowing that he being going through a lot with his break up with Nikki.

"I have been keeping busy. Mike actually just sent me here from the studio."

"Oh he did, did he. You lost on rock paper scissors again." Sara asked laughed.

"That dude never lets me win." Josh said rolling his eyes.

Sara laughed. Ella just watched him, she could see the sadness in his eyes.

"What are you ladies up too? We are going to be at the studio all day and probably most of the evening. You two should stop by?"

"We have a fitting, then I need to take this one shopping, but we can drop by before we go back to the hotel. Is that okay with you Sara, you don't think Ben will need you before that."

"Ben?" Josh asked.

"He is my roommate and friend. I think he will be ok, I will check on the…tw…" she started then stopped herself quickly. "I will check in with him first."

Josh pulled Ella into a hug again, squeezing her. "It is so nice to see you sweetheart." He said softly. "I will see you later."

Ella couldn't breathe, but she didn't care. His arms felt good. He still had the same effect on her, he was so sexy and hot. "Nice to see you too." She smiled as he released her. He winked at her and walked away.

Sara watched Ella check him out as he walked away. "Nice ass eh?"

Ella laughed. "Did he always wear pants that tight?"

"Come on let's get you coffee, we are going to be late for a fitting."

"Took you long enough dude." Mike complained and Josh entered the studio. "Gessh it is probably cold."

"Get it yourself next time." Josh said rolling his eyes.

"So you guys accomplish anything?"

"Nope…..You need to get rid of the mortal combat game." Ian said tossing a stress ball up in the air.

Matt came in the room. "Soooooooooooo. What now?"

"Have you seen Ella yet Matt?"

"Nah I haven't Josh, why do you ask."

"I ran into her and Sara at Starbucks…."

"That is what took you so long….."

Josh rolled his eyes. "There is something different about her. She had this strapless short blue sundress on…she looked amazing. I don't think she gained weight…she is fucking hot. I think she got a boob job."

"Oh?" Ian said smiling. "I will have to check those out."

"You are such a man Ian." Matt said.

"Well the last time I checked, I was male."

"I don't know why she would have gotten a boob job, she was perfect the way she was. She looks hot….but it is just different." Josh said playing with his shoe lace. "Okay we have tons or work to get done. We need to work and not procrastinate."

The girls had a wonderful day shopping; it was just like old times. Ella had called and checked on the babies a few times. Ben told her to enjoy herself that the monsters were just fine. Monster number 1 being Liam was into everything, but he had it under control.

They went had dinner at one of Ella's favorite places down on the wharf, they had two bottles of wine. They were a little on the giggly side.

"So you going to hook up with Josh?" Sara asked as they walked down the side walk, arms linked together.

"Come on Sara, you are not serious. I can't hook up with anyone while I am nursing. I mean if I was married it would be different, my husband would understand to stay away from this." Ella said motioning towards her boobs, then laughing. "It might spray all over them."

Sara bent over with laughter. It wasn't even that funny, but they were a little intoxicated.

Ella got all serious as they walked along the side walk, towards Josh's studio. "I am not going to be with Josh again Sara."

"Ella honey why?"

"I think I was the rebound and I am not going to be that again. I have the boys to think of, and I am happy with my life in Halifax with Ben. I don't want him to ever know about the twins."

"Do you know how selfish you are being." Sara said to her friend.

Ella sighed. "I know." She said softly. "I don't want to be his second choice."

"You know damn well if Nikki hadn't said she was with child he would never of left you, Josh would be near crazy with trying to handle the twins, especially Liam." Sara giggled. "He complains all the time about babies on planes, I bet his child is the worst."

Ella laughed. "You have no idea. Liam screamed till we got to Toronto, slept till Calgary, then squeeled and gibbered loudly till we landed here."

"You are not going to tell him are you?"

Ella shook her head. "No I am not."

"You know Josh will always be a part of my life."

"I know…..I can deal."

"I will never get to spend Christmas with you and my nephews; I will never be able to share my love for them with Mike. Damn it Stella."

"I am sorry." Ella said softly. "I think I am going to go back to the hotel. It was fun today. Thank you._"_

"Come with me…..you can't go home to Ben when you have been drinking. I love you no matter what you decide to do…but I think you need to hook up with someone…..preferably Josh."

"Come on…..they better be more alcohol in the studio." Ella said dragging Sara up the sidewalk with her. "Oh we could just stop in this bar and have a drink."

"I like how you think."

"I think we need to stop for the evening. My voice is hurting." Josh said randomly.

"Your voice hurts does it?" Ian asked. "You are such a douche Josh."

"Sara and Ella are on their way." Mike stated checking his phone. "Should be here now." He said as they heard female laughter from out in the hall.

"Mikey…where are you?"

"In here babe." He said as the girls came into the room. He took one look at them. "You are both drunk." He grinned.

Matt got up and went over and hugged Ella immediately. "So good to see you Ella." He said softly. "Even if you are shit faced."

Ellas giggled. "You know you love me Matt." Ella hugged him back then plopped down on the couch, putting her feet up on the table. "Hi Ian, and Mike."

"Ella you look amazing." Ian said sitting beside her.

"You don't look to bad yourself."

She looked up and Josh came out of the sound room. "Hi Josh."

"Hi Ella bean. You are intoxicated."

"Yup I think I am." She slurred as she felt her phone vibrate. "Excuse me." She said, Matt helped her to her feet. She walked down the hall away from everyone to answer the phone. "Hello Ben."

"Hi L, just checking in."

"I am drunk." She giggled.

"I hear that. Where are you."

"At Josh's studio."

"Oh?"

Ella rolled her eyes. "How are the babies."

"Sleeping soundly. Liam just went to sleep about ten minutes ago. That little monster has sleep issues."

Ella giggled. "Ben he is a baby, he fights his sleep. He doesn't have sleep issues."

"So."

"So what?"

"You not coming home tonight right?"

"Yes I am coming back to the hotel."

"I think you should jump that tall hot sexy man with the blue hair."

"Not going to happen. Leaky boobs remember."

"Don't take your top off…god Ella if you don't want him…..I will take him off your hands, gladly."

"Your are not his type Ben. He likes females."

Ben sighed. "Well a guy can dream. Come home soon I am bored if you not going to get in his pants…..I really wanted to hear all about it."

"God Ben…you are a real pervert."

"I just want to know how is penis is."

Ella burst out laughing. "His penis is nice."

"Nice…really L…..you used the word NICE. It should amazing, rock hard, sexy….hot…..but not Nice. Do you even remember what one looks like?"

" I am done talking about this with you. See you when I get back."

Ella went back out and joined everyone; Matt patted the couch beside him for her to sit down. Ella sat down beside him, the room was spinning. She looked over at Sara she was on Mike's lap. Ian was on his phone, and Josh was looking at her. She smiled at him, he smiled back.

They sat there for a few hours; they all talked and joked around. Ian came out and asked Ella if she got a boob job. Ella just shrugged her shoulders and giggled. She was getting tired.

"Mike we should take Ella back to the hotel."

"Okay babe, I will bring around the car."

"Ella you are passing out." Sara said pulling her to her feet, Ella fell back onto the couch. Josh came over and pick Ella up in his arms, she rest her head on his shoulder.

"I will take her out to the car. Can you and Mike get her into the hotel."

"I will text Ben he will come down."

Josh carried her out to the car, her warm breath on his neck was driving him crazy. He set her down into the back seat of the car, helped her put her seatbelt on.

"Thanks Josh." She said smiling at him, she reached up and pushed his bangs back from his face.

He grinned at her. "No problem. I hope you don't feel too shitty in the morning."

"Morning…not going to be good."

"Night Sweetheart."

"Night Josh."

"Thanks Josh." Sara said stumbling to the front seat of the car. "Night."

Josh put his hands on his hips and watched the car pull away. If he wouldn't have chosen Nikki over Ella he knew they would still be together. He turned going back into the studio. He had a ton of crap to get done; he would work for awhile and just sleep at the studio.

He back inside and sat down beside Matt on the couch. Ian was asleep in the chair, he would be sore in the morning.

"How was that for you?" Matt asked.

Josh shrugged. "It was okay."

"Definitely got a boob job."

"I know right?" Josh said smiling at man. "I am not the only one that noticed."

"It is hard not to notice those babies."

Josh laughed. "Let's do something productive before we fall asleep."

"Sleep is productive."

"Come on Matt."Josh laughed again

The next morning, Ben got up with the babies with the help of the nanny and he let Ella sleep. He would mark his money on it, she would have a killer headache today. It was now almost one in the afternoon. He wondered if she was alive.

He settled the twins down for their nap and creeped into Ella's room. They had a three room sweet, Sara made sure they were comfortable while here for their stay.

He opened the door, he smiled. Ella hair was tangled mess, she was still in her blue sundress.

"L. You need to wake up!" he said jumping on the bed, bouncing up and down.

"Ugh…..I am going to cut your dick off." She mumbled pulling the blankets over her head.

Ben laughed. "Wakey wakey princess!" he pulled the covers back, so she was completely uncovered.

"Ben! Leave me alone."

"So…how was last night?" he said plopping down beside her on the bed, now that she was awake.

She glared at him. "I feel like my head is going to crack in two and something died in my mouth."

"That good huh?"

Ella giggled into her pillow. "Why do I do this to myself?"

"So you seen Josh…I watched more footage on line of them…..man he is fucking sexy. You have to tell me you are going to hook up with him."

"No I am not." Ella said sitting up, wincing a little from the throbbing pain in her head.

"Well you are stupid…do you think I could make him change the way he swings with this?" He asked showing Ella's his rock hard pack.

"You are to manly for a gay man. I think you would frighten him."

Ben burst out laughing. "You think I would scare him."

"Josh doesn't come across as being overly manly."

"Well he got your pregnant twice."

Ella laughed. "Yea figuratively speaking."

"I think he is hot…and I need to get laid."

"Ben…"Ella slapped his arm. Ben laughed. Ella hated when he talked about his non existence sex life. She was okay with him being gay but didn't want to hear about any details.

"Landon is almost crawling." He said changing the subject.

Ella smiled. "Oh is he? They are sleeping?"

"Yes they are…..the Nanny said she would be back around three. I was thinking we could go out and you could show me around some. I would love to take the boys, but they might get seen."

"I would love to show you around." Ella got out of bed. She picked up her cell phone. She had three text messages from Matt. All three asking her if she was still alive, and he wanted to have dinner with her tonight. "Matt wants me to have dinner with him."

"Are you going to?"

"I probably will. You wanna come too. I would love you to meet him."

"It isn't a date?"

Ella laughed. "No not with Matt. We are friends. I am going to take a shower."

"Okay L. I am going to check on the monsters."

"Thank you Ben. You are too good to my babies. We are so lucky to have you."

Ben smiled and watched her walk out of the room. He was so lucky to have them. To have a family that he would probably never have. Ella had giving him that, and he loved her for it. He wanted her to be happy and he knew Josh would make her happy. She was still so in love with him, even if she didn't want to admit it.


	25. Chapter 25

Ella was exhausted now that both babies were mobile. She was spending the afternoon alone with them. Matt had taken Ben out shopping; he needed something for the wedding. After they had supper the other night, Matt had offered to take him shopping. Matt didn't know what he was getting himself into. Ella had told Matt that Ben was gay when she and he went for coffee after supper, when Ben had gone back to the hotel. He was shocked; he said Ben didn't come across as gay.

Liam and Landon were playing on the floor in front of her. Liam was always picking on his brother; already they would taunt each other. They were seven months old, Liam crawled over to her and grabbed her paint leg and pulled himself up to his feet. He looked up at her, scrunching his nose up grinning at her, he was proud that he was standing on his feet.

"Look at you, standing up like a big boy." Ella gushed picking monster number 1 up as Ben had always referred them too. Liam blew spit bubbles and squeeled. He clapped his little hands together, and giggled.

Landon was sitting quietly playing with a little toy piano. He was content being quiet, while Liam would not be content unless he was tearing everything apart. Ella sat down on the floor with both of her babies, watching them play. Liam would sit beside Landon and play for a little bit before he was on to something else. Ella could tell the boys were going to be close, but they would be brothers, they would fight and pick on each other.

"Mum mum mum mum." Landon gibbered reaching his little arms up to her. She picked him up he snuggled into her arms. She kissed the top of his soft little head.

She bent down and picked on Liam, and kissed his little head. They both barley fit in her arms, "Nap time my little monsters." She took them into their own room, and changed them and got them both tucked into their cribs. Landon closes his little eyes and went to sleep; now Liam pulled himself to his feet, scrunching his nose up at his mother.

Ella went over the crib and crouched down to his level. "You are so much like your father little one." Liam reached over and warped his little finger around hers. Ella sighed; she should be sharing this beautiful babies with Josh and his family. Nikki was not in the picture anymore, she was scared that Josh would be mad at her. He would get over it; he would understand and forgive her. She could hope he would. She made up her mind; she was going to tell him.

She went and showered and got dressed, she put on a pair of skinny jeans and a black tank top, she left her hair curly and put on a little make up. She was just finishing up when Ben came in.

"Hey L." he said sitting on the sofa. "You look prutty." He said as she walked into the room.

"Thanks." She said softly picking her phone up and texting Josh.

**"Where are you?"**

"L what is wrong." Ben said noticing something was off with Ella. He got up and went to her; he pulled her into a hug.

"I am going to tell him about the babies." Ella said softly," just waiting for him to text me back."

Ben looked at her trying to read what was going on in her head, what made her change her mind. "Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?"

"I am sure…it isn't fair to Josh and not fair to the twins." Ella stated as her phone vibrated.

**"I am at the studio. Why?"**

Ella read his text.

"**Can we talk? I really need to talk to you."**

"Ella make sure this is what. It will change everything. Josh will have rights to see his children. Are you planning on getting back together with him?"

"No…" she said right away. "I am not getting back together with him just because we have children together."

Ella feels her phone vibrated again, she looks at it reading his reply.

"**Sure….just stop by. I will be here all day. Are you okay sweetheart?"**

She smiled reading the last text, he still called her sweetheart. She loved when he did that. She shoved her phone in her pocket giving Ben a quick hug.

"I will be back."

"L call me if you need me for anything."

"I will Ben."

"Carly quit being a little bitch and help me finish this fucking song." Josh spat at his friend.

"Oh so I am the bitch…..who is the one who is bitching and complaining there is no coke zero left, or it is warm….or that you need a smoke break. Geesh Ramsay." Carly said shoving him a little.

"Hey…..you are so abusive."

Carly shoved him again, he flew backwards ending up on the couch flat on his back. She stood there laughing at him, but before she even realized what was going on, he pulled her down, flipped himself so he was hovering over her, he had her pinned to the sofa.

"I think I win…and you owe me an apology."

"You called me the bitch!" she said giggling.

"Well…..okay…well ya!"

"No smart assed come back. I guess I win this one pretty boy."

Josh couldn't help it he burst out laughing and collapsed on top of her. He put his full weight on her. She hollered at him to get off of her.

"Ramsay…get off of me. I am going to kick your ass." Carly said. They both heard the main door open to the studio, it was too late for Josh to jump up before whoever it was, was in the very room.

"Ella." Josh said standing up and fixing his shirt that had gotten messed up while him and Carly were messing around in a friendly manner.

"I can come back if I am interrupting anything?" Ella said looking at the floor.

Josh could see that she thought something sexual was going on between him and Carly. He grinned and laughed. He was going to let her think whatever she wanted to. Maybe she would get jealous and try to win him back.

"This is my friend Ella, this is Carly." He said introducing the two.

"You are Sara's friend?" Carly asked extending her hand for Ella to shake it.

Ella smiled and shook Carly's hand. "Ya I am Sara's friend."

"She talks about you all the time."

"So you know Sara too?"

"Ya well I am with Josh a lot, and he is with everyone else a lot so we just all know each other."

Josh watched Ella, she was nervous about something. She kept biting her lip.

"You needed to talk to me sweetheart?" Josh asked.

"You know what….it isn't important. I will catch you guys later." Ella turned and walked back out of the studio.

Josh looked at Carly, she motioned for him to go after her. Carly knew really well about Ella from Josh. He had confided a lot in her because they were just friends.

Josh rushed out of the studio after Ella, he caught up to her just as she was about to get into her rental car.

"Ella …..hold on a second."

Ella turned and looked at him. She was beautiful he thought to himself.

"There is nothing going on Carly and I. We are just friends."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me Josh. It has been a year and a half since we were together. It is okay for you to have other women in your life."

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Josh asked shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, with everything that has happened in your life. You just seem not yourself the last few times I have seen you."

Josh looked at her like she was crazy. "Ella I am fine, haven't been better in a long time. You can talk to me about anything you know. I still care a lot about you."

Ella looked at him, getting caught up in his eyes.

"Hey…..what is it?" Josh said noticing the sadness in her eyes. She looked away from him and down at the ground. He reached for her, placing his fingers under her chin to lift her face to look at him. "Sweetheart you can talk to me." He said crouching down to her eye level, looking into her eyes.

"It is stupid Josh. Forget I ever came." She turned to get in her car but he stopped her, turned her to face him.

"You are obviously upset about something."

"I think seeing you…made me realize how much I am not unsolved about us, even after all this time. I will be here another week and then I will be gone again."

Josh cupped her face with his hand, she leaned into it. She couldn't pull away.

Josh leaned in and kissed her, he deepened the kiss, she responded to him by kissing him back. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his body. Then he felt her hands on his chest, pushing him back.

"That shouldn't of happened." She said pulling back from him as a tear slide down her face.

"Why not?" Josh asked a little hurt that she had pushed him away. "It is obvious that we still have feelings for each other."

Ella sighed. "I have a new life now Josh. I have other things I have to think about first before I think of myself. We are not right for each other. We can still be friends."

"Why the hell did you text me to ask to talk and then get here and saying it wasn't that important. If it was important enough for you to contact me then it must be pretty fucking important. You haven't contacted me at all in the two weeks you have been here. I have seen you once." Josh said angrily.

Ella sighed, wiping a tear away from her face. "I have to go. I will see you tomorrow night, later in the evening. I am sorry Josh. I didn't want to upset you." She said still wiping tears away.

Josh felt bad that he made her cry. "Ella I am sorry." He said trying to pull her into a hug, but she resisted.

She turned and got in her car and drove away. Josh stood there, ran his hand through his hair. He was so confused. What the hell did she want, why was she so upset. When he kissed her, he felt her melt into him. It was like no time had passed. He touched his lips, her kiss still lingered there. Why was she pushing him away? She was different; something about her was not the same. It was not a bad thing, but she was keeping something from him.

As Ella drove back to the hotel, she contemplated why she didn't tell him about the babeis, she should have told him. She was so confused. When she seen Josh and Carly together, even though he insisted they were just friend, even if they were it still didn't change the fact that Josh didnt' need to have the responsiblity of being a father. He was a bulding his career. They had a new album coming out that fall, he would be touring and be busy. She wasn't going to ruin his life, he was meant to do big things.

She closed her eyes briefly remember his lips on hers, she sighed, She loved him more than anything in this world. She loved him enough to let him go, and be the man he was supposed to be before he meant her.


	26. Chapter 26

The next evening was Sara and Mikes bachelor and Bachelorette parties. Sara was so excited to be able to go out and have some fun with the girls and then meet up with the guys later in evening and have fun together.

She had gotten a call earlier in the day from Ben, he told her that Ella had been crying all day, and she would not talk to him about anything. Sara was going to go find out what was wrong with her best friend.

"Why is there always much drama when Ella is around?" Mike asked watching his beautiful fiancé get ready to go out for the evening and have fun.

"Mike don't start please. I know you have issues with Ella, but she is my family and you have to get use to her." Sara said finishing her makeup. "You have no idea about anything in her life Mike."

Mike got up from the bed, walked over to Sara. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder and looked at her in the mirror. He sighed.

"I am sorry babe, just that whenever she is around, Josh gets bitcher than normal."

Sara smiled turning herself in Mike's arms; she smiled at him before she kissed him softly. "We need to get them back together."

Mike looked at Sara, he could see the wheels turning in her head. "What are you up too?"

"When when leave the bars tonight, make sure Josh gets in the second Limo. I am going to make sure Ella is in that one, and I have arranged for the driver to take the long way back to the hotel we are partying at after. So they will be stuck, alone in the limo together."

Mike shook his head. "How do you think that will help?"

"Well….." Sara started and left Mike arms going across the room to the closet to find shoes. "Josh is still crazy about her right?"

Mike shrugged his shoulders. "Yes he is or he wouldn't act such a little bitch."

"I know Ella is crazy about Josh…get her drunk….and two horny people in a car that are attracted to each other…they won't be able to keep their hands to themselves."

"You have it all figured out don't ya?"

"Yes…..yes I do." She smiled and came across the room and kissed Mike again. "You have fun tonight…..but not too much fun." She teased before leaving the room.

Sara arrived at the hotel; she was on her way up to Ella's suite. She had called and texted Ella all day but she would not answer or respond.

Sara walked into the suite; Ben was sitting on the floor with the babies. Liam squeeled at her when she walked through the door. She had been trying to spend as much time with the little guys as possible.

"Hello my sweeties." Sara said crouching down on the floor with them, she pulled both babies onto her lap, both boys quickly crawled away, to back what they were doing. Sara smiled at both of them.

"She has only been out of her room to see the twins this morning. She went back to bed. She won't tell me what is wrong." Ben told Sara. "She went to see Josh the other day to tell him about the monsters, but she came back crying and upset and never spoke to me."

"I know she didn't tell him. I would have heard about it."

"I hate to see her so sad." Ben said.

"I know me too. I know she loves Josh, and josh adores her. I just don't know why she is being so stubborn."

Ben laughed. "It is Ella you are talking about."

"True." Sara said as both babies crawled into her lap. "These little guys are so freaking cute. It is hard to believe they are Josh's offspring."

"I think he is downright sexy."

Sara rolled her eyes. "You would think that."

"So how are you going to get her out of her room?"

"I can handle little Miss Ella." Sara said smiling. "This is what is going to happen tonight." She said quietly to Ben. "We are going to get her shit faced drunk and when the guys come to pick us up, put her in the second Limo, which is going to be the one Josh is in alone."

Ben grinned. "I see what you are thinking."

"I am going to tell the Limo driver to take his time, and maybe get lost or something."

"What do you think that will do?" Ben asked smiling at Sara. "She is stubborn as hell."

"Her and Josh in a limo, with her drinking. I know her too well." Sara smiled.

"You just have to figure out how to get her out off her bedroom."

"I will drag her out kicking and screaming. You wanna help."

"Nah…" Ben started. "I value my life."

Ella was standing at the bar in a very popular downtown Vancouver bar. She was not impressed. She didn't want to be here. Sara had to pretty much guilt her into coming. She had told her I am only getting married once…..blah blah blah. Which she was right. Sara was still upset that Ella wouldn't talk to her about what happened between her and Josh the other day.

Ella realized that she loved him dearly, and that she couldn't be in his life. She sighed watching Ben and Sara and the rest of Sara's friends out on the dance floor. Ben didn't want to go with the guys, which was fine with Ella. She liked having him around.

"Wanna drink?" Carly asked coming up to her. "I am so glad you could come, Sara told me earlier today that you were not up to coming out."

"I would love a drink." Ella said smiling at Carly.

"Awesome." Carly smiled and ordered them a drink and some tequila shooters. Sara had told Carly to get Ella drunk. Carly was a little apprehensive at first, but when Sara explained what she was planning she was all game for it. Carly thought to the other day when Josh had come back into the studio after his chat with Ella, he was clearly upset. He had told Carly that he was sorry that he chose Nikki over Ella the previous year. She felt bad for him.

She looked at Ella, she was short like herself, she had long wavy brown hair. She wasn't a typical Josh type but she thought that is why he liked her. She looked really hot tonight, which was Sara's doing. She had a black strapless dress on, that wasn't too tight but was fitted. She was a really pretty girl.

"What are we drinking?" Ella asked.

"Tequila." Carly said smiling. "Can you handle it."

"Hell Yay! Bring it on baby."

By midnight Carly and Ella were both pretty intoxicated. Ella was out on the dance floor with Ben when the guys arrived.

Josh was in a bad mood, being sober and around all these drunk assholes was making him not a really happy person. Then he comes into the bar and sees the woman that he is crazy about dancing with some hot blonde guy. He was freaking ripped. Josh thought to himself. He stood there beside Matt watching Ella.

"Who is the douche?" Josh asked Carly as she came over and hugged him.

"What douche you talking about…..that is Matt beside you."

"Hey now." Matt said pulling Carly into a hug.

"Him." Josh said motioning to the dance floor to where Ellla and the fucking guy was.

Matt started laughing. "Oh Ramsay, you don't need to get your panties in a bunch. That is Ben, Ella's friend and he is gay."

Josh smiled "Really, I like Ben."

Carly slapped his arm. "You are such an ass. If he wouldn't have been gay you would of pouted all night." She slurred.

Josh looked at his friend. "You are drunk."

"That would be correct asshole."

"The verbal abuse I put up with." He grinned as he said it, still watching Ella swing her hips on the dance floor.

Mike and Ian came over to join the group, they both were pretty intoxicated. "So are we heading back to the hotel soon. I am starving." Ian slurred.

"As soon as I find Sara." Mike stated looking around.

"Washroom." Carly said sipping on her drink.

Ian came over by Josh, leaned up against the table. "What you watching so intently?" Ian said looking in the direction Josh was. "She is hot!" Ian slurred. "I can't believe a douche like you was in her pants before."

Josh gave Ian a dirty look. "Shut up Ian." Josh warned. He loved Ian but when he was drinking well, he was a fucking idiot sometimes.

"Sorry dude. That was inappropriate, since you are still in love with her. Even though you won't admit it."

Josh threw his arm around Ian and gave him a man hug and said quietly. "Now don't be telling everyone my secrets."

Josh was just about to let Ian go when Sara and Ben approached. "Ella had to pee." Sara said as she joined the group. "Everyone this is Ben. Ben this is Mike, Ian and Josh…you already now Matt."

"So are we ready to leave?" Mike asked.

"Pretty much, we just have to wait for Ella." Sara said wrapping her arms around Mike's waist. "Remember the plan."

Mike rolled his eyes and nodded his head.

Sara looked across the bar and she could see Ella, some guy was bothering her from what Sara could tell. He had a hold of her arm. Ella was trying to get away from his grasp. Ben just happened to look in the same direction.

"I am going to kick his ass." Ben said rushing across the bar towards Ella, Josh then noticed what was going on and he started to go.

"Josh let Ben handle it." Mike said. "He is a buff guy." Mike said.

"What the fuck is that suppose to mean."

"uhhhh Josh you not overly mainly." Matt joined in.

"Whatever." He said looking back towards Ella but Ben already was back on his way towards them with Ella thrown over his shoulder. They could hear Ella protesting for Ben to put her down.

"Ben I am going to kick your ass."

"L your little legs will not reach my ass."

"You wanna fucking bet."

"Ouch…you fucking bite me."

"Put me down. I will do it again."

Ben looked at Sara. "Which way to the limo?"

Sara smiled. "Out front. Josh you are in the second Limo okay."

Josh shrugged his shoulders he didn't really care what Limo he was in. Everyone had piled into the front one. Ben opened the door on the second one and pretty much tossed Ella in on the seat as he turned to go up to the first one, Josh was standing there.

"Now you can deal with her." He chuckled then walked up and got in the front limo.

Josh climbed in and shut the door.

"Hey." He said sliding in next to her. Ella was already opening a bottle of champagne. Instead of using a glass she chugged it out of the bottle.

She smiled at him. "I would offer you some but I know you don't drink often."

Josh took the bottle from her and took a big drink out of it. "I am not in a good mood tonight, so I will join you for a little." He grinned.

"So Joshua why are you bitchy tonight."

He looked over at her, she looked beautiful even with the smeared eyeliner, and the messed up drunk hair. She had kicked her shoes off.

"No real reason." He said. "I can feel my mood getting better by the minute he grinned. He watched her drink the wine from the bottle.

"Where are we going? It seems like it is taking us forever to get there."

Josh shrugged. "I don't mind."

The limo then came to a full stop, and the window went down that separated the driver.

"Mr. Ramsay the limo is overheating. I just called dispatch for a replacement and he said it would be twenty minutes."

Josh put the window back up and looked at Ella. She was almost sitting next to him.

"We are stuck here for a little bit."

She pouted. "At least I have booze and company."

"I don't think you need any more booze." He said taking the bottle form her.

"Hey." She protested and tried to get it back from him, Josh leaned back away from her and she fell into him. Her face was just inches from his, he could fell her warm breath on his lips.

"Hi." He grinned setting the wine bottle down in the holder on the door. He placed his hands on her hips to keep her there.

She smiled at him, and before he could say anything else she was kissing him. He pulled her onto his lap so she was straddling his hips, she pulled away from his lips and kissed down his jaw line to his neck, he leaned his head back on the seat to give her full access, he moaned softly as she found that sensitive spot down by his collar bone, she kissed and sucked on it softly. He felt her hands tangle in his hair. She pulled back and smiled at him. She was beautiful, he reached up and placed one hand on the side of her face and the other in her hair, he kissed her deeply. He could feel her push her whole body into him. He felt her hands unbuckling his pants.

"Jesus woman." He said pulling back just to look into her beautiful eyes.

She accomplished what she was trying to do. "I want you Josh." She breathed before she kissed him again roughly.

Josh pulled back just enough so he could say something to her. "I don't have anything with me; I wasn't planning on having sex in the back of a limo."

"It is okay." She said assaulting his neck again; he moaned tangling his hands into her hair.

""We don't need for me to get you pregnant." He said breathless between kisses.

"Do you trust me" she gasped as he kissed the inside of her neck.

"Yes."

"Then shut up Ramsay and let's do this."

The limo finally arrived at their destination. Ella got out before Josh, she was straightening her dress.

"You might need these." Josh grinned getting out of the limo and handing her panties.

She smiled and snatched them out of his hands. She stood on her tip toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, she kissed him deeply.

Josh brushed her hair back from her face and looked into those amazing grey eyes of hers. "I have missed you so much sweetheart."

Ella placed her hand over her mouth. "I don't feel so good." She turned and rushed over to the grass, and threw up violently in the bushes.

Josh winced. "Sweetheart you okay?"

"No." she managed to say between throwing up.

Ten minutes later she came back into his view. She was white as a ghost. "Is this your hotel as well?"

"Yes…can you call Sara please." She asked as they went into the lobby.

Josh called Sara and told her that Ella was in the lobby in a drunken mess. It was only about ten minutes and she was down to get her. Ben was with her.

"We will take it from here." Sara said as Ben picked up a passed out Ella.

"Night." Josh said watching Ben carry the love of his life away. What he felt tonight, in the back of that limo was not just sex, it was amazing. He loved her so much. He had the feeling that it was not going to go any farther than what it had tonight. She would go back to Halifax leaving him here to stumble through life without her.


	27. Chapter 27

Ella woke up the next morning to a wicked headache, extremely dry mouth, and horrible stomach burn. She groaned and turned over to see what time it was. Shit she thought it was two in the afternoon. She had slept the day away. She wondered why Ben had not come and got her, she hoped that she had enough breast milk pumped to do the day. She knew she was still toxic from all the alcohol. She rolled over onto her back and placed her hand on her forehead.  
She was still in her dress that she had on last night, she felt like a piece of shit. She sighed, she shouldn't of drank so much, and lost control. She sat up in the bed, winching from the throbbing in her head. She sat there on the edge of the bed for a few minutes before going into the bathroom. She turned on the shower. She undressed and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water wash over her body. She stayed in there for almost a half hour before getting out, she wrapped her self in a towel and wrapped towel over her hair. She went over to the mirror and looked at her self. Dark circles, still tracing of eye liner, a purples looking mark on her neck. Her eyes got big, she turned her neck to look at it closer.  
"What the fuck?" she said to herself. "A hickey? Really?" she scanned her brain, and then he came back to her all at once. "Oh no!" she said with her hand over her mouth. She had sex in the back of a limo with Josh. She felt like a cheap slut. She hadn't even taking her dress off. She was so embarrassed. She groaned and got dressed and went out to the living area. "Why the hell did you let this happen?" Ella said hold her hair back from her face.  
Ben grinned at her. "I was wondering when you handed me your panties last night."  
"Oh my Fuck!" she exclaimed. She sat down on the couch and buried her head in her hands. "I didn't do that did I?"  
"Ya you did. Thankfully it was just Sara and I with you at the time." Ben said laughing.  
"This is all your fault." She said glaring at him. "You guys set this up didn't you."  
Ben held his hands up in defense. "I had nothing to do with it."  
"You are the one that put me in that limo. Why didn't you stay with me?"  
"Sara ordered me to do it."  
"She is going to hear a piece of my mind. She knew damn well I didn't want to hook up with Josh."  
"That isn't what you were saying last night L. You love him, just give in and work things out. You both would be happier." Ben stated  
"NO!" Ella said sternly. "Josh is not the family man. He was worried about getting me pregnant last night. I just told him not to worry about it. He doesn't know I can't have any more babies." Ella stood and she was pacing and getting angry. The thought of Sara messing around with her life, yet again. "Josh is not ready for two boys, Josh is not ready to settle down."  
Ben could tell she was pissed. "L calm down you are going to wake the monsters."  
"I thought you were my friend Ben!" She snapped.  
"Hey don't you turn this around on me. I wasn't the one who had sex with him, you made that decision on your own."  
"Sara knew fucking well that I would sleep with him if I was drunk and had the chance to. She fucking knew it that is why she made sure we were in that limo alone. It wouldn't even surprise me that she arranged for the limo to "Breakdown" "  
Ben didn't say a word.  
"She fucking did didn't she?" Ella picked up her purse and her car keys. "You are okay to watch the boys till I get back."  
"L where are you going?"  
"I am going to tell that woman to stop meddling in my life."

Ella had texted Sara, she was at the studio. The fifteen minute drive across town just gave Ella more time to stew and get madder. She was mad at herself for being so weak, she was mad at Sara for meddling in her life and she was even mad at Josh for letting them have sex when he knew from their conversation the other day that she was not going to get back together with him. She had told him that she had another life and they were not right for each other.  
She pulled into the studio parking lot and got out of the car. She texted Sara but she didn't respond. She called her but she didn't answer. This pissed her off more. She threw the door open and marched down the hall into the waiting area. Sara was sitting on the couch with Mike. Josh and Ian were in the control room behind the glass window. Josh looked up when she came in, she ignored him.  
"Hi Ella." Sara said smiling.  
"I need to talk to you alone." Ella said sternly. "Outside would be best."  
Sara looked at her friend; she could see the anger in Ella's face. "Ella what is wrong."  
Mike and Matt just looked at each other when Ella turned and stalked back out of the studio. Sara followed her. Once outside Ella turned and faced her friend.  
"What gives you the fucking right to meddle in my life?" Ella spat at her friend.  
Sara laughed. "What has your panties in a bunch?'  
"Sara this isn't funny! You knew I didn't want to fucking sleep with Josh, so you get Carly to get me drunk and get us alone in the limo. You even had them say the limo was broke down and they sent out another one. I can't believe you did that after knowing how I felt."  
"Well Stella Marie I am not the one that fuck Josh. That was all your doing. You know damn well that you want to be with him."  
Ella threw her hands up in the air. "Sara when are you going to get it through your thick pretty head of yours that I am never going to be with Josh again. I have my boys to think about and I want them to have a stable life. I can give that to them in Halifax."  
"First …you have no right keeping those babies from him. They are just as much his children as they are yours. You are selfish, have always been selfish. You ran away last year because he chose Nikki over you, he hurt you so you thought the best way to get back at him in your warped little mind was not to tell him about you being pregnant. The only ones that is hurting is those beautiful boys of yours. They would have a family that loves him. Josh's parents, his sisters, the band and even Josh. Even though he doesn't want a family, he was responsible when Nikki told him she was pregnant, he was chose her over you the one he loved."  
Ella didn't say a word.  
"She is speechless because you know I am right."  
Ella glared at her. "What I do with my life is my business. I am booking a flight and I am leaving, taking my boys back to Halfiax."  
"My wedding is in two days." Sara said her eyes starting to tear up.  
"Well I wish you the best."  
"Ella you are acting like a child. You are going to walk away from our friendship just because you are too embarrassed to admit that I am right and you are wrong."  
"I just don't want to be here anymore. I want my life to be my life. I don't want to see Josh, I don't want to talk to him and lastly I don't want you thinking you can play around with my life just because you think it is fun." Ella said then she turned and got into the car and drove away.  
Sara stood there for a few minutes, wiped her tears away. Ella was being stupid and childish. She would let her go. She did not need the drama anyway. She went back into the studio. Mike looked at her when she came in.  
"What is wrong baby?" he asked as Sara sat down beside him.  
"Where did Ella go?" Josh asked coming into the room.  
Sara looked at Mike. "I need a new maid of honor. Ella is going back to Halifax today."  
"What?" Josh asked.  
"She is pissed at me Josh, and she is pissed at you. I think it would be better for you if you just let her go and move on. She is being unreasonable. I don't what is going through that head of hers."  
Josh ran his hand though his hair and pulled his cell phone out of his pocked and dialed her number, he walked out of the room when it started to ring. It went straight to voice mail.  
"Sweetheart…please don't leave. Stay please I beg you. I love you so much and I know last night wasn't most romantic reunion but I could feel the connection there, the one that always has been there. Please call me sweetheart. Love you."  
He shoved his phone into his pocket and went back into the room. He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands.  
"What the hell is wrong with that girl? Is she crazy?" Mike asked wrapping his arm around Sara.  
"She is messed in the head." Sara said softly. "She is my best friend, and I made her unhappy but that doesn't excuse for her over reacting."  
"I am going to go and talk to her." Josh said standing up. "I will be back later."  
"Good luck with that." Sara said and watched Josh leave.

Josh drove as quickly as he could, he got stuck in rush hour traffic. He pulled up to the hotel and asked at the front desk what suite Ella Carter was in. The front desk clerk smiled at him and gave him the number. He made his way up to her room. He was standing outside the door, he knocked softly.  
Ben answered the door. He looked surprised when he seen Josh. "Hi Josh."  
"I need to see Ella."  
"Ummmmmh just a sec." Ben shut the door in Josh's face and locked it so Josh couldn't come in. Ella was in the bedroom get the monsters ready to go to the airport. "Ella." He said anxiously.  
Ella looked up at him. She was changing Landon.  
"Josh is here."  
Her eyes got big. "He is."  
"He is standing out in the hall, he wants to talk to you."  
"You stay in this room and keep them quiet." Ella ordered. She went to the door and opened it, instead of letting Josh in, she went out in the hall. "What are you doing here?" she asked not looking directly at him.  
"Do you not check your phone? I called you and I texted you and even left you a voice mail."  
"I have been busy today Josh." She said in a cold tone. She still didn't look at him, she knew as soon as she looked at him, that would be it.  
"You are leaving?"  
"Yes…flight leaves at nine pm."  
"Ella look at me please." Josh pleaded.  
She still kept her eyes averted down. He placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her face so she was looking at him.  
"I love you." He said softly, looking deeply into her eyes. "I want you to stay…..I want you in my life and I don't care if you think we don't belong together that is just bullshit."  
She took a deep breath in. She looked at him. "Josh last night should never have happened. I was really drunk, I had a hard time getting over the fog today just so I could remember. Yes I am attracted to you I have always been attracted to you." She stopped and wiped a tear away. "Josh we will never be together."  
"Ella come on sweetheart. Don't say that. You know we are good together."  
She looked at him with a flat appearance on her face. "I don't love you." She said softly, not wanting to look at him. She could see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. "There is someone else Josh."  
Josh looked away, to process what she just said. He had heard her loud and clear.  
"I am sorry." She said trying not to cry. The look on his face was breaking her heart.  
He looked down at the floor, then back at her his hair had fallen into his eyes. He pushed his hand through his hair.  
"I guess there is nothing more to say." He said looking at her.  
"I am sorry Josh I really am."  
He ran his hand through his hair again, turned and walked away.  
Ella went back into her room, she closed the door and leaned against it. That was the hardest thing she ever had to do. She would never forget the look of hurt on his face and in his eyes. She started to cry, she slid down the door and sat on the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest and sobbed.  
She loved him so much. She lied to him yet again, there was no one else. There would never be anyone else in her life. She would be okay once she was home on the other end of the country. She had her boys, and Ben. What else more would she need.


	28. Chapter 28

~One Year Later.~  
It was a hot July afternoon. Ella had just got off her shift at the hospital and was walking home. Her condo was a twenty minute walk. It was down on the waterfront. She loved Halifax now, she didn't miss home much, being Vancouver. She had left there last August and never looked back. She still hadn't talked to a single person from there. She changed all her contact numbers when she got home so no one could be in contact with her. She wasn't still upset at Sara, she actually missed her but she was being stubborn and wouldn't call her. Sara would probably never speak to her again; she skipped out on her wedding. Ella felt like a terrible person for that, at the time she just wanted away from everyone.  
Her and Ben were still living together, Ben had a boyfriend now so he had sleep over's at his boyfriends place a couple times a week. He was still always there for her and the boys. The boys well they were a year and a half. They were busy, Landon was still a little reserved but he was a toddler, so he did what normal toddlers do. Liam well….full of energy, he never stopped. He was funny too, a little comedian always kept Ella laughing and smiling. Both boys looked like their father, it wasn't hard to tell. At first Liam resembled her, but not now.  
She still was single; she had been out on a couple of dates. Both Doctors, one ended badly and the other one was pretty good, but he was not Josh. She was still utterly in love with Mr. Josh Ramsay. She followed what the band was doing, kept up with you tube videos. She smiled at the thought of the new desperate measures video, josh looked amazing. He had changed his hair, from black and blue to silver and now blonde. She followed him on twitter under an alias so he didn't know it was her.  
He would never forgive her now. Keeping the boys a secret this long and after how she had hurt him so badly. The first time she listened to the new record "Ever After", there was so many songs about break up and heart break. That was where he was at that time, and that was because of her.  
She walked up the last street that led to her place, she felt the warm breeze off of the ocean, she loved the hot summer air. She made her way up to her condo. As soon as she opened the door she heard the little feet coming.  
"Ma ma." Landon said running across the room towards her, his hair bouncing around his face. Liam was not far behind him.  
"Hey my babies." She said bending down picking Landon up first, hugging and kissing him. Then she did the same with Landon. "Where is uncle Ben?"  
Landon took her hand in his little fingers and drug her across the living room and over to the balcony doors. The screen was closed to keep the monsters in. Ben was on his cell phone, he gave her a small smile.  
Ella went into her room, both boys right on her heels. She undressed and put on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top. She took her hair down and ran her fingers through it. She was starving. "You monsters hungry?"  
Both boys were bouncing on her bed. They were laughing their heads off everytime one of them would fall over. Ella hated when they jumped on the beds. She went over to the bed and pulled both twin into her body. They giggled and squeeled.  
"You little monsters are going to fall off of the bed and bump your heads. No more jumping on the bed." She sang to them. She was now lying on her back, the twins were crawling all over her . "Ouch you guys hurt." She said laughing at Liam who was trying to get in her face.  
"Hey." Ben said from the door.  
All three of them stopped and looked at Ben. Ella smiled. "Hey."  
"So that was Sara."  
"Really?" Ella asked a little excited.  
"Yes she is in town for the next four days, she would like to see you and the boys."  
"Oh…what is she doing in town?"  
"Ummmm…you don't listen to the radio do you?"  
Ella rolled her eyes and continued to play with the boys.  
"Marianas Trench are doing two shows here at the end of the week. I thought you would know how you creep them on the internet."  
"I don't creep them."  
"Ya you do."  
She sighed. "Well I don't look at their tour dates."  
Ben came over to the bed and sat down, both boys attacked him. He growled a them and they both laughed. "How does that make you feel?"  
Ella was sitting, Indian style on the bed looking at him. "I feel bad for how I acted last year."  
"You should."  
"Ben! You are suppose to be on my side."  
He shrugged his shoulders, the monsters jumped down and tore out of the room. They had free run off the place, it was completely baby proofed. "I think you should of stayed and worked things out with Josh. Now that I am with Chad, I know what really love is, and how happy it makes me. One day Ella I am going to move out, I will never leave you completely alone but I need to have my own life."  
"Look at what Josh and the band accomplished this last year. A new album that is amazing, a sold out Us tour, now a Canadian tour, number ones hits on much. He helped Carly with call me maybe, plus that hot hit me up video with whats his name."  
They both jumped the heard a big band, they were about to get up then they heard laughter. "Stella Marie, he would of accomplished the same things with you in his life, with the boys. He loved you, I could see it just from the way he looked at you."  
Ella ran her hand through her hair. "It is too late Ben. Number one, he is going to be so pissed at me for lying to him for almost two years. He is dating that tall beautiful model."  
"He is dating, sleeping with her Ella. He is a man. He has needs."  
"How would you know what needs a man has?"  
"I know that we all have needs." He grinned. "Except you, re born virgin."  
"You are so damn frustrating."  
"That is my job." Ben said standing up, it was too quiet he need to see what the monsters were doing. "So will you see Sara."  
"Yes….I will…..I would really like that."  
"Wanna go out for supper."  
"With the boys?"  
"No…..we will leave them here alone. Ofcourse with the boys. I will see if Sara can meet us."  
Ella sat on her bed for a few minutes, she picked up her phone. She wanted to text Josh, to call him. She wanted to see him. She had memorized his number in case she ever needed it after she got her new phone. She could text him and he would never know it was her. She had a new number none of them had. She smiled to herself. She could mess with him, just once.  
"Hey sexy! I miss you."  
Was all she said and hit send. She giggled to herself getting up off the bed, she needed to change and get ready before she went out to supper.

Sara smiled and sat down beside Mike. They were on the bus, twenty minutes out of Halifax. "She agreed to meet me."  
"That makes you happy?" Mike asked rolling his eyes.  
"Yes it does." Sara snapped. "I was hurt and upset but I see now where I was in the wrong. Mike there are other elements to her life that you know nothing about. Ben said that Ella is a different person now, she is happy and to me that sounds like the old Ella before her and Josh got together."  
"She wasn't crazy then."  
"She was never crazy." Sara said rolling her eyes.  
Josh came up to the front of the bus, his blonde hair hung in his eyes. "Any of you two recognize this number?" he asked showing Mike and Sara his phone.  
They both shook their head no. "Someone messing with you Ramsay?"  
"I guess." He grinned. "So we have two days off and then two shows, what are the plans for fun?"  
"Is Katie not flying in to amuse you?" Sara asked.  
Josh shrugged his shoulders. "Nah….we are not dating anymore. I can't compete with someone thinking they have better hair than me."  
Mike laughed. "Serioulsy?"  
Josh chuckled too. "No…..but we are not dating. Too much drama and ya know I really don't want a girlfriend."  
Sara's phone vibrated. She looked at it, it was a text from Ben.  
"Hey Sara, Ella is excited to see you. She wants you to meet us at this little restaurant down on the waterfront. It is called Eastern shore, she said you loved Seafood."  
"Who is that from?" Mike asked.  
"Ben." Sara said.  
"Ben?" Josh asked looking up from his phone.  
"Yes…..I am meeting him and Ella for supper. I am so excited to see them."  
"Cool." Josh said before getting up and going to the back of the bus."  
"He is over her eh?" Sara asked after Josh was out of ear shot.  
Mike shrugged. "I really don't know. I know that she hurt him she had sex with him and she was in a relationship with someone else. She told him that she didn't love him."  
This was the first time she heard this story. "Well she lied to him. There was no one else and I can bet you a thousand dollars that she is still in love with him. She just wanted him to let her go because of the ba…." Sara said but stopped herself.  
"Because of what Sara?"  
"Nothing." Sara said smiling. "So you going to wait up for me. I think tonight would be good for baby making."  
"Sara…..don't change the subject. What were you going to say."  
"It doesn't matter Mike." She stood up and looked out the bus window. "Oh look at that we are here. I am going to check in and get ready to go out for supper with my best friend." She walked over to Mike and kissed him before departing the bus.  
Mike ran his hand over his chin. She was keeping something from him. There was something about the whole situation that just didn't sit right with him.


	29. Chapter 29

Ella and Sara were sitting out on the balcony at Ella's condo. Sara had come over first thing that morning. After they had supper last night and Sara reconnected with Ella and the boys, she couldn't wait to spend all the time she could with them.  
"So Ben was telling me that you were dating this really hot nice doctor."  
Ella grinned. "Yes went out of couple of times, he was nice but there was no spark there. Very dry humor."  
"Did you sleep with him?"  
Ella shook her head no. "I am a reborn virgin as Ben puts it."  
Sara laughed. "I am trying to get pregnant."  
"Really? That is so exciting."  
"I know I can't wait. Mike is going to be a great dad."  
Ella looked out at the ocean, she loved the smell of the salt air. "I wish I could have more babies." She said softly. "I never really dealt with the face that I could never have any more babies after I had the twins. I was just so busy and wrapped up in all my life and head drama to even stop to grieve the fact that I will never have more babies."  
"I am so sorry."  
"It is okay….positive note I have to hyper amazing crazy funny boys. They will keep me amused and busy for sure."  
Sara laughed. "Liam is so much like Josh."  
"Oh I know, they both are him to some extent but Liam a 100 percent Josh."  
"I don't know if that is totally a good thing or a bad thing." Sara chuckled. "Speaking of Josh, why did you tell him that you didn't love him and that there was someone else?"  
Ella sighed. "I don't want to talk about Josh."  
"Ella…I don't know why you are so stubborn."  
Ella rolled her eyes. "I am happy now…and Josh from what I can see is happy. Let's leave it at that."  
"Okay." Sara sighed. "As long as you are happy."  
"I am." Ella said. "Oh Landon is awake." She stated as she heard his gibbering singing over the baby monitor. "I better get him before he wakes the other monster up."  
"I have to get going. I am meeting the guys for some lunch, and then we are doing some tourist stuff and going out for drinks. You should come."  
"Ben works till ten. I have a date with two handsome little fellows."  
Sara hugged Ella. "Okay well I will text you later. Give me your new number by the way." Sara giggled taking out her phone.  
"555-5841" Ella stated as she hugged her friend back. "It is so nice to have you back in my life. I am so sorry about everything. I regret missing your wedding. Damn I am such a bitch sometimes."

"Yes you are but I still love you. You were going through a lot, I can see you are more yourself."  
Ella shrugged.  
"See you later."  
Ella got Landon up and changed and took him out to the living room. She sat him on the floor and the first thing he went for was his toy piano. He banged his little hands on it, stopped and grinned at her. She brushed his hair out his eyes, kissed him on the top of his little head. Liam hollered. "You brother is awake."  
"What is all the hollering about?" Ella cooed going into get monster number 2. "You are loud baby." She said picking him up. He wrapped his little arms around her neck and gave her slobbery kisses. "awww thank you baby." She said smiling at her son. "We are going to get you some lunch then we are going to go to the duck park."  
Liam wiggled he wanted down. "No Liam you need to have your bum changed." Ella said to him. Liam protested. She changed him quickly and put him down and off he went.  
Ella gave the boys their lunch, she went and got dressed. She put on a light blue sundress, tied her hair up in a messy bun on top of her head. She packed the boys up and got them in their stroller, the park was about four blocks up town. It was a beautiful park in the middle of the city. Huge old trees, flowers, and ponds that were full of ducks. The boys loved to watch the ducks. It was a beautiful afternoon as well. Ella didn't want to waste it.

"Matt do you know how bad you fucking suck right now." Josh complained as they were walking up the hill. "You and your damn new hobby."  
Matt had taken a liking to taking pictures of random stupid shit, that is what Josh thought anyway.  
"It is not my fault you are a lazy fuck and dressed all in black when it is almost forty degrees."  
Josh rolled his eyes. The sweat was pouring of his brow. He ran his hand through his hair and took a drink out of the water he was carrying with him.  
"Our destination." Matt said pointing across the street to a an area that was surrounded with a wrought iron fence. "Public Gardens."  
"Really Matt….Really?"  
They waited for the cross walk and crossed the street. Josh took in his surroundings. He looked around, he seen flower gardens, a funky little stage thing, ponds full of ducks, more flower gardens. "I think you are in serious need of help my friend. If you just made me fucking walk like ten blocks up hill just so we can look at flowers."  
"I promise we won't be long." Matt stated taking his camera out.  
Josh sighed and followed him.

Ella had just arrived at the park. Liam was already screaming to get out of the stroller. Landon was holding his hands over his little ears because his brother was too loud.  
"You have to wait for Uncle Ben to get here." Ella told Liam who was trying his best to get the safety belt unhooked. "You will get away on me." She said smilling.  
"Hey."  
Ella looked up as Ben approached. "Thank god you're here, Liam is having a poop fit to get out of the stroller."  
"You look prutty." Ben said noticing how nice Ella looked.  
"Thanks Ben." Ella chuckled freeing the boys from the stroller. "Get ready to run." She joked.  
"So how was your visit with Sara?"  
"Really good. It is so nice to have her back in my life."  
"I am glad it went well."  
"Whats up Ben? You seem distracted, you are not your normal funny self."  
"Chad took a job in Toronto." Ben stated looking at the ground. "Ella I am sorry but I am going to go with him."  
Ella felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. "Ben, it is okay. You can come visit."  
"I will for sure. I just feel like I am leaving you high and dry to take care of the monsters on your own. It won't be easy."  
"Ben don't feel bad…..you found someone you want to spend your life with. Who am I to stand in the way of that? The monsters and I will manage fine." Ella fought back the tears, it did upset her that Ben was leaving, and she loved him he was her friend.  
"Thank you for understanding."  
Ella smiled at him, she looked up and noticed monster number two, Liam was running down the walking path.  
"That little bugger. Keep an eye on Landon." Ella said as she dashed after her boy. She needed to get to him before her turned the corner. She was just getting to him, when two men came around the corner, they both jumped out of the way to avoid knocking the baby over. "Excuse me I am sorry." she said not looking up at the men, but just picked up her baby. "My son is a little bugger sometimes."  
"Son?" Josh said, he noticed it was Ella before the little fellow even got close to him and Matt.  
Ella looked up, her eyes were huge, she went from nice pink color to pale. The baby was grinning at both him at Matt. Josh could see his own eyes staring back at him. He felt his stomach churn.  
Ella didn't say anything to either one of them she just turned and started to run away from them.  
"What the hell?" Matt said looking at Josh, who looked like he was going to pass out.  
"She said son, right?"  
"I think so man….not sure."  
Josh left Matt's side and ran up the path in the same direction that Ella went.  
Ella put Liam in the stroller as quickly as she could. "Ben bring Landon here please."  
"Ella what is wrong?"Ben asked he noticed her shaking. He looked up and he seen Josh running towards them. "Oh shit."  
"Just take them back to the condo Ben. Now." Ella ordered.  
Ben strapped Landon in and turned the stroller, leaving Ella there to explain what the hell was going on to Josh.  
"Ella what the fuck is going on?" Josh asked trying to catch his breath. Matt had just caught up as well. "Since when did you have a baby?"  
Ella looked down at the ground; she was trying to think of what to tell him. She looked at Josh, then at Matt. She felt like she was going to faint.  
"I need to sit down." She said moving towards the park bench.  
Josh stood in front of her with his arms crossed. "Is that baby yours?"  
Ella played with her hands. "Yes he is." She said softly.  
"Fuck….." Matt said watching the distress in Ella. The baby was Josh's, it explained everything. The sickness in Hawaii, her running away across the country, the huge boobs that were now back to normal. This wasn't going to go well.  
Josh ran his hand through his hair. He had seen his own eyes when he looked at that child, his hair was the same as when he was little, and the same facial features as his own.  
"Is he mine?" Josh asked sternly  
Ella put her head in her hands. She started to tremble, she was softly crying.  
"Ella…..is that baby fucking mine." He yelled, people that were passing by looked on then looked away quickly. She would not look at him. He grabbed her by both arms and pulled her to her feet so she would look at him.  
"Josh man be careful you don't hurt her." Matt said in protest. Josh released her, she sat back down.  
"I am going to leave you two to talk." Matt said and ventured away.  
"Ella….is that little boy mine?" Josh asked sitting down beside her, he knew the answer just by the way Ella was acting. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He was trying to keep his anger at bay. How could she fucking keep something like this from him for so long? "When did it happen?"  
"The night you got back from Toronto you were coming to tell me about Nikki."  
Josh remembered that night well. "You were on the pill?"  
"Sara told me about Nikki earlier in the week, I was so upset that I didn't take my pill for a few days."  
Josh was trying so hard to keep his cool. "I can't fucking believe you Ella. I thought you were different. You are nothing but a lying bitch." He said sternly. "How fucking selfish can you be to have kept me away from him."  
"Josh….we thought Nikki was pregnant and I didn't want to ruin your life."  
"How old is he?"  
"He is a year and a half. He will be two in January. His name is Liam Joshua Ramsay."  
Josh light up a cigarette and took a long slow drag. "You gave him my fucking name but didn't have the balls to tell me he was mine."  
Ella wiped the tears away that were fallen down her face.  
"Did you know in Hawaii? Was that why you were sick?"  
She knodded her head.  
"I can't fucking believe you. I had a right to know Ella, Jesus Christ. Then last summer you fucking have sex with me and you fucking push me away and tell me that you didn't love me and there was someone else. Was that a crock of shit too?"  
Ella sobbed. She couldn't hold back the tears. She couldn't take the way Josh was glaring at her. "There was never anyone else…but you Josh. I just didn't want to ruin your life. I knew the boys would tie you down."  
Josh looked at her. "The boys?"  
"There is another one, Liam has a twin brother. His name is Landon Miles Ramsay."  
Josh wanted to fucking strangle her. He took a deep breath. "I will never ever forgive you for keeping them from me all this time. You are a selfish little bitch." He spat.  
"Josh you always complained how you hate crying babies, and that they are evil."  
"Not my own flesh and blood. I have nieces and nephews….I don't fucking hate them." Josh stood up, he was so pissed off. "I would have been there for you, I would have been there when they were born. I don't know how good of a father I would be…..but I would have tried. Jesus Christ…I can't believe this…I thought you were fucking better than this."  
"Josh I am sorry. Please don't hate me."  
Josh looked at her, giving her a small pissed off grin. "Hate is too good of word for what I feel towards you right now. You will hear from my lawyer." Josh stated and then stalked off.  
Ella sat on the bench and cried her eyes out, she could feel her phone vibrating like crazy. It was probably Ben. She closed her eyes, she wished things were different. She wished she would of told Josh, at least he wouldn't hate her. The look of anger and hurt in his eyes just about killed her.


	30. Chapter 30

Ella was a mess, by the time she got home her eyes were so swollen from crying she didn't think she could keep them open. She couldn't believe Josh had finally found out about the twins. She sighed, he was furious with her. He hated her. The way he had looked at her.

She rushed into her condo to find Sara already there. Her eyes were red and swollen.

"Hey." She said as Ella came through the door. She went to her friend and hugged her. "I am so sorry he found out this way Ella. He is so pissed; he knows I knew all along, Mike is pissed at me too."

Ella sighed. "I am so sorry Sara, you had nothing to do with any of this. No one should be upset with you."

"Mike will get over it. Josh I don't know."

Ella plopped down on the sofa. "I wonder what he is going to do."

Sara looked at her friend. "He called his lawyer. They want a DNA test done to make sure Josh is the father, and Josh wants court order for you to take the babies back to Vancouver so he can be a part of their lives."

Ella just sat there. "DNA test? Really?"

"That was the Lawyer that wants that done. Josh is pretty convinced that they are his babies. It isn't hard to tell."

Ben came out of the nursery. "Both monsters are asleep." He stated coming into the living room. He took one look at Ella, he went and took her in his arms. "L I am so sorry." He said as she started to tremble in his arms. She sobbed and sobbed.

"He hates me Ben." She said quietly. "I should of told him."

"L honey there is no point in beating yourself up about it. There is nothing you can do to change it. Just embrace whatever comes your way.

Ella sighed. "I guess there is nothing I can do about it." She said softly. "The boys will know their father. I really don't want to move back to Vancouver. I wonder if they can really make me."

Sara shrugged. "Get a lawyer."

"I don't want to fight with Josh over anything. I just want all this drama to stop in my life. I want my babies to be happy." Ella got up and went into her room. Sara followed her. She sat down on her bed and looked down at her hands. "I didn't like how he looked at me Sara. I will always love him no matter what he thinks of me."

"I know Ella. Josh will come around. He can't stay upset and angry for ever."

Ella sighed, she could feel the tears starting to fall again. She threw herself back on her bed. Sara sat curled up beside her. They use to comfort each other like this when they were younger. She wrapped her arm around Ella's waist. They both closed their eyes and fell asleep.

Josh sat alone in his hotel room with a bottle of alcohol in front of him. He took a long drink out of the bottle. It burned all the way down. He didn't drink normally, but today was the worst day of his life. He ran his hand through his hair. How could she keep the boys from him, how could she lie to him about everything.

He would have been there for her, he missed so much. He missed experiencing it with her. Yes he probably would have freaked out when she told him she was pregnant, especially because he thought Nikki was expecting as well.

He still loved Ella with his whole heart and soul, which is why this hurt so badly. To think that she didn't have enough trust in him to include him in their children's lives.

He picked up alcohol bottle and emptied it. He could feel the effects of the alcohol, he was drunk. He stumbled over to his bed and threw himself back on it. He looked up at the ceiling; he could feel warm tears starting to escape his eyes. He had said some pretty harsh things to Ella today, the look on her face haunted him. He shouldn't of said some of the things he did, he was angry, hell he was still fucking angry.

He had been talking to his lawyer, and they were going to do a DNA test, and give Ella a court order that she had to take the boys back to Vancouver. He wanted them close to him and his family, he still had to call his parents and tell them. He sighed and rolled over onto his side. He thought back to the night that he had gone to see Ella, to tell her that he and Nikki were working things out. Ella had been so upset with him, told him that his life was going to be full of mistaken moments. All the harsh things he had said to her, fuck Josh. He should have listened to her, been more understanding. He was angry, and yes at that moment he did hate her, but he was more hurt than anything.

He picked up his cell phone and dialed Matt's number, it rang about five times, and a groggily sleepy Matt answered the phone.

"What the fuck Ramsay." He stated. "It is four am."

"I know man….." Josh slurred. "I just need a friend."

"Are you drunk?"

"Yup." Josh said softly. "Everything is just so messed up.

"Are you okay Josh?" Matt asked because it was out of the norm that Josh would drink alcohol with his back ground. Only when he was beyond upset.

"Nope." Josh said point blankly. "I am a fucking dad, I didn't even know about them Matt. Not just one baby but fucking two babies. I have missed so much."

"Josh it is all new, you can be in their lives now. I really think you should give Ella a break. She must have had her reason for not telling you. You didn't really have a normal relationship."

Josh sighed. "I know Matt." He started. "When I seen her running towards us at the park today, before I realized what was going on, my stomach did a flip flop. I lost my breath. She is just so beautiful. I just don't know if I can ever forgive her. This is big Matt."

"I know Josh. Wish I knew what to tell you."

"She lied to me."

"Ummmmm not really she just chose not to tell you."

"She lied about being in a relationship last summer, now I see it was to just protect her ass about the babies." Josh sighed , "I am going to go to sleep." He slurred.

"If you need me call, I am just down the hall. I could have came over to talk to you dude."

Josh chuckled. "Night."

"Night Josh."

Ella woke up early the next morning; Sara was still sleeping soundly next to her in bed. She jumped up, her feet hitting the cool wood floor. She went to check on her babies, who were still sleeping. She checked on Landon first, he was on his back with his mouth open a little and his blanket still in his little hand. She reached down and brushed his hair away from his face. She walked over to the crib on the other side of the room, sprawled out in the crib; legs were the head should be his hair in his face. His little mouth gaped open a lot. Ella smiled; Liam was so much like Josh. She reached down and covered him up as he had kicked all the blankets off. She loved her babies so very much.

She hoped they would adjust to their new life. She hated the fact that she was going to have to move to Vancouver. She didn't know how she would survive on her own, rent was extremely expensive and she would have to work and pay for a sitter. She in no way wanted any of Josh's money, and she wasn't going to accept it. He hated her, and he had every reason to hate her.

She sighed and went out of the room, Ben was just getting up.

"You have to work?" Ella asked as she came out of the nursery.

He jumped. "Holy shit L. You almost gave me a heart attack."

Ella giggled a little. "Sorry." She stated and walked behind the island that separated the living area from the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Please, how are you this morning L?"

She pressed start on the coffee maker. She looked at Ben. "I really messed up. If I could go back and do it over, I would tell Josh. I didn't sleep at all last night, just laid awake and thought about everything. I have been so unfair and selfish. You can say I told you so."

"L you know I would never tell you that. I always stand behind you. I love you L, you are my family."

"I appreciate that Ben." She poured two cups of coffee and sat down on the bar stool at the Island with Ben. "I am going to take them to see Josh today, if he will see us. I want them to get use to him."

"Well if he is really adamant about you taking the boys back to Vancouver, he should want to get to know them." Ben said drinking his coffee. "Shit I am going to be late L." Ben put his mug in the sink, kissed Ella on the top of her head and ran out of the condo.

Ella sat there till one of the boys woke up, then the other would soon to follow. She got them both up fed and dressed. Sara came out once the boys were loud enough, no one could sleep through that. They were all wound up and hyper this morning.

"So Sara…I want to take them to see Josh. What is their schedule like today?"

"They have a show tonight, meet in greet this afternoon."

"Okay….can you get a hold of Josh and tell him I am bringing the boys by to see him."

"Are you sure?"

"Why wait now. Can you keep an eye on the monsters I need to shower?"

"Sure can." She said getting down on the floor with the boys. They both jumped on her as soon as she sat down. "You guys are monsters." She laughed, the babies giggled along with her.

"Josh you are going to wear a hole in the floor man if you don't stop pacing." Ian said watching his friend and band mate freak out.

"When they coming?" Matt asked. They just finished with soundcheck.

"Anytime, Sara texted me an hour ago and said that Ella wanted to bring the boys by. She said that we can't fight or argue when the boys are around."

"Make sense." Mike said. "By the way Josh you look like shit."

Josh gave Mike the finger causing Mike to laugh. "Are you guys not nervous to meet my offspring?"

"Well yeah I guess I am when you put it that way." Ian said.

Josh through his empty water bottle at him. They all laughed which broke some of the nervous energy.

"They are here." Mike said. "I have to go get them through security. Sara doesn't have her pass."

Mike walked down to the back doors of the venues where the busses were parked. He spotted the girls right away. Sara had one little guy, and Ella the other. There were no fans around at this point so it was good.

"Hey." He said as the approached.

"Hi." Sara said. "Mike this is Liam. He is the more outgoing of the too."

Mike reached out for Liam, he touched his little hand. "Hey buddy."

Liam smiled and leaned into Sara a little. "This one is Landon." Sara said motioning to Ella who was standing behind him. Landon smiled but snuggled into his mother.

"Hey Landon." Mike said. "Wow they look like Josh."

"I know eh." Ella said looking at Mike. "I am sorry for everything. None of it is her fault." She stated pointing at Sara.

Mike smiled softly. "It is okay. You had your reasons and I think we got off on the wrong foot. I am going to try my best to be a good ….."

"Uncle." Ella said. "She is Auntie Sara so you have to be Uncle Mike."

"I like that." Mike said. "Follow me." He said taking them through the venu , out back to the dressing rooms. Mike lead them into the dressing room. Matt was messing with his guitar, Ian on his phone and Josh was now sitting but shaking his leg uncontrollably.

Josh stood up as soon as they came through the door, he felt like he was going to pass out.

Sara went over to Josh with Liam. Josh smiled at the little guy. "Josh this is Liam. He is the oldest of the two. He is so much like you it is scary." Sara said. Liam looked at Josh with his big blue eyes.

"Hey Liam." Josh said softly, Liam reached his little hand out towards Josh and squealed. Josh took his little hand in his.

"You want to hold him?" Sara asked but not waiting for Josh to answer before she put the boy in his arms. Josh looked awkward like he didn't know what to do. Liam blew spit bubbles all over his face.

"Eww." Josh said laughing. Liam giggled and slapped his hands up and down on Josh's shoulder.

"Liam be nice." Ella said coming closer to them. Liam looked at his mother and scrunched his nose up. Landon was wiggling so Ella put him down. He had been watching Matt with the guitar since they came into the room. As soon as he was on his feet, he ran right over to Matt.

"Hi." Matt said looking at Ella, he smiled really big at her.

"This is Landon." Ella said softly. Landon started to strum the guitar in a unorganized melody. "I think we are going to have a musician on our hands." Matt said glancing at Josh who was watching while playing with Liam.

When Liam seen what his brother was doing, he squirmed, Josh put him down.

Liam ran over and banged his hand on the guitar. "Hi." Matt said smiling at the other boy.

Josh came over and crouched down to the boys level. "Hi Landon." He said smiling. Landon looked at him and started to cry.

"He is a little shy." Ella said to Josh. "He is also really good at picking up nervous vibes." She stated cooly. She picked him up, and motioned for Josh to come over to her. "Landon this is Josh."

The baby had stopped crying, and he looked at his father. Josh smiled at him and reached out for him, Landon did take his finger. His hand looked so tiny, Josh had really large hands. Landon gave Josh a small smile.

"He will warm up to you." Ella said looking at Josh, her eyes held his for a little longer than they should have. "He is a pretty cool baby." Ella said smiling at Landon, who in return gave her slobber kisses.

Liam screeched and came running over, every one jumped at his shrill. "He has had that pitch since birth." Ella laughed watching her son pull on his father's pant leg. "Do you think we could talk?" she asked Josh.

He nodded his head and looked away. "We can go into the green room."

"Sara can you watch the monsters."

"I sure can." She said taking Landon from Ella. Liam was off to terrorize Ian and Mike now.

Ella followed Josh out of the room down to the green room, as soon as they were alone, his demeanor changed. His eyes were so cold when he looked at her. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her. This made Ella really uneasy.

"I don't want you to bring lawyers into this Josh. I will move back to Vancouver, you will just have to give me time to find a place and get a job lined up."

He looked at her. "Okay….but I want us to get a place together."

"What?" Ella asked not believing her ears.

"I am going to get a place big enough for all four of us. I don't think it is good for the boys or me, being apart for any longer. I am their father for Christ sake and I am a complete stranger."

Ella looked down at the floor, she could feel the tears starting to well in her eyes. "If I could go back…" she started but her voice broke with a sob. "I would have told you."

"Well you can't, and you didn't." he snapped.

"I am sorry Josh….I really am. We need to try to work through this for Liam and Landon's sake."

He sighed. "So I am going to get a place big enough for all of us, I am thinking a house we are going to need a back yard for the boys, they have a lot of energy. We will have ground rules to follow."

"Okay…I will need to find a babysitter."

"I don't want you to work."

"Josh you can't be for real. I love being a nurse and I need money to take care of my kids."

"Don't worry about it, you will have everything you need and want."

"There is no fucking way I am being a kept woman!" Ella snapped.

Josh rolled his eyes. "Okay we will find a nanny for when you are working and I am not home."

Ella looked at Josh. "Can you ever forgive me?" she asked just above a whisper.

He shrugged his shoulders. "There are moments when I want to…..the moments when I don't think I ever will Ella. You kept my son's away from me and my family. I missed everything. I didn't get to experience you carry them, you in labor. The late night feedings, first smiles, and giggles, I have missed a lot of firsts."

She ran her hand through her hair. 'Well they will still have many more firsts." She smiled softly.

He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Thank you for bringing them by. Can I see them tomorrow before the show, we fly out tomorrow night."

Ella smiled. "Of course you can."

"Okay." Josh said before he turned and left the room.

Ella couldn't hold it together anymore. She completely utterly broke down in sobs. She hated how upset he was with her. How could she live with him, knowing how much he hated it. She prayed that he would forgive her, so they could raise their boys in a happy peaceful home.


	31. Chapter 31

It had been a long day, Ella had arrived in Vancouver. They were at the airport for five am, flight departed shortly after six. She had flown the whole way by herself with two very cranky babies. The plane from Halifax was late so she missed the connecting flight in Toronto, she had a five hour overlay with two cranky babies. Liam started to run a fever between Toronto and Vancouver; he cried almost the whole flight. It was now just past 6pm; she just got her baggage and texted Josh to where she was in the airport. Liam was still crying, not as drastically it was just more like a whine now. He was exhausted. Landon was actually asleep in the stroller.

"Hey." Josh said as he approached.

"Hi." Ella said softly. "Liam is sick. I need to get to a drug store to get him some Tylenol." She said to Josh as soon as he came over. "He is running a fever and is miserable."

Josh looked at Ella, she looked like hell. "Okay let me take the bags."

" Can you push the stroller too. Liam screams when I put him down. Oh and don't forget Mo, he is in the cat carrier there by the suitcase.

"Sure." He said arranging the bags and started to push the stroller and walk along with Ella. "I am parked just out front in the no zone parking." Josh chuckled a little. "Hopefully no ticket, I have only been about ten minutes."

They got out to his car, which was a different one from what Ella remembered. He has a nice black and shinny BMW, only two doors. He had two car seats in the back already for the boys.

"How long has he been running a fever?" Josh asked watching Ella putting a sleeping Liam in his car seat. He stirred a little. She turned around and picked a sleeping Landon up and put him in the car. She struggled to get out of the back seat. Two door cars sucked for babies.

"Shortly after we took off from Toronto."

Josh loaded up the car; put Mo in the back on the floor in his crate. He climbed in the car and glanced over at Ella. She was resting her head on the back of the seat, her eyes closed. He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

It was a twenty minute drive to his apartment. He hated that he had to take them to his little crowded two bedroom apartment. He had two cats, and a dog, and now a third cat. Two babies, him and Ella. He was going to go insane. He was still angry with Ella, but not as bad as three weeks ago. He was softening up a little bit. He wasn't being a dick to her, he still didn't know how they were going to live together and not be together. Josh didn't think he would ever be able to forgive her that much, to trust her again.

He pulled into the parking lot at his apartment; all three of them were asleep. He hated to move them.

"Ella…we are here."

Ella opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. Josh had moved since she was here last. She stretched and sighed. "You take Landon and Mo, I will get Liam."

Josh nodded his head. "I will get you guys upstairs then I will come back down for your bags."

Ella picked Liam up and he started screeching. "Shit we didn't go to the drug store."

"There is one down the street. Write down what you need and I will run down and get it for you."

Ella bounced Liam as she waited for the elevator. The poor little baby cried all the way upstairs, and Landon joined him once he realized that it wasn't mommy carrying him. Ella felt like she was going to lose her mind.

Once she was inside Josh little tiny apartment, she got Landon settled right away while Josh tried to bounce Liam to make him stop crying. He just cried harder. Ella came out of the little room, where Josh had the cribs set up. She took Liam from his father.

"He is burning up."

"What do you think is wrong with him? Do you think we need to take him to the Doctor."

"I am not sure, get me some advil and tyenol and if he isn't better tomorrow I might take him."

"Okay I will be back."

Ella watched him leave, he looked good she thought as she bounced Liam, who was starting to drift back to sleep. She laid her body down on his sofa and placed Liam on the inside of the sofa, she closed her eyes.

Josh got back from the drug store; he brought Mo up stairs to meet his cats. Bennie was at his sisters for the night. He walked into the apartment; he looked over at the sofa. Both Liam and Ella sound asleep.

He opened the door on the cat carrier, let a terrified Mo out, he gave him some food and water and showed him where the littler box was.

He walked into the living room, stopping to just take in his child and the mother of his children sleeping soundly. Liam was on the inside of the sofa, he and one leg propped up on Ella's hip and one little hand resting on the side of her neck. Josh felt a wave of emotions wash over him. He barley new the babies but he felt so much for them, it was love at first site. He looked at Ella, she still was as perfect, he pale perfect skin. He just wanted to touch her face.

He couldn't though, so much has happened. It was like they were strangers. He needed to be able to fully forgive her if that ever happened. He reached down and placed his hand on her shoulder, shaking her softly. She needed to give the baby medicine for his fever.

"Ella…wake up" he said softly

She opened her eyes and looked at him. She smiled softly. She sat up slowly not to wake Liam but as soon as she moved he started to whine. She sat up and picked him up.

"Shhhhh baby." She said. "It is okay." She pressed her lips to his forehead. "He is burning up." She stood up and handed Josh Liam. He cried harder when Josh took him. Josh cringed and the loudness of his cry. "Bounce him and comfort him."

"Bounce him and comfort him." Josh said aloud to himself. He started to bounce the baby. "It is okay Liam. Mommy will be right back." He said to his son.

Ella got the medicine ready and came back over to them, Josh continued to hold him. Liam stopped crying some when his mother came back into his view. He still had his lip out and was whimpering.

Ella smiled at her baby. "Here you go Liam. It is going to make you feel better."

Liam opened his little mouth and took the medicine; as soon as he was done he held his little arms out for his mother. Josh handed him back to his mother.

"You look dead on your feet Ella."

"I am exhausted. He will be asleep in not time."

"Okay you take my bed." Josh said softly. "I will sleep out here on the couch."

"Josh I am not taking your bed."

He rolled his eyes at her. "You need rest and there is only one bed right now, so you are going to sleep in it. Enough said."

"Okay but you are going to be sore in the morning. You are not going to fit on that sofa."

"I have slept here before."

Ella smiled at him. "Okay then." She walked into the bedroom where Landon was sleeping. She placed Liam down in his crib. She took in her surroundings. There were two cribs, two dressers, and a change table. They were all solid wood, the dark wood. There was a rocking chair sitting with a pile of toys stacked on it. There were little outfits hung up in the closet. Ella came back out of the room and sat down in the chair opposite Josh. He was messing around with his phone.

"How did your parents take the news?"

"They were pissed at first, not about the babies but at you. They didn't know how you could keep them from us. I think they are probably still going to be upset over that, but they are super excited to meet them. They never thought I would be a father…hell I never thought I would be a father."

"Nice job on the cribs."

"Everything in that room, thank my mom and my sister Sarah for. I had nothing to do with it."

"So when do we move out of here.?"

Josh ran his hand through his hair. "Well it is ready now pretty much. They are just putting the fence up around the property to help keep the babies in." he smiled. "It is West Vancouver, it is on the waterfront. That is why I wanted a fenced around it for safety of the boys. It is around twenty minutes from downtown.

Ella yawned. "I am going to bed."

"Night sw…..Ella." Josh said stuttering over his words.

"Night Josh."

Josh sighed and stretched out on the sofa, he was so uncomfortable. It was going to be a long night. He kept tossing and turning. He did finally manage to fall asleep sometime in the early hours of the morning, it was almost dawn.

He just got into a really good sleep, he could feel something or someone pulling at his nose, and then his lip and his ears, his eyes popped open when he felt his eyes being pressed on. He opened his eyes to see four big blue eyes staring at him. Both babies were standing right in front of his face, grinning like it was Christmas morning.

"Hi. I can see you are feeling better Liam" Josh said to baby number one. "And you look like you are up to no good." He said to baby number two, They both just looked at him.

"I am sorry." Ella said coming in from the kitchen. "I am making their breakfast and they wouldn't stay in the kitchen with me. You poor cats are not use to them. They are hiding." Ella chuckled.

"What time is it?" Josh asked sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Six thirty."

"Fuck…" he said and covered his mouthing remember that babies repeat things. "Are they always awake this early?"

Ella grinned. "Sometimes earlier." She came over and scooped both twins up. They laughed and giggled all the way to the kitchen. She put them in their highchairs.

"Fuck this is early." Josh whispered quietly and wandered into the kitchen.

"I made French toast." Ella said as Josh sat down at the table. "You want some?"

"Sure." He smiled back at her. "I know I need groceries. Just wanted to wait till we get to the other house, I should know by end of day when we can move in."

"Mum mum mum mum." Landon yelled smearing his French toast all over his tray. "Milk."

"Just a minute Landon." She said going to the fridge and filling his sippy cup full, and giving one to Liam as well. Liam was busy stuffing food in his mouth. He looked at Josh and smiled, scrunching up his nose and blowing air through his nose. Then he giggled.

"He is a clown."

"You have no idea." Ella said sitting a plate in front of Josh. "Coffee?"

"Nah don't drink coffee."

"Orange juice?"

"Sure. I can get it though."

"It is okay Josh I am already up." She poured him a glass of orange juice and sat down across from him. Landon had decided that throwing his food was more fun than eating it. "Landon stop it. Bad baby." Ella said. "You eat your food."

Josh snickered.

"You think it is funny now. Wait till he chucks something at you that is wet and sticky."

Josh laughed. "So how do you feel about supper with my family tonight?" he looked at her and seen the color drain out of her face. "Ella they are not going to tell you off or anything, they just want to meet the twins."

She sighed. "I guess. I have an interview this afternoon at a Doctors office. Sara is going to watch the boys. What time?"

"Five."

"Okay I will be ready. You going to be home? Do you need me dropped off anywhere?"

"I am going to be at the record label most of the day. We are deciding on things for our fall headlining tour. We still have a few summer dates left in two weeks then a break. Then Australia."

"That is awesome Josh."

"I can't wait for the break end of summer family vacation. I hope you and the boys can come."

"Depends if I get a job or not." She said smiling. She thought she didn't really want to spend a week with his family. She probably was not their favorite person.

Josh shrugged. "There is still plenty of time to decide." He shoved his last bite in his mouth and put his dishes in the sink. "I am going to take a shower."

Ella sat at the table watching the boys finish their breakfast. "You two need a bath. You are all sticky." They both had maple syrup in their hair, and all over their hands. She stood up and took their plates away and used a wash cloth to clean them up as much as she could, then she let them loose. Of they ran, laughing and giggling to the living room. This place was just too small for them. They had no room, and Josh didn't baby proof that well. Ella had to watch them like a hawk.

She turned the tv on for them, that would amuse them for maybe ten minutes. Long enough for her to get her clothes ready. She wanted to shower before Josh left. She went into the bedroom, to pick out her clothes; she laid the outfit out on the bed. She turned to leave the room; coming out of the bathroom was a very wet Josh, wrapped in just a towel. She froze, tried not to stare, but she couldn't help it. She found him sexy as hell that would never change. She looked away quickly.

"Sorry." She said leaving the room.

Josh chuckled. He still got to her. He smiled and got dressed.

Ella had gone to her interview, It went well the hired her on the spot. It was a Monday to Friday job, all days, which worked out well for the babies. She had just got back to the apartment; she needed to get changed for supper at Josh's parent's house. She was nervous. She had only meant them the one time, when Josh's dad was sick in the hospital.

She picked out a pretty white sundress; it was hot as hell out side today. She braided her hair, one braid on each side of her head. She put on little makeup.

She went out to the living room and tried to pick up; Josh from what she could tell was a disorganized mess. The boys did add to the clutter.

She felt like she was going to throw up. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She heard the apartment door open.

"You ready?" Josh asked walking in the living room. He stopped and looked at her, she looked amazing.

"Yes I am. I just need to get the boys. They are not up from their naps."

"We have a few minutes." He said point blankly.

Ella watched him come in as sit down on the sofa. He appeared to be in a terrible mood.

"The house is ready."

"That is good. When can we move?"

"I am thinking on the weekend. I am going to hire someone to move us. There is some new furniture in the house because I didn't have enough to fill it."

"I am excited. I think." Ella said sitting down next to him, she felt him tense at her closeness. That hurt her a little. "I am going to get the boys up."

Josh watched her walk towards the second bedroom. He watched her hips sway, her legs under that little white dress that looks so fucking hot on her. She was still sexy as hell. When she had sat down beside him, he tensed. He was trying to keep himself from attacking her. He was still attracted to her physically. Mentally he was trying to get over the hurt. He was being nice to her, because he knew they had to be friends, they had two babies to take care of. He sighed, ran his hand through his hair. He needed a distraction of sort. Just didn't know what type of a distraction he needed.


	32. Chapter 32

Josh watched his family with his boys; the boys didn't take long to warm up to everyone. Landon still stayed close to Ella, but Liam well he was just overly social. Sara's kids really loved the babies. He noticed Ella was quiet; his family had not been rude to her at all. He had warned his sister Sara not to give Ella a hard time. Even though they were not together, she was the mother of his boys and she would be in their lives.

His mom was amazing. She was so nice to Ella, from the moment they had arrived that evening. She was just a really good person. Josh loved his parents so much, to put up with everything he had put them through and still be so supportive towards him.

He watched Ella get up and walk out through the patio doors that led to the back deck. Both boys were being amused buy anyone that would sit and play with them. He was going to check on her to see if she was okay but his mom beat him too it. He would let her and Ella get to know each other a little more.

Josh sat down on the sofa; he ran his hand through his hair. He thought they might actually be able to make this work. The two of them living together, to raise their children. He wished things could have worked out differently. That they would have been a couple raising them together. He was still physically attracted to her, but he was not in love with her anymore. She had hurt him so badly keeping the boys away from him. He cared for her, damn she was the twin's mother. He would never stop caring.

"Uncle Josh come play with us."

Josh smiled and went over to play with his children, which was weird. He was still adjusting to the fact he was a dad and not just an Uncle anymore.

Corlynn came out onto the balcony. She could tell Ella was crying. She could see why her son was so taking with this beautiful young woman.

"Are you okay dear?" she asked softly placing a hand on Ella's shoulder.

Ella wiped her eyes quickly. "I am fine." She smiled softly.

"You don't look fine."

Ella sighed. "I am sorry to have kept them from you all, all this time. I see how the boys adore all of you and how you all adore my babies. I just don't know what I was thinking." Ella said trying to control her sobs. "I just wish it could have been differently, and Josh would never have to hate me."

"Oh honey he doesn't hate you. Is that what you think?"

Ella looked down at her hands. "He is being civil to me because he has too."

"Josh is stubborn and does not know what is good for him."

She wrapped her arm around Ella. "I want you to know that I will never judge you, as a mother I know you try to do what is right for your children. Josh will come around Ella, I see how he looks at you."

Ella smiled at Corlynn. "Thank you. I am glad I am here now. The boys need this, to belong to a great family. They are pretty amazing little guys."

"So much like Josh, especially Liam. Landon I see a thinker, and he is reserved and shy. He is like you in that way."

Josh peaked his head out the door. "Hi. Can I come out or is this a secret meeting?" he grinned.

"I was just going inside." His mother said passing him.

"How you doing?" he asked coming to stand beside, he looked down at her. "Were you always this short?"

Ella laughed. "Yup…..I hope the boys take after you and are taller."

"They are giving my dad a hard time right now. They are climbing all over him."

Ella smiled. "Thank you for bringing us here." She said looking at him.

Josh looked at her, seen her red nose and puffy eyes. She had been crying. He should comfort her, but that would be crossing boundaries that he had set in his mind, that he would never cross. "So did you want talk about how we are going to make raising the twins work?"

"Sure…not really anything to talk about."

"What about rules for us living together?"

"Don't leave the toilet seat up, don't pee on the floor." Ella said point blankly

Josh laughed. "Okay…..how about dating. You know each of will date from time to time."

Ella shrugged. "I don't plan on dating anyone. I have more important things in my life to concentrate on. The only think that will bother me don't introduce fluzzies to my sons."

"Fluzzeis?"

"Yup."

Josh laughed, he watched the way she bit her bottom lip. He could tell she was thinking about something. He wasn't going to pry. Was not his place to anymore.

"We should get the boys home."

Josh nodded. "It is getting late. I will go round them up."

"I will be right in."

Ella sighed; he was ready to move on with his life. She looked up to the stars, just at the exact moment a falling star shot across the sky. She closed her eyes and wished. "Please bring him back to me." She opened her eyes, the star was gone. She wrapped her arms around her body and stood there for a few more minutes before going back inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

The next day Ella and Josh had to do nanny interviews. Josh had set up appointments for them to come to his studio. His little unorganized apartment would give off the wrong impression. They had left the twins with Sara and Mike for the afternoon.

It was a long and tedious process, they had gay men, older woman, younger woman and fans that just wanted to get close to Josh. Ella found herself getting annoyed with Josh. Every blonde haired, big boobed woman he thought was the right choice.

"What you didn't like her?"

"Are you fucking kidding me Josh! You flirted with her the whole time…..and she flirted with you just as much. I am looking for a nanny to take care of our sons, not to service your manhood."

He looked at her. "You really just said that?" He asked in shock of not really believing what she had just said. "REALLY ELLA?"

She glared at him. "Yup and it is the fucking truth."

He crossed his arms across his chest and looked away from her.

"Great so now you are going to pout! You are such a fuck tard."

They were both caught up in their little disagreement they didn't notice their next appointment come in. "Excuse me…is this the interview for the Ramsay nanny?" a woman asked standing in front of them

"Oh sorry, Yes." Ella said standing to shake the woman's hand. She looked to be in her mid fifties, really good shape and looked presentable. "I am Stella Carter, the mother….and this is Josh Ramsay the dad."

She shook both of their hands. Ella kicked Josh under the table to be nice. He glared at her and grabbed his leg.

"So we have a set of twin boys. They are a year and a half. They will be two in January." Ella started. "I am a nurse I work Monday to Friday days, and Josh is well …he is Josh." She said smiling but not looking at Josh.

Josh rolled his eyes. "I am a musician and will be a way a lot, we needed the extra help for Ella when I am not home."

" Okay." The lady smiled. "My name is Laura Steves. I have been a nanny for several years. I have my resume and references for you."

Josh and Ella explained the job to Laura, well mostly Ella. Since she knew the boys the best. Ella really liked her.

"So do you have any questions for us?"

"You two not married?"

Josh shook his head No.

"Are you gay?"

Ella laughed.

"No I am not gay." Josh said pronouncing every word clearly. He crosses his arms over his chest again.

"He isn't gay and he is the boys father. We use to be kinda together. Now we are not."

Laura smiled. "And you two live together."

"Well yes, just for the past few days."

"Okay…..this should be interesting."

Ella smiled. "So we will be in touch. We need someone by next week." She stood up and shook the ladies hand again. Josh did as well. They watched her leave.

"We were kinda together. How can you be kinda together with someone?" Josh stated looking at Ella, she could tell his was frustrated with her.

"Well we never really had a relationship right?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Not really."

"So we were kinda together."

"We slept together more than once Ella. I would say we were together,figuratively speaking."

Ella rolled her eyes. "Whatever Josh."

"We were together." He grumbled. "I got you pregnant."

"No shit." Ella said being dramatic.

He sighed shutting up.

"What did you think of Laura? I like her."

"You only like her because you know I won't try to get in her pants."

"REALLY JOSH!" Ella yelled. "REALLY." She turned to look at him. "I like her because she has experience with children, she has references. She has first aid." She stated pointing to that on Larua's resume. "She will take care of OUR BABIES the best."

Josh didn't say anything, he was slumped back in his chair arms still crossed over his chest and glaring at the floor.

"SO!"

He turned and looked at Ella, still glaring at her. "Okay she is the best choice for the boys."

Ella smiled and stood up. "Great I will call her in the morning. Quit you pouting and lets go pick up the boys."

"I am not pouting." Josh grumbled.

"Yes you are." Ella said walking ahead of him.

Josh ran his hand through his hair and sighed, there was no winning with this woman. He never ever seen this side of her in the time they were together. She was infuriating as hell.


	33. Chapter 33

Ella stood out on the deck that overlooked the ocean. She needed a break; the boys were driving her insane lately. They were constantly fighting with each other, or into something they shouldn't be. They would terrorize the three cats and poor Bennie. She had an emotional break down the night before so Corlynn came and took the boys off of her hands for a few days. Ella now felt like the worst mom in the world. The nanny was away visiting family this week; if she would have been here Ella would have been okay. Josh had been gone for three weeks; he had left two weeks after they moved into the house on tour. They were actually due in sometime that day. Josh had called earlier that morning before the boarded the plan from Australia to Vancouver.

Ella loved the new house; it was huge, compared to what she was use too. It was beautiful too, Josh had great taste. The downstairs was all an open concept, living area, dining area and the kitchen which was separated by a long island type counter. The front part of the house, had floor to ceiling windows, the ceilings were high to accommodated for the loft type of upstairs where there were four bedrooms.

Where she was now was the front deck which overlooked the ocean. The property itself had a fence all away around it, with a gate that led to a path which in turn led to the water. The fence was good to keep the babies in, and Bennie. Ella watched Bennie as she ran across the front yard.

"Hello…where is the birthday girl?"

Ella sighed and rolled her eyes. She heard her best friend calling from inside the house.

"I am out here Sara." She called from the deck.

"Happy Birthday my friend." She said giving Ella a big hug. "I have so much planned for you today. The caterer will be here in a minute."

"What the hell do I need a caterer for?"

"Your party silly." Sara said smiling. "Come see your present."

"Sara you didn't have to get me anything."

"Trust me…you are going to love it." Sara dragged Ella into the house, Bennie came running in beside them, she got through first.

"Hi L."

Ella's eyes got huge, she screamed and ran and jumped into her best friends arms, she wrapped her arms and legs around his body as he lifted her up.

"Oh my god Ben…..I can't believe you are here."

"I wouldn't miss your 29th birthday party. Last year before the big 30." He joked putting her back down on her feet. "You look like shit Ella."

"Gee thanks." She said giggling. "You try taking care of the monsters by yourself for a week. You would look like shit too."

"You just need some sex, rest and relaxation." Ben said grinning. "Look at me….and how perfect I look."

Ella rolled her eyes. Sara laughed.

"I like how he thinks."

"Where is your boyfriend?"

Ben shrugged his shoulders. "Didn't' work out L. He just wasn't the one."

"Shitty." Ella said. "I am sorry about that."

"No worries, I bounce back. Maybe I can get my talons into that emo boy you use to go on and on about." Ben said in a teasing tone.

"Don't start with that." Ella said giving him the evil stare.

"You two still haven't connected again. Emotionally or in the sack."

Sara sighed. "Ben both of them is too darn stubborn to make the first move. Josh is all pissed off still, that she hurt him and he can't trust her, so he is sleeping with random chicks to keep his mind of off this one. And this one is in denial."

"I am not."

Ben looked at Sara and smiled. "L how do you live in this house with him, and not jumping his bones. He is fucking hot."

Ella laughed. "I have missed you Ben. I hope the twins are not scared of you. They are coming home tomorrow, they are with Grummie, and pummpie. That is what they call them."

"Cute. I bet they are getting so big." Ben said sitting down on the big black leather sofa.

"Josh has been trying to get them to say Daddy, Landon will say Dada, Liam still says Josh. Josh get so frustrated, I think Liam does it for fun."

Sara and Ben both laughed.

"I bet he does. He is just a torment and is sarcastic at almost two." Ben pulled Ella down to the sofa beside him. "I have missed you." He said kissing her forehead. "And those monsters!"

"So Ella, the boys are due back today. I Just texted them and told them about the party."

"Sara I hope you haven't invited many."

"Just a few." She smiled. "Come on you two we have to get our butts to the spa and get prettied up. The caters and decorators will be here soon."

Ella sighed and rolled her eyes as Sara pulled her up off of the sofa. She really didn't want a big huge party but she was really excited to see Josh. She knew he was coming home, god she missed him not being around. Even though they argued a lot, she still loved being around him.

"Hey Dude, did you know it was Ella's birthday today?" Mike asked Josh as they boarded the plane to head back Vancouver. They just got their connection, and were half the way home. Another six hours and they would be back in Canada. It is nice to be away but it is even nicer to come back home. Josh was super excited to see his boys. God he missed them. He didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much. He sighed and sat down in his seat next to the window. Mike sat in the seat next to him.

Josh checked his phone, he just got the text from Sara. She was planning a huge party at his place tonight for Ella's birthday. He wished he would have known it was her birthday he would of gotten her something. He would have to find her something. He was hoping for a quiet night at home with the twins and Ella. He loved spending time together. The boys adored their mother, she was so good with them. Josh texted Ella.

**"Happy Birthday Ella bean! J Hope you are having a great day. Will see you in approximately six hours."**

"We are going to be so jetlagged." He said to Mike. "I just want to go to bed when I get home. My house will be full of people."

Mike laughed. "Yup if I know Sara it will be a pretty big party. I am so pumped to see my wife."

Josh smiled, he felt his phone vibrate on his leg.

"**Thank you, I am looking forward to you being home. I know the boys have missed you.**

** They are with your Mom and Dad. See you soon J"**

Josh shut his phone off as the plane was starting down the runway to line up for takeoff. He had missed Ella too, she had been on his mind every day since he left. He ran his hand through his hair and watched out the window. He wished he could make things different between them. With each passing day he was letting go of his anger. She was absolutely adorable with the babies; he loved watching her play with the boys. He could feel so much tension between them; they always ended up arguing with each other. He had such a hard time keeping his hands to himself; he always caught himself checking her out. Damn he thought, he had hooked up with some random girl on tour in hopes it would help him forget, it did for the moment, but right after he wished it was Ella lying next to him.

"You okay Josh?" Mike asked noticing how quiet Josh had gotten.

"Yeah just tired. I am going to try to sleep some." He stated closing the blind on the window and leaning his head back on the seat. "Wake me when we get there." He chuckled.

Ella could not believe the amount of people that were in her house at that giving moment. She didn't know who hardly any of them were. Sara said they were mostly the guys friends, a few friends from the hospital. Josh's sister had just stopped in. Sara was over chatting with Josh's sister Sara. Ella stood there by herself, till Ben made his way over.

"Hey beautiful." He said kissing her on the forehead. "Sara really out dose herself doesn't she?"

"Unfortunately."

"You look amazing L." Ben said handing her a glass of champagne, it had plump raspberries floating amongst the bubbles.

Ella had a beautiful royal blue strapless dress on, her hair was pulled up in a messy bun. Ben thought she looked sexy for a girl. "That guy over there keeps checking you out L."

Ella looked in the direction Ben was referring too. "Oh my god." She said smiling as the man across the room smiled back at her. She walked away from Ben and made her way across the room, throwing her arms around the very handsome tall mans neck. "Andrew Webber when did you come back to Van city?" she said hugging him tightly.

"Two weeks ago." He said pulling back from her hug and looking at her. "Ella you look amazing. Sara told me you're a mother now. It has been too long Ella."

"I know Andrew…you look amazing too. I am a mother." She said smiling softly. "Twin boys."

"Congratulations, who is the lucky guy?"

"Well their dad is in their life, we actually live here together, but we are not together. It is weird." She said laughing.

"So you're the birthday girl. Happy birthday." He said and kissed her on the cheek. "You are more beautiful now than you were when we were dating."

"I could say the same for you…..well you not beautiful but very handsome."

Ella was so caught up in her conversation with her ex boyfriend from college she didn't even notice the guys come in. It was almost ten o'clock when the arrived.

"Do you want to get some air?" Andrew asked smiling down at Ella. He placed his hand on the small of her back and led her to the French doors. Josh was watching from across the room. He made his way over to where Ben was standing talking to some of Josh's friends.

"Hey man." Josh said giving Ben a small man hug. "Who is the guy with Ella?"

"I have no idea." Ben said watching Josh keeping an eye on what Ella and that guy was doing outside. "She has been flirting with him for the past hour and half. Man she dumped me like yesterdays news."

"That sucks man. I am going to get something to eat. Nice to see you Ben." Josh said and was off. He kept looking out on the balcony, he could see how close she was standing to him, how the guy kept leaning into her body. He watched him push her hair back, and then he kissed her. She let him kiss her, he watched her arms wrap around his neck. He felt a surge of jealousy course through him. He didn't like seeing her with another man. It made him fucking crazy. He stalked off into the kitchen.

Ella felt his lips cover hers; she started to panic a little. She wanted to push him away, then she didn't. It was nice kissing someone again. She didn't feel the connection with Andrew that she had with Josh but it felt nice and safe. She let him kiss her; she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his.

"Ella…oh I am sorry." Sara said coming out onto the balcony interrupting the couple. "Hi Andrew." She said smiling. "The guys are here. Cake time." She said excitedly.

Ella left Andrews side and followed Sara in. She walked over to the table where the cake was. She glanced around the room but didn't she Josh, she seen Matt who came over and gave her a huge hug.

"Happy Birthday Beautiful." He said hugging her.

"Thanks Matt."

Ian came over and hugged her tightly, lifting her off her feet a little. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks Ian." She said smiling. "I am glad you guys are home." She said as Mike took his turn hugging her and wishing her a happy birthday. She looked up and there stood Josh, he was all dressed in black, his hair was fallen into his eyes, her stomach felt like it jumped up to her throat. Her stomach was full of butterflies. He gave her one of her half grins, and he started to sing happy birthday to her, the rest of the guys harmonized in. When Josh sang his last note, he leaned in and hugged her, kissed the side of her face softly.

"Happy Birthday sweetheart." He whispered. "Make a wish." He said motioning to her cake that was covered in lit candles.

She smiled at him, holding his gaze and blew out the candles in one steady blow. Everyone clapped and cheered. Josh hugged her again. She had missed his arms. He reached down and took her by the hand dragging her up the stairs.

"Josh where are you taking me?" she giggled following him up the stairs, he took her into his room, that was just down the hall from hers.

"I have a present for you." He said motioning for her to sit on the bed. He pulled a little black box out of his bag. He sat down beside her. "It is from Liam, Landon and me." He said handing her the small box.

She smiled at him, he looked down into her beautiful grey eyes. She opened it slowly.

Inside the box was a round sliver locket, on a silver chain, it had a detailed design on the front.

"Josh it is beautiful." She said looking it over. She picked it up and noticed the engraving on the back. He had the boys names engraved onto the back of the locket. "I love it." She said feeling the tears well up in her eyes. "How did you get this done when you have been away?"

He smiled at her. "I have my ways."

She threw her arms around his neck; he pulled her to him tightly. He could feel her warm breath on his neck. He wanted to kiss her, badly. When he seen her with that guy out on the balcony, it made him realize that she was his, and he was going to make sure she knew that.

She pulled back a little. "Thank you. I love it."

He brushed a stray hair that had fallen out of her bun back from her face, his thumb brushing against her skin. He felt her stop breathing when he touched her. Like she was waiting for something before she started to breathe again. He looked down at her lips, her eyes held his gaze. Did she want him to kiss her?

He leaned in, he watched her close her eyes.

"There you two are." Sara said from the door, interrupting their moment. "OH sorry she said noticing how close they were."

"Oh it is okay." Ella said jumping up. "Look what Josh gave me." She said showing Sara the locket. "Help me put it on." She said handing it to Sara.

Sara placed the locket on her friends neck. "We are going to play some drinking games." She said to Ella. "Let's go." She followed Ella out of the room. "You coming Josh?" she asked from the top of the stairs.

"I will be right down." He said. He ran his hand through his hair. "Ramsay you have been so stupid. The woman of your dreams has been right in front of you all along, and you were letting her slip away." He said allowed to himself. He stood up and went back down stairs. He seen that guy at Ella's side again. Ella didn't seem as comfortable with him as she was earlier. Josh walked over to them. He was going to introduce himself.

"Hi I am Josh." He said shoving his hand out so the other man had to shake it.

Andrew smiled politely and shook his hand. "I am Andrew."

"How do you two know each other?" Josh asked casually making small talk. He seen Ella give him a look.

"We use to date." Ella said softly. "Back in college."

"Date Ella, we were engaged." Andrew said softly looking at Josh. "How do you know Ella?"

"Well we live here in this house together for starters and I am the father of her babies."

Andrew started to cough on his drink. He wasn't expecting that. He got his coughing under control.

"So you guys are together?" he asked confused tone.

"No we are not." Ella said glaring at Josh. Who was being an ass; she could see his jealously shinning through. "We are raising the boys together."

"Ella Corlynn is on the phone for you." Matt hollered over to her, holding up the phone.

"Excuse me." She said to the men standing there both looking at her.

"So ….." Andrew started.

"Stay away from her." Josh said sternly. "She doesn't need any drama in her life right now."

"I will let Ella be the judge of what she wants and doesn't want in her life. She apparently doesn't want you. I really don't see the attraction."

"Well dude you a guy, I am a guy. No attraction there." Josh said sarcastically.

"You seem like an ass." Andrew said.

"Well I am known to be a dick." Josh said as Ella came back over, she had the cordless phone in her hand.

"Liam wants Josh." She said smiling at Josh. "Landon is already asleep." She handing the phone to Josh. He placed the phone to his ear and walked out onto the balcony. Ella watched him walk away. She sighed and turned her attention back to Andrew.

"Andrew I am really sorry for letting you kiss me tonight. It shouldn't have happened. Josh and I are not together but I have strong feelings for him."

Andrew shrugged his shoulders. She could tell he was pissed. "Well in college you always had two men on the go at once. What did they call you."

Ella slapped him. "Get out of my house." She said sternly. Ben had seen her slap him and was at her side before Ella could say anything else.

"You heard her." Ben said putting his arm around Ella.

"Another fuck buddy Ella?"

"Um no." Ben said shoving the guy. "That is disrespectful and you need to leave."

Andrew grunted and turned to walk away. "When you are ready for a real man Ella, just give me a call. Josh and this one are obviously gay. They just don't know it yet."

"I know it." Ben said sharply. "I am more a man than you will ever be, and yes I am gay. You better get your ass out of here before I kick it."

Andrew left and Ben turned and looked at Ella. "What the Hell L? You were sucking face with him not over an hour ago and now you are slapping his face."

"I know I feel awful. I should never have kissed him."

"Why is that?" Ben asked grinning.

"You are an ass." She said laughing. She watched Josh come back in from outside. Her heart skipped a beat. He looked up at her from across the room and smiled. Something had changed in his eyes, she thought. He was looking at her the way he used to look at her before everything happened. She watched him stop and talk to his friends.

"You can't keep your eyes off of him." Ben said softly to her. "I like the way he is look at you."

Ella blushed. "He is beautiful."

"I wouldn't go that far." Ben laughed. "Sexy, hot, and fuckable, yes."

"Ben." She said slapping his arm playfully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

It was getting late; people were starting to head home. Ben went up to the spare room and went to sleep about an hour ago, well passed out. He was severely drunk.

"I am so glad you had a good time tonight Ella." Sara said hugging her friend. "Mike is bringing the car around. I will call you tomorrow."

"Thank you." She said hugging her friend. "Night." She said as Sara and Mike left. They were the last two out. She went into the kitchen and started to pick up all the empty beer bottles and put them all together on the counter. She kicked her shoes off, and took her hair down. It fell softly down her back.

She didn't hear Josh come into the kitchen. "Want some help?"

She jumped and almost dropped the bottles in her hands. "Don't sneak up on me." She said giggling. She turned to face him. He was standing about five feet from her. His hands in his pockets, hair in his eyes. He grinned at her.

"Thank you." She said softly. "I love my present."

"Your are welcome." He said looking at her, she was leaning against the counter; her hair was curly around her shoulders. He watched her chest rise and fall with each breath she took. He didn't say anything to her. He closed the distance between them; he placed his hand on the side of her face brushing her face with his thumb. "I am sorry sweetheart for anything hurtful I ever said to you." He started. "I was so hurt by everything I wanted to hurt you back. I never ever stopped loving you. I tried my hardest to keep my feelings buried but tonight when I seen you kiss that guy, I wanted to rip his head off of his shoulders."

She leaned her face into his hand and closed her eyes. "I love you so much Josh." She breathed slowly trying to catch her breath. "I am scared." She said softly as she looked into his eyes.

" I am too sweetheart." He said before he kissed her softly and slowly. He had forgotten how amazing her lips felt on his. He felt her hands tangle into his hair, her body was pressing hard against his. He felt her mold to his body. He kissed her more roughly, he lifted her up till she was sitting on the counter, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He kissed down her jaw line, and along her beautiful neck. She moaned his name, and he kissed his way back to her lips.

He pulled back and looked at her. She smiled at him. "Let's go upstairs." She said to him. He didn't need to be told twice. He set her down on her feet and took her by the hand and led her up to his room. He gently pushed her down on the bed.

He stopped kissing her for a moment, he gazed down at her. "You know you are going to be stuck with me Ella Marie Carter. I am making you mine, right now, right this moment."

Ella reached up and touched his face. "I am okay with that." She said softly.

Josh kissed her again slowly, reaching for protection.

"You don't need that." Ella said softly.

"Sweetheart we have our hands full now with the twins, another baby isn't what we need."

"I can't have any more babies Josh." She said soflty.

Josh moved over so he was lying beside her facing her.

"When I had the boys, I almost died; Landon was touch and go for few seconds. My uterus tore, they did a hysterectomy. I can't have any more children."

"I am sorry sweetheart, I wish I could have been there, that must have been so hard to deal with."

"I was upset at first, but I have to amazing babies. They are enough."

"They are pretty amazing." Josh said pulling Ella to him. "Thank you for them."

Ella smiled up at him. "Thank you for giving them to me."

Josh grinned and kissed her. "It is going to be so much fun not having to be careful."

Ella giggled at him. "I love you Josh."

"I am going to show you how much I love you." He said softly before kissing her. He loved her so much. He would never grow tired of showing her how much.


	34. Chapter 34

Ella woke up the next afternoon; she stretched and rolled over to face the love of her life. His hair was in his face, mouth slightly open, sleeping soundly. She reached over and pushed the hair back out of his face, he didn't move. She smiled, she felt so content at this moment. Last night was amazing, it was different than before; she always knew she loved him, but they never really admitted to loving each other when they were together, everything felt so intense. They had been up all night, just gone to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. She sighed and gently slipped out of the bed, she didn't want to wake him. She reached down and grabbed his black dress shirt and put it on her body. She went down stairs, the afternoon sun was coming in through the windows at the front of the house, it felt nice to feel the warmth.

"Good morning." Ben said as Ella came down and sat down on the sofa across from him. He was grinning from ear to ear at her.

"Good morning." She said smiling at him.

"Nice shirt."

"You like this do you?" she said crossing her legs. She was half naked but she didn't care as it was just Ben. She inhaled the scent on the collar of the shirt.

"You had a good night I take it? And morning …..from what I could hear."

Ella covered her mouth, her eyes got big. "You didn't hear anything did you?" she asked feeling her face blush.

"Not last night because I was passed out, but this morning….four times….am I right?"

"Oh my god Ben. I am so sorry. We were that loud that you heard us at the end of the hall."

Ben grinned. "Yup and my I pod was dead."

"I am so embarrassed. I didn't realize we were being that loud."

"You are beaming L. I don't think I have ever seen you to appear so happy."

"Ben I love him so much. I have been pinching myself to see if I am dreaming, I am waiting to wake up."

"You not dreaming L. I heard everything loud and clear this morning."

Ella threw a pillow at him. "Stop." She giggled.

"I am sorry L it is just funny seeing you blush." Ben stated standing up. "You must be hungry."

"Starving."

"French toast, coffee, and fresh fruit."

"That would be amazing Ben. I love your French toast." Ella said following him over to the kitchen. "Did you clean?" she asked noticing how the mess from the party was gone.

Ben chuckled. "The cleaners were here this morning. Round four I think."

Ella slapped him on the arm. "You are shitting me, and would you please stop."

"The cleaning lady had her ipod on…..so she didn't hear much."

"Much….Oh god!" Ella said burying her face in her hands. "That is the first time I had physical contact since Sara's wedding. So you shut you pie hole Ben. I have had to listen to you before….."

"You have not." He said taking the eggs out of the fridge. "Make yourself useful." He said handing her a bowel and the fruit to cut up. "Lover boy still sleeping?"

"He is, probably his time zones are messed up and he didn't get a lot of sleep." She said smiling. "I have to call his mom and see when I am picking the twins up."

"What do you think changed his mind about the whole relationship thing?" Ben asked as he was setting the table.

"I dunno…..really…..I think him seeing me with Andrew last night really hit home. We never really had a chance at a real relationship with Nikki always being around, and he wasn't over her. It was just bad timing. I got pregnant the night we called it quits, he was going back to Nikki I knew that. I think that is the reason why I hid the babies from him. I dunno really."

"Well L be careful. I don't want you to get hurt again. Make sure you two are on the same page."

Ella sighed. "I don't think it is a fling Ben. We have a family together. He loves me."

"He is a rockstar, exposed to tons of pretty young things will to put out."

"What am I chopped liver?" she asked rolling her eyes.

"I am just saying be careful."

"Stop worrying Ben."

"Okay, here is your food." He said handing her a plate of French toast. "You need to replenish calories."

"Shut up." She said with her mouth full of food. "You are an ass."

Ben laughed at her and started to eat his breakfast.

Ella was just taking a bite of her French toast and the phone rang. She didn't want it to wake Josh so she jumped and ran, almost tripping along the way.

"Hello." She said with her mouth full of food, trying to chew.

"Goodmorning." Sara said as Ella answered the phone. "So what the fuck is going on Ella, I see you kissing Andrew, then I stumble in on something between you and Josh. Tell me what is going on please." She said sweetly.

Ella giggled. "Well yes I kissed Andrew…and yes there was a moment between Josh and I."

"Okay Stella, spill."

"Let's go for coffee, I miss you anyway. I am not talking to you over the phone about it. I will meet you at star bucks in an hour."

"Okay…..promise you will tell me what is up."

"I promise. Talk to you soon." Ella said, she replaced the phone on the charger and put her dishes in the dish washer. "Thanks for the food Ben." She said as she kissed the side of his face. "Going for coffee with Sara, you want to come."

"Yeah that will be cool. I will go get changed."

"Ok me too." Ella said, she went up the stairs to her room. She showered and got dressed, jeans and a tshirt. She tied her hair back and put on light make up. Once she was ready she walked down to Josh's room. She opened the door slowly. He was still sleeping. He was on his stomach, one leg covered the other was not, the blanket over one side of his bare bottom. It turned her on just looking at him. She went over and knelt by the bed, closest to his face.

"Josh….." she said softly.

"mmmmm." He mumbled not opening his eyes.

"I am meeting Sara for coffee, text me when you wake up. I need to pick up the boys but thought you might want to come with me when I do."

"Ok." He mumbled.

Ella giggled. "Did you really hear what I said."

"No." he groaned then reached out and grabbed her, pulling her in bed with him. He kissed her, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her tightly to him.

"Josh….I have to go." Ella said as he assaulted her neck, she let him continue to kiss her.

"You are way overdressed for what I have in mind." He murmured into her neck.

Ella wiggled out of his grasp. "I have to go Josh." She said kissing his lips softly.

He pouted. "I am horny." He said grinning at her. "And fully awake now."

"I will be back later. We need to be quieter. Ben heard us this morning."

Josh smiled. "I bet he liked it."

"You are a pervert." She said slapping his arm playfully. "I have to go. Take a cold shower, you will be fine."

"Sweetheart." He said as she started to walk towards his bedroom door.

She stopped and turned to look at him.

"I love you."

"Love you too Josh. See you later."

Ella and Ben meant Sara at Star bucks, she was already there waiting for them. She stood and hugged both of them before sitting back down.

"Ella spill."

"I will go get us coffee." Ben stated standing and off to get them coffee.

"Well I kissed Andrew….." she started and started smiling like crazy. "and I slept with Josh."

"OH my GOD! You two are back together."

Ella smiled and nodded her head. "Sara it was amazing. It was all night."

Ben sat back down. "All morning too."

Ella slapped him and took her coffee from him. "I am so happy."

"What the hell happened? Josh was all I will never take her back…..blah blah blah."

"He didn't like seeing me with another guy."

"It is about time he came to his senses. Ella I am so happy for you. This is so exciting."

"I know…..Sara I am so happy. I can't wait to get back home to him. I have to pick the twins up though before I head back."

"You should leave them with Josh's mom and dad another night. You guys just got back together. I know you miss them but honey you need to really get reacquainted."

"I am going to a hotel. I am not listening to that again." Ben said shaking his head. "Damn it sounded hot."

Sara and Ella both laughed. "Believe me Ben it was hot."

"You are such a lucky bitch." Ben said sipping on his coffee. "He is so sexy."

"I know he is." Ella said matter of factually.

"I am so happy…I can't even express how happy I am for you Ella. I just hope everything works out."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"Well honey you know how Josh is."  
"He loves me." Ella said finishing her coffee up. "He was with nikki for years, she cheated on him. He was always faithful to her."

"Not really." Sara said softly. "He just got away with it."

"He will not do that to me." Ella said. "I need to get going. I have to go the supermarket and stop by and see the boys." She got up and walked out of the coffee shop.

"Wow you hit a nerve." Ben said softly. "I hope everything works out."

"I know me too." Sara said softly. "Mike told me that Josh had hooked up with a few girls on tour, but now that he is back with Ella that may stop. It better or I will kick his ass."

"I will be standing in line behind you."

"You wanna come shopping with me."

Ben smiled. "I maybe gay but shopping still isn't my thing. I am going to try to find a hotel."

"Suit yourself."

Sara was off to shop all afternoon. She was going to pay Josh a visit before she went back home. She was going to put the fear of god in him. He better not hurt her best friend.


	35. Chapter 35

Ella pulled the car up in front of Josh's parent's house. She noticed that Josh's bmw was in the drive way. He had beaten her there. He was suppose to text her. She thought as she got out of the car. She walked towards the house and went inside.

"Hi Ella." Corlynn said as Ella came through the door. "The babies are with Josh and Miles in the back yard. They are having so much fun. They were so excited to see Josh."

"Did they give you any trouble?" Ella asked sitting on the sofa.

"They are no trouble."

Ella smiled softly. "When did Josh arrive?"

"He has been here for about a half hour. He seems tired."

Ella tried not to giggle at his mom's comment; she looked up as she heard little feet running towards her.

"Mama." Landon squeeled and running right to her.

"Hey baby." She smiled swooping him up in her arms. His little arms went around her neck. He gave her slobbery kisses. "Did you have fun?"

Landon smiled and pointed his little finger towards the back of the house. "Dada."

"I know he is home." She smiled at her baby.

"Down." He said and squirmed out of her arms and ran towards the kitchen.

"He probably wants something to drink." Corlynn said following her grandson into the kitchen.

Josh came in the room, with a screaming and giggling Liam. He had him held upside down. Josh flipped him right side up and he laughed harder.

"Hi." Ella said, Josh didn't realize she was there.

Liam smiled and scrunched his little nose up at her holding his arms out for his mother to take him. She took him and gave him hugs and kisses. Liam giggled.

"Josh." He said proud of himself.

"Daddy." Ella corrected him looking at Josh. Josh smiled at her softly. Liam wiggled to get down, she set him on his feet and he was off towards the kitchen. He heard Landon and Josh's mom in there.

"They grew in two weeks." Josh said sitting down on the sofa, he patted the cushion beside him as a que for Ella to sit beside him. "Liam will not call me daddy." Josh chuckled. "He grins at me after he says it, it is like he is doing it to bother me."

Ella sat beside him. "I know he is doing it to bug you." She reached out to take his hand; he pulled it back so she couldn't touch his hand. She gave him a questioning hurt look.

"I don't want my parents to know we are working things out yet."

"Working things out?" Ella asked looking at him. "You call having repeated sex, working things out. I call it back together." She said sternly, she was hurt.

"Sweetheart I don't mean it like that."

"Well it is how it sounds. I thought we worked things out by sleeping together and telling each other that we love each other."

Josh ran his hand through his hair. "I have been thinking a lot today. I don't want to rush back into a relationship."

"You have to be fucking kidding me." She went to get up but Josh grabbed her arm so she couldn't go anywhere.

"Would you stop being so hot headed and sit down here."

Ella glared at him. "I am pissed at you right now."

Josh rolled his eyes. "I love you sweetheart. I just don't want to rush things with my parents and the babies knowing. We don't need to confuse them."

"So what are you suggesting?"

He pulled her back down. "I want to date you, I want to take you places."

She looked at him. "okay…..no dating other people."

He gave her a look. "Don't be silly sweetheart I don't want anyone else but you."

"Good." She said smiling.

"I think we shouldn't have sex so much. I know I want you constantly but I want our relationship to be based on more than just a physical connection."

"Are you sick?" she asked putting her hand to his forehead to check his temperature.

Josh laughed at her. "I am not sick. I just really want this to work Ella."

"Okay." She said hesitantly. "I don't know how the no sex thing will work."

"I didn't say no sex, just not so much."

"You are clearly not thinking straight Josh." She said smiling. "It won't work."

"I bet I can go a month without touching you but still being loving and caring to you."

"Really?" she said grinning.

"Yup."

"Okay…If I win which I know I will, you are going to owe me a weekend away, just me and you. No cell phone, no way to contact anyone except for your mom and dad who will have the boys. IF you win well you can have the gratitude of proving me wrong."

"Hey ….that isn't fair."

"It is your stupid idea so deal with it. I am going to get the boys ready to go home." She said getting up and leaving the room.

Josh chuckled as Ella left the room. He had pissed her off; she was so damn cute when she was angry. He thought she was probably right he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of her. He just wanted to work on their relationship because they never really had that. They had somewhat of a friendship and they were attracted to each other, so they started having sex. Things were messed up with Nikki, he did fall in love with Ella but it happened ass backwards. Now they were parents together…..wow Josh thought how weird everything was.

She came back in the room, a boy in each arm, Liam was of course struggling to get down and screaming his head off. Josh got up and took the screaming toddler off her hands. Liam reached up and pulled Josh's long bangs.

"Ouch Liam…..Let go." Josh scolded. Liam pulled harder

"Liam!" Ella said sternly, he pouted his lip out but stopped crying and pulling his father's hair. "That is not nice." Ella said as her and Josh got the boys outside to her car. "I will take both boys home." She said not looking at him. She buckled both them into their car seats. She shut the door; both boys were rubbing their eyes. She went to walk around the car, Josh grabbed her arm gently.

"You are pissed me aren't you." He said softly.

Ella looked at him. She didn't need to say anything; Josh could see she was upset.

"Sweetheart I want us to last…I am so in love with you." He said softly holding her gaze. He reached down and cupped her face.

"I think it is too late to do this right Josh. I am addicted to your touch, and I think we should for sure do things to get to know each other but don't take the physical away from me. I think that is the most intimate way to get to know someone. With you it is not just sex; it never has been or never will be."

"I just don't want to rush things." He said softly, holding her gaze.

"The boys are tired I need to get them home." She said not looking back at him. She was furious with him.

"Please don't be upset with me Sweetheart."

"Josh I am tired and want to go home. We can talk later." Ella said walking around the car to get in the driver's side. Josh followed her.

"Ella don't be upset."

She glared at him. "Don't be uspet! Last night was something I had been waiting for a long time. I thought we could just be together, now you telling me we need to take it slow….make up your mind Josh, either you want me in your life or not."

"You know I want you in my life Sweetheart. You are being unreasonable."

"I am going home." She said getting into the car, slamming the door and speeding out of the drive way.

Josh ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He didn't see the big deal. Why she was so upset. He went over to his car, he had to go the studio for awhile, to start working on stuff for their next tour. He would talk to her when he got home after she had calmed down a little.

Ella had just gotten the boys to bed. They were all hyper when they got home and they readjusted to Ben right away. They loved him.

She descended the stairs picking up toys along the way, tossing them in the toy bin behind the stairs. It was just a little after nine, she sighed. She felt awful about her little disagreement with Josh. She just wanted to pretend like the past two years didn't happen and they were back together happily.

"L, what is wrong?" Ben asked as Ella plopped down on the sofa beside him. "You don't seem very happy."

"I argued with Josh." She said pouting.

"First fight within 24 hours of getting back together."

"Ugh I know Ben. He wants to take it slow."

"Ummmmm from what went on in his room last night wasn't taking it slow."

"I know." Ella said covering her face.

"Where is he now?"

"I don't know. He didn't say where he was going, I didn't ask."

"L honey everything will work out."

"Are you sure Ben?" she asked looking at Ben, tears welling up in her eyes.

"L don't cry." He said pulling into his arms. "He makes me angry for making you cry. He doesn't know what a good thing he has here."

"I hurt him. I don't think he is fully over that. I can see why he wants to take it slow."

"He needs to keep his dick in his pants then."

Ella giggled. "I really don't want him too."

"You are one of those crazed sex addicts aren't you."

"Ben…I am not a crazed sex addict…Josh is just pretty damn amazing."

Ella had cuddled down in his arms, she was resting her head on his lap, Ben was playing with his hair.

"He is the one I want to wake up to everyday forever Ben."

"I know L. I can tell how much you love him. It just scares me how he holds your heart in his hands. I don't want to see you hurt."

"I know." Ella said yawning.

"You should go up to bed L. Get some rest. I think I am going to."

She sat up, letting Ben get up. "When you going home?"

"Two days." He said looking at her.

"I wish you would stay. I miss you when you are not here."

Ben bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "I miss you too L."

"Night Ben."

"Night L."

Ella stretched out on the sofa, she wanted to wait for Josh to get home before she went up to bed. She missed him already. She settled down on the sofa, pulling a throw over her and closing her eyes.

"Man Josh I am tired it is after two am." Matt whinned. "I want to go home."

"We are done." Josh said rolling his eyes, he picked his phone up as it had been vibrating like crazy. He thought maybe it was Ella looking for him. He looked at the screen, seeing four missed messages. He opened up his inbox.

"**Hey there Sexy! I miss you! I just landed in Van City an hour ago…wanna play? Xoxo"**

Josh looked at the number, he didn't recognize it.

** "Who might this be?"**

"Who has been texting you dude?" Matt asked gathering his things, while yawning.

"I am not sure." Josh said as his phone vibrated again.

**"We hooked up three weeks ago in Sidney Austrailia. Can't say you forgot me already. L"**

Josh grinned. "It is the chick I hooked up with on tour. She is in Van city."

"Sweet you going to get some loving man."

"Nah…..am going home. Ella and I are kinda back together."

"Wow really? When did that happen?"

"Last night." Josh said slipping his phone in his pocket. "She is still pretty amazing." He said smiling.

"I am happy for you Josh. She is pretty special. Glad you came to your senses."

"Me too." Josh put his jacket on. "Cya tomorrow."

"Night Man."

Josh and Matt both got in their vehicles and went their separate ways. He couldn't wait to get home. Ella would be asleep; he just wanted to be in the same house as her.

Once he was home, he went into the kitchen and got a glass of water. The house was quiet. He walked into the living room, he stopped when he seen her asleep on the sofa. She was beautiful. The moon was shining in through the window, reflecting off of her skin.

He walked over to the couch, knelt down beside it; he reached over and touched her face. She stirred a little. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Hey." Josh said smiling softly at her.

"What time is it?"

"Three am." He said softly.

"I should go up to bed."

Josh stood and swooped her up into his arms, she wrapped her arms around his neck and he carried her up that stairs. He took her into his room and set her softly on the bed.

He undressed and crawled into bed beside her, she was already back asleep. He wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer, he kissed her temple.

"Love you." He whispered before closing his eyes and drifting to sleep.


	36. Chapter 36

Ella had quit her job at the doctors office and took a job at the Emergency department at the Grace general hospital. It was the second largest hospital in Van city. Josh was a little upset with her, for her to go back to working shift work again. Her reasoning, he was never home. They still had their nanny helping them out. Ben had left, she missed him like crazy. Sara was busy being a wife to Mike, and she was alone mostly with the boys and Laura who was their nanny.

Her and Josh's relationship, well he had lost the bet after five days in. She knew he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of her, they didn't have time to date, with her working and Josh working on stuff for their across Canada tour, to the babies taking all of their time. It was pointless to try.

She had just finished a 12 hour shift and was heading home. It was twelve thirty when she pulled into the drive way, she sighed seeing a bunch of cars parked in the drive way. She rolled her eyes and got out, her ears was greeted with the pounding bass as she walked into the house.

She dropped her bag by the door, she seen Brett, Matt, Ian, and a bunch of other guys she didn't know, she seen a bunch of barley dressed woman she didn't know and one of those woman was hanging off of her man. Perfect body, hot and blonde and getting all of Josh's attention. He was such a flirt. She looked down at her scrubs; her hair was piled in a messy bun on the top of her head, no makeup. She looked like hell. She could feel her blood boiling. Where the hell were her babies?

She walked across the room towards Josh, who had his back to her, the bimbo he was talking to gave her a dirty look when she approached them. She looked down at Ella, she was almost the same height as Josh. Ella tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned and looked at her, "I need to talk to you now Ramsay." She said coldly.

"Excuse me." Josh smiled at the blonde, before Ella drug him up the stairs to his room.

"Where are the boys?" she spat at him.

Josh folded his arms across his chest and looked at her. "Are you really going to bitch at me?" he slurred.

"You are drunk." She said noticing the redness in his eyes.

"My sister wanted the boys for the night." He said rolling his eyes. "I really don't see the big deal."

Ella rolled her eyes. "You never see the big deal Josh. You are drunk. You never drink. I come home after working a 12 hour shift and you don't even care to tell me that you are having a party. I walk in the house to see pretty girls are linked to your arm and you are smiling and gushing over her." She sat down on the bed and looked at him.

"You are jealous?" he asked giving her the lopsided grin.

"I am not jealous." She snapped. "I just want you to spend time with me. You are leaving for two months next week and I don't get to see you at all."

"Ella…come have some drinks. Quit being a little bitch."

She glared at him. "Why am I being a bitch? You are the one intoxicated and acting like a freaking asshole." She went to stalk by him. He grabbed her by the arm. "Let go of me Josh."

He grinned at her. "You are so damn sexy when you are mad." He said grinning at her.

"umph…sexy right. I have scrubs on, no makeup, my hair is a mess…and you're calling me sexy."

"I don't know when you will ever get it." He said pulling her to his body, and not letting her go, even though she was stiff and wouldn't ease into his touch. He whispered softly into her ear. "You are fucking hot, you make me want to rape you." He breathed into her neck before his lips assaulted her neck. "You know I love you sweetheart."

"Josh….stop!" she said shoving him away. "Get these people out of my house."

"Your house?" Josh said narrowing his eyes at her. Ella glared at him and pushed her way past him, heading to her room. She tore her scrubs off, pulling on jeans and a hoodie. She went over to the closet grabbing some clothes, throwing them into a bag. Josh followed her into her room.

"What are you doing?" he asked from the door, he was leaning on the frame with his arms across the chest.

Ella gathered her things not acknowledging him. She was so pissed at him.

"Stella what the fuck are you doing?"

"I am leaving. This is YOUR house. You can shove your house up your ass."

Josh approached her, grabbed the bag of clothes out of her hand and threw them across the room. "Stop acting like a child." He said sternly.

"Me acting like a child?" she snapped. She looked at him, his eyes were red and glazed over. "What the hell are you on?" she asked looking at him.

"I am not on anything."

"You are obviously are drunk and high on something."

"I just had a few drinks Ella."

"I am leaving." She snapped and pushed past him again, he grabbed her so she couldn't go anywhere.

"You are not going anywhere."Josh snapped glaring at her.

"Let me go Josh."

He looked down at her, loosened his grip on her arms when he noticed the tears streaming down her face.

"Just let me go Josh."

Josh released her. "I am sorry."

"Just get these people out. I am tired and want to go to sleep." She turned her back to him walked across the room, she took her jeans off and her sweat shirt, and she grabbed a pair of pjs out of the bag she had just shoved stuff in. Josh stood there and watched her. She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. She sat down on the bed and put her head in her hands. "Josh I don't think this his working." She whispered.

"What do you mean?" he asked walking across the room and crouching down in front off her on the floor. "Ella look at me."

"I think we need to not be together." She choked out.

Josh's eyes grew big. "Don't say that Ella."

"God damn it Josh…..we have been trying for four weeks now and we just keep ending up back here, you are too busy for a family…I think…it would be better if I moved out."

"Ella babe…..I am sorry…..I will try harder." Josh said cupping her face with both of his hands, his thumb brushed her tears away. "Don't leave me….." he said holding back the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. "I know I am a dick….Fuck….I will do anything."

"Let me go." She sobbed looking into his eyes.

"Not that." He said shaking his head.

"I think Josh we have a physical connection…..and we share two amazing boys…but I think that is where it ends."

"You are everything to me Ella…."

"Your career is everything…..those people downstairs in your house are your friends…I just don't fit in."

"You don't need to fit in sweetheart. I love you because you are normal, you are the most real person I know. You are a wonderful mother…and I want you in my life long term." He took both of her hands in his, "Look at me."

Ella looked at him.

"My career is important…but you and the boys are my life."

Ella sobbed. "I just want to feel like your everything Josh."

He pulled her into his arms, and held her tight. She cried in his arms. He felt so bad for making her so upset. "Sweetheart don't ever leave me. I don't know what I would do without you. I know I flirt with other women….I am sorry for that…..I will try not too…..but you have to know that you are the only woman I want in my bed, in my life. You are the mother of my children." He brushed her hair back from her face. Josh looked into her beautiful grey eyes that were red and puffy; she was the most beautiful thing he ever laid eyes on.

"I love you." He said softly. "I do." He said holding her gaze.

"I love you." She said softly.

Josh cupped her face….really looking at her. "Marry me?" he said grinning at her.

Ella laughed. "Josh be serious. You are not ready for marriage, you still haven't told you parents we are back together."

"I am serious sweetheart. I don't have a ring….but I want you to be my wife."

Ella stared at him, he smiled up at her.

"I am on my knees."

"You are insane."

"So…..what do you say?"

"Josh Ramsay…..i can't believe you." She smiled.

"Marry me baby." He sang softly.

Ella smiled. "Well alright."

Josh pulled her into his arms, and held her tightly. "I love you so much." He pulled back just far enough to look into her eyes. He covered her mouth with his, kissed her softly.

"Now go get those people out of my house."

"Don't fall asleep." He said standing up and starting to leave the room. "I am going to have my way with you when I get back up here."

"I will be waiting." Ella smiled. She threw herself back on the bed smiling. She was getting married. She yawned and shut her eyes. Josh would have to wait, she was exhausted. He would be another hour before he got back up stairs anyway. She sighed and rolled over, she couldn't believe she was going to be marrying the man of her dreams.


	37. Chapter 37

Josh had been on the phone all morning with his travel agent. He was planning a surprise trip for Ella. His mom and dad were going to take the boys for a few days; he just wanted to spend some time with just her before he left on tour. He was picking her up from work at three and they were headed to Whistler, he had rented them a little secluded cottage. He was so excited; he couldn't wait to get her all to himself.

He had talked to his parents, he told them that he had asked Ella to marry him and she accepted, it still didn't feel real to him. His mother and father were happy for them. His mom was more excited than his father; his dad was a little skeptic. Josh knew deep down that he always wanted Ella in his life forever.

He had called Sara to go ring shopping with him, she was so excited when Josh told her that Ella and him were getting married. She helped him pick out beautiful square diamond, with tiny diamonds that went all around the band. It was perfect for Ella. He pulled into the hospital parking lot. He pulled out his phone to pass the time before Ella came out. Ten minutes passed, he looked up and seen her walking towards the car, she was with a tall very attractive man. Doctor, Josh thought as he watched them closely. The man kept smiling at Ella, he put his arm around her casually, he could see that Ella felt uncomfortable. Josh got out of the car and leaned on the roof; Ella looked up and saw him. Her smile grew big.

"Hey Sweetheart." Josh said as they approached.

"Hi." Ella said smiling at Josh. "Josh this is Peter, he is a new intern here. He actually just lives down the road from us. Peter this is Josh."

Peter smiled politely at Josh and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you." Peter said to Josh. "Nice car." He said motioning towards the black BMW. "Expensive car." Peter said chuckling.

"Thanks." Josh said watching Peter's body language with his fiancé. "Sweetheart we should get going we have a long drive ahead of us."

Ella's eyes got big. "Where are we going?"

"It is a surprise."

Ella looked at Peter. "Have a good week. Nice meeting you."

"Same." He said shoving his hands into the pockets of you jeans. "Nice meeting you Josh."

"You to man." Josh said getting into the car, Ella slid into her seat, as soon as she turned to look at him, Josh kissed her, he kissed her slowly enjoying how her lips felt against his, how her tongue felt in his mouth. He felt her tangle her hands in his hair. He hoped that freaking prick was watching, he hated how he looked at Ella.

Ella pulled back breathless. "Where are the babies?"

"With mom and dad."

"So they are not coming with us?" Ella asked her heart falling a little bit.

"Nope…..this is trip is for our no sex bet that I lost."

Ella smiled. "So I get you alone for a few days, with no interruptions. We can stay in bed all day if we want."

"Yup." Josh grinned at her. "Lets hit the road."

Ella fastened her seatbelt and smiled at Josh.

They chatted, sang along with the radio, time passed quickly. Josh pulled the car into the drive way of the little log cabin. He smiled at Ella as her put the car in park. "There is no one around for miles. Just me and you with no interruptions." He grinned leaning across the seat and kissing her slowly. "I love you." He said as he pulled back, he looked into her eyes.

"I love you." Ella said smiling at him. "I am starving."

"The fridge should be stalked." Josh said getting out of the car and getting the bags out of the trunk. He watched Ella get out of the car and stretched. "Go on inside sweetheart. I will be right there."

Ella went inside the little cabin, she took in her surroundings, it was an open concept, living room with a huge stone fireplace, small kitchen with an island dividing the kitchen from living room, bathroom off to the side of the living room, and the bedroom. She walked over to the back of the cabin and looked out on the back deck, there was a hot tub sitting out on the back deck. She didn't hear Josh come in, she jumped a little when she felt his arms come around her from behind, he nuzzled his face into the side of her neck.

She relaxed into his embrace. "It is perfect Josh."

"It is isn't it." He said proudly. "I was hoping you would like it."

"I love it, it is so quiet."

"And peaceful." Josh said kissing her neck. She leaned her neck to the side to give him more access. "Lets get you some food."

Ella turned around and faced him. "I don't want food right now." She said before she kissed him softly. "I want you to take me into the bedroom and undress me….."

Josh grinned at her, swooping her up off of her feet and carrying her into the bedroom. He set her softly down on the bed. He slowly undressed her, kissing her skin he was exposing. "Ella baby you are perfect." Josh whispered between kisses.

Ella sighed and tangled her fingers in his hair pulling her close to her. "I love how you make me feel Josh."

Josh pulled back and grinned at her. "I hope you never tire of me."

"Never." She said before kissing him again.

Ella woke up at three am starving. They must have fallen asleep. She looked over at Josh, his mouth open, his blonde bangs in his eyes, he needed a haircut. She smiled and kissed him on his face. He never stirred. She climbed out of bed, reaching for the piece of clothing she could find, which was Josh's t-shirt. She put it on and went out the kitchen. She looked in the fridge, finding some water and stuff to make a sandwich.

She made her sandwich and sat at the little table to eat it, it was so quiet up here she thought to herself. It was peaceful. She looked down at the table and seen Josh's phone blinking; she kept seeing notifications pop up on the screen, that he had a new text message. Three am she thought who the hell would be trying to get a hold of him. If it was his mom she would just call.

She wanted to pick the phone up, she was so curious. She sighed and flipped it over so she couldn't see the light blinking on it. She finished eating her sandwich, and went to get back into bed. She was freezing, the fall air was definitely settling in, they didn't make a fire in the fire place they were preoccupied most of the evening. She got back into bed. Josh opened his eyes when she cuddled up against him.

"Jesus woman you are freezing." He mumbled as he felt how chilly her body was against his. He wrapped his arms around her, kissed her shoulder.

"Someone keeps texting you." Ella said yawning. "It is almost 4 am."

"You didn't check."

"No." she said softly. "Your phone."

Josh kissed the inside of her neck. "Go to sleep." He whispered to her.

The next morning Josh woke up before Ella, he went out into the living room and started the fire place, it was freezing. It didn't take him long to get it going, and for the little cabin to warm up. He went into the kitchen, grabbed a banana and sat down at the table; he picked his phone up and scrolled through the messages. He sighed. This chick he hooked up with kept texting him. He sighed, he told her over and over not to text him anymore. He didn't want anything more with her. He ran his hand through his hair. He didn't want to come out and tell her he was seeing someone, in case she went and told people and they told people. He was trying to keep Ella and the boys out of the spot light. He still would tell people he was single. He had spoken with Ella about that and she was fine with the whole thing. She didn't want to be in the spotlight at all. She was an ER nurse not a rockstar.

"Morning."

"Hey sweetheart."Josh smiled at Ella as she came into the room. Her hair was a mess, she was in one of his tshirts. "You sleep good?"

"Like a baby." She said stretching and yawning. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked peaceful." He said reaching across the table and taking her hand in his. "Believe me I wanted to wake you." He said grinning at her. "I just can't seem to get enough of you."

Ella rolled her eyes. "You are just Horny."

"Yes that too." He grinned leaning across to kiss her. "You wanna go back to bed."

She smiled. "I am hungry, and I want to go for a hike."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Really?"

"Yes really. You are lazy."

"True dat."

"Joshua, please come with me. I don't want to go by myself." Ella said sweetly and batting her eyelashes. "I will make it worth your while."

Josh chuckled at her. "Oh you will?" he asked, knowing full well she meant sex, but he also knew that she would have sex with him either way. She instigated sex more than he did, well not much more but she did.

"You know it." She smiled getting up and walking by him; he grabbed her and pulled her onto to his lap. "Josh I have to go get dressed." She giggled as kissed her neck. She wiggled and got out of his grasp. "Distractions will not work." She said sternly to him, but smiling at the same time.

"Can't blame me for trying. You know how much I love physical activity that doesn't involve an orgasms"

Ella rolled her eyes at him. "I will be ready in twenty minutes. " she stated with her back to him as she was leaving the room.

Josh groaned, he hated hiking, he was not the most coordinated person ever. He played with his phone till Ella was ready, he glanced up at her as she walked across the room, she had jeans and a hoodie on, her hair tied back in a pony tail, she looked amazing. He didn't know how he landed such a beautiful woman.

"Ready Ramsay." She said putting her sneakers on. "You just have those shoes?" she asked noticing the converse high tops he had on his feet.

"Ya? Why?" he said giving her a questioning look.

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "Okay." She said looking at him. "Lets go."

They started off, it was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was warm and there was a light breeze. They were walking for almost an hour; Ella was always a head of Josh. He complained the whole time. Ella would giggle at him. She stopped and waited for him to catch up, she watched him swat his hands and jump around because there was a bug of some sort bugging him. She couldn't help but laugh at him. He fretted like a girl.

"Sweet Jesus woman ! Can we turn back now?"

Ella was sitting on a big rock on the side of the trail. "You tired Ramsay."

He shot her a look that could kill. "It has been up hill all the way, my feet are killing me, there are killer bugs trying to take me out….and you are like a damn energizer bunny."

She tried to hold back a giggle, because he was obviously not having a good time, the giggle came out a snort, the she laughed right out loud.

Josh held his hand up to her. "YOU! Would find this hilarious."

She tried to stop laughing at him. "You are such a drama queen." She gasped out between her fits of giggles."

"I am going back." He said annoyed with her, and turning around quickly, losing his footing on some lose gravel and tumbling down over a little hill into some shrubs.

Ella put her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh at this point. "Josh you okay?"

Josh struggled out of the shrubs, leaves stuck in his hair, glaring at her. If looks could kill she would be dead. He brushed dirt off of his jeans, not looking back up at her.

"You didn't hurt not looking back up at her.

"You didn't hurt yourself did you?"

"I am fine." He snapped and stalked off down the trail.

Ella followed him, she could tell he was pissed and his pride was hurt. She found it cute and funny as hell but she stopped laughing at him. He never said a word to her the whole way back to the cabin. He went inside and went into the bedroom, she heard the shower turn on.

Ella took some chicken out and started to cook supper. She went in to check on Josh and he was sound asleep on the bed, wrapped in a towel, his hair was still wet. She smiled and went back out to the living room. She put some wood in the fireplace and finished cooking supper. She was putting a salad together when Josh's phone rang. She was hesitant to answer it but it could be important.

"Hello." She said softly into the phone.

"Who is this?" a sharp female voice questioned.

Ella paused for a minute. "Ella." She said softly.

"Where is Josh?"

"Who is speaking?" Ella asked mixing the salad, she felt Josh arms wrap around her waste from behind.

"Who is it sweetheart?" he asked softly kissing her neck under her exposed ear.

"Tara, who the hell are you?" the female asked. "I need to speak to Josh."

Ella shrugged and handed Josh the phone.

"Hullo." He said into the phone, leaning against the counter by Ella, watching her mix the salad.

"Why have you not been answering my texts?"

Josh recognized the voice, he looked down at the floor.

"I told you that I didn't want you to contact me Tara. I think you need to really let it go."

"Is that your girlfriend that answered the phone."

"She is a girl yes, and she is my friend." He said sarcastically.

"Don't be a smart ass." Tara shot back at him.

"Look." Josh spat a little angrily. "I know

"Tara, who the hell are you?" the female asked. "I need to speak to Josh."

Ella shrugged and handed Josh the phone.

"Hullo." He said into the phone, leaning against the counter by Ella, watching her mix the salad.

"Why have you not been answering my texts?"

Josh recognized the voice, he looked down at the floor.

"I told you that I didn't want you to contact me Tara. I think you need to really let it go."

"Is that your girlfriend that answered the phone."

"She is a girl yes, and she is my friend." He said sarcastically.

"Don't be a smart ass." Tara shot back at him.

"Look." Josh spat a little angrily. "I know you think we had something but we didn't. We hooked up a few times months ago….it is over and stop bugging me."

Ella looked up at him. Josh had not told her about him being with someone. She walked away and started to set the table. Josh could see the hurt in her eyes.

"I have important thing to tend to. I wish you well." Josh said as he slide his phone shut. He walked over to Ella and touched her shoulder, she pulled away from him. "Sweetheart don't be upset. It happened over the summer in Australia, I was trying to forget about my feelings for touched her shoulder, and she pulled away from him. "Sweetheart don't be upset. It happened over the summer in Australia, I was trying to forget about my feelings for you but it never worked."

"You could have told me." She said turning to look at him. "You should know that secrets are not good."

Josh looked at her with somber eyes. "You are the only woman I have ever wanted since I laid eyes on you. Even when I was so angry at you for keeping the boys away from me and their existence from me, I couldn't keep you out of my head. Ella I love you."

She looked at him. She could tell he was being sincere.

"I want you to be my wife baby." He pulled her to him, she looked down. "Look at me." He said lifting her face by her chin with his fingers. "There is no other woman in my life now, and there will never be anyone else in my life but you."

She looked at him and nodded her head, a tear slipped down her face. "I am not one of those well put together girls Josh, with the perfect hair, perfect makeup and nails. I dress simple. Look at Sara she fits, I don't"

Josh looked at her. "I am not very manly." Josh said with a smirk. Ella smiled at him. "You have seen how I fought bugs off today; you have seen how I dance."

Ella giggled. "I love you." She said softly. Josh caressed her face.

"I love you." He said and softly kissed her lips. "The food smells great. I am starving."

Ella smiled and went and got their food on plates, her and Josh ate and talked. He told her stories about pranks they did on the road to each other. Ella laughed so hard her stomach hurt. Josh was so dramatic.

Once they were done eating, Ella loaded the dishwasher and cleaned up.

"Wanna get in the hot tub?" Josh asked pulling her to him, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. "I have wine." He smiled.

"That would be nice." Ella smiled at him.

"Lets go." Josh said grabbing the wine out of the fridge and two glasses. They stripped down and climbed in. The hot water was soothing.

"You are sure there is no one else around up here?" Ella asked taking the glass of wine from Josh and sipping on it slowly.

"Positive. It is off season."

"Okay." Ella said softly. She looked up at the sky, there were so many stars out. "I wonder how the boys are doing."

Josh pulled her to him, taking her empty glass out of her hand. "I have something for you."

"You do?" Ella said smilling.

"Yup." He grinned as he reached around and picked a little black velvet box up. "I know when I asked you to marry me I didn't have a ring ."

Ella's smile grew really big.

"And in order to make it official." He said as he opened the box, holding it so she could see the beautiful square diamond with a band of small diamonds. "Stella Marie Carter, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Ella smiled at Josh. "It is beautiful." She said looking at the glistening ring in the box.

"So?" Josh asked with a smile.

"You know my answer Josh." Ella said smiling. "Hurry up and put that on my finger."

Josh took the ring out of the box and slowly slid it on her finger. It looked perfect, he thought. He leaned into her and kissed her slowly. Ella pulled him to her, kissing him back roughly.

"Let's go inside." Josh said between kisses.

Ella smiled at him and taking his hand and leading him back inside the cabin to the bedroom. Where they would stay for the hours to come.


	38. Chapter 38

"Sweetheart are you ready?" Josh called coming back into the cabin from packing up the car. It was time for them to go back home. It had been a great weekend; they really enjoyed their time together. Josh would be leaving in a few days for three months, and he had rehearsal with the band so the next few days would be shot. They were heading to his moms and dads for thanksgiving dinner today. Ella came out of the bedroom, he looked up at her as she came out of the bedroom. She had on a white dress with flora print on it; her hair was up in this twisty thing. She looked beautiful.

"The car all packed?"

"Yes it is." Josh said pulling her to him by placing his hands on her hips. "I want to take you back in the bedroom and have my way with you."

Ella smiled at him. "Babe we never left the bedroom yesterday at all, except to eat and go to the bathroom. You think you would be tired."

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I will never tire of you, I love making love to you baby." He said kissing her lips softly. "We really need to get going; mom will kill us if we are late for her big shingdig."

"I can't wait to get my hands on my boys." Ella said as Josh took her by the hand and led her out to the car, he opened the door for her, waited for her to get in and he shut the door.

The drive back into the city was quiet. Josh sang along softly to the songs on the radio. Ella closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She must have fallen asleep because before she knew Josh was waking her up as they were at his parents.

They went inside, the smells of food was overwhelming.

"Hi guys." Sara his sister said as they came in. "How was the weekend?"

"Good." Josh said.

"It was really good.'' Ella said shoving her hand in Josh's sisters face.

"Oh my god." Sara squeeled. "You two are back together and getting married."

Josh nodded his head smiling really big.

"Congratulations." Sara said hugging each of them. "Do mom and dad know?"

Josh nodded his head. He had told them when he had dropped the boys off, who just came running into the room.

"Josh." Liam said running over and grabbing his leg. "Up." Josh bent down and picked up his son. "Hey buddy." He said hugging the little guy. Landon ran right to his mother and did the same. Ella picked him up and gave him a big hug, held him for a minute and switched boys with Josh. The boys were so happy to have their parent's home.

Josh and Ella played with the boys all afternoon waiting for supper. The boys were so active; they were climbing all over Josh. He was such a big kid. Ella's stomach was sore from laughing at them.

After supper Ella was helping Josh's mom in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes.

"Have you guys set a date yet?"

Ella looked up from what she was doing, "Ummmm nope, haven't even talked about it."

Corlynn smiled softly. "Do you want a big wedding?"

"Haven't really talked about it. Probably not overly big." Ella said softly. "He is pretty much going to be on the road for the next little while so I don't know when we will get the chance to plan anything."

"Well I am glad he came to realize how good you are for him. I am glad you are going to be part of this family. The boys are just the best little things. Thank you."

Ella smiled at Josh's mom. "Thank you for raising such a great man. I adore him."

"You talking about me?" Josh asked grabbing a slice of leftover turkey off of the platter that was still on the counter.

Ella smiled at him. "Don't let it go to your head."

Josh grinned at her. "You ready to take the boys home? They are starting to fight with each other and getting cranky. I am going into the studio as well; I have so much work to get finished up before we leave in a few days.

"Tonight?" she asked pouting.

Josh nodded his head. "I am sorry babe. I leave in three days and we have rehearsals, and I am finishing up the audio on the tour video footage for the story line."

"I work for the next three days, 12 hour shifts."

"You know you can quit babe."

Ella sighed. "Lets get the boys home and to bed." She said disappointed. She knew he had to leave in a few days, and she was ok with it but didn't really like it.

They said their goodbyes and loaded the boys into the car, they were sound to sleep before they got on the highway. The drive home was quiet. Ella just watched out the window in darkness. She glanced down at her hand and seen her beautiful ring sparkling in the dark as the lights from the dash board shown on it.

"Something wrong Sweetheart?" Josh asked glancing over at her.

She smiled softly. "No I am just tired Josh."

"You sure?" he asked knowing that there was defiantly something bothering her.

"I am sure." She said smiling to reassure him. She just didn't want him to be leaving her for three months. She knew she could get through it, she would be busy with work and the boys. She would have to keep herself busy. She wished that she had no responsibility like her best friend Sara who was going to be with her husband.

Josh pulled the car into the drive way, he got out and got one boy out of the car. Ella got the other one and followed Josh into the house. They put both boys in their beds , Josh followed Ella into her room. He wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"I am so thankful for you and the boys." He said softly. "You guys make me complete."

Ella turned in his arms so she was facing him. She gazed up into his eyes. "You sure you have to go?" she asked pulling him closer to her, pressing her body into his. "I don't want you to go."

Josh smiled at her. "I have to sweetheart. "

"Could I persuade you to stay." She said standing on her tippy toes, and kissing his neck as the door bell rang.

"That would be Matt." Josh said smiling at Ella.

Ella pouted. "Go if you must."

"I will be back later."

"I will be asleep and if you wake me be prepared to have your ass kicked. I work a 12 hour shift tomorrow starting at noon."

Josh pouted. "I will be in the studio and at rehearsal most of the day and evening. What do you work Tuesday?"

"Same." Ella said undressing in front of him, pulling on pj.

Josh sighed as the door bell rang again. "We are not going to see much of each other before I leave on Wednesday."

"I know it sucks." Ella said crawling under the covers on her bed. "You better go before the door bell wakes the babies up, and if it does you are taking them with you."

Josh smiled watching her pull the covers up over her body, he texted Matt telling him he would be right down. He went over the bed and knelt down to eye level with Ella. "Sweetheart I love you." He said softly, "Sleep well." He leaned down and brushed his lips softly against hers, her eyes were already closed, she kissed him back softly. He touched her face, kissed her forehead and he was off.

He went and checked on the boys before he left. He went out and climbed into Matt's car.

"Hey Dude." Matt said as Josh climbed in. "How was your sex escape?"

Josh laughed. "Do you think that is all we did?"

"Yup….it was wasn't it?"

Josh laughed again, "Ya I guess it was…..we did go hiking."

"You were hiking?"

"It wasn't pretty. I couldn't keep up with her man."

Matt and Josh both laughed. "So you're getting married?"

Josh shrugged. "Might as well." He joked. "She likes to have sex with me, and she tolerates me. So I guess I should keep her."

"Well if you put it that way."

Matt pulled into the studio.

"I love her Matt." Josh said softly. "That is what it comes down to."

"Josh Ramsay married with children…..WOW."

"I know right." Josh said getting out of the car and heading towards the studio with Matt right behind him. Matt was looking at his phone.

"So you know that girl you hooked up on tour."

Josh rolled his eyes and stopped and looked at Matt. "What about her?"

"She is inside with Ian and the new girl he is seeing."

Josh sighed. "Really? Why the hell are they here at the studio?"

"Ian wanted to bring his girl, and I guess Tara is Sam's best friend."

"Nice." Josh said in a low tone. "She knows nothing about Ella or my boys." He said to Matt, pulling out his phone at the same time and texting Ian. "We have work to do, hopefully they will stay out of the way."

"You are all pissy now." Matt joked.

"I just didn't expect there to be chicks here, especially ones I have slept with. It is kinda awkward, she has been texting me and called the other day, Ella answered my cell. She was a little upset."

"Just ignore them Josh, we have tons of work to do anyway."

"Lets get to it." Josh said as they went inside. Tara smiled at Josh as soon as she seen him. Ian introduced them to Sam, who was a blonde air head, Josh thought automatically. Mike was already there working away as well. Sara was sleeping on one of the sofa's in the meeting area.

Josh didn't acknowledge Tara, he and the guys just got right to work. It was going to be a long night.

The boys were up at the crack of dawn. Ella sighed when she heard them giggling from their room. She stretched and sat up in bed. She looked around the room, no sign of Josh. He probably feel asleep at the studio.

She got up and went and got the monkeys out of bed. They were overly happy first thing in the morning, and very active. She didn't shower, she would do that when Laura, her nanny arrived for the day.

"Morning babies."

Both boys squeeled when they seen their mother. She picked Liam up got him changed and dressed, then she did the same with Landon while Liam played quietly on the floor with a toy. She took them down for some breakfast, settling them in their highchairs while she started the coffee and got the boys food.

Ella turned on the radio, she danced and sang along with the music. The boys laughed at her. She loved to hear them giggle. She was so into the music she didn't hear Josh come in. He stood in the doorway and watched her, he smiled.

"Josh." Liam said.

Ella stopped dead in her tracks, she could feel her face burning.

"Hey baby." Josh said kissing Liam on the head, and moving on to his other baby.

"Dada." Landon squeeled.

Josh grinned at Ella who was still three shades of red. "Your hot you know." He pulled her to his body. "and fucking cute as hell."

Ella blushed and looked at him. He looked tired.

"I didn't know you could sing." He joked. She couldn't sing. Her dance moves were not bad though.

"Don't be an ass." She said slapping his arm. "That was not signing. Bennie sounds better when she howls."

Josh laughed letting her go to get the boys breakfast on the trays for them. "When do you work?"

"Noon to midnight."

Josh nodded his head popping a piece of fresh pineapple in his mouth. "When does Laura get here." He said watching her help the boys with their food.

"I think that is her now." Ella said hearing the front door open, and Bennie running but not barking.

"Goodmorning." Laura said coming into the kitchen. She stopped and kissed both babies. They both giggled. They loved their nanny.

"Hi Laura." Ella said smiling. "Josh will be here most of the day but he will be sleeping."

Laura nodded her head. "I won't be back to later tonight; you might just want to sleep in the guest room."

"I had planned on it."

"Good." Ella said smiling; Josh yawned and rubbed his eyes. "You okay with the boys now. I am going to shower and get ready for work."

"Ofcourse Miss Carter."

Ella left the room , Josh followed her up the stairs and into her room. He shut the door.

"Ramsay what are you doing." Ella said, she still had her back to him as she dug through her dresser for clothes. She felt his hands on her hips, and his lips softly on her neck. "I thought you were tired."

"I am tired." He said pushing her hair over to one side so he could kiss more off her neck. "I want you more than sleep right now."

Ella giggled trying to get away from him but she was unsuccessful, he pushed her onto the bed and crawled on top of her, pinning her hands above her head on the mattress, assaulting her neck again.

"Joshua." She moaned trying to be stern. He chuckled at her protest.

He moved his lips over hers, kissing her slowly, biting down on her bottom lip, he pulled back just far enough so he could look into her eyes.

"What if she hears us?"

"I will be quiet." He said pushing her tank top up over her head, running his hands over her soft flesh. "This maybe the last time for 12 weeks, unless you come out to visit."

"I am going to miss you." She said looking into his beautiful blue eyes. He let her hands go, she ran them over his back, pulling his tshirt over his head.

He kissed her roughly, loving how she reacted to his touch. "God woman you are driving me crazy."

Ella smiled at him. "I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart. I am going to miss you too." He said kissing her again. "So much."

Ella loved how he could control her body with just single touch, he was gentle and rough at the same time. They were always in synch with each other. He knew how to make her feel special and that she belonged to him.

She stayed in his arms till he fell asleep before she slipped out of his arms. He sighed and rolled over, she covered up his naked beautiful body. She didn't want to leave; she wouldn't be able to be with him like this again for a long time. She loved making love to him. She loved him more every day. It was going to be a long three months.


	39. Chapter 39

Please leave me feedback...i want to know what you all think :)

It was November first; Josh had been gone for a little over three weeks. It seemed like an eternity to Ella. She was working and taking care of the boys, she was exhausted and depressed. She hated being away from Josh. He called every night, he was always happy when he called. He would ask about the boys, and rambling on about that nights show. He loved his life on the road.

Ella would creep his twitter and tumblr for new pics of him, like she use to do when she was apart from him when the boys were first born. She would feel jealous of the pictures taken with the beautiful girls he meant each day after and before the shows. She knew he was hers, but she was just upset that she wasn't there with him.

She sighed closing her lap top shut and setting on the night stand beside her bed. It was just after one in the morning. She had gotten home at midnight and still couldn't sleep. She hadn't talked to Josh this evening because she was working. She just needed to hear his voice then maybe she could sleep. She picked up her cell phone and dialed his number. It rang a few times before he answered.

"Hullo."

"Hey babe." Ella said softly.

"Sweetheart I was just thinking about you." Josh said smiling.

"You were?" Ella asked loving the sound of his voice.

"I just got back to the hotel. Matt and I went out in search of food and we came back with just junk food. I am just climbed into bed."

"Hopefully you had more than junk food. You need to eat right Josh."

He chuckled. "Yes mom."

"Stop it. I am just concerned."

He laughed. "How are the boys?"

"Well Liam fell today and put is tooth through his lip, Landon picked on the cats and Bennie most of the day."

"Awww poor little guy. Did he cry much?"

"A little but he was up and on the go again in five minutes." She said as she turned over on her side. "They are getting so big. They are going to be two in February. I hope you are home for their birthday."

Josh sighed. He could hear the sorrow in Ella's voice. "I am going to be there, I am not going to miss another birthday.''

"I am sorry that you missed the first." She said as a tear fell down her face.

"Sweetheart ….."Josh started he heard her sniff. "Awwww baby don't cry." He said running his hand through his hair. "Everything is ok."

Ella sniffed. "I miss you." She sobbed into the phone.

"Baby get on a plane and come out. Bring the boys. I would love to see you. I will book the flight now."

"I can't Josh. I work."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Quit. You don't need to work."

Ella sighed. "I love it Josh, besides it gives me something to do. I can't be on the road with you all the time. The boys need a home."

"Sooooooo are you going to come."

Ella smiled. "I have two days off, I could fly out. I think I will leave the boys with your mum though. Such a short trip would be too tiring for them."

Josh was disappointed; he would love to see the boys. He missed them. "okay I miss those little boys so much. I will take you though." He said smiling. "Damn I miss you."

"Book the flight for Thursday."

"Okay so that is Toronto." Josh said allowed making a mental note. "I am excited. I can't wait to see you sweetheart."

Ella yawned. "I am going to go to sleep." She said softly. "I love you ."

"Love you." Josh said hanging up the phone.

The door to his room opened. "Here are your clean clothes." The tall skinny blonde said setting his clean clothes down on the opened suit case. "You need anything else Ramsay."

"Actually can you book a flight from van to Toronto for Thursday? I will give you all the details."

"Friend?" she asked sitting down on the side of the bed.

"Ya." Josh said running his hand through his hair and stretching out his neck, wincing in pain.

"Ramsay you need to take better care of yourself. Take your shirt off and lie on your belly." She said.

Josh did as he was told; he felt her hands move over his flesh working on the knots. "Cassandra that feels amazing." He sighed and closed his eyes. Cassandra was his personal assistant. She kept him organized and on track. He felt her hands stop moving, and heard her sigh.

"There you go Josh. Try to get some sleep."

"Hey." Josh said rolling over onto his back. "Something up."

"No…why do you ask?"

"You just seem sad." He said sitting up and looking at her. She was a very attractive woman. Tall, blonde, blue eyes and a killer body. Matt and Mike both told Josh that she wanted in his pants. Josh thought it was crazy. Him and Cassandra were friends. He didn't confide in her though about his personal life. To everyone but the people that were close to he thought he was single. He would harmlessly flirt with girls to keep up the front, but that is as far as it got. When he was alone in his room the only woman that was on his mind was Ella, her beautiful grey eyes, she was really short and tiny. She had a killer smile and beautiful wavy brown hair. He loved her more than anything. He couldn't wait for her to get here.

"I am tired Josh."

Josh nodded his head. "Oh the person that is coming out on Thursday, her name is Stella Carter, she will need backstage passes, she doesn't need a room booked she will stay with me."

"Girlfriend?"

"She is a girl, and yes she is my friend." Josh said smiling totally dodging the question. "You will like her, she is a complete sweetheart."

Cassandra smiled. "Get some sleep." She stated before leaving the room.

Josh picked his phone up and sent Ella a quick text.

Sweetheart sweet dreams…can't wait till you're sleeping next to me. Xo

He set his phone down on the bedside table; he knew she would be sleeping by now. Damn he should be sleeping almost six am. He had to be up and on the bus but nine. He pulled the blankets up around him and closed his eyes. Just a little sleep he thought, that is all I ask for.

Ella just landed at the Toronto airport. She was so excited to see Josh. She picked up her luggage and went to get a taxi to the venu where Josh said that they would be most of the day. They had sound check, meet and greet and press shit.

She got a cab and was on her way, her stomach was doing flip flops. She was so excited.

The cab pulled up in front of the venu, she paid the man who didn't speak hardly any English got her bag and went through the front door. Josh told her to go inside and tell them who she was, his personal assistant would have a backstage pass waiting for her.

She went up to box office and waited for the lady to come and help her.

"Can I help you." The woman with too much make up on, smacking her gum asked.

Ella smiled. "Yes I am Ella Carter and there is suppose to be a back stage pass waiting here for me."

"Ummmm nope, no one informed me of any passes honey. Sorry."

"Are you sure?" Ella asked kindly. This lady was being rude.

"Yes I am sure. You will need to leave or purchase a ticket, doors don't open till seven."

Ella sighed. She pulled her phone out and texted Josh to ask him to have someone come and get her. She waited ten minutes outside on the sidewalk, freezing her ass off because ugly make up lady made her go outside, if she was not purchasing a ticket. He didn't reply.

She then sent out a mass text to the other three including Sara, hoping one of them would answer. She waited a few minutes and she got her first response. It was Ian.

Hey sweet cheeks. I will send security out to get you J

She smiled.

Thanks Ian. I will give you a hug.

She stood there a few minutes longer before a big man came to the door.

"Miss Carter." He asked as Ella came towards him.

"Yes." She smiled.

"Come with me."

Ella followed the man; she smiled at the ugly, too much make up lady on her way by. He led her into the arena area from the back. It was huge. The stage was massive; the engineers were working with the lights. Ian sat on the bottom of the stage; he waved and smiled at her. She smiled and waved back, she descended down the stairs and made her way across the floor, suite case in tow. She spotted Josh, he was standing in the middle of the stage, laughing and looking down at this girl who was on her knees in front of him. The girl had her hand close to his inner thighs; there was another man there beside her. They were adjusting Josh's harness. He had told her about it, it lifted him up over the audience.

Matt looked up and seen here. "Well hey beautiful." He said hopping down off of the stage and coming over to give her a hug. Josh looked up to see who Matt was talking too. Ella looked at Josh, as soon as their eyes meant, his smile on his face got bigger. "How was the flight?"

"Great…ya know peanuts and soda. Yum."

"He didn't book you a first class flight?" Mike asked coming to hug her. "Sara is sleeping at the hotel, she can't wait to see you."

"Hi Mike." She said smiling. Ian came over to see her too. "Thank you for being the only one who answers their texts. I was freezing my ass off. Stupid lady wouldn't let me in."

Josh hoped down off of the stage.

"No problem." Ian said releasing her from the hug she promised him. "I have your back." He joked moving aside. "Josh must have forgot to get a pass out there for you."

"There was no pass for you?" Josh asked as he approached. "I told Cassandra to make sure there was one for you." He said wrapping his arms around her and lifting her off of the floor. "I am sorry sweetheart for the mess up." He said softly. "Damn you arms feel amazing." He said setting her back down on her feet. "So what do you think?" he asked smiling looking about the huge room . "I can't wait for you to see the show tonight."

"You guys are needed to do some press." Cassandra said coming over to them. She looked Ella up and down.

All the other guys started to walk away except Josh. "Cassie this is Ella. Ella this is Cassie my personal helper, well she keeps my ass in line."

"You got that right Ramsay." Cassandra said lightly touching his arm. "You are needed."

Josh looked at Ella. "You going be ok? Cassie will take you and get settled back in the dressing room. I will be in as soon as I can." He hugged her again, pulling away quickly and smiling before he bounced off.

"So…how long have you known Josh?" Cassandra asked as they made their way out back.

"I have known him for just a little under three years. How about you?" Ella asked, she had never heard Josh mention a Cassandra before.

Cassandra handed her a backstage pass. "I have worked for 604 records for years; I have known them since they started recording there six years or more ago. This is the first time working with them though. Josh and I have had dinner a few times over the years, nothing serious though."

"That is nice." Ella said feeling really uncomfortable. The woman in front of her dressed to the max, she had on skinny jeans, t-shirt, hoodie and scarf. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun and just a little make up.

"You two just friends?" Cassandra asked as they walked into the green room.

"Yup." Ella said adverting her eyes to the floor. She was terrible at lying.

"I wish he would find someone. After him and Nikki broke up he was a mess for awhile. I just figured he was seeing someone because he isn't hooking up with the woman like he was when we were in Australia this summer. It was a different girl every few days. Except for this one girl Tara, she followed the band and he hooked up with her on a more regular basis. I thought something would come out of that relationship."

Ella's hated hearing about his other women. She was never the jealous type before, but with Josh it was different. She guessed it was because she loved him completely. Her phone vibrated. She glanced at it.

"Damn you looked beautiful today. I wanted to kiss you so bad."

Ella smiled.

"I wanted you to kiss me, you can do more than kiss me later babe. ;).

She sent the last message and slipped her phone into her pocket. Cassandra showed her around. This place was huge, she could get lost back here.

"So you are here for a few days?"

"Yes I am. I can't wait to get to hang out with Josh. "

"You won't get much of his time." Cassandra said sitting down at the table in the dressing room. "he is very busy."

Ella smiled sweetly. She would get to see him, even if it was at night when they were alone in his room. She would have his undivided attention. "I know he is busy."

"Good." She said. "I have some things to take care of. I will talk to you later."

Ella sat there, she leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes. She fell quickly asleep.

Josh and the guys finished up the press and did their meet and greet. He was tired already. He followed the guys to the dressing room. They would have some food that would already be set up in the room for them. It was routine for them.

"Where is Ella Josh?" Matt asked shoving a fork full of food in his mouth.

"I dunno, she was supposed to be hanging out back here." Josh pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed her number. It rang a few times before a sleepy Ella answered the phone. "Where are you sweetheart?"

Ella stretched and yawned. "I am the room Cassandra left me in. I fell asleep."

Josh smiled. "You all alone." He asked walking out into the hall and proceeded farther down the hall. He checked a couple of rooms before he found the dressing room she was in. "There you are." He said hitting end on his phone and entering the room and shutting the door. "She put you in the wrong dressing room." He smiled sitting down on the couch beside her. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "You have a good nap?" he asked before he kissed her face.

"Actually I did." Ella smiled at him. "I don't think your assistant likes me."

"Really why?"

"Because I think she wants you for herself."

Josh laughed at Ella. "You are funny. I have known her forever babe. She does not want me. She puts up with my crap on a daily basis. You know how cranky and moody I can get."

"Actually I don't" Ella said smiling at him. "You know we are completely alone in a darkened room." Ella said wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I am aware of that." Josh said giving her one of his famous half grins. He leaned towards her so that his face was mere inches from hers. "What do you suggest we do?" he said softly.

Ella brushed her lips against his, softly. "How long do you have before someone comes looking for you?"

Josh sighed. "None." He felt his phone vibrate, it was Cassandra. He looked at it. "I need to go get ready sweetheart."

Ella dropped her hands from his neck, rested them on her lap. "Are we going to get any time together?"

"Of course." Josh said cupping her face with his hand.

Ella looked at him. "Kiss me before you leave."

"I just kissed you."

"You call that little peck a kiss."

Josh leaned in and kissed her, this time he didn't hold back. As he kissed her, he felt her hands tangle in his hair, felt her hands on the flesh of his back under his t shirt. He pushed her back onto the sofa with his body, she wrapped her legs around his waist.

''Josh?" Cassandra asked as she opened the door and turned the lights on.

Josh moved away from Ella quickly, but Cassandra had caught them in middle of their make out session. Ella straightened her clothing.

"Hair and Makeup needed you ten minutes ago." She snapped and walked back out of the room.

"Wow." Ella started but Josh glared at her. "What?"

"You can't be distracting me. I have work to do Ella." He said using this tone with her, one that she had never heard him use with her before.

"Josh what the hell?"

"Look I don't come into your job and distract you, I need to go. I will see you later. You can stay for the show or go back to the hotel." He said giving her a room key to his room.

"Josh….wait." she said as he started to stalk off out of the room.

He turned and looked at her. "I am sorry." She said not really knowing why she was apologizing for what just happened. He was her fiancé for god sake.

"I don't have time now. We will talk later."

She watched him walk out of the room. She sat back down on the sofa, ran her hand through her hair, she was puzzled. What the hell had just happened? She felt a tear slide down her face, the more followed it. She stood up to leave the room when the door opened again.

"There you are." Sarah said coming through the door. "Stella Marie I have missed you." She said hugging her friend. Ella hugged her back. Sarah pulled back to look at her friend. "Why are you crying?"

"I am not sure really." She said sitting down on the sofa again. "It is stupid really, Josh is upset at me for making out with him, and getting him into trouble with Cassandra."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Watch that one. She has been after Josh for years."

"Do you think there is something going on between them?"

"You think he is cheating on you. God no!" Sara said holding her friends hand. "He is so in love with you hun. I don't know what his deal is. He is moody Stella."

"He never is with me." She said sniffing. "I am just going to go back to the hotel and wait for him."

"Okay I will come with you. I just stopped in to see Mike. I am so tired."

Ella and Sarah went back to the hotel, they stopped to eat along the way. They chatted and laughed and went their separate ways.

Ella got settled in Josh's hotel room, she took a bath and put a tank top and a pair of pj shorts on, she brushed out her hair and waited for Josh. She watched tv, played with her phone, called Josh's mom to check on her babies, who were doing great. She yawned and looked at the clock, it was almost two am. She texted Josh a few times but he didn't answer. She was upset that he didn't let her know where he was or what time he was coming in. She flew pretty much across Canada to see him, and he wasn't even here.

Around 330 am the door to the room opened and in stumbled a drunken Josh. He was trying to be quiet in hopes of not waking Ella up.

"Your phone broken?" she asked, she was sitting in a chair next to the window in the dark.

Josh stumbled over to the bed and sat down. He put his head in his hands.

"You not going to answer me?" Ella asked sternly. She was pissed.

He laid his body down on the bed not saying a word.

"Ramsay! What the fuck is your deal. What the hell is going on?" she asked coming across the room and turning the light on, Josh covered his eyes from the light.

"Ella I don't want to talk about it right now. You are upset and I am drunk."

"You are fucking right I am upset. I leave our babies and come across the country to see your ass and you brush me off, after your personal assistant catches you making out with your fiancé."

Josh sat up on the bed now, and looked at Ella. He could see how upset she was, he could tell she had been crying.

"Are you sleeping with her?'' she asked softly.

Josh shook his head no.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know how to handle this. How to keep you private and isolated from my career life." Josh slurred. "It scares me to think of how people will treat you. I don't want anyone to hurt you or the boys.''

"That is funny. Your behavior tonight has hurt me."

Josh didn't say anything, he just looked at her. "Maybe you should go back home."

Ella felt her heart fall in her chest. "You don't want me here?"

"It isn't that I don't want you….i don't think I can deal with this."

"Deal with this! Josh what the hell is wrong?"

"Maybe you were right to keep the boys away from me. I can't be what you need me to be. I can't be a father; I can't be your husband. I don't want people to know you are in my life due to the fact I don't want you to get hurt by how my life can be. The fans, the press, the people I work with."

Ella started to cry. "Are you ending what we have?"

Josh ran his hand over his face in frustration. "This is why I didn't want to have this conversation tonight."

"You don't love me?" she asked through the tears that were freely fallen from her face. "I don't understand Josh."

His heart broke when he looked at her. He loved her so very much. He didn't want to hurt her, in anyway, but he felt today that everything was happening to fast and he needed time and space.

"Ella you know I love you." He said reaching for her, but she pulled back. "Everything is just getting to me today. I don't know If I am ready to be a husband. I mean I am just learning to be a dad."

"Josh we don't need to rush to get married. I am in no hurry. Just please don't leave me. I just love you so much." She moved towards him and grabbed his face and kissed him, Josh didn't have time to react. "I love you Josh." She said between kissing him.

Josh groaned and pulled her to him. He flipped her over onto her back, he leaned over top of her. "I am just scared." He said softly a tear escaping his eye. "I don't want anyone to hurt you or the boys, and I feel from just being near me you might get hurt."

"Josh, Mike and Sarah are fine. They are managing ok."

"I know."

She reached up and touched his face. "Babe we can do this together…..we can take it slow. I just want you in my life. The boys love you, I love you."

"I am sorry." He said staring into her eyes. "I love you so much sweetheart. It scares me."

Ella smiled at him. "Now that you have been a total dick, you are going to have to make it up to me."

Josh grinned at her. "How do you suggest I do that."

"I want you to make love to me." She said softly.

Josh kissed her, "There is nothing more that I want to do right now." He said. "I am so sorry for being a dick, and how I was acting. I love you sweetheart."

"Shut up and lets get to this." She said before Josh started to kiss her again. She wasn't going to let him get any sleep tonight.


	40. Chapter 40

Feed back please :P

Josh woke up the next morning, well almost afternoon. It was a day off for them. They were leaving for the next city tonight which was Ottawa, so not to far of a bus ride. They would travel after supper and be there sometime in the night. He sat up in bed, realizing that he was alone. He ran his hand over his face and sighed. He felt at the moment very confused. He was so angry with Ella yesterday for nothing really, she was just being her sweet self, but when Cassandra walked in on him and Ella making out, it really bothered him. Why did it bother him? Ella was his girlfriend, and it didn't really matter if Cassandra knew, she worked with them, she wasn't a fan. Did he have feelings for Cassandra and didn't want her to know that he was taken.

"Josh that is just absurd." He said allowed to himself. He didn't have feelings for anyone but Ella. She was the mother of his children, she was beautiful, they had great sex, and she was loving and caring. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, or so he thought. Why was he having second thoughts about everything right now? "Damn it Josh." He cursed himself and threw himself back on the bed. He stared at the ceiling until there was a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" Cassandra asked pushing the door open a crack.

Josh pulled the covers up over his naked body. "Sure." He said before he fully realized he had no clothes on.

"Good morning." She smiled handing him a brown paper bag, and a bottle of OJ. "Muffins, blueberry." She smiled. "I figured you would be hungry."

Josh smiled at her as he took the breakfast she had brought out of her hands. "Thank you. I am starving."

"I am sorry about how I acted yesterday."

"What do you mean?" Josh asked taking a bite of his muffin.

"I was kinda bitchy to you after I walked in on you and Ella."

Josh opened his juice and took a big swig out of it. "Don't worry about it. I should have been more professional."

"So you guys are a couple?"

Josh nodded his head. "We are, have been on and off for the last three years."

"She seems nice. I just didn't give her a chance. I just seen her and got really jealous for some reason. She is so tiny and short, she has those beautiful grey eyes. She is a natural beauty."

Josh smiled thinking of how Cassandra was describing Ella. She was right, Ella was perfect and didn't need makeup to enhance her looks, and she was a natural beauty. "She is beautiful." Josh said shoving another bite in his mouth. "Why would you be jealous Cassie?"

"I dunno." She said playing with a string on the bed spread. "I just feel close to you and then someone else comes and invades my space and I get jealous I guess."

"Well don't be. There is enough of me to go around. I am really grateful for everything you do for me. You put up with a lot, especially when I get in my moods."

"No problem. You should get up and get dressed. The bus is leaving at five thirty. I know how you procrastinate you need to give yourself the time." She got up and walked over to Josh, she bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek, but she stumbled on some of his clothes and her lips brushed against his. She pulled back a little, shocked at what just happened. Josh was caught off guard. She kissed him again, she wrapped her hands around his neck, he didn't protest at first, he started to kiss her back, then he realized what was happening was wrong and he gently pushed Cassandra back.

"I am sorry." She said.

"That shouldn't have happened Cassie, you caught me off guard. Look I really care about you, we are great friends but I am totally in love with Ella, she is the…" he stopped he didn't want to tell her about the babies, like he almost just did. "She is the love of my life, and we actually just got engaged before the tour started."

"Let's just pretend that the kiss never happened."

"Sounds good to me." Josh smiled.

"Okay I will see you later. I am going to have your clothes cleaned."

"Thanks for the juice and muffin.''

"Just doing my job, taking care of you Ramsay." She said smiling and then left the room.

"Holy sweet fuck." Josh said touching his lips. "She fucking kissed me, tongue and all." He said allowed to himself. He thought of how he was feeling at that moment when her lips touched his, at first it was a little exciting and a turn on, but as soon as he realized what was going on, and who's lips were on his, was a big turn off. He sighed, at least he knew that Ella was the one for him, and that his behavior wasn't because he had feelings for Cassandra.

He picked up his phone and texted Ella

"Where are you sweetheart?"

He got up out of bed and walked to the bathroom, he was bare naked, but hey it was his hotel room and if he wanted to walk around naked he would. He turned on the shower, had a pee and went back out in his room to get clean clothes. He picked up his phone, she still hadn't texted him back.

He took his shower, got dressed jeans and a tshirt, he ran his fingers through his hair. He went back on and checked his phone and still no reply. It had been over a half hour.

He texted her again.

"Sweetheart I am really sorry for how I acted last night. I just want you to know that I love you so much and there is nothing I want more than to be your husband."

He sat down and picked up his guitar that was in his room. He started to strum it softly, while he waited for Ella to text him back.

"Hey." Ella said as she came through the door. "Your are up and showered."

"Hi sweetheart, I have been texting you."

Ella took her phone out of her pocket. "It is dead, I forgot to plug it in last night." She said looking through her suitcase for her charger.

"Can we talk?" Josh asked as he placed his guitar back in its case. Ella looked up at him and smiled before she sat down onto the bed. Josh came and sat down beside her, taking her hand in his. "First I want to say how sorry I am for my behavior towards you yesterday, I have no idea why I acted that way, it was not cool. Second, now I don't want you to get upset or mad."

Ella looked at him. "Great I don't like how that sounds." She stated still looking at Josh.

"Cassandra kissed me this morning."

Ella pulled her hand back from his, "She kissed you?"

"She totally took me off guard, she kissed me and I started to kiss her back. Then I realized in like two seconds what was going on and put a stop to it. I love you and only you."

"You kissed her back?" she asked just above a whisper.

Josh turned Ella to look at him. "Sweetheart I told her that it shouldn't of happened and you were the love of my life. Baby I love you."

Ella looked at him, a tear slid down her face. "It still hurts Josh, to think of someone else's lips on yours. How would you feel if I was the one telling you someone kissed me, and I kissed them back, even for two seconds."

"I know, I am sorry but at least I am telling you about it. I wouldn't want you to hear any other way."

Ella sighed looking down at her hands. "Is this what our whole life and relationship will be like. Beautiful girls trying to sleep with you. Josh you are the lead singer of a extremely popular band and extremely sexy. I just don't know if I can compete with all of that."

"Ella…." Josh started but she put her hand up.

"How will you always be able to turn them down, being on the road for months without little ole me, you will have these willing and ready young things that have the body of models, then there is me. I have a body that has carried twins, and have the scar and the stretch marks to show for it. I am a nurse, I am a mother. How can I keep you, with the exciting life you lead. You love it Josh. I can see it in your eyes, and hear it in your voice when I talk to you at night. Maybe we are better apart."

"Sweethart….I love you more. You are beautiful; you are the one I think about before I go to sleep at night. I love your body, your scars he said softly touching her belly, they are from the best gifts a man could ever have or ask for. With you it is different, you are hot as hell, you turn me on so many times a day and you don't even realize. I don't want anyone else, it would be just sex, and I don't even want to ruin the love we have together. It isn't going to be easy Stella Marie, you having to put up with the likes of me, and my work and my schedule. But just know that you are the one I want at the end of the day, you are the one I want in my bed next to me."

Ella looked at him, his beautiful clear icy blue eyes. "Are you sure?"

Josh cupped her face with his hand. "Like 1000 percent sure."

Ella gave him a small smile. "I love you." She said softly, leaning into Josh's hand.

He smiled at her. "I love you Stella Marie." He said before he kissed her, he pulled back knowing they didn't have time at the moment to let themselves get carried away like they always did. "We need to have our asses on the bus in forty minutes, wanna go grab something to eat at the hotel restaurant?"

"I am starving." She said standing up, taking Josh by the hand. "Come on Ramsay." She said pulling him along.

Josh laughed and followed her not, he didn't let go of her hand. He didn't care at that moment who seen them. Hopefully there were no fans hanging around. He didn't want to deal with any right now, he was hungry and needed to eat before the bus left. He loved his fans so much but right now he wanted to have a quiet meal with his fiancé.

They ordered their food, and just started to eat when Cassandra came up to them.

"I booked your flight for tomorrow here from Toronto at eight am."

Ella looked at Josh, she thought she was going on the bus with them and flying out later in the afternoon. She felt herself getting angry.

"I thought I was leaving from Ottawa tomorrow evening after the show, which was the plan wasn't it?" Ella asked smoothly.

"That was the plan, right Cassie?"

"Yes it was supposed to be, but this is the only flight I could get out tomorrow. All the seats out of Ottawa were sold old. I remember Josh telling me that you worked the next morning so I thought it would be better."

Ella folded her napkin and got up from the table. "Excuse me." She said leaving the room. Josh could tell she was upset.

"Sweetheart wait." He said starting to get up but Cassandra put her hand on his arm.

"Let her go. She is upset it will be okay. She needs to learn the life of the rock star."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Did you do this on purpose? So I had less time with her."

"Josh no, I wouldn't do that. Call the airline yourself." Cassandra said handing Josh the phone, he shook his head no.

"I believe ya."

"Hi Corlynn, it is me."

"Hi dear how is everything going?"

"Things are good, I need to ask you a favour."

"Anything."

"First are you okay keeping the boys a extra few days. I am just not ready to leave yet."

"Ofcourse I can. Sara has them right now, she has them out shopping."

Ella smiled. Sara had a set of twins of her own so she knew what it was like to have two the same age. "And can you call the hospital and tell them I want the next week vacation time."

"I sure can dear."

"Thank you so much. I just hated the thought of leaving Josh today."

"How is he? He eating and taking care of himself."

Ella laughed. "He is now that I am here."

"Good, send him my love, and you enjoy your time with him."

"I will. Thank you. Give the babies hugs and kisses."

Ella hit end on her phone and went back into the restaurant. She couldn't help but smile. "You can cancel that flight Cassandra, I am going to be staying for the rest of the week."

Josh gave her a big smile. "You are?"

"I have vacation time, and your mom is happy to keep the boys. Your sister has them right now."

"Boys?" Cassandra asked.

"Cats." Josh said quickly. Ella tried to hold her laughter back.

"So Josh you are stuck with me." Ella said leaning across the table and kissing him soflty.

"Do you know how happy this makes me." He said smiling at her.

"I am glad." She sat back down across from him, taking his hand in hers.

"I guess I will go cancel that flight. Hopefully the guys don't mind an extra body on the bus."

She got up and left.

"She really doesn't like me Josh." Ella said taking a bite of her cheesecake. "I don't care either way."

"I think she just dislikes you with me."

"Yup me too."

"I am going to pay the bill and will meet you out front." Josh said as he got up and walked over to the counter.

Ella walked out front, Sara was standing there waiting for Mike. "Hi Stella."

"Hey Sara, I am staying for the rest of the week. I am using vacation time. That little bitch over there." Ella said motioning to Cassandra. "She kissed Josh this morning."

"See I told you. That fucking bitch. I knew she was after him."

"I am not letting her anywhere near him for the rest of the week. I don't know what I am going to do after I have to go back. I can't leave the boys that long."

"I am so happy you are going to be here. I feel like we never get to spend time together anymore. I miss you."

"I know Sara I miss you too."

"Hey girls." Mike said coming up behind them. "All ready for the five hour bus drive."

"It is only four hours and twenty nine minutes." Sara said correcting Mike.

Mike rolled his eyes. "It will take us five hours."

Sara groaned and walked out and got on the waiting bus. There were some fans out around the bus. Sara waved before getting on.

"You ready for this?" Mike asked Ella.

"I guess." Ella said softly. Josh came up behind her with Matt and Ian.

"We are going to have to stop for a few minutes and sign some stuff, you can just get right on the bus." Josh said to her. Josh took her by the hand and led her out to the bus. The girls that were waiting screamed and yelled their names, Josh kept a hold of Ella's hand till she got to the bus door and she got up onto the bus.

The boys stoped to talk to fans.

"Josh can I get a picture with you?" one girl asked.

"Sure." He said posing with her while her other friend took the picture.

They did that for about fifteen minutes, they said goodbye and got on the bus.

Ella and Sara were laughing and talking when the guys got on the bus. Ian and Matt went to the back of the bus to play video games. Mike and josh would soon follow.

Josh sat down beside Ella wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head. "You smell amazing." He said inhaling the scent of her hair.

Mike kissed Sara quickly and disappeared to the back of the bus.

"You can go too Josh."

"you don't mind?"

"Nope I will sit here and chat with Sara."

"Cool." Josh said jumping up and going to the back of the bus.

"You look exhausted Sara, are you feeling ok?"

"Not really I am just super tired and just feel not right."

"Are you pregnant?" Ella asked smiling.

"I am not sure…I have missed my period but that is nothing unusual for me. I am going to have to take a test."

"I hope you are. That is so exciting."

"For you." She laughed. "I am going to lie down, come on I will show you which bunk is Josh's. You could use the sleep by the look of the bags under your eyes. You probably didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

Sara showed her which bunk was Josh's, they both crawled in and were asleep pretty much as soon as their heads hit the pillows. It wouldn't be long till someone came and woke them up. It would be too nice of them to let the sleep the whole trip.


	41. Chapter 41

_Chapter 41_

_Ella woke up and couldn't move, Josh had one arm draped over her and one of his legs entwined with hers. She was facing him. He was sleeping soundly, his blue bangs covered his face, she reached up and pushed them aside so she could look at his perfection. She softly touched his face, he didn't stir. He was so beautiful, his lips, his perfect jaw line, she wished he would open those beautiful blue eyes of his. _

_She sighed softly; she didn't want to wake him up. They arrived in Ottawa just past eleven, they all went out to eat and didn't get back to the hotel till one thirty, they were awake till almost four am, and it was now just after nine. She didn't know what time he had to be up to do work things today, they did have a show tonight._

_She moved his arm off of her, and moved out from under his leg, he moaned a little rolling over, then she heard a soft sigh, he was still sleeping. She picked up his black shirt he had on last night, putting it on her body, she was buttoning up the buttons when she heard a soft knock on the door. She looked down at herself, the shirt came down to just above her knees. "Good enough." She said softly going to open the door._

_"Good morning." Cassandra said from the other side, shoving her way past Ella into the room_

_"He is still sleeping." Ella said softly._

_"He needs to be up." Cassandra said going over to the bed and putting her hand on Josh's bare shoulder. "Josh, dude you need to wake up." She said_

_Josh groaned pulling the covers over his head. _

_"Josh am I going to have to pull you out of that bed." She said with her hands on her hips._

_"Go away!" He snapped. _

_"I can get him awake Cassandra." Ella said softly. "I have ways that work." She said trying not to giggle but knowing she was getting under Cassandra's skin. She could tell as soon as Cassandra came into the room she was bother by Ella's appearance, she was in the shirt Josh's had on last night, her hair was your basic after morning of having repeated sex hair._

_Cassandra rolled her eyes before turning to face Ella. "IF you think you could do better, by all means."_

_"Okay, what time does he need to be wherever he needs to."_

_"An hour."_

_"Okay if you would excuse me, I have to wake my fiancé up."_

_Cassandra turned and huffed out of the room. Ella giggled._

_"You enjoyed that a little too much." Josh said turning onto his back and rubbing his eyes. "Come here." He ordered holding his arms out._

_Ella went and plopped down into his arms. "She hates me." She said smiling. "She wants you."_

_Josh rolled his eyes, pulling her to his body._

_"Do you just wake up that way?" Ella said feeling how turned on he was by feeling his erection press against her leg, "Josh you would think after last night you would not be so damn horny."_

_Josh grinned at her, looking into her eyes. "You can't tell me sweetheart that you don't want it." He said seductively starting to touch her body in the places that she liked._

_Ella kissed him, pushing her body up against his. She smiled at him. "You know I want you."_

_Josh smiled kissing her. "We don't have much time; you are going to get me into trouble."_

_"Do you care?"_

_"Nope." He said kissing her again._

_Josh was forty minutes late getting down to the lobby to meet the gang, they had to go to a radio show. _

_"Sorry." Josh said as he and Ella approached everyone hand in hand._

_"It is okay, we have a few minutes anyway." Mike said standing up. "The car is waiting."_

_"Josh here are some things that you need to approve as soon as possible. That is one reason I wanted you here on time." Cassandra said cooly. _

_"I will look them over in the car." He smiled taking the package out of Cassandra's hand. He turned and looked at Ella. "I will see you later."_

_"For sure." Ella smiled looking into his eyes._

_Josh leaned down to kiss her softly, Ella pulled him to her, and kissed him and not backing off, she tangled her fingers in the back of his hair. She pulled back and grinned at him._

_"You are evil woman." He said grinning at her._

_"I love later."_

_"For sure." Ella smiled looking into his eyes._

_Josh leaned down to kiss her softly, Ella pulled him to her, and kissed him and not backing off, she tangled her fingers in the back of his hair. She pulled back and grinned at him._

_"You are evil woman." He said grinning at her._

_"I love you." Ella said back to him smiling._

_"Love you too sweetheart. Have fun shopping with Sara." He said handing her his credit card. _

_"Josh I don't need that."_

_"No you don't but just take it. Buy something for the cats from me." He smiled._

_"Josh man come one. She will be here when you get back." Matt said from the door._

_"Bye." Josh said before bouncing off._

_Cassandra came over to Ella as soon as the car pulled away. _

_"So you need to back off and let Josh get his work done. You are a distraction and shouldn't be here."_

_"I am sorry….you said I was a distraction?"_

_"That is what I said. I think you should back off before you affect his career and the bands. I have seen this happen before to bands and singers. They pay too much attention to their flavor of the moment and everything gets messed up and they can't get back what they lost."_

_"Flavor of the moment?" Ella said not hearing anything else Cassandra was saying._

_"Ya you know, he goes through phases…and he tires quickly. Don't say I didn't warn you." Cassandra said folding her arms across her chest. "Just two weeks ago he had a cute little blonde hanging around."_

_"Oh really?"_

_"Yes you should ask him."_

_"I will." Ella said not feeling threatened by anything this stupid person in front of her was saying._

_"I have work to do. You should consider booking a flight home."_

_Ella watched her walk away, sway her hips, she had a skirt on that was way too short for her. Ella was pissed, the nerve of that woman. _

_"Hey." Sara said coming up behind her friend._

_"Hi." Ella said smiling softly at her friend._

_"What is wrong?" Sara asked noticing right away that Ella didn't' seem her self._

_"Did Josh have a little blonde hanging around him a couple weeks ago."_

_ self._

_"Did Josh have a little blonde hanging around him a couple weeks ago."_

_"No, who told you that."_

_"Cassandra."_

_"She is the only blonde that has been around trying to get in his pants. Josh loves you Stell, don't let anything she says go to deep In that pretty little head of yours. Come on lets go shopping, I have a surprise for you when we get back."_

_"A surprise…ugh Sara you know how much I love surprises." _

_Sara smiled at her and grabbed her best friend by the hand and drug her out of the hotel. _

_They spent the morning shopping, Ella found the boys some little stuffed animals that they loved, like Josh asked her to do. She made Sara buy a pregnancy test that she would make her take as soon as they got back to the hotel. They went to have lunch at this little restaurant just a few blocks from the hotel. They had been on their feet all morning; Ella's feet were killing her._

_"Sweet mother of god my feet are killing me." Ella complained as they got settled at their table._

_Sara smiled at her._

_"You think it is funny?" Ella asked appauled at her friend._

_"I do." A male voice said from behind her._

_Ella let out a squeal. "Ben." She said jumping up and turning around and jumping into his arms. "Oh my fuck I can't believe you are here. I have missed you."_

_He laughed still holding her, her set her back down on her feet. "Hey L, you think you would learn that high heels are not good for walking and shopping." He said pulling out her chair so she could sit, he sat beside her and held her hand._

_"This is my surprise?'' she asked Sara._

_"Yup and you can thank Josh. He arranged for Ben here tonight and tomorrow night. They boys will be leaving on a plane tomorrow night for the Maritimes; we will fly out the next day."_

_"All three of us?" Ella asked like a little kid all excited on Christmas morning._

_"Yup L. I moved back to Halifax a month ago."_

_"I am so happy to see you Ben." She said smiling at him._

_"Right back at ya beautiful."_

_They enjoyed their dinner, talked about everything from the babies, to them suspecting of Sara being with child, to her and Josh's sex life, and the whole Cassandra thing. Ben couldn't wait to meet her. _

_They headed back to the hotel, the guys should be back resting before they left for sound check in an hour. Ben went to his room and Sara to hers. Ella hobbled to Josh's room. She opened the door, to find Cassandra and Josh sitting on the bed laughing and sharing a pizza. She was sitting really close to him. She had her hand on his thigh. It put Ella in an instant bad mood._

_Josh smiled when he seen her come in the room. "How was your afternoon sweetheart?"_

_"Fine." She said kicking off of her shoes, wincing as the back of the shoe rubbed against the new blister that had formed. She got up and went in the bathroom and shut and locked the door._

_"She is pissed." Cassandra said softly._

_"I don't know why she would be."Josh said getting up off of the bed._

_"She is jealous."_

_"She doesn't need to be jealous." Josh said flatly._

_"I don't think she likes our relationship."_

_"We are friends, we work together."_

_Cassie shrugged her shoulders. "I will see you at soundcheck. I have to go pick your clean clothes up. Thank you for the great afternoon. It was fun." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and was gone._

_Josh went over to the bathroom door, he heard the shower turn on. He ran his hand through his hair and sat down on the bed to wait for her to come out._

_Twenty minute's passed and Ella came out, wrapped in a towel, her hair up in a towel._

_"Hey." Josh said pulling her to him as soon as she was in his reach._

_"Hey." She said settling down on his lap._

_"What is wrong?" he asked softly._

_"I don't like her." Ella said looking him in the eyes. "She is going to try to sleep with you, and you will be taken off guard and it will happen."_

_"Stella really?" Josh said annoyed. "You have no faith in me at all do you?"_

_"I can't be here all the time Josh."_

_"I am not going to sleep with her, or anyone."_

_"Promise."_

_He rolled his eyes but smiled at the same time. "I promise."_

_Ella wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thanks for bringing Ben in. It was a nice surprise. I really needed to see him."_

_"You are welcome. Even though I have to put up with him flirting with me."_

_"He has good taste."_

_Josh laughed, he flipped Ella off of his lap and over onto her back on the bed. He pinned her to the bed kissing her neck, he felt her relax in his grasp. He kissed up her neck, across her jaw line to her lips. He pulled back. "You know the whole towel on the head is really sexy."_

_Ella slapped his arm. "You are making fun."_

_"Of course I am." He smiled before kissing her again, he ran his hand up under her towel that was wrapped on her body when someone knocked on the door. Josh groaned and pulled his hand back. "Really people." He said getting up and going to the bathroom._

_"Where are you going?" Ella hissed, "I am dressed in a towel." She said sitting up and looking at Josh._

_"Yes but you are not supporting this." He said pointing to his crotch._

_Ella giggled getting up to answer the door, she grabbed her house coat first._

_"Hey." Sara said as soon as she opened the door._

_"Hi."_

_Sara pushed her way into the room. Ella shut the door. Sara turned to face Ella again. She had a huge smile on her face._

_Ella squealed. Sara didn't have to say a word. "OH my god…I am so happy for you."_

_"I know right." Sara said hugging her friend._

_"Did you tell Mike?"_

_"Ofcourse. He is so excited." Sara said smiling. "I am not even sick. I remember you puked your guts out for months."_

_"The whole eight months I carried those little monsters."_

_Josh came out of the bathroom. "What is going on out here?" he asked as he came out of the bathroom. "It better important." He said grumpily._

_Sara laughed. "I interrupted something didn't i?"_

_Josh glared at her…..but then smiled. "So what is so important?" he asked sitting down on the bed._

_"Mike and I are having a baby."_

_Josh got up and went over and hugged Sara. "Congratulations…..now get out of my room so I can have my way with my girlfriend."_

_Sara slapped Josh._

_"Ouch…..." he whined rubbing his arm where she hit him._

_"She was mine long before she was yours Ramsay."_

_Ella giggled. "I hope you have a girl."_

_Sara smiled. "I know right. It would be perfect. Either way though it really doesn't matter."_

_Ella hugged Sara. "I am just so happy for you. You guys have been trying for so long."_

_"I know, it is strange how it just happened with you."_

_Ella smiled. "I know…I wouldn't change it for the world. The boys are amazing and they keep me busy, I actually really miss them."_

_"You will be back home soon with them, I am probably going to go home soon too. I will have to see a doctor."_

_"Are you ever going to leave?" Josh said annoyed._

_Sara sighed. "Okay I will go. See you at the venu in like forty minutes." She said winking at Josh, knowing he would have to get ready and start warming his voice up. He would have no time to finish what he had started earlier._

_"UGH!" Josh said flopping down on the bed after Sara vacated the room._

_Ella laughed coming to his side. "We can be quick." She said seductively straddling his waist, she bent down to kiss him._

_"You woman better get off of me, because in five minutes there will be another knock at the door, and we will be interrupted again. It will have to wait." He said sternly and pushed her off, she landed with a flop on the bed._

_"Did you just chuck me off of you?" Ella asked in shock, that he had indeed just chucked her off of him._

_"I am going to take a shower."_

_"Joshua."_

_He turned and looked at her. "What?"_

_"Are you upset with me?"_

_"Not entirely. I am upset that you fucking hot wrapped in that towel, and I can't explore what is underneath that towel because I fucking have to work it sucks. I am just in a bad mood. Just leave me be and I will be fine."_

_Ella watched him walk into the bathroom, he shut and locked the door. Two things he never barley did on a regular basis._

_She sighed, "Might as well get dressed." She to herself. She didn't like Josh in a mood. She would make sure she made him happy later, after the show._


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Ella sat on a plane, her, Sara and Ben were heading to the east coast. They had stayed an extra day in Ottawa to have some fun. It wasn't; that much fun, Ella was upset and mopping. After the show the previous night, Josh left for the airport with the rest of the guys without saying good bye to Ella. She sat there and stared out the plane window waiting for takeoff.

"L what is wrong?" Ben asked touching his friends hand softly.

She looked at him and smiled. "Josh." Was all she had to say.

"He is being a little bitch." Ben said matter of faculty. He had gotten the weird vibe from him at the after party they had before the boys left for the airport. "I am glad he was drinking because his plane ride probably wasn't the best. When you touched his arm and he pulled away from you, I wanted to kick his sexy ass."

Ella giglged. "Doesn't matter how pissed off you are at him, he is still sexy as hell."

"You know it. I don't know how you stand it." Ben smiled at Ella. "I love his hair by the way. Oh to run my fingers through that mess on his head."

"BEN!" Ella scolded. "That is my future husband you are talking about."

"Are you sure you won't share."

Ella slapped Ben. "Hey now." Ben said acting like he was hurt, then started laughing.

The plan took off, they would be in Halfiax in just over two hours. It was a direct flight. There would be a car waiting at the airport to take them to the Metro center where the boys were playing tonight. Ella read quietly on the plane. She made herself look busy. The whole time she replayed the events of the last few days over in her mind. She didn't know why Josh was upset and acting the way he was. She had two more nights with him, then she was flying back home to Van city.

The plane landed and they got their luggage and headed to the venu. It took them a little over forty minutes to get there. They had no trouble with security, everything was arranged.

Sara went right to Mike's side as soon as she seen him. Ella scanned the area but seen no Josh. She sighed.

Ben put his arm around her as they walked towards the stage. Cassandra seen them coming her way. She didn't like Ben, she glared at Ben and Ella as they approached.

"Hi Cassandra."

Cassandra looked at them but didn't say a word.

"Do you know where Josh is?"

"He is out back resting. Please don't bother him."

"Why are you such a bitch?" Ben asked not tolerating Cassandra's tone with his friend. "I just don't get your hate."

"You don't even know me, I am just trying to do my job, which is take care of Josh and make sure he doesn't get distracted."

"Ben don't bother to waste your breath." Ella said putting her hand on his arm. "I will go find him." She smiled. "I am sure the guys want to catch up with you."

"I sure as hell want to catch up with the adorableness of Matt Webb. I have to go squeeze his cheeks and not his face either."

Ella laughed at her friend and watched him saunder away. She went out back to see if she could find Josh. Their tour manager Mike was the first person she seen. "Hey Mike you see Josh."

"Ya he is in the green room talking to his mom."

Ella smiled. "Thanks."

Ella made her way down to the room where Josh was, she could hear him talking to the boys.

"Night Night Liam, Night Night Landon, daddy loves you."

Ella smiled she could hear both boys giggling. Josh had them on speaker phone. "Josh…..Josh." Liam said over and over again. "Nana phone." Landon said to josh's mother.

"Josh honey I have to get them their supper and get the settled for their nap. Tell Ella they are doing fine."

"I will." Josh said.

"Honey I know you are still upset about missing out and experience the whole pregnancy thing with Ella. You can have more children."

Josh ran his hand over his face. "That is just it mom, she can't have more children. She had that thing were the remove parts."

"Hysterectomy?"

"That is it. There were complications with the boys and they had to do an emergency one."

"Honey you love her, you have two boys. That should be all that matters."

Josh sighed. "Talk to you later mom."

"Love you Joshua."

"Love you to mom." Josh slide his phone shut and laid back on the couch and sighed. He was pissed again at Ella. He didn't know what the hell he was feeling.

Ella stood outside the door debating on whether to enter the room. She had to face him.

"Hey babe." She said walking into the room. Josh sat up and looked at her but that was it. "What is wrong babe?" she said sitting down beside him. "You know you can talk to me."

Josh sighed putting his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

"I am angry with you still, I will never experience what Sara and Mike are going through right now, I won't be able to be excited and to wait the arrival of my child over nine months. I want to go to the ultrasound appointment, find out what the baby is. I want to hold the hand of the mother of my child whiles gives birth. See my child take his first breath. The late night feedings…..Damn it Ella you robbed me of all that."

"I am sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it." Josh snapped. "And you can't have any more babies so we can't have any more children. I want more kids, I want to experience that."

Ella looked at Josh, he was struggling. "Josh….." she started her voice breaking.

"If you hadn't been so fucking selfish…we would have had that." He said angrily his voice getting louder.

"I wasn't being selfish. You were with another woman who was at the time saying she was pregnant with your child. You are the one that made that choice to go back to her. If you would have been over Nikki , then we could have had that." Ella snapped back at him, she stood up and went over to him. "You think I don't regret everyday what I did. I thought I was doing what was right for the boys and you."

Josh chuckled. "More of what was right for you."

Ella put her hands down by her sides. "Josh all that matters is that we are a family now." Ella said trying to regain her composure. She reached out for him, he pushed her away, swatted her away. His hand stung her arm.

"Don't touch me." He said angrily, he was trying his hardest not to cry. "I want more right out of life right now than you can offer me."

"Josh baby what are you saying?" Ella said as the tears started to fall from her eyes. "I love you" she said going to him and trying to wrap her arms around him, he shoved her away. "Don't you love me…..please don't do this. You are upset and just need to think things through."

"I will have Cassandra book you a flight home as soon as possible."

"Josh please don't do this." She pleaded with him, trying to get him to look at her. "I love you."

He dropped his arms by his side. "I do love you…that is what makes this so fucking hard." He looked at her, pushed his hair back out of his face.

Ella looked down at her hand, twisting the ring on her finger. The diamond glistened in the light. She started to slide it off of her finger.

"Don't take that off." Josh said quickly, once he realized what she was doing. "I need to think this through before I make any drastic choice. We need a break. We are always so intense, and we fight and make up by having sex. We need to work through things instead of just covering them up." Josh wiped a tear from his face with the back of his hand.

"You not ending what we have."

Josh sighed…"We are always going to be in each other s lives Ella, we have to amazing boys. I just need time to figure things out."

"I thought you did back when we got back together on my birthday, I thought you let it go."

"I was jealous, I was extremely attracted to you…and we jumped back into a relationship based on sex and not on values and things you build a relationship out of."

"Our relationship isn't just about sex Josh…..we talk things out, we laugh, we hang out. Yes we have sex a lot but that is what you do when you love each other. Besides this has nothing to do with how you feel about me and what I did."

"We need a break." Josh said looking at Ella. "Go home….and I will see you a week before Christmas. I will call to check in on the boys but that is it. I want to work things out in my head."

"So we are breaking up?"

"I don't know Ella….I don't want to say breaking up. I don't want you to see other men just yet."

"I wouldn't anyway."

"Okay…I will get Cassandra to book your flight home."

Ella nodded her head.

Josh went to turn to leave the room, he hated to see the hurt in her eyes that he was causing. He started to walk away.

"Josh." Ella said through tears. He stopped and looked at her. She ran into his arms, sobbing. He held her, brushed his hand over her hair. He felt like a total dick right now. But he had to figure things out before he they got married. He had these feelings for a few days now, but when Sara announced her news, he knew exactly why he was feeling the way he was.

"I have to go Ella." He said kissing her forehead. "I will see you in five weeks." He released his hold on her and turned and walked away before he changed his mind, and kissed her and told her to forget any of the hurtful words he just said.

He left the room, he meant Ben on the way out.

"Hey Man." Ben said to Josh, he could see Josh was upset. "What is wrong? Where is Ella?"

"She is in there….she will explain." Josh said blowing Ben off.

Ben walked into the room and seen Ella in a ball on the sofa, her body was trembling with tears.

"What the hell is going on L?" he asked taking her into his arms and holding her.

"Ben he needs a break…." She sobbed.

"You guys just got engaged."

"I know….Sara announcing she was pregnant….." she sobbed and tried to get the words out. "Josh said he might want to experience that…I can't give him that."

"That fucking bastard!" Ben said getting up and stalking out of the room. Ben was not your typical gay guy, he was strong and masculine. He went out into the venu where the y were just starting sound check. Josh was joking around with Matt. He went across the stage and grabbed Josh by the arm. "You think you can mess with her head like that asshole."

"Ben what the fuck?" Matt said coming over.

"You need to calm down man." Josh stated. "It is between Ella and I."

"Not when you leave her broken." Ben shouted at Josh. "You said you forgave her you prick….you fucking asked her to marry you. You have been playing house with her for the past few months, just to drop her like a sack of potatoes."

"What the hell is going on?" Sara asked coming over to them, Mike put a hand on her to stop her. Mike knew she would want to tear a strip of Josh too, once she realized what was going on. Mike had suspected it for the last day or so, when Josh's behavior changed.

"He needs a break." Ben said to Sara.

"Josh what the hell?"

"Please don't start with me Sara. I don't want to fight with anyone of you. Ella and I are taking a break, she is going home I need to think things through. It is really none of your business." Josh said being cocky. He could be a real dick when he wanted to be.

Ben pulled back and hit him square in the jaw, knocking him off of his feet. Josh jumped up and went to jump on Ben but Matt and Ian held him back.

"You better stay the fuck away from me." Ben spat before walking off.

Sara shook her head and started to cry. She walked away.

"You okay dude." Matt asked letting Josh go.

"Nope not at all." He said spitting blood out of his mouth. He walked off the stage.

"Do you think we should go after him and talk to him?" Ian asked.

Matt shook his head. "Let him be. He is hurting too. You know how much he loves Ella."

"I know that is what I don't understand."Ian said.

"He needs time." Mike said. "Everything is just happening to fast for him, he isn't sure what he wants…which is Ella and the boys…..he just needs to see that on his own."

"I know." Matt said running his hand through his hair. He felt bad for everyone.

"I am going to make sure Sara is okay." Mike said.

Matt nodded his head. That use to be his job, to check on his best friend Sara, since her and Mike got married they didn't hang out anymore, like they use to. He missed that.

"We doing sound check along I take it." Ian said.

"Ya I guess….Brett come helps us." Matt hollered over to their guitar tech.

"Lets get this show on the road." Ian stated walking back to his drum kit.

"Never a dull moment. Never a dull moment." Matt mumbled getting back to work. It was going be a rough few weeks, with Josh being all moody and grumpy, he would be there for him and help his friend figure stuff out on his own.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Ella went home; she picked the boys up not mentioning a word about anything to Josh mom. She didn't want anyone to know until she knew what the hell was going on. She was upset, had a hard time not to cry when she thought about the possibility that she might lose Josh. She just wanted everything to work out.

The boys were so happy to see her, they attacked her as soon as she arrived at Josh's parent's house, they had gotten bigger and they were saying more words. She loved her babies. It was late when she arrived in van city, so they fell asleep in the car on the way home.

Ben had come home with her; he couldn't leave her in the shape she was in. Ella was so glad he was with her, to help her with the babies when she wasn't even feeling like getting out of bed.

She stood over by the huge window in the living room that looked out onto the deck, which in turn looked down over the beach. The moon glistened off of the water.

"The monsters are all snug in their beds." Ben said coming up behind her placing his hands on her shoulders. "Come sit." He said dragging her over to the huge leather sofa. "L I wish I could make it all better for you."

Ella smiled softly at Ben. "I know….you know if I wouldn't of ran into Josh that day at the park in Halifax, we would still be there , I would never of told him. Which may have been the right thing to do, I wouldn't know the pain I feel right now. Then I think if I would have told him the moment I found out I was pregnant, everything would be different too."

"Hun, don't beat yourself up. There is nothing that can be done now. Whatever is meant to be will be."

"Ben I want Josh in my life more than anything." Ella said as the tears started to fall. "He is amazing. He is talented, smart, loving, funny, a douche." She said laughing a little through the tears. "He is good with the boys, and I just love him."

"Not to mention sexy as hell." Ben said smiling, making Ella smile back at him. "Are you going back to work?"

Ella sighed. "Nope I am not."

"Well L , if things don't work out between you and Josh , you will need a job."

"Nope I will take him for half of everything." She laughed. "I am joking. I am going to take a leave of absence."

Ben pulled her into his arms. "I punched him yesterday."

Ella pulled back and looked at Ben. "Who?"

"Josh…..knocked him of off his feet, he was bleeding."

"Ben!" she scolded. "You shouldn't have done that."

"He deserved it. He was being a cocky bastard."

Ella settled back into Ben's arms.

"You know if I wasn't gay, you would be my first choice." Ben said as he held his best friend

"Really?"

"You are so beautiful." He said as he played with her hair. "You are an amazing person, smart, loving and caring. If Josh chooses to walk away, he is a really stupid man."

"I love you Ben." Ella said yawning and stretching. "Let's go to bed. I want you to crash with me. I don't want to be alone." She said standing up and pulling him to his feet.

"Love you too L." he said hugging her and kissing her on top of her head. "Let's get some sleep. The monsters will be up early, and they are still a little nervous around me. I can't let you sleep in."

"I know." Ella said pulling him behind her up the stairs. "Come on I am tired."

They got settled in to bed, Ben held Ella while she cried herself to sleep. He wanted to kill Josh right at that giving moment for making his best friend feel so hurt and broken.

* * *

"Josh hand me my drink." Ian slurred.

"Get it yourself fucker." Josh said laughing.

They were both intoxicated as hell. They just finished a show and ended up at a bar with some of the older fans.

"You are an asshole." Ian said reaching across the table for his drink.

Josh took a long drag out of his smoke. "So you hooking up with that chick tonight?"

Ian looked in the direction Josh was. He seen two girls smiling and waving back at them.

"I don't know man. I kinda am seeing someone."

Josh shrugged his shoulders. "Since when has that stopped you before?" he asked before he drank one of his shots that were sitting in front of him.

"What about you?" Ian asked shooting back a shot.

Josh shook his head no. "I won't do that to Ella. I am putting her through enough. We are still engaged, kinda…but we are on a break." He slurred. "Fuck it is confusing."

"You should. Fuck I should too." Ian said laughing.

"You can do what you want." Josh said standing up, almost fallen over. He held onto the back of the chair to steady himself. I want to go back to the hotel. "I am going to text Cassie to come and get me."

"I am coming too." Ian said.

They waited outside, laughing and being stupid until Cassandra got there in a taxi to get them.

"Why did you guys have to wake me to come and get your drunk asses. You could have gotten a cab on your own."Cassandra said as the two drunks fell into the car. Josh was sitting next to her.

"We might have gotten lost. Ian lost his pants before."

"Joshua don't start with that story."

Josh laughed.

"Oh my god you guys are wasted."

Josh leaned his head on her shoulder. "I am tired." He said yawning.

"We are here." Cassandra said as the cab pulled up. She paid the driver, Josh and Ian pretty much tumbled out.

She got Ian to his room and settled, Josh waited in the hall. He was sitting on the floor when she came out of Ians room. His long legs stretched across the hall.

"Come on Ramsay." She said helping him to his feet, not very well she almost fell on top of him.

"Thank you." Josh said as they got to his room. He leaned against the wall as she slide the room key in the lock thingie.

She looked at him and smiled. "For what."

"For taken care of me." He said as she got the door opened. He staggered across the room and fell backwards onto the bed. Cassandra took his shoes off, went at got him a bottle of water and some advil.

"Here, take these." She said handing them to him. He said up long enough to take them and plopped back on the bed.

"Can you stay with me?" Josh asked.

"I don't think that is a good idea Josh."

He pouted out his lip. "I really don't want to be alone."

She sighed, and lay down on the bed beside him. "Get some sleep."

Josh yawned. "I told Ella I need a break." He said softly.

Cassandra didn't say anything.

"I wouldn't let her take her engagement ring off though. Technically a break you are not together right?"

"Depends on how you look at it I guess." Cassandra said turning to face him. "You love her?"

Josh closed his eyes, fighting back the tears, but he was unsuccessful.

"I do." He said wiping the tears away. He looked at Cassandra. "You tell anyone I was crying I will fire your ass." He joked

Cassandra smiled at him.

"Everything happened fast with us, and it is all messed up."

She reached out and touched his face. "Things always work out the way they are suppose to Ramsay."

Josh looked at her. She had pretty green eyes; he had never noticed them before. He looked at her lips. They were full and pink. He reached up and pushed her hair back from her shoulder. She was so sexy. He sighed pulling his hand back. He would not cheat on Ella. He knew how bad it hurt when Nikki cheated on him.

"I am going to sleep." He said rolling over to face the other way. "Night,"

"Night Josh." Cassandra said. She waited till he fell asleep then she got up and left. She covered him up with a blanket.

As soon as she left, Josh opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling, the room was spinning. Fuck he was drunk. He sighed. He missed her. Missed how she would snuggle into him when the slept, how she always wore his shirts, then he would put them on again and he could smell her all day, he loved that. How she would steal his last bite of desert, or drink the rest of his coke zero.

He needed to hear her voice. He picked up his cell phone, where the hell was he, what time zone was he in. Vancouver was three hours behind them. He dialed her number. It rang a few times and she answered.

"Hello." A sleepy Ella answered.

"Hey it is me."

"Josh?" she asked sitting up, looking at the time, it was just passed midnight.

"The boys ok? You made it home fine?"

"The boys are amazing. They are getting big. I made it home okay."

"How are you?" he asked softly.

"I am a mess." She said as she played with the string on the bed spread. "How are you?"

"Drunk." He laughed a little. "Okay just wanted to make sure you guys got settled." He said running his hand over his face. "Night Ella, see you in a few weeks."

"Night Josh." She said.

"Take care."

"Josh." She said hoping he didn't disconnect the call. "I love you." She said before the line went dead. She lay back on the bed and sighed.

She loved him so much. She rolled over and covered herself back up. She closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. The next few weeks were going to be hell. Josh held her life in his hands. Whatever decision he made would predict her future.

The next few weeks seemed to drag on, Ella moaped around the house except for when the boys were awake and on the terror. Her nanny still came to help out; Ben would drag her out of the house to change the scenery. She hadn't heard from Josh. His mom was always stopping by so she thought he was getting his updates from his mom.

Today they were going to get the xmas tree. Ben's bright idea to take the boys with them. It had snowed a little over night, just enough to make everything wet.

"We are going to a u cut." Ben said as he pulled the SUV onto the highway.

"You have to be fucking kidding me." Ella said not overly enthused.

"L watch your mouth. Little monster ears." Ben said giving her a look

Ella rolled her eyes. "Why can't we just go get one off of a lot."

"Because this is memories for them." He said pointing into the backseat. Liam screeched.

"Really Ben. They are almost two. They will not remember this stupid trip to a field full of trees and cutting one down."

"It will be fun." Ben said touching her hand.

Ella sighed.

"Ma ma ma mama." Landon sang sweetly. Ella turned and looked at her babies. Landon was pointing at Liam who was grinning from ear to ear. He had successfully got his boots and socks off of his feet, and was so proud of himself.

"Sock." Liam said showing his mother.

"I see you little turkey." Ella said as Liam chucked it, giggling.

"They are such a happy boys." Ben stated as her turned.

Ella smiled. "They are happy boys. Liam is so much like Josh it is scary. I am going to have my handfull when they are teenagers.

"Yay we are here!" Ben said pulling into the parking lot, and putting the vehicle in park.

"Joy." Ella said sarcastically as she got out of the car. She opened the back door to dress Liam's feet for their outdoor adventure.

"Mama…sock." Liam said happily waving his sock back and forth like a flag.

"Yes baby they go on your feet." Ella said making her eyes big and sticking her tongue out at her baby. Liam stuck his tongue back out at his mother. Ben was on the other side getting Landon out.

"You are teaching him bad habits." Ben said laughing. "Come on Landon let's go find a Christmas tree."

"Tee…tee." Landon repeated over and over again.

Ella got Liam out of the SUV and put him on his feet, taking his little hand. Ben carried Landon as they walked. Ella and Liam were slower, as little feet didn't make much distance. But Liam was having fun. He stopped to play in the little bit of snow that they had.

Ella tripped and fell, Liam ran over to her and jumped on her. Ben put Landon down so he could take a picture of the ordeal and he ran and jumped on his mother. All three of them were laughing. Ben snapped the picture. Ella looked up and she pulled both boys on her lap, and she smiled, he took another picture. The boys were giggling and smiling.

Ella got to her feet, taking a boy each by the hand, following Ben.

"This one is perfect." Ben said looking a big bushy tree.

Ella smiled as he started to cut it down, the boys ran about playing.

"It is nice to see that smile." Ben said as he sawed through the tree trunk.

Ella shrugged. "They make me want to smile." She said watching the boys kick and throw snow. "It is hard not talking to him." She said softly.

"I know." Ben said as the tree fell. "Let's get this baby back to the car and get it home and in the house."

Ella carried the boys back; they were heavy and starting to get tired. She got them in their car seats and gave them a drink and a snack.

Ben tied the tree on the roof. Ella got in the car and waited. Her cell phone rang.

"Hello."

"Ella darling it Corlynn."

"Hi how are you?"

"I am wonderful. How are those grandbabies of mine?"

"Perfect as always."

"That is wonderful. Josh wanted me to call and let you know that he isn't coming home next week as planned. He won't be home till the 22 of December. He has to stay to do some work in Toronto."

"Oh…" Ella said sounding disappointed.

"Ella honey Josh has been talking to me about everything. I think he will figure things out. You don't have to worry. He loves you."

Ella sighed. "It is hard, I haven't talked to him in weeks." She said starting to tear up.

"I think everything will work out as planned." His mom said. "I am going to stop by tomorrow to see those little fellas."

"Okay that sounds great. We will be home."

"Bye." Corlynn said

Ellla hit end on her phone. Ben got in and started to drive home. The drive home was quiet as the boys were sleeping. They didn't wake when Ella and Ben took them in the house.

"I am going to lie down too." Ella said to Ben. "She was emotional exhausted."

"Okay. I will start supper in a bit."

"Thanks Ben."

"No problem L."

She went up stairs, Ben pulled his phone out of his pocked opening up the pictures he took of Ella and the boys. He sent them to Josh. He wanted to show him what he was missing. The boys were perfect and so was their mother. He just wanted them all to be happy.

* * *

Josh and Cassandra were out for supper, just the two of them. They had just started to eat their food when Josh felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it, it was a text from Ben. He opened the message, it was a picture of Ella with the boys on her lap, and she was sitting in the snow in what looked like the woods. She had dead leaves in her hair. She had a soft smile on her face. Both boys were smiling big. He smiled as he looked at the next picture, Ella on her back on the ground and the boys climbing all over her.

_ "Thanks Ben. That is beautiful." He replied ._

_ "No problem Josh. She misses you."_

Josh sighed, putting his phone back in his pocket. He missed her too.

"You okay?" Cassandra asked reaching across the table to take his hand in hers.

"Ya." Josh said smiling. "Let's eat I am starving."

Cassandra smiled. She was using her charm and flitting like crazy but it didn't seem to be getting her anywhere. She needed to get him drunk and take advantage of him. She smiled and thought of ways to put her plan in motion. She wanted Josh and Ella to stay on a break. She wanted to be with Josh in every way possible. She had to work quick if she was going to make this work.


	44. Chapter 44

"So Josh are you sure you are going to be okay going to Toronto for a few days on your own with Cassie?" Matt asked Josh. Josh was sitting on the couch in the back lounge playing one of his many guitars.

Josh looked up at Matt and raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well you know her trying to get in your pants and everything."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Pfft…..I will be fine."

"Okay." Matt said shrugging his shoulders. "Just don't do anything stupid that you can't take back, especially since you are unsure about your relationship with Ella. Which I don't see what the big decision is. You are just being your stubborn self."

Josh stopped playing and looked at Matt. "What the fuck Matt?"

"Well if I knew two years ago that you were going to do this to Ella I would have made my move on her."

Josh put his guitar down and ran his hand through his hair. "I am not going to do anything stupid." Josh said annoyed.

"Have you made up your mind about what you are going to do?"

Josh sighed. "No I have been trying not to think about it, that is why I have been staying busy."

"Have you even talked to her?"

"Nope…..called her the first night she left to make sure her and the boys got home okay. Mom has been keeping me updated on everything."

"Josh you are a stupid fuck. Just saying"

"Matthew shut up." Josh snapped not wanting to hear any more of what matt had to say. "It is hard….I love her. I just want more than she can give me. I want more kids, I want to experience what Sara and Mike are."

"Dude…you have a family. The boys are fucking amazing and Ella she is beautiful and smart and for god knows why she loves you Josh; unconditionally loves you. You are not easy to be around sometimes Josh."

"I will figure it out. I am going home on the 22 of December for the holidays. As for Cassie and I we are just friends. I have two hotel rooms booked, and I will be in my hotel room by myself."

"You better be Ramsay, and you better straighten that fucked up head of yours out. If you throw what you have with Ella and the boys away, you will regret it." Matt said packing the rest of his bag up. "To the airport I go. Can't wait to be home."

"Safe travels Matt. Cya on the 23 for the annual Ramsay Christmas party. Mom is having it at my house this year."

"Keep your dick in your pants." Matt said and picked up his bag and got off of the bus.

Josh sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Matt was being ridiculous. He wasn't ever going to have anything more to do with Cassie besides being her friend. Even if Ella wasn't in the picture, he wouldn't be interested.

He stretched out on the couch, he missed Ella so much. Was he just being stubborn? He did have two amazing little boys. They were the light of his world. Then there was Ella. She was smart, and beautiful, she was so cute she was sexy. She didn't need to dress sexy, she just was to him. He wanted to talk to the babies. He sighed, what the hell was he doing?

"Josh the car is here to take us to the airport?" Cassie yelled from the front of the bus.

Josh stretched and gathered his things. He would work hard the next few days, and avoid any distractions.

* * *

"Ella why don't you sit down and relax." Ben said watching Ella clean the kitchen like a mad woman. They had a long day; they went Christmas shopping, had supper had Josh's parents, which was awkward. But the boys had a blast, by the time they got them home they passed out as soon as Ella put them in their beds.

"I will." She said wiping off of the counter. "Want some wine?" she asked as she made her way towards the fridge. "I have some bubbly, to tickle your nose." She said scrunching up her nose at Ben.

He laughed at her. "Of course I want some." He said getting up to help her. He popped some popcorn and headed into the living room, which was beautiful. The tree was decorated and lit with white lights and the railing going up stairs and across the loft was decorated with white lights as well. He picked up a movie and put it in the dvd player.

Ella came in and plopped down on the sofa beside him, setting the wine glasses on the glass coffee table. "What we watching?"

"It is a wonderful life, tradition baby." He said winking at her. He knew how much she hated that movie, but he made her watch every year.

She rolled her eyes, but settled back on the sofa with him, and cuddled up against him.

"Did you notice that Landon wasn't his usual self today?" Ella asked as she munched on some popcorn. "I hope he isn't coming down with something, with Christmas so close."

"I know, he did seem a little off today. We will keep an eye on him." Ben said watching Ella furrow her brow. "You haven't heard from him have you?"

"Nope not a word. I am actually kinda pissed at him. The more I think about it. He is being selfish. I can't give him what he wants, he has two boys that are great. I love him, what more does he want."

"I don't get that man. He is pretty and everything but he just has no brains." Ben said sipping on his wine.

Ella giggled. "Pretty? Really Ben?"

"Come on L, he wears more make up than you, and he is the Queen of glitter."

Ella burst out laughing. "The queen okay, he would so kick your ass for that comment."

"He wouldn't be able to kick my ass."

"Probably not." Ella giggled. "I miss him."

"I know you do and I know you are made at him but call him."

"I might." Ella said pouring another glass of wine. "After we watch this lame movie."

"It isn't lame." Ben said crossing arms across his chest and pouting. Ella hit him with a pillow. "Hey."

"Shut up and watch your movie."

Ella and Ben finished their bottle of wine and their movie was done. Ella was feeling really tipsy and giggly.

"I think you need to go to bed L." Ben said helping her to her feet.

"Me too." She giggled and tumbled, Ben caught her before she fell. "Sorry."

"It is okay L." He said steadying her to her feet. He looked down at her, her faced was flushed, her hair had fallen out of her pony tail some, she was beautiful. Josh was a dummy. He reached down and brushed her face. "L I love you, you know that right?"

"I know." She giggled. "I love you too Ben."

"Let's get you to bed."

He helped her up the stairs and into room. She plopped down on the bed. "Give me my phone." She said pointing across the room.

"L it is like three am in Toronto, he might be sleeping."

"I don't care…give me the phone." She slurred and giggled.

Ben picked it up and chucked it at her, she didn't catch it. "Night L."

"Night Ben." She said waving to him. She relaxed back onto her pillows and dialed his number, it rang a few times before she heard his voice.

"hullo."

"Hi Josh…I didn't wake you did I?" Ella asked trying not to slur her words.

"Nope you didn't wake me." He said softly.

"What is wrong?" she asked sensing that he didn't really want to talk to her.

"Nothing is wrong Ella. I am just busy. Am working in the studio tonight."

"Oh." She said softly. "I just miss you Josh." She said quietly playing with a string on the bed spread. "I know you want space or whatever…but I just needed to hear your voice." She said trying not to cry now, alcohol was bad for that.

Josh sighed. "Just a sec." Ella heard him mumble then he was back. "I can talk for a few minutes, just stepped outside for a smoke."

"How are the boys?"

"Good and bad." Ella said smiling. "They are climbing, getting into everything and they will not leave the Christmas tree alone."

Josh took a long drag off of his cigarette, he pushed sand around on the ground with his foot, making little designs as he listened to Ella, god he had missed the sound of her voice.

"You guys have the tree up?"

"Ya it was actually fun. I was dreading it, Ben made me go. The boys had a great time." Ella was stumbling over her words.

Josh laughed at her. "Are you drunk?"

"ummmmm…..maybe a little." She said giggling. "I miss you babe." She said softly. "I miss everything about you. I mean Everything!"

Josh smiled chucking his smoke to the ground and stomping on it.

"I wish you were here." Ella said softly. '"I am lonely in this big bed."

"Ella…I have to go."Josh said knocking her down. "We are trying to get things done quickly so I can be home by the 22 nd."

Ella felt the hot tears starting to build up in her eyes. "I am tired of your bullshit Josh." She snapped.

"My bullshit?" he asked defensively

"Yup…..you have no idea what you are throwing away. I am sick of this shit. Either you know that you love me or you don't, that you want to be with me and the boys."

"You know I want the boys." Josh stated and as soon as the words left his mouth he wished he hadn't said it.

"So that is your decision?"

Josh sighed. "Look I don't want to do this right now. I don't have time to talk to you. Your drunk and being irrational."

"I hate you right now." She spat. "Do what you want because I am done."

"Ella don't be that way." Josh said getting frustrated with her.

"Be what way? The same way you have been for the last few weeks. Telling me that I am not enough. Well Fuck you Ramsay. I am enough, maybe not enough for you but I am enough for someone."

"Ella….." Josh started but she hung up. "FUCK." He cursed almost chucking his blackberry.

"There you are." Cassandra said opening the back door of the studio. "They are ready for you hun." She said smiling.

Josh ran his hand through his hair and followed her back into the studio.

They worked for another two hours, and in the wee hours of the new day they headed back to the hotel. Josh was quiet. He wasn't speaking much and being his overly zanious self.

"Josh you okay?" Cassandra asked as they walked down the hallway in the hotel towards their rooms.

"Ya." He said smiling softly at her.

"You can talk to me you know. I am not just here to keep your ass inline."

"I know." He said sliding his room key card through the slot.

"Get some rest, we are not due back at the studio until after lunch."

"I will try." He said going to turn to go into his room, but before he did Cassandra kissed him quickly on his cheek. "Night."

"Night." She said smiling and turning to walk away.

Josh went into his room and sat on his bed. "She is fucking flirting with me." He said aloud to himself. "Ugh." He groaned and flopped back on his bed. He stared at the ceiling. Did Ella break up with him over the phone tonight? Josh replayed the conversation in his head. She had said that she may not be enough for him but she was enough for someone else. He was pushing her away, no wonder she felt that way. It hurt him when she said those words, cut like a knife. He could hear how hurt she was in her voice. Why did he have to be so distant with her.

He would be home in a week and a half and he would after to try to fix things. If he wanted to fix things. Did he want too? Life without Ella, could he live without her? Move on with someone else, have a family and still have his boys, he would have to share them with Ella. Could he stand to see her happy with someone else. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow was a new day.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45  
Josh had been all afternoon and evening at the studio, but he was happy it was their last day. They actually finished up a few days early. He and Cassandra were heading out for a few drinks and back to the hotel.  
By the time they got back they were both pretty intoxicated. They laughed and joked the whole way up to his room. Josh unlocked the door, and went inside, he stood there with the door open.  
"Wanna come in for awhile?" he asked giving her a half grin. "I really don't want to be alone yet."  
"Okay as long as we can crack the mini bar."  
"You read my mind darling." Josh said guiding her into the room.  
Cassie sat down on the bed, kicked her shoes off. Josh came over and sat down beside her closely. "Here you go." He said handing her a bottle of wine he had just took a swig out of. She smiled and took It from him and did the same. "I am single now eh." Josh said quietly, but he knew she heard him.  
"What happened Josh?"  
"She said she was done last week and I haven't heard from her since." Josh said looking at his hands. "I tried to call her so many times, but it just goes to voice mail. She won't return my calls."  
"Josh I am sorry to hear that." Cassie said putting her hand on his thigh. "You will find someone that is better for you."  
Josh felt her closeness. "I think you should go." He said softly  
"Why Josh." She said pushing her hand higher up his thigh, and pushing herself closer. "You are not in a relationship anymore. Let me help you forget." She said moving closer to him.  
Josh didn't move, he let her push her body up against his, he felt her lips cover his. She kissed him, it was nice. He pulled her on top of him and ran his hands over her body. Josh felt her hands tugging at his clothes, unbuttoning his jeans, she was kissing him, he was kissing her back, but he was just going through the motions. He wasn't even getting turned on.  
"This isn't right." He said pushing her back.  
"Come on Josh." She said pushing her breast up against his chest. "It will be fun."  
"It isn't happening." He said getting up and zipping his pants up. "I am in love with Ella."  
"Josh she broke up with you. Let me make you forget for the night. We can have some fun."  
Cassie moved back toward him, she grabbed him by the belt hoops on his jeans and pulled him to her. She kissed him, and started to undress him. Josh responded by doing what she wanted.  
Ella was half asleep, but she could hear a baby crying. She opened her eyes and seen it was just past five am. She yawned and set up in bed. She could her one of her babies crying. It sounded like Landon. She got up and padded out the door and down the hall to the nursery. She walked into the room, and Liam was sitting in his bed, rubbing his little eyes. Landon was lying in his bed crying. Ella went over to the crib and picked him up. She noticed right away that he was burning up with fever.  
"Oh baby….you feel hot." She said sitting him on her lap and taking his temperature. He had a temp of 104. She felt a little bit of panic. Neither of her boys had ever been sick before. She took Landon out of the room and down stairs to give him advil.  
Once she had the advil in him, she put him back in his bed and he fell back to sleep. Liam was sleepy soundly at this time as well. Ella pulled out the sofa bed that was in the boys room and she curled up and drifted off to sleep. About an hour later she woke up to Landon screaming again, covered in vomit.  
She got up and checked his temperature again, and no change. He was still burning up. She got him cleaned up and hollered for Ben.  
"What is it L?" he said coming into the room.  
"He is burning up." She said holding her baby close to her, trying to comfort the crying child. "I gave him advil and it didn't help."  
Ben came over and looked the baby over while Ella was holding him. "We need to take him to the ER.'' He stated. "You go get dressed and I will hold him, then come and get Liam ready to go."  
"I will call Josh's mom." I don't want to subject him to illnesses as well.  
They got ready, Josh's mom arrived.  
"Did you call Josh?' Corlynn asked.  
"Not yet." Ella said bundling Landon up. "I don't want to bother him, his work is so important."  
Ben heard the sarcasm in her voice.  
"Mrs. Ramsay there is no point in worrying Josh yet. We are going to get him checked out and it is probably just a virus he is fighting."  
She nodded her head. "Let me know what is going on please."  
Ella smiled at her. "Will do."  
Ben and Ella left for the hospital, Ben was driving. Poor little Landon was sleeping but not soundly. He kept fussing. Ella kept reaching around to calm her baby from the front seat.  
"You are not wearing your ring?" Ben said noticing her bare finger.  
"No I told him I was done."  
"L…..honey why would you do that?"  
"He pissed me off."  
Ben sighed. "I hope it doesn't blow up in your face."  
Ella sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I hope Landon is okay."  
"We are almost there." Ben said softly  
Once they got to the hospital, the baby was still burning up with fever, he was not crying to much now, he was just sleeping in Ella's arms. They were put into a room, to wait for the doctor. Ella kept the baby in her arms, she could feel the heat radiate off of him. He was burning up. Ella looked up when the doctor walked in. It was Dr. Alex Miller. Ella had worked with him for three years here at the hospital. He was one of the best pediatricians that Vancouver had.  
"Hi Ella, you have a sick baby I hear." He said as he washed his hands. "Put him over on the bed, I will take a look at him."  
Ella smiled and moved Landon over to the bed. The little boy didn't even stir when she set him down.  
"How long has he been like this? With the fever? Has he not been feeling well?" The doctor asked as he started to look the little fella over.  
"I just noticed the fever this morning. He hasn't been himself for the past few days. I figured he was coming down with something."  
Ben came and stood by Ella, he took her hand. He knew she was worried. As the doctor was looking Landon over, the little babies body started to shake and convulse. He was having a seizure.  
The doctor rang the call bell for help, to get nursing staff to come in. Landon seizure only lasted half a minute, but that was too long for Ella. She started to cry.  
The doctor gave a bunch of orders to the nurses, and told them to get an IV started.  
"Alex what do you think is wrong with him?" Ella asked through her tears.  
The doctor ran his hand over his face. "I want to do a spinal tap."  
Ben squeezed Ella's shoulder softly. "You think he has meningitis don't you?" Ben asked.  
Ella put her hand over her mouth.  
"I do." The doctor said. "I don't want to cause any alarm till I find out for sure. I will let you know as soon as I can. Ella I need you to sign some forms. Are you the father?" he said asking Ben.  
"No he isn't. His dad is out of town."  
"I think you should call him." The doctor said before leaving the room.  
Ella turned and looked at Ben. They both knew from being nurses how bad meningitis. Ella just prayed it wasn't a bacterial form of the illness. IT was harder to treat and sometimes fatal.  
"You need to call Josh."  
She nodded her head and watched the nurses prepping her baby for his spinal tap. She pulled out her phone, she was crying. It rang, and rang and went to voice mail. She hung it up and dialed it again.  
A sleepy Josh answered. "Hullo."  
"Josh…..Landon is sick." Ella cried into the phone.  
Josh ran his hand over his face, he felt Cassie stir in bed beside. "What is wrong Ella?" Josh said trying to wake up.  
"You need to come home." She sobbed. "Landon is sick. The doctor thinks he might have meningitis, they are getting him ready to do a spinal tap."  
Josh could barely make out what she was saying, but the word he heard were scaring him. He sat up in bed.  
"He had a seizure Josh."  
"They think he has meningitis?" Josh asked quietly trying to wake Cassandra. "That is bad isn't it?"  
"It could be fatal." Ella sobbed.  
"Both boys with you?"  
"Liam is home with your mom. Can you please come home? I can't do this on my own."  
"I will be on the first flight out Ella." Josh said listening to her sob.  
"Okay." She said softly. "I just need you here."  
"I will be there." He said ending the call. He felt Cassies hand on his arm pulling him back to bed. "I have to get up Cassie. I need to get home. Ella has an emergency and she needs me." Josh said getting up out of bed, he pulled his jeans on. She sat up in wrapped the sheet around her naked body.  
"You are really going to run to her when she calls crying over something."  
Josh ran his hand through his hair. "Look Cassie, this should never of happened. I was drunk and feeling alone, with everything that has been going on between Ella and I. I love her Cassie, and I am sorry that this happened. It was a big mistake."  
"She doesn't deserve you Josh. I can't believe you." She said getting upset. "We could be really good together."  
Josh sighed. "We have two sons together Cassie, and one is really sick. I have to go home. Again I am sorry. Take care of all the loose ends here for me. I am really sorry….you are a fantastic person." Josh said as he zipped up his suitcase. "I have to go." He said not looking at her, he turned and left the room before she had any time to react. The look of shock on her face, gave him a few minutes to get away.  
He kept cursing himself in his head he whole way to the airport and the whole flight back to Vancouver. Why did it take him to fuck up to realize what he really wants. Ella had told him she was done, but she sounded like she needed him on the phone when she called. He kept hoping that his little boy was going to be alright.  
He wouldn't tell Ella about what happened between him and Cassie, it was just sex and he and Ella were technically broken up from what she had said on the phone. But maybe she was just pissed and said things she didn't mean when she was angry. He didn't know really, their relationship was not typical. He sighed, and felt the wheels of the plan hit the runway. He had called Matt to come pick him up from the airport.  
"Hey man." Matt said as Josh approached him from his gate. "You look like hell."  
Josh grinned at Matt. "Ya I know. Not much sleep and I am worried sick about the baby."  
"I know Ben called me." Matt said as they made their way through the airport. "Ella is pretty upset."  
"She was sobbing when I was talking to her this morning. I just felt so bad there was nothing I could do.'  
"You will see her in like twenty minutes." Matt said smiling softly at his friend.

Ella sat by Landon's bedside. The doctor had came in and told them the news that they didn't want to hear, it was indeed bacterial meningitis; they hooked him up to a heart monitor, and started an IV. They also moved them to the Intensive care unit; he would be able to be monitored better. He has two more seizures since that morning and was unresponsive.  
Ella had sent Ben home to get her ring, she felt awful for being so petty and acting like a child. She couldn't wait for Josh to get here. He had sent her a text message that he was just leaving the airport. She reached over and touched Landon little hand. Why was this happening to her baby? She felt a tear slip down her face.  
"This way Mr. Ramsay." Ella heard the nurse say, she looked up and there was Josh, looking frightened as hell coming through the ICU, towards her.  
"Josh, I am so glad you are here." She sobbed through her arms around him, burying her face into his chest.  
He ran his hand over her hair, kissing the top of her head as he looked at his poor little boy, attached to things he had no idea what they were, he looked so lifeless.  
"I am so sorry Josh."  
"None of it matters sweetheart. I should be the one apologizing." He said pulling back so he could see her face. He cupped her face lifting it so he could see her beautiful eyes. At that moment he realized how stupid he was being, and how much he loved this woman in front of him. He softly kissed her lips. She gave him a small smile.  
"What are the doctors saying?" he asked going over to his son's bedside, taking his little hand in his.  
"They just started the antibiotic, hopefully he responds and that there is no increase in the pressure in his head, and they also have him on medication to stop seizures."  
"Is he going to be okay?" Josh asked his voice breaking, he was losing it. It was too much to see his son so sick.  
Ella shook her head. "I dunno Josh."  
Josh pulled her too him, holding her so tightly, his body trembled, he tried to hold back the sobs. He prayed that his little boy would be okay. He prayed that nothing ruined his little family, that he loved so much. He felt the overwhelming since of guilt creep over him, he had slept with another woman. He noticed Ella still had her ring on when he came into the room. If she found out about Cassie, he would lose everything.


	46. Chapter 46

The next 48 hours was hell, Ella and Josh never left Landon's side. They would call home to see how Liam was doing, and he was just fine. Ben had gone home so Josh's mother could come down to the hospital to see them. She brought them some food, and fresh clothing.

Landon was now on a respirator as with the increased pressure that started late in the night before, was pressing on the part of his brain that controlled his breathing. Ella hadn't slept since he was admitted to the hospital. Josh tried to get her to go get some rest but she wouldn't. Josh dozed in the chair some; he got maybe twenty minutes of sleep.

Josh watched Ella talk to their son. She was so upset. She was so scared she was going to lose that little baby. The doctors kept telling them that only time will tell. They had just started a different type of medicine since the on previous didn't make any changes. Josh crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing her head softly. He felt her to start to tremble; she had been crying a lot. He felt awful for her. He was just as upset about his baby but he needed to be strong for her.

"How is he doing?" Dr Miller asked as he entered the room and made his way over to Landon. He looked him all over. "Still no change." He said listening to the baby's heart. "I think that within the next few hours we should start to see a difference with him, if this new med is going to work."

"If this med doesn't work Alex, is there something else we can do?" Ella asked.

"I am going to converse with some doctors to see if I am on the right track with his treatment. I would hope he would start to come around soon." He said smiling softly at Ella. "I am going to do everything I can to make your boy well again."

Ella nodded her head, fighting back tears. "Thank you." She said as the doctor turned and left the room.

Josh came and stood beside her, he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Sweetheart he is going to be okay."

"What if he isn't?"

"I am not going to think that way." Josh said squeezing her shoulder lightly. "He is going to get better and we are going to take him home before Christmas. I am going to spoil him and Liam rotten."

Ella smiled at Josh. "I love you Josh."

Josh looked down at her, he cupped her face, wiped tears away with his thumbs. "I love you." He said softly. "You and the twins are everything to me." He said before he captured her mouth in a sweet softy kiss. He pulled back and gazed into her red puffy eyes, her nose was red too from crying. "I want us to get married sooner than later." He said looking at her. "I don't want to wait."

"We will talk about it when the Landon is better." She stated pulling away from Josh hold and going over to touch her boy.

"I am going to go out and call mom. She wants to bring Liam by today so he can see us. He has been asking for you Sweetheart."

"I really want to see him." She said softly.

Josh kissed her temple. "I will be back."

Ella nodded her head.

Josh went out and called his mom. "Hey mom how is Liam?"

"He is wonderful Josh. I don't know how you could ever thought of walking away from Ella and the boys. How is Landon doing?"

"He isn't good mom. I am worried sick."

"How is Ella?"

"She is a mess mom. I have never seen her so upset."

"Well you be there for her Joshua. She needs you"

"I know mom. I will see you later when you bring Liam down. What time you bringing him."

"Around two."

"Okay mom see you then." Josh ended the call with his mother, and checked his phone. He had three text messages for Cassandra. One was her apologize for being so bitchy when he left, one was to see how his little boy was, and the last one was that she missed him and couldn't wait to see him again.

Josh sighed, he thought about their night together, at first he wasn't into it, but after he relaxed and let her guide his body he totally loved every moment of it. She was a beautiful woman and she wasn't scared to try anything to please him. He knew it was wrong; he had to push it out of his mind. He loved Ella, everything was different with her. He would never do anything again go jeopardize what they had together.

He shut his phone off and went back into the ICU, Ella was still standing in the same spot he had left her in.

"Sweetheart I want you to take a break. Go get something to eat."

"I don't want to leave him Josh."

"Babe you need to take care of yourself. You are no good to him if you are sick."

She sighed and turned and looked at him. "You will stay right here?"

Josh nodded his head. "I am not leaving him alone."

Ella wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly. Josh wrapped his arms around her.

"Go eat." He said softly. She looked up at him and smiled before she covered his lips with his. She kissed him with urgency, tangled her hands in his hair. She sighed and pulled away from him. "I love you." She said softly.

Josh brushed her face with his thumb. "I love you." He said getting teary. "I never want to be without you or those boys. As soon as he is better, marry me." Josh said with all seriousness.

Ella giggled. "Right away?"

Josh nodded. "As soon as we can get married I want too."

"We will see Ramsay."

"Go eat."

By the time Ella got back Josh's mom had arrived with Liam. She was waiting in the family room outside the ICU. Josh was there with Liam on his lap. As soon as Liam seen his mother, he was off of Josh's lap and across the room into his mom's arms.

"Hey baby." Ella said hugging her baby boy tightly. "How are you." She said looking into his little face.

"Josh." He said pointing to his father. Josh smiled at them both. "Ben." He said pointing at Ben.

"L you look like hell." Ben said looking at her. "You need to take care of yourself. You should go home and sleep. I will stay here with Landon. You know I will call you if anything changes."

"I don't know." She said softly kissing her sons little head.

Josh came to her side. "Just for a few hours sweetheart. Liam will be thrilled to have us both home for a little. It will give mom a break."

"L you are dead on your feet." Ben said to her. " I will call if anything changes."

Ella sighed and looked at Josh. "Come on lets go home for a few hours and sleep."

Ella hugged Ben before she leaving. She knew he would call.

The drive home was not quiet. Liam babbled all the way home. He did have some words but it mostly was gibberish.

Once they were home, Ella went to settle Liam and Josh went to have a shower. He showered quickly and stood in front of the mirror. He looked at his reflection. He had knots in his stomach, he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened with Cassandra. He glanced in the mirror noticing red marks on his collar bone.

"What the fuck?" he said looking closer. "Fuck." He said noticing that he had two hickeys on his collar bone. He pulled his t-shirt on quickly as he heard Ella stumble into his room.

"Josh." She said softly.

"In here sweetheart." He said as she came into the bathroom and warped her arms around his torso from behind him. He felt her warm face pressed against his back. He felt her shudder. He turned and pulled her tightly in his arms. He kissed her head, and brushed his hand over her hair. She cried in his arms. "shhhhh…..he is going to be okay Ella."

She pulled back and wiped tears away with the back of her hand. "I hope so."

Josh place a one finger under her chin, lifting her face so he could see her eyes. They were puffy and red. He smiled at her. "He is going to be fine."

She nodded her head.

"Lets go get a few hours of rest." He said taking her by the hand and leading her into his room. He turned the covers back, she crawled in. He moved in beside her. She cuddled up against his body.

They laid there in silence, she had her head on his chest, he played with her hair.

"I have missed you so much." She said softly looking up at him.

He looked down at her. "I missed you." Before he could get the words out, she was straddling his hips, her lips were on his. He kissed her. He felt her hands slide under his t-shirt. He was lost in the moment; he wanted her so much at this moment. He almost forgot about the marks left behind on his body from another woman not even 24 hours ago. Josh stopped kissing her and pulled back breathless. "we should be resting Ella." He said grinning at her with one side of his mouth. He pushed her aside gently. "Sleep sweetheart."

She sighed and turned away from him. He could tell he had hurt her feelings. But he couldn't let her see those hickey's on his body. That would be the end of everything he held so dear to his heart. He put his arm around her, she didn't move away she relaxed back into his embrace. He heard her breathing shallow out, she was asleep.

He sighed. He was so stupid. He could lose everything if she found out. He had to keep her from finding out. He wouldn't let anyone or anything come between them again.


	47. Chapter 47

The next two weeks flew by, Ella and Josh spent most of their time at the hospital, one would go home at night to spend time with Liam. It was usually Josh. Ella liked to stay with Landon. Josh would bring Liam by through the day time so he could see his mother. Landon was getting better, it was touch and go there for a while but he was getting better. He was off the vent and he no longer had swelling in his head. The doctor thought he would be able to go home by the end of the week. Just in time for the annual Ramsay Christmas party that was being held at Josh and Ella's house.

Ella felt a distance between her and Josh. She didn't know if it was just that they didn't have enough time for each other right now. She hoped that is all that it was. Josh was busy with work as well, he had a video shoot earlier in the week, he had shown up at the hospital with blue and blonde hair. Ella was shocked, she didn't like it. She voiced that to him too, he got a little upset about it. When she asked why he did it, he said Cassandra thought he needed a change.

Ella hated Cassandra; the woman just rubbed her the wrong way. She had stopped by the hospital a few times to see Josh and how Landon was doing. Ella kept a close eye on her.

Ella had just arrived at the hospital. Ben was there covering for her. Ben was always there for her when she needed him.

"How was his night?" Ella asked coming into Landon's room. The baby was still sleeping.

Ben stretched and yawned. "He slept all night L."

"Coffee?" she said handing him a fresh cup of tims coffee.

"L, I love you." He said hugging her softly, inhaling her scent of vanilla. "You smell good."

Ella smiled as she walked over and touched her babies face softly. "He is so precious."

"I know he is. He is so smart too. I was reading him a book last night before bed and he knows most of his color."

"Just like his mama."

"Where is Mr sexy this morning?"

"He had to go to the studio." Ella said sitting down on the day bed in the room beside Ben. "Did you see his dumb hair?"

"I think it is sexy."

"You would." Ella said rolling her eyes.

"Good morning." The doctor said as he entered the room. "How are you doing Ella? Are you getting some rest now that he is doing better?"

Ella smiled at the doctor. He was a new doctor, his name was Ian. The doctor looked at Ben. "Is she taking care of herself?" he said as he looked at the babies chart.

Ben shook his head no.

"Hey." Ella said slapping his arm.

"Ouch." Ben said rubbing his arm.

"Well Ella I think you can take him home tomorrow, he will be finished the rest of his iv antibiotic today and we will start him by mouth first thing tomorrow morning."

"You think it is okay?"

He smiled at her, "I do. That way you will eat and sleep. If you don't take care of yourself you will end up in here."

Ella rolled her eyes.

The doctor laughed at her. "Okay I will see you tomorrow then." And was off out the door.

"Damn." Ben said.

"What?"

"He is flipping beautiful. Ice blue eyes, and his smile. Oh my. He is hotter than your boy toy."

Ella rolled her eyes. "He is nice looking but I wouldn't go that far. Josh is pretty damn hot."

"I think Mr Pretty eyes has wants you. I can tell by the way he smiles at you. Dump pretty boy and hook up with the doc."

"Ben!" Ella said slapping his arm again.

"Ouch."

"Good enough for you." She said sternly. "I love Josh. Even though he wants nothing to do with me right now."

"What do you mean?" Ben asked as Landon started to stir.

"I have been pretty much throwing myself at him and he just turns me down. Josh is turning down sex."

Ben looked at Ella and didn't say anything.

"What?" Ella asked looking at Ben, who had his look when he was thinking about something.

"Do you think he is cheating on you?"

"No." Ella snapped. "I don't."

"Okay I was just asking." Ben said yawning. "I am going to get back to your place and take a nap if that your okay ."

Ella smiled at Ben. "Fine just don't jump my fiancé."

Ben smiled at her. "He is yours, I know you don't share well."

"Hey."

"Remember the time I ate your brownies. You almost killed me."

Ella smiled and laughed a little. "I guess you are right, but that is chocolate remember."

Ben crossed the room, gave her a little hug and a kiss. "Cya later L."

"Bye Ben."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Josh mom had just left with Liam. He had to go into the studio to finish up some work he and they guys were working on. He was just finishing up his OJ when the door bell rang, making Bennie jump and tear out of the kitchen barking her head off towards the door.

"Bennie stop it." He said grabbing her by the collar to pull her back from the door, and most importantly to keep her from running out. He so wasn't in the mood to play catch a Bennie. Josh opened the door and Cassandra stood there, looking amazing.

"Hi Josh." She smiled softly. "Can I come in?"

"What are you doing here?" Josh said moving aside so that she could walk in. He shut the door behind her, Bennie wagged her tail and waited for Cassandra to pat her. "Bennie go , quit being a pest." Josh said dragging her over to the patio door and putting her out. She couldn't go anywhere in the fenced area.

"Are we alone?" Cassandra asked as Josh walked back toward her. He looked down running his hand over the back of his neck.

"You shouldn't be here Cassie." He said softly. "Is there something work related you needed to talk to me about?"

Cassandra smiled and removed her long jacket. She stood in front of him, in a black lace bra, panties, and stockings. She moved towards him. "We are alone right?" she said wrapping her arms around his neck. The high heels she had on, made her at his eye level. "I can't stop thinking about you and how hot we were together. I need to experience you again." She breathed, kissing his neck.

"Cassie you need to stop and leave."

"Do you really want me to?" she asked seductively, running her hands under his shirt, across his stomach, just above his belt. She pushed her body against him and smiled. "I can feel you want me." She grinned before she captured his lips with hers in a fierce kiss. She backed him up to the couch and pushed him down climbing on top of him, playing with the buckle on his belt. "I need this so much." She groaned as she pushed his pants down.

Josh pulled her to him, kissing her, and letting everything his body wanted to happen. He loved how it felt just to have sex again, pure hot sex.

"Joshy I love how you make me feel." Cassie moaned.

"What the fuck is going on in here? Well I can see what is going on in here?"Ben said with anger in his voice. Cassandra jumped off Josh, leaving him exposed so there was no wonder in anyones mind at what was going on. Josh quickly did up his pants and jumped up.

"Ben….." he started.

Ben walked toward him. Cassandra was getting dressed. Ben looked at her. "You get the fuck out of here and don't come back."

She put her coat on and was out the door.

Ben turned towards Josh once again, Josh was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

"What the fuck are you doing Josh?"

"I don't know." He said softly.

"Do you not love Ella?"

"I do."

"Then why did I just catch you with your dick in another woman."

"Are you going to tell Ella?" Josh asked trying to hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes.

Ben ran his hand through is hair. "Damn it Josh she doesn't need this."

"I know." He said. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"Not with your head." Ben stood there, looking at Josh who was struggling to keep it together. "Fire her, Never see her again. Never so much as look at another woman again."

"You not going to tell her?"

"I haven't decided. Fuck if she finds out, and she finds out I knew. I will lose her forever. I love her Josh. She and the boys are family to me."

"Please don't tell her Ben. I don't know what I was thinking. She just showed up here, and I just, Fuck I don't know man."

"Josh I don't get you. Ella is beautiful, you have two pretty cool kids. Why?"

Josh sighed. "It happened when I was in Toronto."

"Fuck Josh more than once…" Ben said frustrated.

"Ella said she was done, we were over. Not in those exact words, but she really hurt me. But I guess I was pushing her away. I will never let it happen again. I want Ella in my life Ben, please don't tell her. She doesn't need to know."

Ben sighed, he didn't know what to do. "Okay I won't tell. But if this blows up in your face, I knew nothing about it."

Josh nodded his head.

"Landon is coming home tomorrow." Ben said getting up and starting up the stairs to the guest room. "You make her feel like a fucking queen Josh. You worship the ground she walks on. I am going to be keeping my eye on you."

Josh nodded his head, he watched Ben disappear. He sighed ran his hand through his hair as his phone vibrated. He looked at it, it was Cassie. He ignored it. He had work to do, and he wasn't going to see Cassie again. He would have the record label replace her and that would be it.


	48. Chapter 48

Ella sighed, She was trying to get the kitchen cleaned up some before the caterers and Josh's mom and sister arrived to start baking family traditions, today was the annual Ramsay Christmas party. Ella was exhausted, Landon had been home for the hospital a week but he would not let his mother out of his sight , he was very clingy.

Josh was never home, he was working at the studio, or that was his excuse anyway. Ella was really pissed at him. He had pushed her away every time she got close, and made excuses every time she tried to spend any time with him. She didn't know what the hell was going on.

Ben went home to Ontario to spend Christmas with his family, he too was acting really strange. When Ella questioned him on it, he blew her off as she was being silly. She was just overtired and reading into things. Something was up, she just knew it.

"Mama." Landon whined pulling on her leg. "Josh!" she yelled, he was in the living room with Liam playing video games with Matt. Liam was watching.

Of course he didn't' answer her. So she stormed out of the kitchen, picking Landon up and balancing him on her hip. She stood there and looked at the three boys, who were all engrossed in the television.

"Josh did you not hear me?"

"Mmmph." he mumbled and not even looking at her

"I have to clean the kitchen, and take a shower but Landon won't let me. Can you shut that off and amuse both boys."

"Ella give me a few minutes. I have been working my ass off lately and all you have been doing is bitching at me."

Matt looked at Ella and gave her a small smile. He knew Josh was being a dick. "I will take him for you." Matt said.

"Thanks Matt." Ella said handing Landon to him. "Play with Uncle Matt baby." she said softly to the baby. She walked away and Landon didn't cry for once.

She went into the kitchen and cleaned up some. She jumped when Bennie came running by barking because she heard a car in the drive way. She went to grab the dog by the collar but she slipped out of her grasp when the door opened, Josh's mom and sister were there. Bennie almost knocked them over and ran out the door.

"Bennie get back here." she yelled but the dog kept on running and barking. "Josh! Bennie got out. You need to go catch her."

"Jesus Christ Ella!" he snapped throwing the game controller down and getting up. "You know fucking well you have to get a hold of her before the door opens."

"I am sorry Josh." she said softly as Josh went out after the dog.

"He is in a mood." Sara said hugging Ella.

"Where are the boys?" Corlynn asked hugging Ella as well. "The rest of the family will be here tonight. I can't wait to have all of us together."

"Can you keep an eye on the boys, I am going to have a shower." Ella said as she went to go up stairs.

"Sure can hun." Sara said taking Landon from Matt and Liam by the hand and taking both boys into the kitchen.

"You okay?" Matt asked standing and moving closer to Ella. "Josh is a dick. I don't know how you put up with him." he said touching her arm softly. "If you need to talk I am here. I use to listen to all Sara's drama before Mike came along."Matt smiled softly. "I miss her."

"I know me too. I haven't seen her much. I think her and Mike are coming tonight."

"That will be great." Matt said smiling his biggest grin. "I am going to go for a while, need to get my fancy duds on."

Ella giggled at him.

"Anything you need Ella just let me know." Matt said before her pulled her into a big huge. He really hugged her. She looked so sad.

Bennie came crashing in and jumping on both of them. Josh not far behind.

"Fucking crazy dog." he said as Matt released Ella from his embrace. Josh just looked at them. "You leaving dude?"

"I am, I will be back later."

"Okay." Josh said shoving his hands in his pockets.

Matt smiled at Ella and walked away.

Josh looked at the floor. "So what was that all about. Seemed pretty cozy."

Ella shrugged. "Nothing, just telling me if I need to talk about anything he was there for me."  
"Oh." Josh said sharply.

"What?"

"I just don't like his hands on you."

"Why do you care?" she said under her breath as she walked by him and up the stairs.

"What did you say?" Josh asked following her up the stairs inot her room. He had moved back into his own room since Ella came home from the hospital with Liam. Josh shut the door behind him. "What the fuck is your problem Stella?"

"My problem?" she spat spinning around to look at him. "You are the one with a problem."

Josh looked at her and furrowed his eyebrows. "Me? i don't have a problem. You are the one that is all needy and such. Josh...do this...Josh...do that...I am fucking sick of your voice saying my name a hundred times a day." he spat at her raising his voice.

"All you do is sit in front of the tv, or in front of the piano, or you are at the studio. I know you need to work but damn it Josh I need you too."

"I am sorry if I have to work to pay the bills. You are not working anymore so I have support you and the boys. As for you needing me, you never leave me the fuck alone."

"Who are you?" she snapped running her hand through her hair, she was fighting back tears.

"What type of question is that?"

"Well the Josh I fell in love with was caring, and funny, and loved to be around me. He loved when I use to touch him, loved when I seduced him but now you push me away. It is like you don't even want to be with me anymore." Ella said looking at him. "Is that what it is Josh? Because if it is, I can take the boys and leave."

"No you are not taking the boys anywhere." he snapped. "You better get ready our guest will be here soon." he turned and rushed out of the room slamming the door behind him.  
Ella sat down on her bed, placed her head in her hands and let her emotions over take her. She sobbed uncontrollably. She laid back onto the bed, and shut her eyes. She let sleep overcome her.

Josh finished dressing, he had a pair of black skinny jeans on, and a white shirt and tie. He spiked his hair up a little and started down stairs. People were there already, all the band, people from the label, his whole family, except for three sisters that lived away, but his mom and dad, sister and his three nieces. He glanced across the room and there was a beautiful blond in a skin tight red dress, she took his breath away and made his hormones rage.

"Shit." he said to himself. "I forgot to un invite her." he made his way down the stars, the house looked amazing he thought. Ella had it beautifully decorated. Ella he thought he had been such an ass hole to her. He sighed but was distracted by Cassandra as she approached.

"Is that guy here?" she asked taking Josh by the arm and leading him across the room.

"No he went home for the holidays. You shouldn't be here." Josh hissed at her.

"No one knows Josh. I can keep a secret if you can." she said smiling sweetly up at him. Josh smiled down at her, looking into her amazing green eyes. "Where is wifey?" she asked in an annoyed tone.

Josh looked around the room, but didn't see her anywhere, both boys were with his dad. "I am not sure but I do need to go find her. We will talk later." he said giving her his famous Ramsay smile. Josh went back up stairs and opened her bedroom door, there she was sleeping soundly, her hair a mess and over her face. He went over to the bed, bent down and pushed her hair back from her face. She didn't stir. He could see her tear stained face, her complexion was perfect, her lips a soft pink, her mouth was slightly opened. She was perfect, just like porcelain, she always reminded him of a porcelain doll. That is why he wrote perfect porcelain, he sighed and touched her face softly. She didn't stir. He was being an ass to her, he was feeling guilty and mad at himself so he was taking it out on her. He cupped her face and moved his face closer to hers, he brushed his lips softly up against her mouth. He forgot how good her lips felt, he felt her move. Her eyes opened slowly.

"Josh?" she asked softly.

"I am so sorry sweetheart for being such a dick. I have been taking out all my frustrations on you."  
Ella sighed. "You have been a big dick, and an asshole, and a fuck head."

"Hey." he chuckled. "I get it." He brushed her hair back from her face. "You need to take a shower and get dressed babe."

"Shit." she said jumping up. "I do. Is everyone here?"

"Yup pretty much." he smiled at her as she jumped up and pushed him aside. "I will be down in a few she said pulling her tank top off over her head, and pushing her gym pants down. Leaving her in bra and panties.

"Ella...stop for a second." he said grabbing her softly by the hand and pulling her back to him. "You are fucking beautiful." he lifted her face to him capturing her mouth with his, kissing her like he never kissed her before. He forgot how much he loved kissing her. He ran his hand down her back and unclasped her bra, he pulled back and grinned at her. "Just helping you." he said before assaulting her neck.

"Josh.,...you need to stop." Ella said trying to get the words out. "I have missed you so much." she tangled her hands in his hair. "I don't know if I can stop myself."

Josh chuckled kissing her and moving her back a little. "You my dear need to get that cute little ass in the shower."

"Okay...your right." she kissed him one last time and ran into the bathroom.

Josh smiled and went back downstairs. His boys were running around laughing their butts off, Uncle Mike was chasing them.

"Hey Guys." Josh said going over to Sara and Matt. He hugged Sara, "Wow look at the baby bump." Josh said touching her tummy lightly. "You look amazing."

Sara hugged him back. "I need to talk to you." she said sternly in his ear.

"Okay." Josh said looking at her. "Now."

"Yes now. Lets go out onto the balcony."

Josh followed her out onto the balcony, shut the door behind him. Sara turned and slapped him as hard as she could across the face. Josh felt his teeth rattle.

"What the hell?" he said touching his face.

"Ramsay...Ben told me."

Josh looked down at his feet and then looked back at her.

"You are a stupid fucker." she spat at him. "I can't believe you would cheat on her...after Nikki cheated on you. You know how bad it hurts."

Josh sighed, ran his hand over the back of his neck. "I know Sara...I am so sorry. I was stupid and It won't happen again. I got lost...but I know Ella is what I want and need."

"You don't deserve her Josh."

"I know...but I can make her happy, I will treat her like she deserves to be treated. Please don't tell her Sara." Josh begged.

"Look Josh i was pissed that Ben didn't beat the shit out of you, and that he didn't tell Stella. He really didn't think she could handle losing you again. So I am going to give you a break this time...but be warned Ramsay...if I even have the feeling you are not being true to her...I am going to kick your ass and cut your dick off."

Josh nodded his head. "Thank you. I promise I won't do anything to hurt her."

"I see the bitch is here." Sara said looking to Cassandra talking to Matt and Mike.

"Yes she was invited with the people from the record label."

"Uncle Josh." Taryn one of Josh's nieces said poking her head out through the french door.

"Hey." Josh said smiling at the younge girl. "Mom says to get your...butt inside...but not in those words."

"Okay." he laughed. "Will be right there."

"I am going to be watching you Josh."

"I know Sara and thank you."

Sara watched him go back into the house, if Ella wouldn't be devastated she would so tell on him. She lost all respect for him. She loved Ella and the boys, and for god knows why Ella loved and adored Josh.

The night went on beautifully Josh and his family sang Christmas carols, the boys tried to join in. Ella laughed as they tried to climb all over their father as he played the piano. She smiled at her family, she was going to be a Ramsay, hopefully in the new year sometime.

"You look very pretty tonight Ella." Cassandra said as she picked up a glass of wine off of the serving tray that was sitting on the table.

"Thank you, I really didn't have time to get ready properly. I fell asleep." she said laughing, sipping on her wine. "Josh likes this dress." she said motioned down her body and the fitted black lace dress she had on, it came down off of her shoulders.

"Mmmph." Cassie said, she was wearing a bright red, skin tight dress. She was totally made up like a model. "I bet he likes my dress too." she said giggling.

"Pardon me?" Ella asked feeling arms wrap around her waist from behind her, then she felt warm soft lips brush up against her shoulder. Ella giggled and turned in his arms to face him. "Hey." she said totally ignoring Cassandra.

Josh pulled Ella into a tight hug and glared at Cassie over her shoulder. Cassandra rolled her eyes and gulped back her wine. Josh pulled Ella away, keeping he close to him for the remainder of the night, the night was winding down.

"Ella we are going to get going." Sara said coming over and hugging her friend. "I am exhausted."

"I bet you are." Ella said hugging her friend back. "It is snowing a little so you guys drive safely."

" I am going to put these stinkers to bed." Josh's mom said carrying both sleepy babies. "They are pooped out."

Ella kissed both babies, " Thanks."

Josh was over saying goodbye to some of his friends from the record label, a really drunk Cassandra came up to Ella.

"Hi." she said smiling like an idiot.

"Hi Cassandra." Ella said drinking another glass of wine. "Do you have a drive home?"

"Yes I am going with the people Josh is talking to right now. Ya know Ella...your man there is a pretty hot guy."

Ella giggled. "Yes I know..."

"I mean he is really really hot."

"Okay." Ella said feeling a little creeped out.

"He knows how..." Cassandra started but Josh came back over.

"Cassandra your crew is ready to go. I am exhausted and just want to wind down."

Cassandra glared at him but with the other people from the label. Josh mom and sister and her children were getting ready to leave, Josh seen them to the door. When he came back in from the foyer, Ella had all the lights off except for the lights on the railing going upstairs, and the lights from the tree. She was sitting on the sofa, with her legs up and sipping on champagne. She looked beautiful.

Josh loosened his tie up and unbuttoned the top of his shirt, he walked across the room and knelt on the floor beside her.

"You are beautiful." he said reaching around taking the clip out of her hair, letting it fall in soft curls around her shoulder.

She smiled at him.

He ran his hand up her leg, "So my love, I have missed you." he said grinning at her. "I don't know how I have gone so long without touching you like this." he slid his hand up her inner thigh, stopping when she breathed in. He grinned at her. He traced his fingers across the edge of the dress at her cleavage.

He replaced his finger tips with his lips, kissing softly across her exposed chest, he could feel her breaths quicken. He looked up and and grinned at her.

"You are being a tease Josh." she said touching the side of his face, he kissed the palm of her hand."

"You like it thought, right?" he asked barley touching his lips to her neck.

"Yes and No" she said grabbing him by the back of the neck, and pulling him to her, she kissed him slow and intensely, tangling her finger in his hair with one hand, and unbuttoning his shirt with the other.

He unzipped her dress, and pushed it down her body. He moved to hover over her, when the image of him in Cassandra on this very same couch, just a few days before popped into his head. He stopped moving.

"Josh...what is wrong?"

He sighed and moved back from her. Sat on the edge of the couch and put his head in his hands.  
Ella, undressed except for her bra and panties, came to sit beside him. She placed her hand on his thigh. "Josh talk to me."

He looked at her, tears running down his face.

"Josh honey what is it."

"I am so sorry Ella." he said crying. "I love you so much, I love the boys so much. I love us here right now."

She squeezed his shoulder lightly.

"I have been such an ass to you."

"It is okay Josh." she said kissing his face. "Come here."

"Ella...wait." he said looking at her. He had to tell her what had happened between him Cassandra, but he would lose her forever. "I need to tell you something..."

"Shhhhh Josh, shut up. It can wait. I haven't not had sex in months...and you are going to fix that right now Joshua. No stalling."

"Ella..."

"Shut up." she said moving in front of him, shoving him back on the sofa and straddling his hips. "We can do this here, or you can take me up to our bed."

Josh sighed, knowing that he coudn't tell her, and she was turning him on.  
He started kissing her, his hands roaming over her body. Making her his again.

"I love you Ella." he said between kisses. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Josh."

The next morning Ella woke up with the boys, she let Josh sleep, they had ended up in her bed after they made love down stairs, where they ended up making love again. It was light when they went to sleep. Ella had to feed the boys, and let the cleaners in to clean up the house from the party.  
She sat the boys at the table, she had them in boosters now, they didn't need their high chairs. They were going to be two in February. She put one on the other side of the table because they had started picking on one another first thing this morning.

Liam was signing gibberish on top of his lungs. Landon was playing with a toy car, pushing it along the edge of the table.

Ella cut up some fresh fruit and placed it in big bowl, Josh would want some when he got up. She cooked the boys some eggs and gave them toast.

"Look you four, I just fed you." she looked down at the three cats, and Bennie who sat there wagging her tail."

"Ennie." Liam said throwing his toast at the dog, whosnatched the toast up right away and gulped it down. Both boys thinking it was funny and laughing their butts off.

Landon chucked his toast.

"Boys no, that is your food not Bennies." Ella scolded.

Liam threw his eggs at the dog. Laughing at Bennie trying to get the eggs of of her fur.  
Ella led Bennie out of the kitchen and out onto the deck. Bennie ran down off the deck barking at something.

"I know Mo she is dramatic." Ella said to her cat that had followed her out of the kitchen. She could hear her two little monsters giggling.  
She went back into the kitchen and they had all of the breakfast on the floor, and Josh's two cats were having a feast.

"Okay you two, if you not hungry then you can go watch tv,play or sleep." she said freeing them from their boosters seats, and off the ran, screaming and giggling all the way to the living area.

"Josh." Liam said as he seen his dad come down the stairs.

"Da Da." Landon said running over and grabbing Josh's leg. He reached down as scooped Landon up, kissing his belly making him giggle his head off.

"Josh Josh!" Liam yelled, Josh picked up boy number two and did the same thing. "Why are you two so loud?" he said getting down to their level. "Why don't you sleep till noon?"

"Ennine...toast." Liam said pointing to the black lab peeking through the french door.

"Blue." Landon said pulling at Josh's bangs.

"That is right buddy." Josh said smiling at him.

"movie." Liam said throwing a dvd case at Josh. "Buddy don't throw things." he said picking up the dvd and putting it in the player, both boys climbed up on the couch along with all three cats.

"Where is mommy?"

Landon pointed to the kitchen.

"Josh Josh Josh." Liam chanted over and over again.

"Daddy."Josh said smiling at his boy.

"Josh."

"Ugh." he said waving his hands over his head and off to the kitchen. "Hey sweet heart."

She smiled at Josh and kissed him softly. "You are awake early?" she said settling into his arms. "Well there are two little loud mouths in the living room." he said smiling.

" I know eh. It is a good thing they are cute." Ella said pulling away from Josh's embrace. "Hey." he said pulling her back to him, kissing her neck soflty. "So you were amazing last night." he said softly, tracing her neck with his lips.

"I could say the same about you." she said smiling up at him. "I wish I could spend all day in bed with you." 'Well you could but two little boys would be right in the middle." Josh laughed. "I know...the little turds. I don't know how I am going to ever convince Liam that I am daddy."

"I know ...he is funny. I think he does it to annoy you." "I know he does." Josh said lifting her up to sit on the counter, pickin her legs up to wrap around his waist.

"What are you doing?"

"I want you." he said soflty.

"ummmmm...okay. But you boys are in the next room and they can come running in here at any minute."

Josh groaned. "I know and I have to get my lazy ass to the studio and get some work done before the holidays." "Are you taking time off?"

"I am baby. You will get sick of me."

"Never," Ella smiled at him.

"Good because you are stuck with me." he said kissing her softly before leaving the room. Leaving Ella on the counter. She smiled, she felt like things were normal again. She was so in love with Josh, and her boys. She loved her little family. She felt finally like things were looking up and they could get on with their lives.


	49. Chapter 49

Ella couldn't be happier, Christmas and New years was amazing. Josh was home with her the whole time. She didn't know how she was going to let him go back to work, and worst thought was he would be leaving on tour again soon. Every time they spent anytime apart he always acted weird. But she wasn't going to worry about that right now. Everything was perfect again.

Ella was packing her suit case; her very pregnant best friend sat on her bed and watched her pack.

"I wish I could fit in your suit case." Sara said watching Ella fold her clothes neatly.

"Ummm that belly won't fit in here."

"Shut up." Sara said pouting. "You were fat once, you were actually huge,"

Ella chuckled. "I was the twins made me very big and off centered."

"So where is he taking you?"

"Hawaii, the last time I was there I found out about the baby, well babies but didn't know there was two there. Sara I can't wait to spend a whole week with him. I have him completely and utterly to myself. No distractions."

Sara smiled softly. "Things are better?"

"Yes…god things are amazing. I have never been happier."

"That is great hun." Sara said smiling softly, even though her gut was telling her to tell Stella about how much of an asshole Josh really was. But all that would do would destroy her best friend. "So how are you going to manage without the boys?"

Ella stopped what she was doing and sat on the side of the bed. "I am going to miss them, but Josh and I really need this time together. Corlynn will take good care of them."

"So you guys are going to behave like teenagers?" Sara asked smiling.

Ella blushed. "I hope so."

"You need to pack less clothes then." Sara teased her friend.

Ella threw a pillow at her. "Come on lets go get something to eat. I am starving." Ella said shutting her suit case. "Josh will be here in forty minutes to pick me up."

"Okay I could use some food."

"I bet." Ella said laughing as they left the room.

Josh kept watching the time on his phone. He needed to be back to pick Ella up and drop the boys off so he could make their flight. He couldn't wait to get her away. He loved the idea of having her completely utterly to himself, not little boys, interrupting him trying to seduce their mother.

"Josh…I am so sorry I am late."

"I was just getting ready to leave." Josh said shifting his weight. "I just want to talk to you before I left on vacation."

''You miss me?" She asked moving closer to him. Josh placed his hands firmly on her shoulders stopping her from coming closer.

"Look Cassie, I am really sorry but what happened between us, was a dick move on my part. I should never let it happen."

"Josh….." she started but he cut her off.

"I am in love with Ella. She is the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. You are a beautiful, smart, sexy….incredibly sexy." He said grinning at her. "I am sorry….."

Cassandra reached out and touched his face. "You know things always end up coming out Josh."

Josh gripped her arm with his hand and pushed it away from his face. "No one knows but you, me and Ben. I am not telling anyone and neither are you." He said sternly.

She struggled to get out of his grasp.

"You will do what I want to Josh….." she snapped. "Or I will ruin your perfect little life."

"What the fuck is that suppose to mean?"

"You will do as I want, when I want and how I want. If you don't I am going to run to your ugly bitch and tell her everything."

"Don't you fucking talk about Ella like that. You don't know her and she has nothing to do with any of this."

Cassandra glared at him. "She gets to lie next to you every night, and I want you for me so yes she does have something to do with this." She said moving closer to him. "I want you Josh." She said pressing her body against his and grabbing his ass to bring him closer. She crashed her lips into his. Josh protested and pushed her

"It isn't going to happen again."

"Kiss your life goodbye Josh." She said angrily before turning and stalking off.

"Fuck." Josh cursed turning and rushing back towards the car. He needed to get home. He cursed himself all the way back to his place. Why did he have to be so stupid, and why did he have to get mixed up with a mental case. She seemed so nice and normal but you cross that line where you sleep with them and they turn all mental.

He rushed up to the house and going inside to be greeted by two little monsters. "Hi guys." He said scooping them both up in his arms. The both giggled.

"Josh…..Josh." Liam said patting him on the face softly.

"Hi babe." Ella said coming over and kissing him, she could feel the boys little hands on her hair as she kissed Josh softly.

"Mama." Landon said trying to get to her arms, pushing his way between his parents. He succeeded. "Mama." He said hugging his mother tightly.

"It is almost like he wants no one else to touch you." Josh chuckled putting Liam down, who scampered off towards Sara. "Are you ready to leave?"

"Almost…..I just have to grab a few more things." She said starting up the stairs, Landon still in her arms. "Sara is going to stay with the monsters until your mom gets here later."

"Oh mom is coming here I thought we were dropping them off." Josh said crossing the room and sitting on the sofa. He sighed sitting down and watched Ella walk up the stairs and disappear into her room. It wasn't even two seconds and Liam was down off of Sara's lap and up the stairs after his mom and brother.

"What is wrong Ramsay?" Sara asked, she knew him long enough now to know when something was up.

Josh sighed. "She is a nut case, went to tell her to leave me the fuck alone and she threatened me." He whispered so Ella wouldn't here.

Sara sighed. "These things always have a way of coming out Josh."

"Fuck! That is what she said." He ran his hand roughly through his hair. "She said if I do what she wants then she won't tell…but there is no way in hell I am having anything more to do with her."

"If it blows up in your face, I knew nothing about it." Sara said softly. "What are you going to do?"

Josh sighed and threw himself back on the couch. "I can't lose her." He said with defeat in his tone. "She is my world. I love her so much. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking."

"I hope it never comes to bite you in the ass."

"I am ready." Ella said as she came bounding down the stairs with her suitcases, that she was struggling with. Josh jumped up and went to help her.

"Let me take those sweetheart." He said taking them from her. "Sweet Jesus you have a dead body in here." He said lifting on the two heavy suit cases.

"Looks like someone needs to work out." Sara giggled. Josh rolled his eyes at her.

He got the suit cases down to the door, Ella followed behind him.

"The boys fell asleep, be quiet when you go to say good bye."

Josh grinned. "I will be quiet. I won't wake them…..trust me."

Sara got up and came over to her friend and gave her a big hug. "He loves you so much."

Ella giggled. "I know."

"Don't ever forget that." Sara said looking at her friend. "He is a fuck up sometimes but he loves you and those two little boys."

Josh came bounding back down the stairs. "You ready sweetheart?"

"I am. Call if you need us. Make sure you tell Josh's mom the same thing."

"The boys will be fine Stella. Enjoy your man, and have fun."

"She will enjoy me." Josh said wiggling is eyebrows.

"Ugh…." Sara said rolling her eyes. "Get out." She said pushing them out the door and shutting it behind them. She watched Josh help Ella into the car; he kissed her before shutting the door. She hoped that it all didn't blow up in his face. It would destroy Ella, she was finally happy and she didn't think Josh would survive losing his family or the love of his life.


	50. Chapter 50

Josh stared at the ceiling fan that was spinning around and around over the bed. He couldn't sleep; he turned over on to his side and looked at the beautiful creature beside him. Her hair was in a messy bun on top of her head, few strays fallen into her face, her cheeks were flushed. Her mouth was opened slightly; he could hear her breathing softly. She had fallen asleep not that long ago. They had arrived at the resort just shortly after eight pm, they had a late supper, and settled in their room for the night. Once Ella plopped down on the bed she was out like a light. He did have other plans for her tonight, but watching her sleep was just almost just as perfect as making love to her. He reached down and took her left hand into his; he turned her engagement ring around as it had moved around to the back of her finger. He watched it glisten in the light. Damn he wanted her to be his wife, he didn't want to wait. He didn't want to risk losing the best fucking thing that had ever happened to him.

He sighed and got up easily out of the bed, trying not to wake her. She stirred but sighed softly and settled again.

He went out onto the little patio deck thingie outside of their room. He left the sliding patio door opened. The air was so hot and humid, he stretched out onto the hammock and looked up at the sky, there were so many stars shinning and twinkling at him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Four missed text messages." He said sliding his finger across the screen of his phone. One was from his mom, wondering if they got there safely and to say the boys were settled. The other three from Cassandra demanding him to call her or text her back. He sighed ran his hand through his hair. He quickly dialed Mike's and Sara's phone number, It was one am so it would be four am in Vancouver. He didn't care. It rang a few times and Sara answered it, not sounding tired at all.

"What do you want Ramsay? Shouldn't you be spending time with Ella?"

"She is sleeping." Josh said softly, "She feel asleep as soon as we got in our room."

Sara giggled. "So no acting like teenagers?"

"Fuck off." Josh said chuckling a little. "I need your help with something."

"What might that be?"

"I want you to get everyone down her, and pick out Ella a wedding dress, and plan a wedding for us."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"I am….I want to surprise her. I mean just family and close friends. Can you do it, I will cover all the expenses."

The phone went silent. Josh sat there and stared up at the sky.

"Sara?" he said raising his voice a little.

"Ugh…..Ramsay. You think this is going to stop her from leaving your ass when that little bitch of a whore that you slept with tells her, well I think you are going to be heart broken."

"It will make it harder for her to leave." Josh said quietly. "I love her Sara. I can't lose her."

"You should of thought of that." She snapped.

Josh sighed. "Please Sara. Just this once quit being a bitch to me and help me marry your best friend."

Sara sighed. "Okay, when do you want this to take place?"

Josh cringed a little and used his super sweet charming voice. "Three days." He said quickly. "Don't forget Ben."

"Are you fucking kidding me Ramsay. Three fucking days…it took me a year to plan my wedding."

"Ya your wedding…..it was a big shindig. I want simple, family and friends and a small meal gathering after."

"Okay…I will get on it. You start calling family. But you might want to wait a few hours; they may get pissed at you. The baby keeps me awake now so I am always up at this time."

"Thank you Sara." Josh said before hitting end and dropping the phone in the hammock beside him. He closes his eyes and drifted to sleep.

Ella stretched and sighed and turned in the bed to reach for Josh, but the bed was empty. She opened her eyes and looked around the room. The blinds were drawn shut to keep the sun out, she turned over to her other side to get her phone off of the night stand, and there was one red rose and a small folded piece of paper, with sweetheart written across the front of it.

She opened it and read it aloud. "Sweetheart I had some errands to do….you looked so peaceful I didn't have the heart to wake you…other parts of my body wanted to wake you because you also looked sexy as hell. Be back soon. Love you, Josh." Ella smiled picking up her phone, it was one pm. "Holy shit." She said realizing how long she had been asleep. Poor Josh she thought. She probably ruined his whole first night.

She got out of bed, went and took a shower and ordered some food to the room. She was just finishing up her food when Josh came through the door. He looked sexy as hell, his blue bangs in his eyes, he had a pair of green Kakhi shorts on.

He took his sunglasses off and smiled when he seen Ella sitting at the little table by the patio door. He went over to her and got down on his knees, he was still just as tall as her sitting there in the chair.

"Hey ." he said pulling her to him. "You finally woke up sleepy head."

She smiled at him. "I am sorry." She said pushing his bangs back from his eyes. "I must have needed the rest."

"It is okay. The boys have been keeping you pretty busy. I just let you sleep." He leaned in and kissed her lips softly. "So what do you want to do for the rest of the day? We can go swimming, go shopping, have drinks by the pool, or hang out on the beach. Or…" Josh said giving her a small half smile. "We can stay here in this room, drink some alcoholic beverages and you can let me take your clothes off and let me do things to your body." He moved in and pushed her hair back from her neck, he nuzzled it softly with his teeth before kissing it.

Ella moaned softly, wrapping her legs around his torso. Josh pulled back just a little so he could see her face and her eyes.

"So…it is up to you?" He grinned.

Ella covered his mouth with her lips, she kissed him softly at first, wrapping her legs tighter around him and her arms around his neck. Josh stood with her in his arms and carried her over to the bed. He placed he down on the bed and climbed over her and stopped.

"What are you doing?" she asked giggling.

"Listen…you hear that?"

Ella looked at him like he was crazy. "I hear nothing Josh."

"Exactly no little monsters to interrupt me from seducing you." He grinned pushing his hand up under the skirt of her dress, and running his hand up her thigh, her breath caught in her throat, when his hand got to its destination.

He chuckled. "I ever tell you I love dresses." He said before he kissed her, she wrapped her legs around him.

"And why is that Josh?"

"Easier to get where I want to be."

Ella pulled him to her. "Now can you shut up." She said before she kissed him.

Josh obeyed her, he shut up and used his mouth for other things besides talk `

Ella was the one this time to crawl out of bed and leave Josh sleeping. They hadn't left the room all evening, they ordered in room service, they ate, laughed and talked and enjoyed each other more. It was so nice to have him all to herself. It was like when they first got together, they couldn't get enough of each other. They still felt that way, but the boys came first, Josh had to work. She needed to take care of the boys and the house, and the cats and the dog.

This was nice; this is just what they needed. She slid on some clothes and went out onto the patio. The warm breeze blew her hair; she could hear the waves crashing against the shore not too far away. There was a little path that led down to the water.

She closed her eyes, inhaling all the nice smells, the ocean and the lilies that were growing around their patio.

"Hey."

She jumped when she felt his arms wrap around her from behind, and his hoarse sleepy voice in her ear.

"You scared me." She giggled leaning back into his body. "Are you naked?"

"Maybe…..why?"

"Because the couple in the next Villa over are out on their patio too. They would be able to totally s you."

Josh laughed. "I have shorts on." He kissed her neck.

"Can we go for a walk down by the water?" she asked turning to face him, in his arms

"Sure…let me put a tshirt on, and go pee."

"Okay….hurry." she said kissing him softly before he went back inside. She turned her attention to the laughter that was coming from the next Villa over, the couple was sitting outside at their little table, and she noticed they were not a young couple, they were older. Retirement age she would have guessed. They were all over each other. "Wow." She said as Josh came up behind her again, and looked over her shoulder so see what she was watching.

Josh laughed. "They are totally having sex, look how she is sitting on his lap."

"Josh." Ella said sternly but quietly. "How can you tell?"

"I am a guy….I know these things. Wow." Josh said watching.

"Come on." Ella said grabbing his hand.

"They are old." He said as they started down the path. "Ewww, they are like my parents age."

Ella laughed. "We are not going to have sex when we get to be that age."

"Well….ya." Josh hesitated. Ella slapped him. "Owww." He whined but taking her hand.

"You better always think I am sexy Josh." She warned as they got down by the water. She held up her dress and let the wave's crash over her feet. Josh joined her.

"I will always think you are sexy sweetheart." He said pulling her to him. She squealed as he picked her up bridal style and carried her out into the water.

"Josh I have a white dress on." She said struggling to get out of his arms, she felt the water on her bottom, he was waist deep.

Josh chuckled. "I know you do and you are going to look sexy hot all wet." He said chucking her into the water.

Ella screamed and went into the waves. She came back up and wiped the water out of her eyes, before she attacked him by jumping on him. Josh held her to him, she wrapped her legs around him, and arms around his neck, she was back far enough just to see his face, the moon made his blue eyes glisten. She felt his hands under her bottom.

"I love you Josh." She said looking into his eyes.

Josh looked back into her beautiful grey eyes. He loved her so much. "I love you sweetheart. I always will."

He kissed her, tangling his hands into her wet hair. He felt her shiver.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

She shook her head No. She kissed him, her pulling him to her. She pulled back resting her head on his forehead. "I think we need to go back." She said looking into his eyes.

He turned and started to walk to the shore with her in his arms. She kissed his lips, neck, sucked on his neck.

"Woman." He said placing her on the shore line, water still crashed around their feet.

"Josh…" she gasped when her pushed her back so she was lying on the said beneath him. "What are you doing?" She could see him grinning at her in the moonlight.

"What do you think I am doing." He said before kissing her neck. "This is why I like dresses."

Ella giggled. "Josh what if someone sees us?"

Josh looked up and down the beach. "We are the only two out here, no one will see us, no one will hear us. Now you shut up and let me have my way with you."

Ella pulled him to her and kissed him. "You are bad Josh."

"You love it." He said between kisses.

"I love you." She said before he kissed her again. He didn't let her talk anymore after that moment. He made her feel things no one ever had before, and things no one but him would ever make her feel again. She was meant to be with him forever. Her whole fiber of her being knew that. She belonged to him, as he belonged to her.


	51. Chapter 51

Josh had his head resting on Ella's stomach; he ran his finger along the scar where his babies were taken out of her. Ella was running her fingers through his wet hair. They had come back from the beach and had to shower, there was sand in places that it shouldn't be. Their shower lasted a longer than it should of, that is what happens when you shower together. Now they were just relaxing in bed.

"What was it like being pregnant with the boys?" Josh asked still running his fingers softly over her skin.

Ella continued to play with his blonde and blue hair. "I found out her e that I was pregnant with them, you remember how sick I was the last time we were all here?"

"Hmmmm I do."

"It was a shock, and I panicked. You were here with Nikki, and she was pregnant with your baby or that is what we thought anyway. I didn't want to tell you because I was scared I guess. We weren't even a couple. We were just sleeping together."

"Ella you know that isn't true. We loved each other. From the moment I first saw you, all drunk in that sexy hot red dress even though I had to hold your head up while you puked. I knew you were meant to be mine." Josh looked up at her and smiled for a few seconds and rested his head on her stomach again. "So tell me some pregnant stories."

Ella smiled. "The day I found out there was two; I thought I was going to die, and that they were both boys. Ben had to keep me calm. He helped me through the whole thing. He was so good with me. I was a total bitch Josh. I craved anything and everything. Ben was always going out to the super market late at night for whatever I wanted because I wouldn't shut up about it."

Josh smiled. "I wish I could have been there."

"I am sorry Josh. I will never forgive myself for not including you."

"It is okay." He said moving up beside her so he was facing her. "People make mistakes, and do things they wish they could take back. Those little moments in time, which are filled with mistakes, all the mistaken moments. I promise you I will never have any more mistaken moments with you Stella Marie."

She smiled at him. "I promise to Joshua….whatever your middle name is." She giggled.

He leaned in, kissing her softly before he deepened the kiss. Ella sighed and pulled back.

"You are sexy and your hot, but Josh I don't have the energy to do any more physical activity again tonight."

Josh pouted. "I will do all the work." He said kissing her neck, sucking and biting along her collar bone.

Ella sighed. "We need sleep." She said pushing him back softly. "Besides I don't know If I am going to be able to walk tomorrow, Not to boost your ego or anything." She giggled.

Josh pouted. "It was fun wasn't it?" he asked pulling her close to him.

"It was…you are pretty much perfect." She said to him. "I love you so much and am so glad that you are mine."

"You are perfect sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head.

He held her to she fell asleep, he tired to close his eyes but he couldn't sleep. It frustrated the hell out of him that he couldn't sleep. He just wanted to fall asleep with Ella in his arms. But nope his stupid warped fucked up mind would not stop racing.

Josh pulled Ella closer to him. He just closed his eyes and started to fall asleep and his phone started to ring.

"Josh…..you phone babe is ringing." Ella said moving out of his arms. "Answer it."

He groaned and reached for the phone, which was on the bedside table.

"Hullo." He said as he rubbed his hand over his face.

"Why haven't you been answering my messages?" Cassandra demanded. "Where the hell are you anyway?"

Josh sighed, and climbed out of bed.

"Who is it babe?" Ella asked sleepily. "Is it your mom? The boys ok?"

Josh looked at Ella, "It is just a drunk Matt. Go back to sleep sweetheart." Josh lied to her yet again to cover his ass. He went out onto the patio and shut the door behind him. "What the hell do you want?"

"You know what I want." She hissed. "You are away on vacation with her?"

"Cassandra she is my finance, of course she is with me." Josh said sharply. "I really wish you would give up the crazy act. You are better than this."

"Josh I am not crazy. I just want you." She said changing the tone in her voice. "You must admit we were pretty good together."

Josh ran his hand over his face, then around to the back of his neck. "We had sex once."

"Almost twice…if the gay boy didn't interrupt us."

"His name is Ben. He is a great guy." Josh said annoyed at how she had referred to Ella's friend, his friend too.

"When you coming home?"

"In a week, then we leave on tour again."

"Really I never got the notification of having to be ready to leave for tour."

"That is because you have been replaced. You will work with other bands just not for us anymore."

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you really think she is going to forgive you when I tell her about you having sex with me, when you little boy was sick in the hospital. All you have to do is agree to keep me in your life Josh. You can still ked, his friend too.

"I don't care what you do Cassandra. I am going to tell her myself. " Josh said then he pressed end on the phone. "Fuck!" he cursed. He was pissed and worried. He would have to tell Ella, it would be better if she heard it from him and not Cassandra. There was no way he was going to give Cassandra what she wanted. No way in hell.

He would wait till after they got married in a few days and then he would tell her, and promise to never do it again and that he would spend every day of his life making it up too her. He just hoped that she could forgive him, and didn't kick his ass out of her life.

Ella woke up the next morning, had some food and went for a run on the beach before it got too hot. It was a beautiful morning. She loved to go for runs, she use to do it every day before she had the boys. Now it was just whenever time permitted.

By the time she got back to the r

oom, Josh was up and gone. He left a note for her to meet him for lunch at one in the main restaurant at the resort. She showered quickly and got dressed. She put on a light blue sun dress and tied her hair up in a messy bun.

She walked down towards the restaurant, as she got closer she could see that there were quite of few people out on the patio already. The closer she got, she started to realize that she knew every single one of those people. As she approached she heard a very familiar squeal and a giggle. She smiled and started to walk a little faster. It was her babies. Then she seen a tall handsome man, who wasn't Josh.

"Ben." She yelled. Ben turned around and gave her a huge smile. She ran and jumped into his arms. He picked her up and spun her around. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked as he put her back down on her feet, she took in her surroundings. Josh's whole family, the band, Brennan, Chris and Andrew, Carly and a few other people she didn't know.

Ella looked at Josh. "What is going on?"

Josh took her by the hand, he smiled at her. "So my love." He started as everyone got quiet and looked on at the two. "I want to marry you…..I don't want to weight. So I invited all our family down here and we are going to get married in two days."

"What?" she said with an exasperated tone. "I don't have a dress."

"Yes you do." Sara said coming over to the couple. "It is perfect for you."

Ella put her hand over her mouth. "This is crazy." She said. "What about my dad?"

"I am right here Stella Marie." A tall grey haired man came up behind her, he had a blonde Ella's age on his arm. It was her step mom.

"Dad." She said giving him a hug. She wasn't overly close to him, but a girl couldn't get married without her dad there. Especially when her mom had passed on.

The two little monsters came running over and tugged at her legs. "Mama." The both said at the same time.

"Hi my babies." She said picking them both up, struggling because they were getting too big. "Dad meet your grandsons." Ella said to her father, who she hadn't seen in years.

Josh took one boy from her, so she didn't have to struggle so much holding both of them.

"They are quite the handsome little guys." He dad said looking at the boys.

"They are little monsters." Ella said as Liam struggled free off her and took off towards Uncle Ian and Uncle Matt. Landon soon followed. "Dad this is Josh." She said introducing the man she loved to her father. "Josh this is my dad Randel."

Josh put his hand out to shake the older mans hand.

Randel shook his hand and said, "Nice to meet you." He said and released his hand. "You better be good to my little girl." He said with a warning tone.

Ella rolled her eyes. "Don't go and get all father type now dad. Nice to see you Kate." She said smiling at her father's wife who was younger than she.

"So." Josh said pulling her away from everyone. "Are you going to marry me?" he asked grinning at her.

Ella smiled. "I guess I kinda have to now." She said pulling him to her. Josh turned and face their families smiling like a fool.

"We are getting married." He exclaimed.

"About fucking time." Matt said, Sara hit him on the arm for the language.

"Lets eat. I am starving." Ian said picking up Monster number one, Ben grabbed number two.

Everyone started to gather around the tables and settle down for some food. Josh grabbed Ella by the arm and pulled him to her.

"So you sure you are ready to be stuck with me?"

She smiled at him and kissed his lips softly. "I would never want to be stuck with anyone one else but you Josh."

He smiled and kissed her back.


End file.
